Debate is not my strong suit, unless we're talking science. I don't command the linguistic mastery of the other brilliant individuals on this board, often making me shrink away from fierce debates that I might have a strong opinion about. But, I will do my best here with the time I have.
Tushantin, I love you to death. I think you're awesome and you bring a wonderful quality here. I hope you always speak your mind and keep sharpening and shaping your personal philosophy and your mind. But in this particular case, I also think you're wrong. While I don't pretend to be an authority on this topic, I only know what I have experienced first hand.
I was raised in a conservative, sexist environment. I am a classic example of a woman who, in Zeality's words, doesn't need the gun held up to her head to fit into a typical "female" role. There was no malice in my upbringing... it was all culture and religion. They'd say, "women don't do that," and so I wouldn't. Most of the time, I never had to be told, because I felt guilty or somehow disrespectful if I stepped outside of a gendernormative role. Not only that, but in time I began to police other women in this role. Who hasn't heard of gossiping women? How many times have I gossiped with other girls about, "Geez, she's so unlady like. She acts so inappropriately."
The ultimate danger of this system is that the very ones victimized by it become the ones that enforce it. By gossiping and feeling entitled to call other women out on their "inappropriate" behavior, we use peer pressure to make other women conform to a typical, female role. Here is the worst part: Things are a little bit different for me now... but really, only a little. I am a hard atheist. I am a feminist. I can stand back and stare at the circus from which I came and see it for the hurtful, awful system it is. And yet, a part of me is still stuck where I once was. I feel like I'm acting wrong, and others are quick to try and use that same peer pressure to try and make me conform. When someone says to me, "A lady should not act the way you're acting," the rational part of my brain rolls my eyes, while a lesser, more fearful part shrinks and becomes embarrassed. The conditioning is so deeply ingrained that even today, as far as I've come, I have trouble escaping it.
I thought for quite a while that I was immune to this old way of thinking, until I lost my hair. Very rapidly, I found myself stuck in a stressful situation. For a while, when I was totally bald, bare eyebrows and all, nothing much changed. A few people gave me well-wishes, thinking me to be a cancer patient. Admittedly, I wore hats and scarfs designed for bald women, which did nothing to help that perception. After my hair began to grow back, and it reached a certain length, the scarf wouldn't stay in place and hats were itchy and uncomfortable. I tried out a wig, which was so hot and itchy that my scalp broke out in a rash that I could see through my thin hair. So I made the uncomfortable choice to go without anything on my head at all. I had no idea what I was getting into.
I did not feel like a whole person. I "dolled" myself up a lot. I wore lots of jewelry and girly clothes. Even that was not enough to stop the insults I'd receive from others. You see, because I didn't quite fit into my culture's definition of a woman, that meant I was fair game for peer pressure and bullying. Even worse, though, was that I was unable to brush these comments off easily. Deep down, the pressure and the insults, as angry as they made me, chimed with my cultural and religious upbringing that told me, "A proper woman would cover her head. A proper woman would never let herself look like a man." I did everything I could to fit back into the typical female role.
All this, when I supposedly knew better?
That is sexism at its finest. Sexism so deeply, powerfully programmed within me that I'd do anything to crawl back in my role, because surely, my culture would have me believe that I am not properly female if I don't conform, all while it whispers in my ear, "Oh no, no, we're not being sexist at all. Certainly not." What complete, utter nonsense.
I have great love for culture and history. Anyone who knows me knows that the loss of knowledge and culture throughout human history pains me greatly (such as the burning of the Library of Alexandria). Culture and religion can be colorful, meaningful, and in the past has provided people with an identity, with comfort, and with pride. I don't think these things should be lost to time. That loss of knowledge would be a tragedy.
In that vein, I have long thought that individual cultures should be preserved and protected above all. However, I'm no longer so sure... As much as I personally value the uniqueness of different cultures, humanity has come to a point where we can no longer ignore the injustices we commit to life, whether it's the female of our own species or other animals. For example, traditional Chinese medicine has a long, colorful history. But we have reached a point in our societal evolution where we can no longer condone the
meaningless torture of animals to prolong the practice. Someone (I don't recall who) said here on the Compendium that if this kind of stuff worked, it'd be called medicine, not alternative medicine. Such a claim can be made because we have reliable, verifiable ways of testing the effectiveness of this kind of stuff. It doesn't work. So preserve the memory of it, but discard the practice. And yet, doing so might rob many people of part of their identity. But which is worse... Cutting it out to the displeasure of many people, or allowing the practice to perpetuate because of some perceived beauty of the tradition? That only perpetuates needless suffering!
We have a terrible choice before us: Continue with the way things have always been, or embrace things the way they could be. Both are frightening options for people, but I think the one first one is more frightening.
Culture must change, or sexism will not end. We women who are indoctrinated and conditioned into our roles rarely, if ever, break free of them. Indeed, it's embarrassing for me to talk about it this way. I consider myself a rational, critical thinker. My worldview has shifted from one of religious mystery to a scientific skeptic. I do not accept claims without evidence, nor do I think mystery is a good thing. Though I may be a skeptic, I'm not a denialist or a contrarian. And yet, there is this insidious, deeply ingrained gender role within me that I grapple with constantly. Rationally, I know what's going on and how sexist the whole system is. Good luck getting my emotional side in line with it when I begin to feel embarrassed. Just like my religious deconversion was for so long, this is still a work in progress.
If society wasn't sexist at its most basic level,
it wouldn't be this way. I wouldn't have to change my way of thinking at all! And yet, despite its cries to the contrary, society and culture tend to be sexist, and they quietly impose those sexist views on all of their children.
When I hear jokes along the lines of, "get back into the kitchen," I just feel sad. I feel sad for the men who say it and the women who laugh and go along with it. They don't understand the system they're perpetuating. They can't understand, because they were raised and programmed in such a way that it doesn't ever occur to them that they're being sexist. And if you were to try and explain it to them, they'd just laugh you off and think you're being silly.
This is exactly why we can't keep raising our children this way. Humanity can be better than this.
Yes, female's contribution to domestic welfare go ages back (as in, over Thirty Fucking Thousand years back), so it's no wonder that they follow the same roles since they evolved that way. But my point was earlier that they aren't stuck to that role like they were before, and in many cases today they're even masters of household (as in, Head of Family), declaring directions the family members ought to take. You're merely overestimating the numbers.
Yes, we are often quite stuck to those roles. The illusion of choice in this matter, is... well, just an illusion. Those who would break free do so often under dire circumstances. For example, I knew a girl who wanted to go into Physics. She went off to college, did very well her first year, and then her family refused to speak to her because she wasn't getting married and having children like a "proper" daughter should. She tried to continue, but was so upset by her family cutting her off that she began to perceive that she'd done wrong. Her guilt eventually caused her to switch her major to English, and she became a teacher. And she got married and had kids, and her family was happy. Except, she's not happy at all, but she still feels that it would be wrong to pursue a physics degree like she wants to, because her family (and now her husband, too) would not approve.
Technically, she had a choice. But culture and society have a lot of safeguards in place and actions they can take to get women back on the "correct" path. I know too many brilliant women who ended up stuck as housewives and never got careers in the maths and sciences that they so dearly loved.
Some women do break free, and for that I'm grateful. That means that there is hope, and that there is some progress being made. It's not all bad news.
When I was a child, I always wanted to be a scientist. My mom, however, thought that was not a good idea, and filled my head with all kinds of nonsense about how women can't do that kind of stuff, and how I'd be poor, all alone, and wouldn't ever find a job because women didn't do that kind of stuff... yada yada. Here I am in my adulthood again pursuing the sciences, and I've received some of the same criticism from well-meaning, but ignorant family members. I am fortunate enough to recognize this ingrained, society-created sexism for what it is, so I can work my way through it. Many women are not so lucky.
It is far worse for women in other parts of the world. Here, it's not socially acceptable to publicly demean women (therefore, we've managed to change the nature of sexism so that women accept it, without ever realizing it's sexist). In other places, however, it's perfectly acceptable and even the norm. You mentioned a society that kills female babies because of dowries... Yes. Sexism is bad, and cultural and societal norms can often perpetuate it.
It is not easy for me to say this, because I love the study of culture and society so. I wonder about all the Roman authors of whom not a word of their books has survived. I wonder about ancient Native American cultures that were decimated by Europeans. But that being said, we
must do away with the customs and traditions that perpetuate sexism, specifically because they're so good at quietly perpetuating the problem!
I am optimistic. I believe, one day, we will solve this issue. Perhaps it won't be my way, who knows? It's a cold, dark, dreary world, and those of us capable of shining bright
must do so, or nothing will ever change. That includes you, Tushantin! That includes every one of us capable of comprehending this issue, and those of us who understand other important issues.