I'm getting married. Any tips?

[Lance VII]

Come August 13th, I'll be living with the Mrs. Lance VII. As I embark of this journey, I can't help but ask; Any tips?

We get along great (Hence why we're to be wed), but there's always ways to improve the relationship. Also, any SE Compendiumites wanna come? :p

[Boo the Gentleman Caller]

Congrats Lance! That is awesome!!!

Tip number one: Divorce is never an option, nor is separation. Never even bring it up. If you take the plunge to get married and you say the marriage vows, then you need to remember that those vows mean something. Love is a commitment, not a feeling. Your success in marriage rests solely on your ability to make things work (that's a two-way street, so your wife-to-be is equally responsible).

Tip number two: Pick your battles. Living with someone is difficult, especially if you haven't lived together before. Be patient and remember that your wife won't always do things your way, and you shouldn't expect her to. Once you get grasp this difficult concept, things run much more smoothly.

Tip number three: Figure out each others love language. Someone people like physical touch, others like verbal confirmation, still others prefer gifts and other niceties to recognize love and affection. Figure out your language and the language of your partner and it makes defeating the love language barrier that much easier!

That's all I have for now... Good luck!!!

[Romana]

Congrats Lance!

[Syna]

BEST OF LUCK TO YOU BOTH!!

I'm not married, but I'm the daughter of a successful marriage, and if I get married this is the advice I plan on following for whatever it's worth-

1- Figure out what marriage means to you and what you want to get out of it. You are not obliged to adhere to someone else's expectations of what a marriage is for or should be. If you have religious reasons for believing that you shouldn't marry, that's all well and good - my parents, for instance, view marriage through a very religious lens. However, others I know approach it more as a practical and emotional partnership  in which both members support each other in their endeavors, and still others view it as a foundation for raising children. These are all valid approaches. Anthropologically, marriage has served many purposes. Just figure out what yours are.
2- GET YOUR FINANCES STRAIGHT. Figure out what kind of income you each can live with and what money means to both of you, and what your expectations for each other are in this respect. If you have kids, will you both return to work right away? Are you ok with supporting her or vice-versa? What are your priorities money-wise? AND REMEMBER THAT KIDS ARE FUCKING EXPENSIVE AS SHIT AND ONLY GETTING MORESO. The only thing that ever came between my parents was money, but it was a huge problem for about a decade of their marriage. I know this seems shallow, but money will weigh down on you if you let it...
3- Make sure you get your alone time. Your personality mileage may vary, but I know it's important to me that I have my own space and projects. It's easy to loose track of this with all the other stuff to do, but I know my parents' marriage actually improved when he had to go away for nearly a year on a job and my mom remembered she had interests beyond teaching and kids.

[Mr Bekkler]

I'm kind of a failure at relationships, the best advice I have: hug it out.

And congratulations!

[Acacia Sgt]

Congratulations!

I've never been in a relationship, so I don't have any advice. Oh well...

[Lord J Esq]

1. Full and earnest communication, always, entailing both honesty on your part and the willingness to listen.

2. Be playful.

3. Ask her what she wants or needs that you wouldn't have thought about, and ask her to do the same of you.

Good luck. And I have to disagree with Boo: Divorce or separation becomes the best option the minute that one of you loses the other partner's respect, love, or honesty.

[Sajainta]

Congrats Lance!  That's wonderful!  I wish you and your wife-to-be nothing but the best.

I haven't been married (yet), but my parents have been married for over 30 years, I've been with my boyfriend for four years, and we live together, so I can offer some advice that I know.

Know that you're not only marrying the person you love, but a person who is also your friend.  A good relationship is a friendship just as much as it is a romantic relationship.  Maybe that sounds like "duh" advice, but I know too many people who married and realized that they never really were friends with their spouses.  They didn't want to spend time with them, didn't want to confide in them, didn't enjoy doing things with them.  And that is so important.  Don't only be a good husband--be a good friend.

Realize that you will fight, and sometimes those fights will be big.  It's inevitable, and it says nothing other than you and your wife are human beings who sometimes have disagreements--like every couple.  I know people who fight with their spouse for the first time after the wedding and then freak out, thinking that it means the end of their marriage.

Apologize if you're in the wrong, and apologize as soon as you can.

A strong relationship is built on honesty, and I cannot stress that enough.  Be honest with each other and don't keep secrets.

I'm really happy for you! 

[Boo the Gentleman Caller]

And I have to disagree with Boo: Divorce or separation becomes the best option the minute that one of you loses the other partner's respect, love, or honesty.

50% American divorce rate, anyone?!

If it's the minute my wife or I lost our "partner's respect, love, or honesty," then I think we'd have been divorced about 1000 times by now.

Wow, Lord J, I can tell you're married! ;D

Edit: What it means is... Don't allow it to be the "way out" the moment you feel like running. There's a 50% American divorce rate for that very reason. Every one thinks, "if it doesn't work this time, I can always get the heck out of this and try again." By keeping it as an option, you're giving yourself a way out. Don't let divorce be a factor, Cody, and it won't be. (Granted, there are certain circumstances where divorce is the only viable option, but those situations are so rare and few and far between they aren't even worth mentioning in this celebration!)

CONGRATS AGAIN LANCE VII! Keep us updated on everything!

[Lady Marle]

My sister is getting married and I'm her M.O.H... Wedding Conventions are your best friend. Point blank. It's the easiest way to meet people and talk to them. Also, don't be afraid to shop around.

[FaustWolf]

Daaayum, the "love language" concept is really good advice. Thanks Boo, that's one we should all remember. As for the question of divorce, it probably must rest on how committed both partners are to the concept of marriage. Everyone has their own needs and desires when it comes to relationship style, and the key is probably to find someone whose style meshes with your own. Uh, I think, anyway.

The only thing I'd have to add - as an observer more than a participant - is to place a sharp focus on keeping your own health in tip-top shape as long as you can, helping your partner do the same, and asking your partner to help you in that regard as well. It's easy for the question of physical health to get lost in the daily bustle of life, and there's not always a whole lot you can do when it comes to cancer occurrence, but two healthy partners is one less stressor on a longterm relationship methinks.

[Boo the Gentleman Caller]

A healthy lifestyle also positively affects one's sex life!

[Kodokami]

Hey, congrats Lance! Everyone's giving great advice, but I'm afraid I have none to offer. I really like Bekkler's though!

hug it out.

[Thought]

Don't be afraid to argue passionately with your wife... about the right things. Some of the best times my wife and I have had have been when we've been arguing about how psychic paper works or which direction the forks go when being put into the dishwasher.

As for the question of divorce, it probably must rest on how committed both partners are to the concept of marriage. Everyone has their own needs and desires when it comes to relationship style, and the key is probably to find someone whose style meshes with your own.

Perhaps this is best put in Springtime of Youth terms? It is near impossible to want to stick with a single person all the time. So, of course, that means it is time to do the impossible!

... um... you know, there aren't very many motivational marriage images out there that have that Springtime of Youth vibe to them...

[Licawolf]

First of all, Congratulations! 

I'm really not the right person to give tips on this, I have had a very lousy love life 

In Mexico we have a saying that goes something like this "When money goes out through the door, Love goes out through the window". It doesn't mean that money would always screw things up, but economic problems can really stress out a relationship. From day one it needs to be very clear how the expenses are going to be shared, you two should be aware of where your personal expenses end and the family expenses start. I have seen couples break up because one of the partners is spending too much money in personal expenses and not enough in contributing to the family expenses. When you're used to be independant and single, and suddenly you find yourself sharing both your hard earned money and your expenses with someone else, can be difficult to get use to it.

My grandparents used to say that in a marriage, you should never go to sleep if you are still angry with your partner. If you have a discussion try to solve it as soon as possible. Keeping silent and waiting for a problem to solve itself doesn't work.

Stay healthy, pay your bills, never let the fire burn out