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1
Fan Fiction / Re: Chrono Relics
« on: September 01, 2012, 10:44:02 pm »And where can the Chapter 6 preview thing be found?Right here.
A few notes:
I think I said before, but Cyrus's personality is experimental. It is very subject to change.
This takes place the morning after Chapter 5.
I am genarlly the least satisfied with this chapter at the moment with the direction it is going. This is where the advice comes in.
It cuts off very abruptly because this is what I have typed up so far.
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Ever since that angst-filled evening, where after Talia was knocked unconscious and she woke up in her own bed, she seemed to do nothing but lock herself in her room with her books or walk out to town. Since Lucca's disappearance, everyone at the orphanage was usually too depressed to eat much. Glenn seemed to be the worst, who would stay in his room practicing sword skills more than ever, and would talk about nothing but setting off soon to avenge his wife.
In spite of the gloom that veiled the orphanage, Talia grabbed some money and was walking over to the market with her younger brother Cyrus. The crown of his head came up to her shoulder. In that respect, he was almost like a shorter copy of his father. He had his tousled green hair, the golden eyes, and quite a strong build. The only things you could see from his mother was his face had a more gentle look to it and he was quite smart, though he preferred the art of broadswords. He also needed to wear glasses, but avoided it whenever possible. Because of the recent events, neither of his parents were scolding him for not wearing them. In all truth, he missed it.
The walk to the market was mostly silent. It wasn't until the moderately sized building was on the horizon that someone spoke up. It was Cyrus. “Talia, you've been a little weird, even more weird than lately. Is something up?”
Talia sighed. “Not really. It's just... I have to go with dad.”
Cyrus frowned at this statement. “What? What do you mean, 'go with him'? You don't actually mean, leave, do you?”
It was Talia's turn to frown, though for a different reason. “Just think about it Cyrus. I told you what happened when you were at Marron and Kells's house. We can't just lay around doing nothing while mom is in the hands of some psychopath sorcerer. Do you want her dead... again? She's already died once in an alternate time line, you know. And this time, she has dad, the current Guardian rulers, and us at stake. We need to fight back with whatever strength we have left. This time, however, we can be by our parents for whatever this is.”
Indeed, Cyrus had to think about it. He always enjoyed the use of his father's swords, along with the occasional hammer, but also yearned for a time to use them for real. This time, he would fight for his mother. Apart from that, knowing her technological contributions to the kingdom was more than enough of a reason to find her.
To wrap it all up, he replied quietly and gradually grew louder. “Yeah, you're right. We need to fight back. Maybe we can get King Crono to send troops. For once, I regret visiting Kells's house. Isn't his dad Fritz, that Crono saved from the guillotine? To think that Crono went from being on the execution block to king...”
Talia looked up and was grateful for a reason to interrupt her brother's characteristic rambling. “Hey, we're here!” Cyrus looked up at her words, and certainly enough, they were in front of the market that he was forced to walk to. Naturally, he didn't mind too much since it was run by Fritz.
2
Fan Fiction / Re: Chrono Relics
« on: September 01, 2012, 04:29:51 pm »I feel like saying that the book is common and can be found anywhere is kind of an excuse for not writing (or at least thinking) more.Err... I don't really know now. I try to think about those kinds of things, but I'm not sure what I could use to revise that.
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Consider these instead:Hm... I'll look over them, do any edits I find to fit, and put them in soon.
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So are they undead or regular or what? What does trapped soul mean? If they aren't coming out of nowhere and they're regular soldiers how is it that nobody sees them coming?Wow, I think I am being a little too vague with these kinds of things. Trapped soul soldiers, like I have here, are souls that have been brought out of rest by dark spells and forced back into mortal bodies to serve the one who cast such spells. I can already see how this will lead to other "underpowered" questions.
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The problem with that is that's exactly like Magus' Black Wind. So I'd recommend having them just call it that, and have a character mention that it's a developing thing, "just like Janus".Didn't think of it that way. I'll do that sometime.
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If you're not interested in replying in full or changing what you've written, then why ask for critique and feedback? Sorry for playing devil's advocate, not sorry for the long post.Oohhh... *tugs shirt collar* This was really bad phrasing on my part. What I meant was that the other part was answered in the Chapter 5 response. And I do want to change parts of this story, like I already have (hence completely remade Chapter 1) I just am distracted by other things, the s-word that you all will get mad at me if i say it again, and something I sure hope is just writer's block. That, being I have wavering interest in continuing this story. To reassure, it wasn't anything you said; it's just me. Also, no worries, I like long posts.
Also, I would still like to hear about the Chapter 6 preview thing. I'm currently experimenting with Cyrus's personality and I am not exactly satisfied with it. I just kind of want some advice on it before I make a whole chapter with it. Furthermore, I want to apologize if it seems like I don't care much about this whole thing. Truth is, I do and I take all advice really seriously, but it's something I can't really put into text on a topic post. I'm really sorry for any indifference...
3
Fan Fiction / Re: Chrono Relics
« on: August 31, 2012, 04:26:02 am »
Alright, both of you I will reply to by sections.
Mr Bekkler
Alright, responses to your comments, possibly some going to be "I'm going to fix that sometime later"
Chapter 1: Possibly I failed at implied meanings, but it's just a history book. Those shouldn't be anything "rare" or "sacred" and can be found in whatever schools or stores, and it wouldn't be an interesting read to hear about a villain going to the supermarket.
More about it: They have been studying the story in that book about Crono Co.'s adventures and some of Cross, which is partly where they know it. The other part? That's about that "major spoiler" I was talking about. I already did some foreshadowing at the end of Chapter 4, hopefully it was done at least decently.
Chapter 2: I see your point with a lot of this. Maybe I will add some intro to how Talia and Cassander got out. Then again, we never saw any cut scene of Marle escaping the castle to literally bump into her fate. But yeah, I'm going to fix that sometime la- *shot*
Also, may you provide some examples where you say it is too expository?
Chapter 3: Trapped soul soldiers aren't really something new. The fact that they are in numbers of thousands is what adds to the element of the heroes being overwhelmed, let alone that they have 20 year rusty skills. I didn't add them being able to materialize places for 1: They are trapped in fake bodies and being able to do that would imply a way to escape if possible. and 2: A previous comment by Lennis who said they "seem to come out of nowhere" and made the enemy seem to have powers they actually don't have.
Lucca's precognition, remember that Crono and Marle also had that feeling. It comes from the magic they possess (said explicitly by Talia in Chapter 2, I believe). It is a very vague sense of warning. To compare, in Star Wars Episode IV, where after Alderaan got blown up, Obi-wan felt it as, approximate quote, "It feels like millions of voices just cried out in terror." it's a vague statement, but you know it's not something good.
Chapter 4: I don't know where I could put Talia mentioning Kid. The other part I feel is not necessary to reply to.
Chapter 5: By me reading this, I assume you wrote each review as you read the chapters, so Kid appearing in the story has hopefully been answered. The chapter mostly felt like filler because it was to fill in holes that I left in the story (though I think some can be left purposefully for interpretation by readers, much like in Trigger about Crono's dad.)
Lennis
The post that I started this thread with said I have written stories before, but it was just fanfiction I am new to. So, I am already used to introducing a new universe to unfamiliar readers. If you are more suggesting hat I change the story to such a thing, then that's a whole different bottle of tonic.
Additional Notes
I've been extra busy this week. This is also been accompanied by some writer's block, leading to the fact I am horribly slacking on Chapter 6. I don't even have the first page done, for the love of Schala! I am going to be free for the whole day until this Tuesday, where I will officially start high school and naturally, be hard pressed for time. I am considering posting what I have so far to this topic in a quote, so tell me if you think I should.
Now, let's see how many days this topic will lay dead before someone brings it back to life.
Mr Bekkler
Alright, responses to your comments, possibly some going to be "I'm going to fix that sometime later"
Chapter 1: Possibly I failed at implied meanings, but it's just a history book. Those shouldn't be anything "rare" or "sacred" and can be found in whatever schools or stores, and it wouldn't be an interesting read to hear about a villain going to the supermarket.
More about it: They have been studying the story in that book about Crono Co.'s adventures and some of Cross, which is partly where they know it. The other part? That's about that "major spoiler" I was talking about. I already did some foreshadowing at the end of Chapter 4, hopefully it was done at least decently.
Chapter 2: I see your point with a lot of this. Maybe I will add some intro to how Talia and Cassander got out. Then again, we never saw any cut scene of Marle escaping the castle to literally bump into her fate. But yeah, I'm going to fix that sometime la- *shot*
Also, may you provide some examples where you say it is too expository?
Chapter 3: Trapped soul soldiers aren't really something new. The fact that they are in numbers of thousands is what adds to the element of the heroes being overwhelmed, let alone that they have 20 year rusty skills. I didn't add them being able to materialize places for 1: They are trapped in fake bodies and being able to do that would imply a way to escape if possible. and 2: A previous comment by Lennis who said they "seem to come out of nowhere" and made the enemy seem to have powers they actually don't have.
Lucca's precognition, remember that Crono and Marle also had that feeling. It comes from the magic they possess (said explicitly by Talia in Chapter 2, I believe). It is a very vague sense of warning. To compare, in Star Wars Episode IV, where after Alderaan got blown up, Obi-wan felt it as, approximate quote, "It feels like millions of voices just cried out in terror." it's a vague statement, but you know it's not something good.
Chapter 4: I don't know where I could put Talia mentioning Kid. The other part I feel is not necessary to reply to.
Chapter 5: By me reading this, I assume you wrote each review as you read the chapters, so Kid appearing in the story has hopefully been answered. The chapter mostly felt like filler because it was to fill in holes that I left in the story (though I think some can be left purposefully for interpretation by readers, much like in Trigger about Crono's dad.)
Lennis
The post that I started this thread with said I have written stories before, but it was just fanfiction I am new to. So, I am already used to introducing a new universe to unfamiliar readers. If you are more suggesting hat I change the story to such a thing, then that's a whole different bottle of tonic.
Additional Notes
I've been extra busy this week. This is also been accompanied by some writer's block, leading to the fact I am horribly slacking on Chapter 6. I don't even have the first page done, for the love of Schala! I am going to be free for the whole day until this Tuesday, where I will officially start high school and naturally, be hard pressed for time. I am considering posting what I have so far to this topic in a quote, so tell me if you think I should.
Now, let's see how many days this topic will lay dead before someone brings it back to life.
4
Fan Fiction / Re: Chrono Relics
« on: August 25, 2012, 05:19:22 pm »
That's exactly it. I couldn't say it any better myself.
Hm, I haven't even started chapter 6 yet. I've had minor versions of writer's block all throughout writing. Sometimes I'm bored of it, other times I'm filled with ideas. I hope I can hear from you about chapters 4 and 5 until then. Hopefully, it will be up in three days. This also may be the last time for the relatively fast updates, since school starts on the 4th for me.
First, good bye party for my friend. Then, work on Chapter 6. *PSI Farewell*
Hm, I haven't even started chapter 6 yet. I've had minor versions of writer's block all throughout writing. Sometimes I'm bored of it, other times I'm filled with ideas. I hope I can hear from you about chapters 4 and 5 until then. Hopefully, it will be up in three days. This also may be the last time for the relatively fast updates, since school starts on the 4th for me.
First, good bye party for my friend. Then, work on Chapter 6. *PSI Farewell*
5
Fan Fiction / Re: Chrono Relics
« on: August 25, 2012, 02:37:13 pm »
Hm... Alright. I had a bit of a feeling that five days wasn't that much. I guess I'm one of those people who likes encouragement to keep going. It's especially important for this, since this is going to be the biggest work I've ever done, fan or not. Since I get what you both are saying, I will also keep going, because I love how this story will turn out with all the plot twists and whatnot.
Maybe it was too confusing, but the beginning paragraphs of the story indirectly said that this is after Cross. As for the time line thing, who really knows what canonical would be after the events of Cross? Also, pertaining to the beginning paragraphs, my theory is that countless time lines exist for countless universes. This story is looking at one of these time lines for the Chronoverse. I'm kind of putting ideas here that I call deep, but then again, let the reader interpret as they want.
Maybe it was too confusing, but the beginning paragraphs of the story indirectly said that this is after Cross. As for the time line thing, who really knows what canonical would be after the events of Cross? Also, pertaining to the beginning paragraphs, my theory is that countless time lines exist for countless universes. This story is looking at one of these time lines for the Chronoverse. I'm kind of putting ideas here that I call deep, but then again, let the reader interpret as they want.
6
Fan Fiction / Re: Chrono Relics
« on: August 25, 2012, 03:59:26 am »
Just in the nick of time Bekkler! I was about to post this:
So, sorry for the confusion and hope to hear feedback. Cheerio!
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I don't know the rules on double posting, but oh well here I go.Now, the matter at hand.
Damn, nearly five days of silence? Where did you all go? I even slacked a lot on Chapter 5.
Speaking of, here it is!
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8429026/5/Chrono_Relics
Hope it isn't too filler-like. It mostly looks into the pasts of the character and their feelings. Now, bad excuses time!
My brother let me play his unplayed copy of Pokemon Diamond, which I tend to play pokemon games for hours on end for a few days. I was mostly stuck on that and burned some midnight oil to write bits of the chapter, which my thoughts tended to flow better at that time, strangely enough. So here yo go, enjoy.
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saw that you edited your last post instead of making a new post for Chapter four. Just so you know, I generally check new stuff by clicking those two links up top (unread posts and new replies) and when you edit a post that was already there, the new edit doesn't show up in those linksMostly, I would have thought if you saw the redone Chapter 1, you would have posted. So I edited that post, assuming no one saw it yet.I almost suspected that came up, but ah well. You and I are here now and that's what matters.
So, sorry for the confusion and hope to hear feedback. Cheerio!
7
Fan Fiction / Re: Chrono Relics
« on: August 19, 2012, 09:21:52 pm »
Well now I don't know what to do about making it a PDF. Also, you've made me curious about your critiques, but then again I'm not sure if I would be scared off... 
I am fond of the first two paragraphs of my story, so I still kept them in. However, I rewrote the rest, so now I'd like to hear responses. It's longer than the previous, but still somewhat short.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8429026/1/Chrono_Relics
Edit: After waiting for the 503 to disappear for forever (in which I actually fired up CT and beat Lavos again in that time) I can finally post that Chapter 4 is up! I feel like I put more effort into it, so hopefully that shows. Now with 50% more length!
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8429026/4/Chrono_Relics
A few concerns I have: In which possibly...
The curse is a little too much like a *certain* game.
I didn't write Kid's dialogue in character (I've never played Cross and I am going by the Chrono Wiki for her personality
I accidentally revealed something about plot or characters I shouldn't have (you might know what I mean when you read it)
Okay, it's midnight here, so I'm going to get some sleep. Leave comments like usual and good night!
I am fond of the first two paragraphs of my story, so I still kept them in. However, I rewrote the rest, so now I'd like to hear responses. It's longer than the previous, but still somewhat short.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8429026/1/Chrono_Relics
Edit: After waiting for the 503 to disappear for forever (in which I actually fired up CT and beat Lavos again in that time) I can finally post that Chapter 4 is up! I feel like I put more effort into it, so hopefully that shows. Now with 50% more length!
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8429026/4/Chrono_Relics
A few concerns I have: In which possibly...
The curse is a little too much like a *certain* game.
I didn't write Kid's dialogue in character (I've never played Cross and I am going by the Chrono Wiki for her personality
I accidentally revealed something about plot or characters I shouldn't have (you might know what I mean when you read it)
Okay, it's midnight here, so I'm going to get some sleep. Leave comments like usual and good night!
8
Fan Fiction / Re: Chrono Relics
« on: August 19, 2012, 07:27:02 pm »Quote
For my writing, I use a program called OpenOffice.Well, go figure! That just happens to be the program I'm using. I'll look at that now...
While I agree with Lennis on a few counts, namely that ff.net isn't ideal for formatting, and that the basic plot is rather cliche, I have to disagree with the assumption that a cliche is a bad thing. Considering your source story is Chrono Trigger, which is the motherload of cliches wrapped into one package, I'd say if you came up with something entirely original it would feel out of place in this "world". The real trick is how you handle them and how you make them new, fresh, and surprising. I find that cliches are a good way to set up audience expectations,I have absolutely nothing to say about this except that I agree to the point. Cliche won't necessarily be a bad thing as long as it's not boring. I already have an idea for a major plot twist, but I will wait until I get there.
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An idea that works with this sentiment would be to take Chapter 1 and re-write it completely, but start even farther back.Ya know, I was just considering that today. I think I will rewrite it completely and fix the info dumping. As for starting back further, I can't really do that. Mainly, how Talzar and Serpedes know about the whole Heroes of Time and Lavos is a major spoiler if I said their origins. I can tell you though it's something we are familiar with...
9
Fan Fiction / Re: Chrono Relics
« on: August 19, 2012, 02:00:26 pm »
Glenn Speech: Replaced Glenn's line. It's pretty clear I'm a noob at Old English.
ff.net PDFs: I don't know how to make PDFs and post them to the internet. Otherwise I would do that specifically for you guys (and myself if you insist). Plus, I don't know how I would be able to make possible updates to chapters.
Info Dumping: And, gah. That whole information dump thing gets me still. I need to think of a way to stretch it out a little more.
Overused Plots: Oh dear, I didn't know how overused that concept was. I can do my best to play it out in a unique way, though I don't think that will be saying much.
Underpowered Heroes: I was afraid of that. The point though is if you had to fight thousands of those cronies, wouldn't even great heroes tire out?
I punched out Cthulhu and now I don't know what to do!: First: That was years ago, and naturally they are out of practice. Second, well, they had swords pressed to their children's throats. I honestly wouldn't know what to do in that case even if I did have magic.
Poof! Minions!: I need to rephrase that. they were mainly supposed to be coming from up the cliff or possibly from the roof.
I realize these sound like I'm defending myself (and that I go on TV Tropes too much), but honestly I feel really shaky about all my writing now. My worst fear is that I will have to start the whole thing over or possibly cancel it. I will do my best to fix it up, but hopefully it won't change the concept of the story.
I'm going to be unavailable for about 8 hours, so hopefully I will hear something in that time.
P.S. Am I the only one who is getting a bunch of 503 errors? It's making things take much longer and annoying.
Info Dumping: And, gah. That whole information dump thing gets me still. I need to think of a way to stretch it out a little more.
Overused Plots: Oh dear, I didn't know how overused that concept was. I can do my best to play it out in a unique way, though I don't think that will be saying much.
Underpowered Heroes: I was afraid of that. The point though is if you had to fight thousands of those cronies, wouldn't even great heroes tire out?
I punched out Cthulhu and now I don't know what to do!: First: That was years ago, and naturally they are out of practice. Second, well, they had swords pressed to their children's throats. I honestly wouldn't know what to do in that case even if I did have magic.
Poof! Minions!: I need to rephrase that. they were mainly supposed to be coming from up the cliff or possibly from the roof.
I realize these sound like I'm defending myself (and that I go on TV Tropes too much), but honestly I feel really shaky about all my writing now. My worst fear is that I will have to start the whole thing over or possibly cancel it. I will do my best to fix it up, but hopefully it won't change the concept of the story.
I'm going to be unavailable for about 8 hours, so hopefully I will hear something in that time.
P.S. Am I the only one who is getting a bunch of 503 errors? It's making things take much longer and annoying.
10
Fan Fiction / Re: Chrono Relics
« on: August 19, 2012, 03:01:54 am »
Well, Chapter 4 is about half way done. I have to go to a public barbeque tomorrow, so it may have to wait until Monday.
On a better note, I actually majorly updated Chapter 1! More setting detail, tweaked dialogue, yada yada. (Sadly, still rather short) Feel free to mention possible improvement.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8429026/1/Chrono_Relics
On a better note, I actually majorly updated Chapter 1! More setting detail, tweaked dialogue, yada yada. (Sadly, still rather short) Feel free to mention possible improvement.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8429026/1/Chrono_Relics
11
Fan Fiction / Re: Chrono Relics
« on: August 18, 2012, 02:22:05 am »
I've already started applying it to Chapter 4. Hopefully the quality improves by each chapter. Speaking of, do you have anything to say for Chapter 3?
Heh. I don't mean to, but I always seem older on the internet. And yep. I'm going to be a freshman in high school, 15 on September 30. (I think on Minecraft someone thought I was at least 17. Goes to show...)
Edit: Why hello new page!
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And you're just going in to high school?
Heh. I don't mean to, but I always seem older on the internet. And yep. I'm going to be a freshman in high school, 15 on September 30. (I think on Minecraft someone thought I was at least 17. Goes to show...)
Edit: Why hello new page!
12
Fan Fiction / Re: Chrono Relics
« on: August 18, 2012, 01:48:44 am »
None of your criticisms have been taken personally. In fact, I welcome them even more since I like to see that change from people at school who all they say to me is "OMG! It's so good! Do you plan on a career in writing?" For the showing they are evil, I would think anyone trying to get Lavos's power would be evil, let alone that they want to kidnap Lucca and do God-knows-what to her. Whenever I can, maybe I'll go back and improve the writing.
Commenting on ff.net is done by the review box at the bottom of every chapter. They're just called "reviews" instead of "comments" I only have one on there so far from SimplyWaters, who I don't know if they are a member on the Compendium or not.
Now that you say that about the author's notes, I won't do that anymore. I think I'm going to start Chapter 4 now since I have been wanting for a long time to write the end part of Chapter 3 and beyond.
Edit: Ah, I see at what you're going for in your stories! I think I should start describing the scenery a little more or what's going on around the characters. I must have backed a little off on it because last time I did that I went overboard. Naturally, I'm still going to have a lot of room for improvement, I'm only just going into high school after all...
Commenting on ff.net is done by the review box at the bottom of every chapter. They're just called "reviews" instead of "comments" I only have one on there so far from SimplyWaters, who I don't know if they are a member on the Compendium or not.
Now that you say that about the author's notes, I won't do that anymore. I think I'm going to start Chapter 4 now since I have been wanting for a long time to write the end part of Chapter 3 and beyond.
Edit: Ah, I see at what you're going for in your stories! I think I should start describing the scenery a little more or what's going on around the characters. I must have backed a little off on it because last time I did that I went overboard. Naturally, I'm still going to have a lot of room for improvement, I'm only just going into high school after all...
13
Fan Fiction / Re: Chrono Relics
« on: August 18, 2012, 12:40:13 am »
Critique Question: Sorry I kept you waiting. I still welcome critique if you have any. I mainly didn't reply because I didn't want to post again until I had Chapter 3 up, which took longer than expected (hopefully it shows).
Length Issue: I've been trying to work with that. Chapter 1 and 2 are both about 1,000 words long and take up 2 MWord pages. Chapter 3 "flowed" much easier for me because it is a pretty intense part. It ended up doubling its length compared to the first two, which I like and will try to mantain.
Author's Notes: I put the author's notes in the chapters for other people reading this outside of the Compendium. Sorry if that is too inconvenient.
P.S. If LM ever reads this, I'm still looking forward to Chrono Sovereign and am sort of distracting myself by writing this!
Edit: Doh, don't want to look like a random stranger. My dA username is is Flareon-Schaeffer
Length Issue: I've been trying to work with that. Chapter 1 and 2 are both about 1,000 words long and take up 2 MWord pages. Chapter 3 "flowed" much easier for me because it is a pretty intense part. It ended up doubling its length compared to the first two, which I like and will try to mantain.
Author's Notes: I put the author's notes in the chapters for other people reading this outside of the Compendium. Sorry if that is too inconvenient.
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the dialogue feels more like people talking and less like a forced lectureThis must have been me failing at a "villains planning" conversation. I took it too far as it was pretty clear. Cassander's and Talia's was easier because it is just a friend to friend conversation, as opposed to master to minion.
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there's a few clues as to how they're connected to those we already know and loveHe he, I love writing about those kinds of things. The only thing I am worried about though is arguments coming up about how Talia's dad is *him*. Mostly, I have to thank Lady Marle on here for getting me onto that ship. ^_^
P.S. If LM ever reads this, I'm still looking forward to Chrono Sovereign and am sort of distracting myself by writing this!
Edit: Doh, don't want to look like a random stranger. My dA username is is Flareon-Schaeffer
14
Fan Fiction / Re: Chrono Relics
« on: August 17, 2012, 07:49:37 pm »
Sudden silence is sudden.
Also, I think it was partly my doing, since Thought also missed that was supposed to be the master's name.
Chapter 3, it's getting intense.
www.fanfiction.net/s/8429026/3/Chrono_Relics
Also, I think it was partly my doing, since Thought also missed that was supposed to be the master's name.
Chapter 3, it's getting intense.
www.fanfiction.net/s/8429026/3/Chrono_Relics
15
Fan Fiction / Re: Chrono Relics
« on: August 16, 2012, 12:23:53 am »
@Thought: I know, so I made some of my own edits to it. Hopefully it sounds more natural.
@Faust: I'm glad to see someone understands my point of view. I do try to pay attention to add actions along with dialogue, which is what it seems a lot of fanfic writers lack.
Your smaller notes: I was debating whenever to use "plains" or "planes" and I picked the former because the latter made me think of airplanes (and mostly for what it is used for) I changed all of them, as well as the "then".
Also, chapter 2 is up.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8429026/2/Chrono_Relics
@Faust: I'm glad to see someone understands my point of view. I do try to pay attention to add actions along with dialogue, which is what it seems a lot of fanfic writers lack.
Your smaller notes: I was debating whenever to use "plains" or "planes" and I picked the former because the latter made me think of airplanes (and mostly for what it is used for) I changed all of them, as well as the "then".
Also, chapter 2 is up.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8429026/2/Chrono_Relics