Author Topic: CT - Opening - a sample of my writing :P  (Read 3393 times)

teh Schala

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CT - Opening - a sample of my writing :P
« on: July 12, 2005, 02:14:31 pm »
I asked Zeality if I could be part of Project Zeal, so he added me to that group...  So in sort of an effort to "prove myself," I threw together an opening of how I would envision a Chrono Trigger book to begin.  (Note also that I put this together in about an hour, at work, in the middle of other stuff. :roll: )  Just a rough draft, I would definitely polish it some more before I call it the "final version." :)  Hope you like it.  My commentary follows...

Spreading his arms wide, Crono soared through the blue skies like the heroes of great faerie tales of old.  He flipped and zigzagged from cloud to cloud as though he was surfing the waves of a great sea.  As he looked ahead to further plan his flight path, a glint in the distance caught his eye.

Making his way toward it, he felt a sensation like nothing he could imagine.  So this is what adventure feels like, he thought.  His heart leapt in excitement as he darted through the clouds and the source of that shining light came into view.

A city stood upon a small island landmass, hovering in serenity above the earth, forgotten far below.  At the highest point of the island stood a palace sculpted entirely of some beautiful stone Crono couldn’t identify.  He guessed this to be what had caused the sun to reflect into his eye.  The palace’s delicate spires jutted gently into the air, a pale blue color that stood vividly even against the bright blue sky of the day.  As Crono circled the land, his eyes ever on the palace, he became more entranced by it.  At different angles, the sun’s rays made the deep blue turn a bold red.

Drawn by his curiosity, Crono descended to the island.  On his approach, he noticed other magnificent structures upon the island, but none as beautiful as the palace at the land’s peak.  Crono’s feet touched the ground as he stared in awe at this enormous piece of fantastical architecture.

Almost instantly when his feet touched the ground, the landscape changed.  Gone was the island he stood on, now replaced by a swirling blue beneath his feet.  The colors churning under him, Crono avoided looking down.  Looking up, he felt his heart leap into his throat.  Terror gripped him.  His legs trembled.  Here stood another palace, greater than the first, but this monstrous structure was horrifying instead of soothing.

Like a giant bowl turned upside down, it sported ghastly green spikes of some emerald-like substance.  Crono fell into a daze.  Were those spikes moving?  They seemed to shift in place along with the spinning blue under his feet.

Crono fell backward as a fell blast of wind struck him, coming from the direction of the evil stronghold.  As Crono got up and looked toward it again, the terror overwhelmed him as he came to a dispiriting realization.

Wait a minute, he thought.  That’s a mouth in front of this building!  It’s not a building...  It’s a beast.

As if responding to Crono’s thought, the monstrosity opened its mouth wide and roared.  Crono fell to his knees, slamming his ears shut with both hands.  But nothing could keep that horrible noise out.  He felt his stomach lurch as he was forced to listen. It was like the sound of a thousand castles collapsing upon each other, shaking everything nearby.  The sound ripped through Crono, pulsating viciously from the mouth.  Crono screamed in pain, feeling his eardrums burst.  He collapsed to the ground.

“Crono...” came a weak voice nearby as the creature’s howl died down.  As he lay on the ground, he opened his eyes to see the forms of several other people nearby, all prostrate on the ground as he was.  The voice had come from a young woman lying on her chest, her blond hair scattered about her as she struggled to sit up.  With one hand she reached toward Crono, screaming his name again.  As she did so, blood ran from her mouth.  Cuts dotted her forehead and the blood had sopped into some of her hair.  Her arm was a mess of red, her clothes were tattered, and Crono knew the look in her eyes.  He had seen it in many helpless animals before.

She was dying.

“Cro...”  Her voice cracked as she said it, and she coughed up more blood.

He closed his eyes, forcing himself to push himself up with his arms, and put his feet beneath him.  Standing again before the dark castle of a beast, he glared into its open mouth, where he saw an eye watching him.

Crono looked back at the young woman, and then returned his gaze to the monster.  Without knowing what he was doing, he felt his left hand extend toward the creature and his mouth formed words without his permission.  “Take me,” he said.

The creature blinked.  Crono felt that it had understood his offer, although he himself did not.  Moments later, a beam of light shot out from the eye and struck him in the chest.  As he fell backward, he heard one last scream from the mysterious woman.  “Crono!”


* * *


“Crono!”  A hand gently shook his shoulder.

“Wh-wha-?”  Crono blinked his eyes, rubbing his forehead as he turned over in bed.

“Crono, I’ve been yelling at you from downstairs for the last five minutes!” his mom exclaimed, putting her hands on her hips.  “Really, I don’t know why you always stay out so late!”

Sitting up in bed, Crono rubbed his eyes and ran his hand through his hair.  The thoughts of his dream immediately rushed back into his head.  His mother stood next to his bed, still watching him.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, her tone softening.  Her hands still on her hips, she leaned down to scrutinize him at eye level. “You look even more tired than usual.  Are you okay?”

“Ugh...  I think so,” he moaned, still groggy.  “I just...”

His mother interrupted as he was about to tell her about the dream. “You were just so excited about the fair that you didn’t sleep well, did you?”

“Hmm?  Oh, the fair!”  Crono tore out of bed, unwittingly taking the covers halfway across the room with him, and made for the closet.  His heart raced in excitement as he picked out a blue tunic made of tough animal hide, and tied his favorite bandanna around his forehead.

“Mom, have you seen my sword?” he called out.

His mother’s voice came from downstairs.  “Why do you need that old thing?  You’re not planning any trouble, are you?”

“Lucca has some new battle machine on exhibit!  Remember?  I’ve told you about Gato.”

“Oh, yes!  Well, your sword...  Hmm...”

Crono made his way down the stairs, strapping a leather belt around his tunic.  His mother stood at the stove, tapping one finger against her chin, her eyes staring blankly at the oak tree outside the window.  The smell of eggs and bacon invaded Crono’s nostrils as he waited impatiently for her answer.

“I think I threw it in the...”

Crono didn’t need the rest of the answer.  He was already out the door and opening the garbage can next to the front door. He immediately spied his wooden katana sticking out of the garbage, and lifted it gingerly out of the can.

His mother leaned out the door as Crono tapped the sword against the soft green grass a few times, shaking off the scraps of fruit peels.  “Crono, don’t fight that thing yet, okay?  Just go and say hi to Lucca, and then come back soon, and bring her too!  I’m making breakfast for you both.  Then once you’ve had a healthy breakfast, you can beat that thing up as much as she’ll let you!”

Crono responded with a thumbs-up as he sprinted off toward the Millennial Fair, attaching his sword to his belt as he went.




OK, so obviously the beginning is a dream...  Crono starts by having a dream like we all do...we all dream we can fly.  This kind of helps to convey his personality (since the game gives him no persona), which I would polish up some more by adding to the sense of joy he's feeling while flying.  The island is Zeal, and he lands before Zeal Palace.  The palace transforms into Lavos, the island turns into the blue vortex or pocket dimension around Lavos...

The idea behind his confusion about saying "Take me" is that he doesn't know why he's offering himself to Lavos as a sacrifice.  I've had dreams like this before myself where I don't know WHY I feel a certain way about something, but I just do.  He knows subconsciously that he loves this girl (who is obviously Marle), and you get the idea now.

Anyway, hope y'all liked it...  Let me know your thoughts.

V_Translanka

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CT - Opening - a sample of my writing :P
« Reply #1 on: July 12, 2005, 11:44:43 pm »
Okay...I skimmed, I admit it...

The dream sequence kind of turned me off and the added text of the conversation w/Crono & Mother threw me off a bit as well...I mean, the dream sequence I could have eventually accepted since we don't know exactly what's going on in his head and heck, even Crono's responses are okay, but changing things that are said to him? It just feels like a weird step in fanfic where the fanfic author is just making slight, subtle changes to the original...basically a fanfic remake.

And do we need that exactly? I think not.

But your style seems fine. I'd prefer to read some more original fanfic (if there truly is such a thing) from you rather than more of this fanfic remake.

teh Schala

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« Reply #2 on: July 12, 2005, 11:56:55 pm »
Interesting take, Translanka.  I only wrote this because I wasn't aware yet what was going on plot-wise on Project ZEAL, so I just wrote something pretty basic.

The reason I "remade" it was because if I use their dialogue exactly, not only would the dialogue be slim, bare-bones and difficult to pass off believably, but I also couldn't say that "I" even wrote anything.  But by writing their personas, not necessarily their exact actions, I used that to try and underscore their personalities a little.  (And if this was a real book, remember that Crono's mom would only make 2 appearances, 3 if you count the ending with the cats.  Which means her personality as a caring but overprotective mom has to come across clearly, quickly, and strongly for the reader to have anything but questions about her.  This at least satisfies anything the casual reader would want to know about that character.)

And you were supposed to focus more on how you liked the writing itself, not what was being written. ;)

Lord J Esq

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CT - Opening - a sample of my writing :P
« Reply #3 on: July 20, 2005, 02:26:36 pm »
Well, Jake-A-Roonie, I cannot fault you for making a most spirited effort. Don't fool yourself into thinking you haven't got plenty of room left to grow as a writer, but if you keep on writing--that's the key--you may well find your voice and tell a darn good story.

I will only offer two practical suggestions, since practical suggestions have a way of inhibiting the creative intellect, and that spells death for a budding writer. Your biggest weakness so far is that you rely far too heavily on cliché, especially in your dialogue and plot contrivances. Perhaps as you reread what you've written already, rather than rewriting it you might ask yourself if you're writing anything people haven't read before...and take that into consideration in what you draft next.

Secondly, do not stray away from the spirit of the story. You are correct in that the RPG has surprisingly little text for all those hours of gameplay--although ZeaLitY and his team will still attest as to how long it took to turn that text into the refined CT script, tee hee--but the sparseness of the RPG text should make your primary motivation to embellish the themes that are already there in the background, and to stay true to the intentions of the plot, rather than introducing extraneous material that doesn't reflect CT's personality. Do not add outside material; give a voice to the unspoken material locked within the game. A master writer can take a plot in entirely new directions while staying true to the original, but we all have to start beneath the masters. Focus on the spirit of the story, and let your pen go from there.

And never, ever rewrite. Ever. Period.

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CT - Opening - a sample of my writing :P
« Reply #4 on: July 20, 2005, 04:37:24 pm »
Wait, what do you mean by never rewrite? Do you mean in terms of the CT script? Or in terms of an editing-type process? Because, while I obviously agree w/the first...the second would sound ludicrous...So, I'm guessing you're not talking about the second...

And, Jake-A-Roonie...Don't forget that Crono'd have to introduce the party to his mom! :P I loved those sequences in the game...:lol:

Also, here's an example of a kind of pseudo CT fanfic scene which is based around the scene you see when Schala gives Janus the Pendant (it's pseudo because it's actually based on the original timeline's Janus w/o Crono & Co. ever being there)...It's from my fanfic Magness...

   The young Prince Janus paced about his room, distraught with the horrible images of the dreams he had been having ever since that day when the Wind began to haunt him. The dreaded Mammon Machine had it's time in that room now. It sapped the people of their consciousness and sent them into deep dream states. Technology began to reign once again and there was a false feeling of peace among the people. A sense that the peace was forced, that the people overlooked the travesties going on under thier noses, was perceived by a very select few.

   More and more the Queen bound her people to the earth below, although more and more these dealings were untold to the public. The three Gurus were uneasy with the Queen's contact with the Mammon Machine, and thusly, to Lavos, the demon creature dwelling below. Princess Schala was to control and focus these meetings with her mother and Lavos. Queen Zeal became more powerful absorbing the energy the Mammon Machine gave off, but as her power increased, her psychosis became more unstable. She had recently had the Mammon Machine moved closer to Lavos, into the sea, to draw energy with more fluid ease. Construction of the Ocean Palace, the Mammon Machine's residency in the sea, proved more deadly than the Dreamstone mining accident that took eight lives including the King's. No one made the conneciton; those deaths were also concealed from the people. Only the royalty and the Gurus knew anything that really happened under those waters and only t hey feared what was going to happen when the Mammon Machine was activated there, so close to Lavos; it was as if their power would kiss.

   Alfador sat watching Janus walk circles near his bed. The cat mewed once at its master. Janus stopped and looked down to the kitten, his only friend, and said, "I don't know what to do Alfador...I worry-"

   He heard the door to his room open and someone advanced up the steps. At the sight of her hair, he let out a small sigh of relief. Janus was, in all probability, the only person who could tell the difference from the Queen and the Princess just from thier respective top inches.

   "Schala...!!" He said, enthused, but the smile on his face seemed tired and weak.

   "Janus, is something wrong?" She had come to check up on him. There was little time those days they got to spend together because of the Queen.

   "The Black Wind..." Janus told her and his face turned downward.

   "You feel it too?" Schala said and looked to that place his face turned to, as if she would be able to see into him by seeing what he saw, "Don't worry, it'll be alright." It was a lie; she felt the death coming just as easily as he. She bent down and pet Alfador. The cat purred and Schala looked back to Janus. The smile drained from her face and her look became serious again, "Now, hold onto this."

   She took something silvery and curved from the insides of her robe and held it out for him to take; it seemed to have three little bells on it.

   "What is it?" Janus asked as he took the thing and examined it closer. Alfador began to rub against his leg and meow, wanting to see and smell the shiny object for himself.

   "It's a kind of amulet. If something should happen, it will protect you." She told him and, with her own weak smile, added, "I wish I could be with you always...But mother has other plans."

   "She's NOT our mother!" His voice rose to near a shout, and shamed with himself, he added at near-whisper, "She looks like mother, but inside she has changed."

   There was a long pause as Schala debated this once again, this time, her own brother had told her that which she knew, deep down, but did not accept completely. He seemed to get through to her best, most of the time, "Still, I can't...Janus...I'm sorr-"

   "Highness...!" A young woman, dressed in flamboyant, flowing servant's garb, interrupted from the steps, "The Queen asks for your immediate presence at the Ocean Palace."

   "Alright..." Schala told the woman and turned to her brother, "Well, Janus...I'll be going."


Uh...don't ask about the first couple paragraphs though...I think that makes more sense in context...Or maybe you can just figure it out...w/e...Well, see? Plenty of writing and stuff going on even though no dialogue was actually changed...except I had Schala be interrupted in the end when she's apologizing to Janus since Crono & Co. wouldn't be there to slow down that servant-woman...Isn't it fucked up that she doesn't get to say "I'm sorry" in this version? I like to think so :wink:

teh Schala

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CT - Opening - a sample of my writing :P
« Reply #5 on: July 20, 2005, 04:37:43 pm »
Quote from: Lord J esq
if you keep on writing--that's the key

That's true, it's always important to just keep writing...  And so you know, I have been writing since I was 11 years old (that would be half of my life, seeing that I'm almost 22) and am actually working on a pretty serious book now, which I have a publisher and editor for.

Quote from: Lord J esq
Your biggest weakness so far is that you rely far too heavily on cliché, especially in your dialogue and plot contrivances.

Can I help that the original writers of Chrono Trigger used such cliches to which I am limited when writing my own interpretation of their story?

Quote from: Lord J esq
Secondly, do not stray away from the spirit of the story.
Quote from: Lord J esq
stay true to the intentions of the plot, rather than introducing extraneous material that doesn't reflect CT's personality.
Quote from: Lord J esq
A master writer can take a plot in entirely new directions while staying true to the original

Forgive me if I find your past 3 quotes to be a bit contradictory to each other...  That is, I added a deeper layer to Crono's personality, which also served as the all-important opening hook to a story, peaking the reader's curiosity, but I also stayed true to the storyline in that we simply don't know whether he had such a dream or not.  Being the RPG's silent hero, he wouldn't have spoken about such a thing, and it's that much more difficult to write a personality for a character who never had one, while trying not to "add extraneous material."  Try it yourself. ;)

V_Translanka

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CT - Opening - a sample of my writing :P
« Reply #6 on: July 20, 2005, 04:39:40 pm »
WHOA!!! Simultaneous posting! SECONDS APART! We should be given some kind of award, I believe, Jake-A-Roonie...

teh Schala

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« Reply #7 on: July 20, 2005, 05:54:51 pm »
Well Trans, your scene was easier to write because of the fact that you didn't have to deal with Crono.  I skimmed your writing briefly, but I think I caught a POV error or two in there...  But that's not important right now.  Anyway, SIMPLY because Crono had no in-game dialogue, that makes him extremely difficult to write, particularly in the beginning where it's JUST Crono.  There's simply no way to write that without changing it.  I admit to changing and elaborating his mother's statements a bit, but again, that was to embellish the message that was already there...that he's sleeping late and she's a frustrated, over-protective mother.

By the way, the only reason I even threw this together was because I thought Project ZEAL was still active, and this was to be my ticket in.  Well I got in...it's just that there's nothing in there to work on. >_<  So this thread's kind of useless anyway.

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CT - Opening - a sample of my writing :P
« Reply #8 on: July 20, 2005, 06:22:26 pm »
Well, in regards to the idea of re-writing, I think he DID in fact mean to never re-write something you have already written, sort of the 'move on' mindset. After having written some 600 pages in the last two and a half years, I have to disagree. There were many parts I rewrote, and have made sound better for it. I understand the fear that it might stagnate you into certain things that you have already written - which does happen to me quite often - but the chance of taking something you think alright but not great and turning it into something into something marvellous is too good to allow to pass.

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CT - Opening - a sample of my writing :P
« Reply #9 on: July 20, 2005, 07:54:48 pm »
But the idea of never re-writing anything you've written is so absurd! I mean, w/o editing, you're just inviting yourself to have millions of things wrong! I could understand don't re-write anything until you're done, that's fairly good advice (that I don't really follow...well, I normally wait until I'm done w/the chapt...but...otherwise...). That way you don't stop your creative flow as you write and don't worry about things you've written before...But even going back can always inspire new things...

Also...

Quote from: Jake-A-Roonie
Well Trans, your scene was easier to write because of the fact that you didn't have to deal with Crono. I skimmed your writing briefly, but I think I caught a POV error or two in there...


Yeah, I guess that's true. I wasn't thinking of that. But, please, do tell w/e errors you see, I'm always one for some constructive criticism. Heck, from when I just posted that to now, I already fixed like several spelling errors! And that's only one part of one chapter! Albeit it is the longest chapter...but w/e...

Also, I don't think anyone really had to "proove themselves"...Did they? Oh wait, I guess we had to give examples of our work...And it's just on hiatus...for some reason...

teh Schala

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« Reply #10 on: July 20, 2005, 08:29:45 pm »
Well let's see...  I'm going to just put in comments that I know my editor would make about my writing, so here we go...
-----
The young Prince Janus paced about his room, distraught with (perhaps you should say "by" instead of "with") the horrible images of the dreams he had been having ever since that day when the Wind began to haunt him. The dreaded Mammon Machine had its (no apostrophe) time in that room now. It sapped the people of their consciousness and sent them into deep dream states. Technology began to reign once again and there was a false feeling of peace among the people. A sense that the peace was forced, that the people overlooked the travesties going on under thier ("their") noses, was perceived by a very select few.

More and more the Queen bound her people to the earth below, although more and more these dealings were untold to the public. The three Gurus were uneasy with the Queen's contact with the Mammon Machine, and thusly, to (remove "ly" from thus, and possibly remove the comma) Lavos, the demon creature dwelling below. Princess Schala was to control and focus these meetings with her mother and Lavos. Queen Zeal became more powerful (add a comma there) absorbing the energy the Mammon Machine gave off, but as her power increased, her psychosis became more unstable. She had recently had the Mammon Machine moved closer to Lavos, into the sea, to draw energy with more fluid ease. Construction of the Ocean Palace, the Mammon Machine's residency in the sea, proved more deadly than the Dreamstone mining accident that took eight lives including the King's. No one made the conneciton; those deaths were also concealed from the people. Only the royalty and the Gurus knew anything that really happened under those waters and only t hey (you accidentally stuck a space there on "they") feared what was going to happen when the Mammon Machine was activated there, so close to Lavos; it was as if their power would kiss. (Here, you used several weak and passive words in a single sentence.  Reword?)

Alfador sat watching Janus (this is out of Janus' point of view...he don't know what Alfador is watching...only that he is sitting here somewhere) walk circles near his bed. The cat mewed once at its master. Janus stopped and looked down to the kitten, his only friend, and said, "I don't know what to do (add a comma here) Alfador...I worry-"

He heard the door to his room open and someone advanced up the steps. At the sight of her hair, he let out a small sigh of relief. Janus was, in all probability, the only person who could tell the difference from (this should probably be "between" instead of "from") the Queen and the Princess just from thier respective top inches.

"Schala...!!" (remove the 2nd exclamation point and make "he" lower-case) He said, enthused, but the smile on his face seemed tired and weak. (He can't see his own face, so how does he know it seemed tired and weak?  Does he physically feel tired and weak?)

"Janus, is something wrong?" She had come to check up on him (again, out of Janus' point of view.  He doesn't necessarily know why Schala is here, though he may be able to take a good guess). There was little time those days they got to spend together because of the Queen.

"The Black Wind..." Janus told her (comma) and his face turned downward.

"You feel it too?" Schala said and looked to that place his face turned to, (How does he know where Schala is looking if his head is turned downward?) as if she would be able to see into him by seeing what he saw, (Period, not comma.) "Don't worry, it'll be alright." It was a lie; she felt the death coming just as easily as he. (Again, out of Janus' point of view.) She bent down and pet Alfador. The cat purred and Schala looked back to Janus. (Again, how does he know where Schala is looking if his head is turned downward?) The smile drained from her face and her look became serious (This is the show-don't-tell principle. What does Janus observe on Schala's face -- if he has looked back up by now -- that makes her face seem serious to him?) again, (Period, not comma) "Now, hold onto this."

She took something silvery and curved from the insides of her robe and held it out for him to take; it seemed to have three little bells on it.

"What is it?" Janus asked as he took the thing and examined it closer. Alfador began to rub against his leg and meow, wanting to see and smell the shiny object for himself. (Of course Janus can presume why Alfador is curious, but again, it's still out of Janus' point of view.  Maybe a better way to say it would be to say that Alfador, curious as ever, stood on his hind legs, leaning against Janus, sniffing at the object in his hand.)

"It's a kind of amulet. If something should happen, it will protect you." She told him and, with her own weak smile (again, what does Janus perceive on Schala's face that makes her smile seem weak and forced?), added, "I wish I could be with you always...But mother has other plans."

"She's NOT our mother!" His voice rose to near a shout (you may want to say "a near shout" instead of "near a shout"), and shamed with himself, he added at near-whisper, "She looks like mother, but inside she has changed."

There was a long pause as Schala debated this once again, this time, her own brother had told her that which she knew, deep down, but did not accept completely. He seemed to get through to her best, most of the time, (The whole paragraph before this point is out of Janus' point of view...unless he can read her mind.) "Still, I can't...Janus...I'm sorr-"

"Highness...!" A young woman, dressed in flamboyant, flowing servant's garb, interrupted from the steps, (period, not comma) "The Queen asks for your immediate presence at the Ocean Palace."

"Alright..." Schala told the woman and turned to her brother, (period, not comma) "Well, Janus...I'll be going."
-----

Hope it doesn't sound like I just tore your script apart, and I didn't want to change the wording too much...  So I tried to keep that to a minimum.  You did good though. :)

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« Reply #11 on: July 20, 2005, 10:11:20 pm »
Yeah, I knew there'd be plenty of grammatical errors...:oops:

But I still don't understand your PoV statements...Isn't it obvious that I'm using a 3rd person (omni) narrative? What's all this Janus PoV stuff?

teh Schala

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« Reply #12 on: July 20, 2005, 10:30:23 pm »
Your English class may have taught you incorrectly about how Point Of View should work.  I know mine did, and I had to re-learn this.  I was originally taught that in 3rd person, you can view the scene from an omniscient perspective, knowing every character's thoughts and emotions.  As it turns out, this isn't supposed to be the case.

Even though you're using a 3rd-person narrative, you want to focus on the mind of just one person.  (PoV is something that most readers don't notice, but publishers are very keenly aware of.)  That is, since you established Janus as the PoV character (by beginning with him and his actions), or the main character of the scene, you want the reader to stay in Janus' mind rather than "head-hopping" to Schala and even Alfador.  This way by the end of the scene, the reader identifies strongly with your PoV character.  The reader perceives what Janus perceives and nothing more, nothing less.  If you need to switch, use a section break.

So if you begin in Janus' point of view and this scene takes place in his point of view...but say, for example, that you want to follow Schala down the hallway toward the Ocean Palace, you'd do a section break as soon as she leaves Janus' presence, then begin the next scene in Schala's mind.  This way, by only focusing on one character's thoughts at a time, you run less chance of confusing your reader (whether they realize it or not).  Sometimes -- though not always -- if you show the thoughts of more than one character in a scene, the reader will have to go back and check what they read to make sure they read correctly about who was thinking what.

If you want, I can email you a list of PoV tips my editor gave me.

Also, take a look at my original post on this thread.  Notice how all thoughts and emotions were Crono's?  Even if I had to communicate other thoughts or feelings (such as Marle's fear that she was about to die, or Crono's mom's frustration with him sleeping late), I stayed in his point of view by saying what he observed that brought him to the conclusion that Marle was dying, or that his mom was upset with him (his mom putting her hands on her hips, for example).  This also meant that I couldn't follow his mom downstairs and explicitly SAY that she was putting eggs and bacon on the stove, but I could have Crono smell them from upstairs if I want.

See what I mean?  This helps the reader stay "in the head" of the chosen character, giving the writer greater control over the reader's own thoughts and reactions to something.

That is, take the scene of the prehistoric party.  I can draw a very positive, fun picture of it by telling it through Crono, Marle, or Ayla's eyes and make the reader like the other characters this way.  OR, I could tell this scene through Kino's point of view and make the reader dislike Crono a bit.  You want to keep that in mind as you go into a scene and decide whose point of view to use, although if you were to novelize Chrono Trigger, you'd want to stay in Crono's point of view most of the time, and definitely end chapters in his head as well, to maintain the overall focus on him as the absolute main character.

V_Translanka

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« Reply #13 on: July 20, 2005, 11:54:46 pm »
But...but that's absurd. I'm certain that I've read books that go about doing things in both ways (and various others). I mean, are you suggesting that I seriously write the scene twice just to get both characters feelings??? I stand by the 3rd Person (Omni) view. I don't see how it's confusing at all.

teh Schala

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« Reply #14 on: July 21, 2005, 12:05:53 am »
It's not absurd, it's just industry standard.  No, I'm DEFINITELY not telling you to write it twice just to get both characters' feelings!  Convey Schala's feelings by pointing out what Janus SEES or HEARS through his senses that TELL him her feelings.  Would you like for me to go through your scene and show an example of how I mean to do this?

EDIT: By the way, I'm not surprised that you say you haven't noticed stuff like this before and could swear you've seen books that do it both ways (I said the same thing at first), but as I said earlier, this is something that's a very subtle but very important technique, and readers *RARELY* notice it.