Whew. Sorry for late response, but... long fic.
What I liked:
- The scene in the first part where Magus wakes up naked eating raw liver. I demand that be a scene in every Chrono series fanwork from now until eternity, regardless of context.
- Mystics eating humans is actually addressed for once!
- Magus didn't get in an arbitrary romantic relationship with Lucca, even though you hinted at it so hard.
- Magus didn't get in an arbitrary romantic relationship with his youthful ward, Gil, even though you hinted at it so hard.
- Gil/Alfador as Guile. Despite the bizarre origin it's a lot funnier and easier to accept than canon.
- Anachronism-spouting Magus was fun.
- Interesting and plausible theories on the nature of Lavos and the Frozen Flame. Definitely stealing some of it.
- The prose in general was solid. An addictive read.
What I could do without/what makes me go "ehh":
- Inappropriate anachronisms, or popular sayings that sound really cool being used in the wrong context. I can't site a specific example, though.
- [glow=2,300]Magus's sexual attraction to Schala played off like him being like an average horny teenager instead of an creepy old self-imposed autistic like the rest of the story portrayed him as. I don't mind that it was there, it just didn't feel like it played out right.[/glow]
- The Belthesar's Children suplot. It kinda came out of nowhere and didn't feel necessary. Everything else that happened could still happen without those characters and would have been more concise.
- The wind-down and conclusion felt kind of rushed/depressing. There wasn't any closure for half the characters in the last few parts, and the Epilogue was ridiculously short compared to the rest of the story, and didn't really tell us much besides "and so Magus went on to different timelines, never retained any lessons about the nature of his sister, Lavos, or even himself, and also is slowly going crazy from too many memories". It reminded me of every closing paragraph I've done for a late paper, so I'm kind of sensitive to it.
Take my crits with a grain of salt, though. I still drained my cell batteries reading this from work.
