Personality Discussion and Advice

[Katie Skyye]

This is a place where you can:

Post your personality quirks for discussion
Get advice on how to overcome what you consider a personal failing
Talk about how awesome you are based on 'X' feature of your personality or overcoming some sort of personal demon
Bring up random facets of personality (not necessarily yours) for discussion
Ask for advice regarding events of a personal nature (in other words, not academic help)
Give general advice

This is not a place for:

General Discussion
Politics
Insults and/or arguments (I'm looking at you, Tushantin and Josh and myself!)
Achievements of a non-personal nature (Good for you if you won the Nobel Prize, but we're regarding affairs of emotion and personality here)

Granted, these are guidelines. There will always be exceptions, and I am not going to harshly regulate this unless personal insults get thrown around. This is probably one of the worst places for that. Without further ado, I'll start this thing off:

I have a hard time making eye contact with people. For one thing, it feels like I'm staring, but it also makes me incredibly self-conscious to look someone in the eyes for more than a split-second or two. I could chalk it up to my middle-school experience, where making eye contact was inviting people to notice, and thereby torment me, but I feel like it should have worn off by now.
An extension of this, is I have what I consider an abnormal reaction to seeing people I know and am friends with in the hallways. I avoid eye contact with people I don't know, but even with people I do know, I'll tend to look away. Other reactions include scowling or glaring--especially if it's someone I'm friends with. On the rare occasion I remember to smile, I have to actually remind myself, "Oh, this person is my friend, I should smile," so it tends to be a delayed reaction.

It seems very weird to me! I even have a hard time holding Red's gaze. On the one hand, I want to look into his eyes (for hopefully obvious reasons plus he has really beautiful eyes), but there's always a pressure to look away--some sort of awkwardness that eventually makes me drop my eyes. It's definitely less of a problem with him than it is with other people, of course. And I definitely smile when I see him. <3
I tend to stare at people's hair or just not look at them at all when I'm talking to them.

And another incident was at one point a few years ago I was having an argument with my grandmother. I don't remember what it was about, but there was a stretch where I glared at her for a few seconds and she shouted "Don't look at me!" by which she of course meant, "Don't give me that dirty look," but from that point I pretty much never made eye contact with her, or even looked directly at her at all for a good year or so. I'm getting better, but there's just this built-in aversion to looking at her. And most other people.

Thoughts?

[Synchronization]

1

[tushantin]

Bfwahahaha! I find shy girls cute. And I'm sure Red does too.

Synchronization is right, Katie. Though, frankly, while a lot of people take me for an "Extrovertive Alpha", I can actually relate to how you feel there -- I also have a bad habit of avoiding eye-contact unless necessary. Being in the shadow of my Islamic mentor, who helped cure my dyslexia and polished my intellectual character, has turned me into an indefinite Introvert. Being reserved is well, but having social connections is also necessary, and hence I try to overcome the restrictions of my nature.

Now getting back to your problem (or something you think is a problem) -- I hardly think you need to overcome something like that. It is the attribute of the meek and the modest, and is useful for survival purposes (i.e., you won't catch unnecessary attention that you aren't comfortable with). Even in the instance of your grandmother, you avoid eye-contact, subconsciously knowing that you don't want to get into another uncomfortable conflict. So basically, it isn't really as bad as you think.

BUT! A good eye-contact determines character, and exudes confidence. Your confidence isn't determined by how loud you are, but how slow and clear you sound. A firm handshake, a confident look, a respectful smile and a warm voice all open up a friendly social relation even with the most reserved of strangers -- and it can even land you a job! Eye-contact is the attribute of the strong and confident, and of course of the vigilant. Sometimes it even determines a personal association, that you're listening to the person closely, that are focused on them, but it can also mean defiance and enmity. Eyes are like doorways to a person's soul, and they tell you everything you want to know about them (yes, even when they tell you, "It's nothing"). (There are differences between "glancing", "looking", "staring", and "glaring" though, but that's probably for another topic.)

So how do you overcome it, Katie? Firstly, ask yourself: Why aren't you confident to look them in the eyes? What makes you so insecure about yourself? Does it relate to some other weakness or regrets you have? Is there something you don't trust about yourself? What are the things that you're still unsure about?

Chances are, when you've become truthful to yourself by honestly answering those questions you can also gain enough esteem to be competent in social situations -- it's all about facing your weaknesses and evaluating them, because honesty is half the battle won. After that, you might need to "train" yourself in extroversion by learning basic acting (in someone's presence, be it Red or your parents, or even other friends); grab some dialogues, learn postures and body language, and try to approach convincingly. Acting is an art and provides you with enough toolset to physically dispense your thoughts into communication clearly and concisely.

And last, but hardly the least, smile when you're amused -- and not just because you have to, but because you want to. Though, there's one thing introverts usually always possess compared to extroverts: the ultimate Pokerface! It makes you mysterious~

[rushingwind]

Strange nervous tick of mine: After many words and sentences, I add a sort of a "humm" noise at the end. When I worked at a movie theater and I had to record showtimes on an answering machine, I'd concentrate very hard on not making that noise. Eventually, I just gave up, because even when thinking really hard about it, I still sometimes made the "hummm" noise. My mother and I sound identical on the telephone, but everyone can distinguish us quickly because I make the "humm" sound and she doesn't!

I have no idea where it came from, but it was first brought to my attention when I was 15. My boss thought my mom answered the phone, until I made the "humm," and then she said, "RW! The hum gave you away!"

[Radical_Dreamer]

I seem to have lost all faith in humanity. I'm much less likely to give the benefit of the doubt, and far more likely to call for strict correctives than I feel I was a couple years ago. An example of this is with the TSA issue, as brought up elsewhere on this board. Josh isn't the only thoughtful person who I'd expected would be with me, but turned out to lack the outrage I consider the obvious response.

All of this is vexing for a number of reasons, as you might imagine.

[Thought]

I make venn diagrams using the moisture circles left behind by my drinks at restaurants. Always.

[Lord J Esq]

I seem to have lost all faith in humanity. I'm much less likely to give the benefit of the doubt, and far more likely to call for strict correctives than I feel I was a couple years ago. An example of this is with the TSA issue, as brought up elsewhere on this board. Josh isn't the only thoughtful person who I'd expected would be with me, but turned out to lack the outrage I consider the obvious response.

All of this is vexing for a number of reasons, as you might imagine.

To the extent the system is corrupt, I find the security apparatus outrageous--and dangerous. If that doesn't come through, it's only because the side of me which supports the system in principle shows off more strongly. I'm an imperialist. I support things like port screenings, because, right-wing bullshit aside, the threat of terrorism is very real, and ports are especially vulnerable. I support all manner of intrusive policies--a national ID card, precision intervention in people's lives, and the disruption of barbaric cultures. People need law and order, and most are born to obey the leadership of others...desiring for themselves only the illusion of freedom, and not the heavy onus of it. Very few people can function decently without external boundaries and structures provided and even imposed upon them. The right to self-determination must coexist with the right to justice through law. I suspect we still have plenty of our longstanding philosophical disagreements on these points.

Like you I have harbored a strengthening disdain for much of humanity over the years. I wrote about it in my journal today:

I have so thoroughly exhausted my patience with the elements of humanity who are not worth my time. I need to be pickier and choosier about with whom and on whom I spend my time. So many human beings are pathetic; it's a wonder I still so fervently support the creation of a better world for even them to live in when they have earned so little worth as individuals. I guess that's optimism for you.

I am an optimist, and I have met a good number of people in life--and read about many more--who give me great pride and respect for our species' potential. As a humanist, I abhor suffering and I think even wretched people deserve the opportunity to live out their lives free of oppression and of the want of basic material needs.

But I recognize that many people have blown their potential, waste their lives, and promote corruption and perversion throughout our Civilization. The mooks and the villains. Like it is with any other species, most humans are a dead end. Even the best efforts of societies to date have not yet succeeded in reaching people in their most formative early years of childhood and raising them up to become better individuals. I suspect that a superior society could achieve exactly that, and I am prepared to hold society accountable at least as much as I hold failed individuals responsible for their failures.

I was reading today about a "food stamp challenge" that a prominent liberal blogger had taken, to see what it's like to eat on a food stamp budget. I appreciated her effort at awareness, but it felt like she was patronizing the people who actually must eat on so few funds. Her obliviousness and undertones of academic fascination without real empathizing, and her lauding of vegetables as the be-all and end-all of the food world, sounded a lot like the flaunting of privilege in the faces of people who go hungry. And it led me to think: Even most liberals don't really care about the poor. Hence my gripe in the journal. Why do I spend my time interacting with people like that?

I face a philosophical decision between supporting a golden society for everyone--my default position heretofore and still--and the alternative of focusing only on those people who have earned some worth. I've faced it for years; I haven't made the choice.

Don't let the wretchedness of the wretched and the villainy of the villains deprive you of the capacity to enjoy and appreciate those excellent facets of the human condition, and the high points of our Civilization. There are many of them, and most of us in the United States and a few select other countries live in better times than humanity has ever known. Take the wide view, the broader grasp of history, and do not be disillusioned, because despite all our travails in this era we are at a high point, and the way forward to still greater heights is surprisingly clear. It is simply a matter of assembling the power to effect my will and the will of all those who seek a true betterment for our species, and our planet.

[Katie Skyye]

I make venn diagrams using the moisture circles left behind by my drinks at restaurants. Always.

That's kind of endearing. :3

[tushantin]

@Radical_Dreamer: Hah, we can have a long discussion on this, but unfortunately I may not be able. For now, I can only offer this quote:

"Don’t lose your faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; a few dirty drops will not make the ocean dirty." -- Mahatma Gandhi

@Thought: I personally don't think it's a bad thing. XD That's pretty awesome!

@RushingWind: Same here, unless that bit annoys you in any way. Do you find it amusing or irritating? Unfortunately I'm no medic. XD

[Syna]

I'd like to post a more substantial, introspective thing here later, but for now:

I have a tendency to dart around. I get quite impatient with walking, so I either walk very quickly or go place to place in little sprints. I suppose this is great for my long-term health, but it irritates people when they have to walk alongside me!

[tushantin]

I have a tendency to dart around. I get quite impatient with walking, so I either walk very quickly or go place to place in little sprints. I suppose this is great for my long-term health, but it irritates people when they have to walk alongside me!

Hehe I can relate to that! It's certainly a mark of agility and health, and for one who values time. I do hope you enjoy those hearty sprints: there's nothing like the feeling of blood pumping through the veins, your heart full of bursts of energy, the wind gently caressing your face and hair, and chest filled with air. You feel alive! Of course, exhaustion is simply a bonus. XD

My father is incredible swift when it comes to walking, but takes pride in maintaining his health and getting places quickly compared to other folks (he won't even wait for em!) I have a similar tendency of darting, and it's usually involuntary (I have a habit), but I make it my obligation to slow down when I'm with someone.

[Katie Skyye]

Similar to that, when I come to a long--preferably empty--hallway, I just have to run down it! It's too tempting! I feel like Sonic the Hedgehog, going for a brief sprint.
Oddly enough, the faster I'm going, the more maneuverable I am. I've so far never hit anyone--even in crowded halls--while running, but I bash into things all the time while walking...and a similar oddity: The closer someone is, the worse my aim gets. This applies in real life and in games--I suck horribly at close-range anything, but I'm really good at sniping. I could be a foot away from you and throw something at you and miss...but peg the guy across the room right in the back of the head!

[Synchronization]

1

[tushantin]

You would also see what Sonic sees if you look to your side, when moving fast everything becomes a blur and looks alike.

And she bumps into a wall, leaving a Katie-shaped crevice behind. 

[Katie Skyye]

You would also see what Sonic sees if you look to your side, when moving fast everything becomes a blur and looks alike.

And she bumps into a wall, leaving a Katie-shaped crevice behind. 

This happened to my cat when he was little. He used to run up and down the long hallways between our living room and kitchen. One, I walked out of the kitchen just as he was doing so, and he turned to look at me and smacked into the wall. He bounced off, he was so small, but darn if he didn't get disoriented!

He still bumps into things, come to think of it...derpy cat.