Daymn, I'm gonna steal that unit!
I think "Hurts like hell" ought to be above "hurts like bitch". Why "hell"? Because saying "Hurts like Heaven" would make people talk.
From your scale, though, I'd say, "Four hells in a bitch!"
...Wait a second, that sounds just wrong.
And here's a story just in case: "Red and I went shopping the other day, whence we encountered a mugger. He had a dagger the size of two shoes and a cellphone! Red was just about to panic and, to save me, he attempted to give his wallet to the mugger, but I observed keenly and spotted an opening chance where I pointed behind the mugger and screamed, 'Police! We're being robbed!' The mugger looked behind, and I swiftly grabbed a nearby rake and swatted his hand to drop the knife he was wielding. Bloke flabbergastedly wanted to confront me but he saw my fierce eyes like a lion's and ran for it like a sissy. I chased after him, but Red called me from behind, and I tripped and the rake hit my eye. Ooooh, I wanted to teach him a lesson! *shakes fist*"
