Author Topic: Park Your Amusements Here  (Read 98620 times)

Thought

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Re: Park Your Amusements Here
« Reply #975 on: December 08, 2011, 12:16:54 am »
Yes, I am quite fond of Sean Bean (although I prefer the spelling "Shawn"). He's a fun actor, so getting called by his name is likewise nice.

Lord J Esq

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Re: Park Your Amusements Here
« Reply #976 on: December 08, 2011, 12:19:12 am »
Why, you...!

If not for our mutual enjoyment of the acting talents of Sean Bean, I should surely show you the old what for!

tushantin

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Re: Park Your Amusements Here
« Reply #977 on: December 08, 2011, 07:40:31 am »
Hehe! Poor Josh. Trix are for cool kids.

@Thought: Congrats! We'll hold the party till you get a job within a job so you can work while you work (Yo, Corgis!)

EDIT: BRB! Gonna go serenade some pigeons.
« Last Edit: December 08, 2011, 09:06:09 am by tushantin »

Lord J Esq

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Re: Park Your Amusements Here
« Reply #978 on: December 09, 2011, 10:29:41 am »
Happy Holidays from Science and the NOAA Weather Radio Automated Voice!

[youtube]-yGJbkQulQw[/youtube]

tushantin

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Re: Park Your Amusements Here
« Reply #979 on: December 09, 2011, 02:03:06 pm »
So I serenaded the pigeons today... (FYI, in case you didn't know it already, a pigeon couple barged into my kitchen months ago and made a nest there to lay eggs; ever since then they refused to move, so we just left em there. Now those eggs have hatched, and the chicks are so adorable!)

There it was, the nest abundant with melodic chirping of infant chicks; it was a sweet morning! Something about the chirping made your heart leap with joy. With my violin at hand, but using it as a ukulele (you can't explain that), I decided to cherish the morning and share my love with the new-born miracles of life.

And the mommy pigeon eyed me cautiously, like I was some hobo in a van trying to give her kids free candy.

"Greetings, madame of beauty!" I sang. "You look lovely this morn!"

"Hoooor," she croaked suspiciously.

"Ah, the little infants of joy! You have come to life in this wonderful world of ours with infinite possibilities. Be! Be what you wanna be, take to the skis and claim the winds as your own! This song is for you, my children."

The chicks chirped joyfully, but the mother set her eyes on my head, pondering which way my brain is most vulnerable. But I sang anyway:

"My daddy told me,
'You're my biggest mistake,
Your responsibility makes me guilty;
In the face of a chiselled soap, boy,
You turned out to be suds. Suds! SUDS!!' YOOWW!!
Fly, fly birdy fly, birdy fly, pretty fly,
Fly, Fly birdy fry, pretty fly!
Fly, fly birdy fly, birdy fly, pretty fly,
Fly, Fly birdy fry, pretty fly!"

My voice boomed into the not-so-spacious caverns of my own kitchen, and the chicks began to chirp crazily while the mom panicked for a way out but returned again for her babies. They loved me, didn't they? My songs gave them the passion to do the impossible! My delusions vanished when I was hit with a pointed beak. And I sang:

"Oh by God, that hurts;
Why? Who? What?
Saw it was just a bowl,
observed, 'twas a well.
So small, you seem, like a mousey,
I caught your tail, you turned out to be a snake...
Snake! SNAKE!!! YOWW!!

Hey, hey!
Who robbed who exactly,
How'd someone break his head,
How should I know?
Bro, I don't got a clue!
All I know is you need to run,
As fast as you can,
Coz a big mouth monter's chasing us,
a hurricane's here with a message...
YOWWW.... OWWW! HEY! OWW!!"

Apparently the birds loved me so much that they were too eager to peck me affectionately. The barrage of attacks, be they from affection, was enough to not only make the mom pigeon panic around the kitchen but also injure me sufficiently that I slipped into unconsciousness.

Fly, fly birdy fly, birdy fly, pretty fly...

tushantin

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Re: Park Your Amusements Here
« Reply #980 on: December 10, 2011, 04:08:08 pm »
LMFAO! THE SQUIGGLY ARM MOVE (AND THREE OTHER THINGS YOU SHOULDN’T DO WHEN MEETING A FENCER)

Quote
What I’m really trying to get at here is that when someone asks me what “I do” and I tell them that I’m on the United States Fencing team, I don’t want the next thing that they do is make the weird squiggly arm move.
What’s the weird squiggly arm move?  Allow me to explain.
The squiggly arm move is when someone rests an arm on one hip, points a finger at me and proceeds to make squiggly motions forward and backward trying to emulate what they think is fencing.  The most brazen offenders sometimes start bouncing back and forth in this really crude imitation of fencing footwork.  Just so you know, its crazy embarrassing to be at a bar and when I first meet you, you start hopping around like some sort of stunted, one-armed boxer.

Aww man, even the badass folks get all the shit. XD Dammit, non-fencers! You're watching too many "musketeers / Zorro" movies!

Thought

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Re: Park Your Amusements Here
« Reply #981 on: December 10, 2011, 05:24:48 pm »

Lord J Esq

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Re: Park Your Amusements Here
« Reply #982 on: December 10, 2011, 05:56:40 pm »
Every Saturday Kos (from Daily Kos) posts the best hate mail of the week. From this week's entry, it's the holiday season!

Quote
MERRY CHRISTMAS, fuckface!

Hey heres something for ya: MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Please note its not "happy holidays" or "kinky kwanza" or "holy hanuckah" or any of that
pc-liberal-left bullshit. It's MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS! And I hope your not too stuoid to realize that there's the "CHRIST" in "Christmas"? DO you know why?? Because CHRISTmsa is about JESUS CHRIS, not faggot marriage or whatever it is that you celebrate. Aamerica is a CHRISTIAN country and it celebrtaes CHRISTMAS and if you got a problem with thatyou can always move to communist china where Jesus is illegal.Dumbass libs will never undersatnd that real americnas will always prerfer JESUS over the liberal chritmas (which is mostly abortions and drug use and singing songs about misters Marx and Stalin). I think its fucking hilarious that libs always get angry wehn someone says MERRY CHRISTMAS! You bettet get used to it cause this is a CHRISTIAN countyr and not a socialist country! youi know what you should ask for CHRISTMAS? A president whos not a racist and a communist! Good luck with that (BaracKKK Obama - killing whitey since 2008)!!

SO again MERRY CHRISTMAS homo!!! And i hope that offends you!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
ASSHOLE!!!
ASSHOLE!!!
ASSHOLE!!!

This is probably a humor gray area. I could talk about making an ethical distinction between laughing at a mentally ill person's disordered behavior, and laughing directly at a mentally ill person for their disordered behavior, but either way I suppose the human reality here is that I laughed.

Truthordeal

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Re: Park Your Amusements Here
« Reply #983 on: December 10, 2011, 07:11:11 pm »
That's definitely a Poe's Law. I know this because most of the ones from real conservatives are heartbreaking, not humorous.

Lord J Esq

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Re: Park Your Amusements Here
« Reply #984 on: December 10, 2011, 07:19:56 pm »
If it's a fake it's really well done...and, as a prominent liberal entrepreneur, he gets a whole lot of this stuff.

Acacia Sgt

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Re: Park Your Amusements Here
« Reply #985 on: December 13, 2011, 03:43:19 pm »
So I just yet again hear my mother's last name being pronounced wrong. It's quite funny, really, because it's always the same mistake: They usually first see it in written form, and the written accent it has it's missing when they do, so they pronounce it that way instead, getting it wrong. It's more amusing since it's something that has been happening for years. Thankfully my college classmates, who use that last name when referring to me, do get it right.

tushantin

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Re: Park Your Amusements Here
« Reply #986 on: December 13, 2011, 03:59:40 pm »
So I just yet again hear my mother's last name being pronounced wrong. It's quite funny, really, because it's always the same mistake: They usually first see it in written form, and the written accent it has it's missing when they do, so they pronounce it that way instead, getting it wrong. It's more amusing since it's something that has been happening for years. Thankfully my college classmates, who use that last name when referring to me, do get it right.
You've no idea how common that is with me. XD Glad you're amused. Accents can make anything ridiculously hilarious.

Katie Skyye

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Re: Park Your Amusements Here
« Reply #987 on: December 13, 2011, 04:13:38 pm »
So...my mom's name is Diana. Really simple name.
All we get is Diane Diane Diane.

Jeez.

And don't even get me started on our last name...

Syna

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Re: Park Your Amusements Here
« Reply #988 on: December 13, 2011, 09:35:09 pm »
So I just yet again hear my mother's last name being pronounced wrong. It's quite funny, really, because it's always the same mistake: They usually first see it in written form, and the written accent it has it's missing when they do, so they pronounce it that way instead, getting it wrong. It's more amusing since it's something that has been happening for years. Thankfully my college classmates, who use that last name when referring to me, do get it right.

I relate to this. My real first name is impossible for most Americans in the South to pronounce correctly on their first try (unless they're aware of the Spanish variant). My last name has a German trainwreck of consonants at the end that rivals "Nietzsche."

After a whole life's worth of this, I'm really really really careful to ask people how their names are pronounced, and retain that pronunciation. Honestly, it's the whole song and dance that happens whenever I introduce myself that's most annoying!
« Last Edit: December 13, 2011, 09:37:03 pm by Syna »

Sajainta

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Re: Park Your Amusements Here
« Reply #989 on: December 13, 2011, 09:55:31 pm »
People consistently pronounce my last name as "Man jizz".  It is not pronounced "Man jizz".  It does not even look like "Man jizz".