Sorry for the delay. I had to do yard work today and visit a reception for a childhood friend of mine. Oddly enough, this is my longest one yet.
Enjoy this late final edition.
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CRONO: It’s the same show with a new twist.
MARLE: Seven people living under one roof.
LUCCA: Getting to know each other better.
FROG: Privy to their flaws and faults.
ROBO: Tolerating their illogical actions.
MAGUS: Wishing they could get a moment’s peace.
AYLA: This Real World – Chrono Trigger.
EPISODE FOUR: Robo’s Software, The Big Case Part 1, and Ayla’s Underwear Part 4
MARLE (Interview): Ever since the incident we had the other day with Ayla and Crono, he’s been kind of distant from women. I’m concerned, and not for the reason you expect it. Why? Because he just found a way to vent his frustration. I don’t like it.
INT. LIVING R0OM – DAY
Crono is watching “Miss Truce” on TV while Marle vacuums and Lucca fiddles about with her lie detector.
Crono turns up the volume as Marle passes by. Marle shuts off the vacuum.
MARLE: Got nothing better to watch, you pig?
CRONO: (pauses the show) We’ve been through this. You’re not my mother, Marle.
LUCCA: That’s right. She’s your fiancée.
MARLE: (to Lucca) No, I’m not.
CRONO: Oh, so that moment at Death Peak when I came back to life was just a failed love test?
MARLE: (to Crono) Stay on topic. This isn’t about you.
CRONO: Oh, but it’s all about you when your dad decides to cut you off at 17.
MARLE: Is this about me alphabetizing the DVD case? We put it behind us two weeks ago!
CRONO: Oh! Now look who’s not staying on topic!
MARLE: Admit it! You’re just mad because you hate a little order in your life!
CRONO: I would like to be able to find my “Star Trek” DVDs once in a while if I can find them!
ROBO enters the room. He stands and stares at Crono and Marle as they argue.
ROBO: Pardon me. Am I interrupting something?
MARLE: What do you need, Robo?
ROBO: … I was just entering this room and about to inquire as to the whereabouts of who decimated my Wireless Hub Router. Is such an inquiry an inconvenience to you?
MARLE: … I’m going out. (Exits the room)
ROBO: Farewell, Mistress Marle. (Exits the room)
Crono and Lucca stare at each other in confusion.
LUCCA (Interview): Did Robo just hold a regular conversation with Marle? Three witnesses, including me, say “yes.” How did he hold that conversation without correcting us or making us feel inferior to him? I have to investigate.
ROBO (Interview): This human behavior recognition software is most unorthodox. The usual commands that I execute while holding a conversation seem to be blocked. Amongst these commands are:
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Double Negative
Filler Verb
Red Herring
Ad Hominem
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ROBO (Interview): These are but a few of what was deleted when I got this software. Oh, no. I’m slowly starting to sound human. What is… happening to me?
AT THE FRONT DOOR
Marle opens the door to someone who is about to knock.
MARLE: Oh! Can I help you?
ATTORNEY: Yes, I’m your group’s attorney. I’m here to help you with your case.
MARLE: What case?
ATTORNEY: You’re being sued by an inventor. (Hands Marle a bundle of paper)
MARLE: What!?
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Everyone is gathered around for the attorney.
ATTORNEY: That’s about it. He’s asking for 15,000 dollars in funding instead of charges.
LUCCA: He’s got nothing on my invention. There’s no way he could’ve published the patent before me. I’ll break into the archives myself if I have to!
FROG: Fret not your troubled heart, Lucca. I hold confidence within that we shalt find the scoundrel—
Low beeps and boops emanate from Lucca’s machine.
LUCCA: (Bitter) It’s okay if you believe in me, Frog, even if my machine says otherwise.
FROG: … As a noble knight, I canst relay a falsehood. I know nothing about modern conveniences. My confidence rests thin as the veil betwixt life and death.
ATTORNEY: Not to worry. I’ve researched this man, and there’s plenty of evidence to—
MAGUS: What’s the big deal?
The attorney and the others look at Magus.
MAGUS: It’s just a machine that tells a truth from a lie. I can easily do that. I don’t see why I can’t just hypnotize this man into dropping this pointless case.
CRONO: We’ve got enough problems to deal with without your emo attitude, Magus. And no, we’re not gonna hypnotize him.
MAGUS: (Stands up) Who are you calling emo, you spike-headed teen?
CRONO: Hey, these spikes have more volume than your flat, silver hair.
MAGUS: (Lifts his scythe to Crono) You’re gonna regret saying that, kid.
CRONO: (Stands up) Bring it on!
The others protest ad-lib as Magus and Crono stand behind the couch, ready to attack each other. Somewhere, someone shouts about “already going over not using weapons.”
FROG (Interview): Every chance we engage in a civil meeting, it always concludes with a quarreling of some sort, albeit weapon damage is more favorable to tidying up than the damage magic can unleash.
ATTORNEY (Interview): How can I help these people if they can’t even keep it together in their own house? It’s like defending a dysfunctional family who… never mind.
Magus (Interview): Always something to fight about amongst these kids. That’s why I carry my scythe around everywhere I go.
INTERVIEWER: Can you really tell a truth from a lie without magic?
MAGUS (Interview): Of course. I just need to withhold my emotions and it’s easy from there. I can also deduce famous questions by withholding my emotions. For example, the reason we can’t build airplanes out of the same material as crash-proof black boxes is because the plane would become too heavy to fly.
INTERVIEWER: …interesting.
INT. CRONO’S ROOM – LATER
Crono is listening to some music on his iPod. The door to his room bursts in. Startled, Crono looks over.
Ayla stands next to Crono’s broken door, holding her spare skin. Crono puts away his iPod.
CRONO: Ayla! Were you around before knocking was invented!?
AYLA: Crono steal and hide Ayla spare skin. Ayla mad, Crono pay punishment.
CRONO: For the last time, it wasn’t me! Go ask Lucca and her potentially copyright-infringed machine. She’ll back me up.
AYLA: No hide truth from Ayla. Ayla see Crono sword in black sound box, spare skin inside black sound box. How Crono explain?
Ayla throws her spare skin on the ground.
CRONO: Um, it was a coincidence!? I don’t know who put your spare skin there! Honest!
Ayla leaps like a cat toward Crono, pinning him against the wall. Crono is both scared and flustered.
AYLA: (Calm) If Crono telling truth, which Ayla find hard to believe, then Crono help Ayla find who steal and hide Ayla spare skin.
CRONO: Fair enough. Let’s go find whoever did this to you.
Ayla gets off of Crono and exits the room. Crono follows her.
AYLA (Interview): Ayla know Crono no steal spare skin. Crono not stealer like Kino, but Kino apologize. If Kino apologize to Crono, Ayla apologize to Crono. But Ayla still no know who steal spare skin.
CRONO (Interview): She could’ve killed me back there, but she didn’t. She must like some part of me. The question is… which part is it?
MAGUS (Interview): She’ll never find out that I did it.
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End of Episode Four. To be continued… (I hope)
