Crimson Echoes only existed because of massive effort, hard work, and optimism in the springtime of youth.
I'm sure we'll throw out the interview I did sooner or later once I determine it's safe and edit it, but it talks about the development history. And that history is mostly Agent 12 working alone. I likened the CE forum to an abandoned shack in a desert.
You see, I wanted to kill CE in 2007. It was a massive project without enough support, and it felt it would never be done. It was a thorn in my side because it felt like the only thing I couldn't conclusively finish; like the one unachievable goal at the Compendium. But Agent 12 came back and started working his ass off on it. By a year later, he had coded the basic events for the
entire game himself. At this point, I had no choice to get back and involved. I had to match his springtime of youth with my own, and I wrote dialogue for most of the game. And then Chrono'99 came back; he had contributed a lot before. Not to be outdone, Chrono'99, who's been so busy with real life that he's been away from the Compendium at times, made sacrifices in his life to fight the power and match our contributions with his own "crazy map skills"
and other talents.
So, in the end, most of CE came from the hard work and belief of three individuals, and particularly Agent 12.
This is how it goes in life. It's just another testament to what one person can do if they dare to dream and pursue that dream with all the passion, intensity, and intelligence they can unleash.
There's been a change in my thinking over the last few years. Some people think of activities they'd like to do, then weigh the risks and involve fear in their decision-making. Instead, these days, it really does seem to be the case that I define some my most important goals, dreams, or ambitions, and then imagine the obstacles and risks involved with a backdrop of complete determination. Consequently, these obstacles and risks are scrutinized with dynamically constructive energy and outlook. I decide that a dream is absolutely worth pursuing, and then resolve to deal with any risk and obstacle that comes my way.
But it wasn't but over a year ago that I very seriously feared the future and several other things. It's worth making a list; these fears were pervasive.
- The future - This was the worst. I simply didn't think about my career, or where I'd live, or what I wanted to do and what kind of ambitions I had. To do so would be to invoke all sorts of fears about the rigor, work, and pains involved, but it would also be acknowledgment of several painful truths. Above all else, it would have been knowing my idyllic, mildly depressed life of pleasures would come to an end, and I didn't have any direction or course for finding something meaningful.
- Death - In childhood, I was bothered with the idea of "Who created God?", which I felt that if I asked this question aloud, the Universe would cease to exist. After that, thinking about the infinite size of the cosmos and death were reasons for fear. I'd try to put them out of my mind, especially at night; I think this is what gave rise to that silly quote that "atheists are only half by night."
- Love - Since I was depressed about a kind of failed relationship, I had zero confidence about meeting someone new, and sought no experience in meeting new people.
- Travel - This is in line with death. It's almost comically bizarre to remember, but I feared to make even 2 or 3 hour long trips by car for fear of dying in a crash. It seems like I never paid attention to the gravity of the reasons I wanted to travel to some place, but focused only on the fear of transport. And it was enough to stop me sometimes.
- Illumination - Put all these together, and you have a fear of personal growth. I feared to "win" because I feared to "lose."
Now, what's the story? Well, I've acknowledged the future and I can't wait to realize my shining dreams. Death? I don't have time to worry about death, and I've realized that logically, fearing to die on a personal level is totally meaningless and futile anyway. (Fearing to die because someone else would be sad or depends on you is a little more legitimate). The wild expanse of the Universe? That's an opportunity for exploration, not a cause for fear. Love is one of my grand dreams, and I'm pursuing it well. Travel is the gateway to new experiences and people, and the rewards vastly outweigh the minuscule risks (well, I am going to first-world countries, admittedly). And illumination, well...all roads lead to that.
I still had a huge period of fear to go through when I "woke up" in early 2008, most of it centering around March 2008. That was a hellish month. I realized how pathetic I had become, and I had met someone who was wildly opposite to me in all the most stinging ways. They were traveled, independent, and courageous. And what had I done with my intelligence? Hid, and rot in my mild illusory life. It was hard realizing this; I spent many days that month waking up feeling sick to my stomach, and waking up before I had completed a full night's sleep and finding myself unable to go back to sleep because of the dread in my stomach. Part of the horrible awakening was identifying terrifyingly with "Pearl in the Shell," a song by Howard Jones (a wonderful New Wave artist and, from what I know so far, a wonderful human being). The imagery in the video was nightmare fuel for me. You'll understand immediately what it means to keep your "pearl in the shell":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJjmHN-UmeU&fmt=18But it's over. I have more faith in myself than ever before, because I've gotten down and dared to seriously dream. I've started living the springtime of youth. I took an accelerated course for a graduate degree and though it's kicked my ass on occasion, I'm getting through it. I'll be able to go wherever I will to achieve my dreams and help improve the human condition by using my business and leadership acumen to fight things like sexism.
I'd be lying if I said I weren't afraid. But really, what's the use of fear? I've got my dreams and I'm hellbent on achieving them. Once you commit to something and find faith in yourself, nothing can stand in your way. Believe in your path and run through it!
Whether it's laughable or irrational, we're beautifully following the golden road.
If there's a wall, we tear it down!
If there's no path, we'll cut one with our own hands!
The fire in our hearts is burning like hot magma!
Perfect combination!
Gurren-Lagann!
Even if we were to be enslaved in the galaxy's cycle of rebirth,
The feelings that were left behind will open the door!
Even if the infinite Universe were to go against us,
Our burning blood will cut through fate!
We'll break through the heavens and dimensions!
We'll show you our path through force!
Tengen Toppa! Gurren-Lagann!
WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK WE ARE?!?!
Right, who the hell do you think we are?!?! We're human beings. And human beings, with enough time and effort, can understand and do anything.
If you can see the future, never look back.
If I have any kind of legacy as ZeaLitY on this website, then beyond anything to do with the Chrono series, I hope I can just give people a simple, important message, through words or an example in the springtime of youth. And that message is,
ROW ROW, FIGHT THE POWER!GET FIRED UP YOU BASTARDS, I'M IN THE SPRINGTIME OF MY YOUTH
