Author Topic: (Renamed) Everybody Loves Schala  (Read 2008 times)


  • Poet of El Nido
  • Black Wind Agent (+600)
  • *
  • Posts: 638
    • View Profile
(Renamed) Everybody Loves Schala
« on: April 18, 2009, 08:12:00 pm »
(Okay folks. TTSOD is still in my mind. I still plan on working on it sometime in the future. However, two factors currently prevent me from doing so. Real Life issues, and Writer's Block. However, I thought that working on this little series of fic-lets would at least help me out of the latter. Keep in mind the following:

I have no idea what the content limit for posting these things are, so I'm going to assume I can post anything as long as it isn't a lemon.

This will be written in script format, and no, I don't give a crap. I am aware the normal style looks more attractive, but I am much more comfortable writing in script. Besides, this is something that's meant to... hopefully... make people laugh, so what does it matter? :P

Anyway, please enjoy.

Edit: Put a more fitting name for these little stories.)

She couldn't remember the last time she had any decent rest. The fluffiness of the bed had relaxed her sore muscles over the night. She had a dream about being a goddess in the heavens, bishounens fanning her from every direction, and using a certain one-eyed jackass as a literal footstool. It was wonderful.

Until the alarm clock rang.

Within the mass of blankets and pillows, green eyes opened lazily, staring at the object making the offending noise. Slowly, she reluctantly raised herself into a sitting position, her blue hair cascading down her back. Glaring death on the insolent timekeeper, she wondered what kind of revenge she would wreak upon it. Telekinesis out the window? That was last week. Freeze it and smash it with a mallet? The neighbors would complain. Set it aflame? It had taken ages to get rid of the soot marks from the last time she tried that. Thus, she decided to go with a plan a little more 20th century.

The satisfying crash as the clock hit the wall brought a smile of relief to the face of one Schala Zeal. As she closed her eyes and flopped back on the bed to return to rest, however, the phone rang.

Schala: I thought unemployment was supposed to be a sort of unofficial vacation...?

----- 7:00 AM -----

There are many universe's existing within the current spectrum of the universe. Some universe's lived in harmony, others in chaos. And still others were like Excel Saga or Lucky Star, and that's a whole different can of beans altogether.

No, this universe is one of relaxation, of retirement, if you will. Every anime or video game character ever to be conceived or put on paper has ended up on this one world eventually. Some, such as Alphonse and Edward Elric, have been known to come out of retirement from time to time. A few months ago, Schala too had been one of those people. You would think it had happened before with the release of Chrono Cross.


What happened was this. Yasunori Mitsuda had let slip that Schala was going to be an important character in the game. Finally, the world was going to find out what happened to her! She immediately puppy-eyed for a copy of the script, and practiced her lines over and over. She was a little miffed at her actual fate, but she didn't care at the slightest. It was when she showed up for shooting that Masato Kato had given her news.

Kato: Yeah, we're gonna need you to show up at the last scenes. We don't want people finding out the connection too soon.

Kato was a dick. She swore that if he went into her office and took her stapler, she would burn the entire Square-Enix building down.

Office Space references aside, to reiterate, Kato had brought in a 'look-alike'. Blue eyes, blond hair... a facelift... The bitch didn't look a thing like her!

But bad memories were the last thing she wanted on her mind at the moment.

Schala: Daughter-clone my ass...

Letting the water from the shower faucet rinse out her hair, Schala forced those memories to the back of her mind. A voice that seemed to come straight from the wall had been speaking to her for the past twenty minutes. Whenever she got a call, Schala would always leave it on speaker phone instead of switching around. One time, she had been changing, and she accidently answered by camera phone. Duran of Forcenica had gotten quite an eye-full. Needless to say, later that day, he was in traction for two weeks.

????: What was that?

Schala: Nothing, Mr Tanaka.

Tanaka... was an odd man to say the least. At least, odd in the sense that he was employed in finding work for unemployed anime and game characters. Schala had already finished her shower and had gone into her bedroom where she had lain her clothes for the day out on her bed.

Tanaka: Listen, I hate to be the one to say this, but you've been in the red for the past two months.

Schala simply nodded as she began clasping a bra, then thought, 'Forget it,' and tossed it back into the closet.

Tanaka: You're going to need to either going back to working in the restaurants...

Schala urged him to finish his sentence as she pulled on a form-fitting pair of jeans.

Tanaka: ...or start modeling for eroge.

Schala's eyes widened as she finished putting on a black tank top.

Schala: Are you kidding me?! The last thing I need is for perverts to stare at me during work!

Tanaka: Well, there will always be those types and they will draw such thing no matter what we do or say. I'm just saying you might as well get paid for them.

Tanaka's comment might seem confusing to the average reader. To explain, characters who model for eroge get paid likeness rights when adult mangakas use said characters in their works. The more hentai doujins they appear in, the more they get paid. Although some artists draw confusingly enough that you can't tell wether it's girl A or Girl B. In these cases, many of these situations end up in lawsuits, and it's very fun to watch, but I digress.

Besides, how else would you explain why Tifa Lockheart is one of the richest women in this strange world?

Schala: I'm not doing it unless it's a last resort. I mean, a LAST resort.

Tanaka: Well, come into my office later and we can figure something out. But honestly, it's better than being in fanfiction.

A slightly confused look appeared on they young woman's face as she wondered why there was a sense of irony in her sponsor's parting words. She then shook her head and slipped on a white blouse. Putting her hair into her usual ponytail, she took a good look in the mirror, adjusting her clothing and bust. When she was finally satisfied with her appearance, she slipped on her socks and a pair of black tennis shoes and left her flat, breathing in the morning air.

Another day... of boredom.

Schala proceeded to sigh as she locked to front door.

(Not as funny as I initially intended, but It's basically the first part. If Star Ocean is any indication, openings are slow and sucky at best.

Am I insane? Probably. Do I care? Nah... :P)
« Last Edit: April 19, 2009, 02:30:46 am by skylark »


  • Radical Dreamer (+2000)
  • *
  • Posts: 2103
  • Dreams are the gateway to reality.
    • View Profile
Re: (Renamed) Everybody Loves Schala
« Reply #1 on: April 20, 2009, 01:02:58 pm »
I like it. I like it lots. I wonder if she'll run into other 'retired' video game characters, like maybe Rinoa or Zidane or Ristar, and maybe even some who WISH they were retired, like Vincent and Mario and Sonic.

Keep it up, man!