Author Topic: Comments regarding ZeaLitY's Gaspar Chronicles Part III  (Read 1198 times)

Daniel Krispin

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Comments regarding ZeaLitY's Gaspar Chronicles Part III
« on: October 23, 2004, 12:42:36 am »
All right, it isn't a submission. But the "fanfiction" place is closed to posting, so I figured this was the next nearest place. Anyway, as a mod you can probably move this to a more apt place anyway. Why didn't you make a topic like this, ZeaLitY? Or did I just fail to see it? Anyway, I just wanted to make a comment regarding the third part of you Gaspar Chronicle. At this moment I have, as is usually the case, only glanced at it (I'm feeling quite tired, and not up to much reading of any sort... and, if truth be told, have some homework I should be getting to.) But from what I have seen, I can safely say that you have, yet again, shown yourself to be the pre-eminent Crono fanfiction writer. I'm not joking or exaggerating, here. It easily surpasses anything I have ever seen on fanfiction.net... or anywhere else, for that matter. You have somehow, masterfully, retained the style of the characters, yet write in an intelligent manner. I think it looks extremely good, and I've only read a page! Really, I shall read it quite soon; I've finished writing my own Chrono story, now, so I have no more fear of being influenced (as was my childish fear before). At this moment, though, I'm just printing out a final draft and all, and have a certain volume of midterms fast nearing, but that will be ended soon, and I will make certain to read this (and, actually, read the first part, as well.) If this third part is anything like the second part was (which I am certain from the quick glance I took that it is) it has the quality of a professionally written tale, and the heart of the Chrono stories. Very nice, indeed. You should be very proud of yourself for it.
Just another comment, though... I find it funny how there appears to be a crossed thread between your story and mine. Both of us set Serge's memory as being sealed by Schala, and both have Janus there when he remembers (both by Schala's name, too, for that matter); an interesting little coincidence. Though I daresay you write Serge's dialect far better than do I. I had quite a bit of difficulty in writing his more colloquial speech (not a thing I am good at; I prefer older styles), which is why he speaks so scarcely in my story.
Anyway, good work there, and I’ll make certain to read it at first opportunity. I’ll give you a better review, as it were, then; but I think I can safely assume that it will be quite positive.

ZeaLitY

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Comments regarding ZeaLitY's Gaspar Chronicles Part III
« Reply #1 on: October 23, 2004, 01:40:46 am »
Yeah, I had a tough time depicting Serge as a bit of a bumpkin at first (a guise he chooses to wear) and then a modern, intelligent guy. Gaspar always has some kind of uppity, friendly sarcasm throughout, which I hoped wasn't too over the top, and Magus's heavy conversation should be justified by his thoughts towards the end.

Thanks; this has given me an excellent idea, as the other forums have lost their functionality with fanfiction being posted on the Encyclopedia. Perhaps the forum will be converted to entirely fanfiction feedback.

I can't wait to submit to fanfiction.net. I'm awaiting a 3 day period or something. I was amazed when I saw a couple pieces on there like 180,000 words, but I didn't bother checking them out. Gaspar totals like 35,000 in my rough estimate. Do you think I should submit to Chronicles? I'm always in a weird competition with other Chrono sites, and am usually reluctant about submitting Compendium-made, unique stuff.

Daniel Krispin

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Comments regarding ZeaLitY's Gaspar Chronicles Part III
« Reply #2 on: October 23, 2004, 03:06:22 am »
Quote from: ZeaLitY
Yeah, I had a tough time depicting Serge as a bit of a bumpkin at first (a guise he chooses to wear) and then a modern, intelligent guy. Gaspar always has some kind of uppity, friendly sarcasm throughout, which I hoped wasn't too over the top, and Magus's heavy conversation should be justified by his thoughts towards the end.

Well, as I said, I'll give you a more accurate appraisal of it when I read the whole thing through. But honestly, I don't think I will find any flaws at all in it. You've studied the thing far too extensively for that.
Quote from: ZeaLitY

Thanks; this has given me an excellent idea, as the other forums have lost their functionality with fanfiction being posted on the Encyclopedia. Perhaps the forum will be converted to entirely fanfiction feedback.

I can't wait to submit to fanfiction.net. I'm awaiting a 3 day period or something. I was amazed when I saw a couple pieces on there like 180,000 words, but I didn't bother checking them out. Gaspar totals like 35,000 in my rough estimate. Do you think I should submit to Chronicles? I'm always in a weird competition with other Chrono sites, and am usually reluctant about submitting Compendium-made, unique stuff.

180,000? If that was in the CC section, that'd be mine, most likely. 185,000 is what it measures at, I think. In the whole CC section there, there are only four over 100,000; mine ranks second after a particularly long one which is 210,000 words. In the CT section... the longest is 165,000. Anyway, as for submitting to Chronicles... well, that's up to you, I suppose. Narf isn't really all that huge with his fanfiction section (mine and two others), so it'd probably not something that would be greatly missed on that site. Chronicles is more a site containing all the media and a general overview of the whole series. The one place I've seen before where people write a LOT of fanfiction (and where they hate ff.net for its quantity of badly written work) is RPGclassics. They've got a forum that largely discusses fanfiction (though not specifically of CT, though unless I miss my guess there are a few CT fans there; I'm trying to post my own story up there now to get some feedback.) As far as ff.net ... make sure to make it look really nice. I know that's difficult with the scant tools they give, but it is possible to title the chapters in a nice way, at least. Personally, I put: Chapter number all capital, chapter name all capital bolded, horizontal line. Looks nice, or at least compared to most of the ways that things are posted on there.

Symmetry

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Comments regarding ZeaLitY's Gaspar Chronicles Part III
« Reply #3 on: October 27, 2004, 12:58:35 pm »
I just finished reading Gaspar III this morning and I am definately better off for doing so.

Quote from: Magus
“Do it. I am prepared for the void,” Magus reiterated.


This line jumped out at me. It instantly reminded me of Frog's declaration of purpose when being presented the reforged Masamune - "Though we may fail, let us go to Magus' lair". (Or something similiar.) This makes it very clear that there is nothing that is going to stop Magus from reaching his goal

Which does bring me to my one quibble with this installment. I felt the opening scene with Frog was a little too long. It certainly had purpose - you mentioned him later in the chapter and tied the two stands together quite nicely; however, I think the scene would have been stronger had Frog done more personal reflection rather than "philosophical" reflection on the nature of the rain.

I like how you ended Magus' story with his reunion with Schala in the gate - it did two things. First of all, it avoided a scene that I don't think anyone could accurately portray it and do it justice; the death of Magus and the rebirth of Janus is sacred ground in the Chrono universe, as far as I'm concerned. Secondly, the reader isn't forced to swallow a particular scene, opting to leave us with the satisfaction that we know Magus finally got his "happy ending".

Excellent work, which we'll be seeing a lot more of in the near future.

ZeaLitY

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Comments regarding ZeaLitY's Gaspar Chronicles Part III
« Reply #4 on: October 28, 2004, 12:33:34 am »
Yeah, I was worried it might be too long; I simply let it flow as it wished. I was also afraid that someone might not get that it was Frog.

Perhaps if my name were John Keats, I would have attempted the reunion between Schala and Magus, but hell, I'm not qualified to write even the dialogue of that meeting, much less the actual thoughts. Seeing them smiling and saying unheard words while Gaspar was still in the midst of grave danger seemed to work.

I'm considering doing a little surprise, but you'll just have to see.