The $%*! frustration thread

[Mr Bekkler]

So, you've already chosen to run from your problems instead of confronting them. Then, I have nothing further to say.

for the record, that's MY frustration.

As a human, you only think you deserve better than that, but that's simple folly and arrogance. You think you're better than all other life on this planet that you should be free from hardship where they are not? If only life were that simple. If only.

Yes, Mr. Bekkler; I know. I'm an asshole and a piece of shit and should not say such things to other people because it hurts their delicate sensitivities. Spare me.

Sorry for the double post everyone else. But yes, you predicted my response correctly. Asshole.

Can't even take a hint.

[idioticidioms]

No, it is your perception that I'm being negative. You should question why you perceive me to be negative when I'm just sitting here calmly and relating to you simple truths. I see how she's reacting to this now; and how you're reacting to it and how others are reacting to it; but you all will think about and consider the full weight of my words in the days, years, decades to come that you live your lives. As time goes on, they will stick in your subconscious and grow until you forget who originally said them to you; you will begin to see wisdom in them as you live and experience more of life and you will be able to make use of what I said, because your subconscious will have constantly been working on it in the background, without you even noticing.

In 5; maybe 10 years time; some of the people here, their lives will be different than they would have been if I had never been here. Some peoples lives may be worse, having taken the wrong things from what I said; but some will be better, having taken the right things. I'm not negative, I'm just blunt and to the point.

And, I know I'm not right 100% of the time. I'm just like any other human. Unlike other humans, though; I have been given exorbitant amounts of time to think and I have allowed myself to indulge in thought quite often; I have made a similar journey as that of Sajainta in my own life and through my own indulgence of thought, have worked my way through to a far better place. I know it's the only path through the darkness and that many won't find it or will turn back instead of following through; that's what makes it so important to sit here and cut through the bullshit and to tell them to keep fighting no matter what. And, if I have to make people angry at me to put a blaze to those embers again, I will. I will relight that inner fire so that they may learn through fighting me how to fight the demons that won't give them a chance to rest.

You think I'm going to stop giving good advice to people just because they lash out at me for doing so? Naw, been down that path; seen what people are like when they just want to avoid their problems instead of feeling things as they should. Had people straight up tear me apart because, like you, they thought I was being negative and attacking them when I wasn't attacking them at all.

"In a time of universal deceit - telling the truth is a revolutionary act." ~George Orwell


I can take hints just fine. I don't always choose to do so.

[Mr Bekkler]

 Fuck off, you're not wanted here.


And you're completely wrong. You've devolved into a parody of House MD.

Your words have no weight anymore. You have lost your good will. Give up.

[idioticidioms]

Fuck off, you're not wanted here.


And you're completely wrong. You've devolved into a parody of House MD.

Your words have no weight anymore. You have lost your good will. Give up.

Attaboy. Shoot the messenger. Why do my words trouble you so much if they carry no weight and if they are completely wrong? You feel it inside, don't you. Hide from it, pretend it's not there; that shame that all humans should feel. You're no better than anyone else. But don't twist my words; neither am I.

You've acted hastily and without thought and have issued words that were purposefully designed to be hurtful to defend against words that were issued and designed to be helpful and only accidentally became hurtful because of your reaction to them. Be ashamed of that.

[Sajainta]

You've acted hastily and without thought and have issued words that were purposefully designed to be hurtful to defend against words that were issued and designed to be helpful and only accidentally became hurtful because of your reaction to them.

Nah man, your words became hurtful when I threw up because of violent flashbacks early this morning.  You intended to be helpful but what you said involuntarily riled up my PTSD* and reminded me of some terrible shit my abusers have said to me.

Why do my words trouble you so much if they carry no weight and if they are completely wrong?

Maybe because Bekkler is my friend and he's mad that something you said hurt his friend?

* Technically C-PTSD but not a lot of people know what that is, but since I'm a persnickety bitch I have to include this addendum even if no one cares.

[idioticidioms]

I understand PTSD a good amount and I am truly sorry my words came off as hurtful. PTSD and so many other disorders can be fought against and you can win ground. It's a bitch and I'm not saying any differently. You're afraid, which is entirely natural, but you may not even be aware that you're afraid anymore, because you're not afraid of what you used to be; now you're afraid of life without the baggage. You're afraid that you will never be free from it, so what's the point of fighting?

It's all in your head, as much as people hate to hear that. We will probably bear the scars on our souls from the wounds we've received our entire lives. Like a physical wound, long after it's made, it will come back as a ghost pain. It's not really there any more, but you still feel it. It's the moments in between those moments that are worth fighting for.

I love people; even the ones I don't know. I love you and Mr. Bekkler, too. Come tomorrow, if you were to come to me as a friend, you would be received as one without hard feelings for the words of today or yesterday. I've learned to let go of pain and not to dwell on things I shouldn't, though I'm not perfect at it. It takes repetition and a lot of work that I put in over the past 8 years; almost a decade. People are just people; words are just words. You're both upset and angry right now and it's not really at me or what I'm saying; it's at the things in your own lives that you keep bottled up instead of expressing them and moving on.

Would you still wish to be my friend tomorrow, or would you still hate me for what I said today, even though it wasn't said with ill intent? That's what it boils down to. I don't have many friends, but the ones I do have are all able to be honest with themselves. If we were sitting side by side in real life, I probably would have found a better way to phrase all of this; a way you would have been more likely to receive pleasantly. That's due to the body language you put off in real life that isn't so apparent here. I catch brief snippets of emotions, whereas in real life, they're pretty vibrant and tangible as soon as I enter a room.

When it comes down to it; will you still be there when all the words have been said, or will you turn inward and curl up like a dying flower whose beauty has shined on the world and whose time has passed. Live while you're alive. Let go of the shit that don't matter; and honey, the past don't matter anymore. What matters is the present and what you intend to make of the future.

[Mr Bekkler]

Fuck off, you're not wanted here.


And you're completely wrong. You've devolved into a parody of House MD.

Your words have no weight anymore. You have lost your good will. Give up.

Attaboy. Shoot the messenger. Why do my words trouble you so much if they carry no weight and if they are completely wrong? You feel it inside, don't you. Hide from it, pretend it's not there; that shame that all humans should feel. You're no better than anyone else. But don't twist my words; neither am I.

You've acted hastily and without thought and have issued words that were purposefully designed to be hurtful to defend against words that were issued and designed to be helpful and only accidentally became hurtful because of your reaction to them. Be ashamed of that.

Me? Ashamed? Take your own advice and look at yourself. I have nothing to feel ashamed for. I haven't hurt anyone without provocation. Sajainta is not only completely innocent, but also has enough problems to worry about without you deciding to make yourself one of them.
From my perspective you are projecting your feelings about  yourself onto Sajainta undeservedly and giving advice to her that you yourself won't take,  all fo some misguided idea that you're the same. Each of your replies has been less and less helpful, which shows this faux "good samaritan/good advice" persona to be a total farce.

You do  NOT blame the victim for the crime. And right now, NO, you are NOT helping anyone,  you're no messenger, and you are NOT right.

[idioticidioms]

Fuck off, you're not wanted here.


And you're completely wrong. You've devolved into a parody of House MD.

Your words have no weight anymore. You have lost your good will. Give up.

Attaboy. Shoot the messenger. Why do my words trouble you so much if they carry no weight and if they are completely wrong? You feel it inside, don't you. Hide from it, pretend it's not there; that shame that all humans should feel. You're no better than anyone else. But don't twist my words; neither am I.

You've acted hastily and without thought and have issued words that were purposefully designed to be hurtful to defend against words that were issued and designed to be helpful and only accidentally became hurtful because of your reaction to them. Be ashamed of that.

Me? Ashamed? Take your own advice and look at yourself. I have nothing to feel ashamed for. I haven't hurt anyone without provocation. Sajainta is not only completely innocent, but also has enough problems to worry about without you deciding to make yourself one of them.
From my perspective you are projecting your feelings about  yourself onto Sajainta undeservedly and giving advice to her that you yourself won't take,  all fo some misguided idea that you're the same. Each of your replies has been less and less helpful, which shows this faux "good samaritan/good advice" persona to be a total farce.

You do  NOT blame the victim for the crime. And right now, NO, you are NOT helping anyone,  you're no messenger, and you are NOT right.

Son, nobody is completely innocent; I am not blaming the victim for what was done to them; I am blaming them for what they have done to others because of what was done to them; because that was their choice, nobody elses.

You can think what you want to think, but it doesn't make it any more right than what you view me to be saying, does it. If you actually took time to consider the full weight of my words instead of posting in a heat of irrational anger, you may actually see the value of what I'm saying. But then again, you may not. People have been so indoctrinated to this faulty method of thinking that you and others perpetuate without even realizing you perpetuate it that I've learned not to expect too much from other people.

You have a lot to be ashamed about and you know it. I may not know it, but you definitely do. I'll feel ashamed for the things that give me cause to be ashamed. I have said or done nothing here that I should be ashamed of. When you calm down, you will probably realize this, but I don't expect an apology for it. Too few people are willing to give an apology or admit that they were wrong at all. Convince me that I'm wrong and I will feel shame for it; I will apologize more than I have already done.

Now, I'm pretty sure we're done here. Another mountain made out of a molehill due to peoples skewed perceptions and I probably am partly to blame for that, but at least I accept responsibility for the mere possibility of it instead of saying things without thought or heedence toward that possibility. I'm prepared to be wrong; are you?

[Sajainta]

I don't hate you.  I never said I did.  I see you as neither a friend nor an enemy.  You're a random person whom I do not know and that's the entire extent of it and that's how it will remain.  Please don't refer to me with terms of affection like "honey"; I find that unnerving and creepy from strangers and it is triggering.

[Mr Bekkler]

Idioticidioms, I'm done. If I'm not getting through then it's not worth talking to you anymore.

[idioticidioms]

You're getting through to me, Bekkler; I understand you just fine. You're the one who's not understanding what I'm saying, because it's so completely different from the lines you think on.

And Sajainta, I find it very sad that you think that way; because people should be able to trust strangers. That's why I endeavor to make the world a better place by speaking my mind, being as honest as I can and helping other people when and where I can. Of course, I can't help everyone and I realize that, but I'm still going to try. The world is a scary place and is only getting scarier the more people stay in negative frames of thought. That is why I can not afford to be like you or like Mr. Bekkler there. I was, once, like that. There is no room for self in me; there is no room to allow bad things to have control over me; because so many people do so and think only of themselves.

This world is bigger than my problems; bigger than your problems. Our problems are the problems of the rest of the humanity, so if we can solve our own problems, then we stand a chance of fixing what's wrong with society so nobody else has to go through what we went through in our lives. Do you understand? Do YOU understand, Bekkler? Obviously, the majorities' way of doing things isn't working that great. As long as we keep doing the same things over and over, nothing is going to change. I've decided to be that change. You can, too. You can be anything you want to be; so why be sad or angry?

and it's so nice that you're done after I was done, so you could get that last parting shot in. I know it makes you feel better about yourself, so after this post, I'll let you do so.

[Mr Bekkler]

[FaustWolf]

Hey guys, I'm locking this thread for a day because it looks like a cooldown period might be worthwhile. I've only briefly glanced over the last few pages and won't weigh in until I get a better look. In the meantime, if a sounding board would be of help to anyone, please feel free to reach out to me over PM.

--

Okay, thread unlocked.

After reading through the last few pages here, and the fallout of this discussion elsewhere, I'd like to raise an issue that I hope everyone will consider going forward. This goes to the core of what it means to be a community.

I think it's important to recognize a difference between "comfort" and "safety."

Comfort is, like, what happens when everyone's politically correct on every issue, and we mind our Ps and Qs to an insane level for fear that we're going to offend each other. We sit on heavenly clouds and play harps and generally agree how cool Magus is. It may not be particularly conducive to discussion that's intellectually fulfilling. Comfort, then, is kind of expected to go out the window once some debate starts up on an Internet forum.

Safety is freedom from being harassed, both in the sense of repetitive pot-shots and in the sense of being repeatedly confronted with something you've indicated is deeply disturbing. I think of safety kind of like, there's this big green button you can push to make a painful situation stop. Or maybe the big green button buys you the breathing room you need. There's the "logoff" button, true, but if that's all we're relying on, I don't think we're a community in any meaningful sense. Safety is every community member's right, and something we all need to respect.

I know I haven't gone into the depth this facet of online community life deserves, so I hope we can develop it further, and clarify it. In a well functioning community, safety is something we should be able to maintain spontaneously by just backing off once the line's been crossed. Sometimes it's hard to see in the heat of the moment, and sometimes we stumble across that line completely by accident. It happens. But once it's pretty clear that it's happened, the person who stepped over that line needs to put the breaks on and give the other community member some room. Even if this idea makes some members uncomfortable, I think them's just got to be the rules.

[Sajainta]

A very close friend is in a terrible, terrible situation and I hate that I can't do more to help her.  She lives hundreds of miles away and I've sent her money to help her escape her current situation, but that's all the money I can give.  And all that I can do other than that is be there for her as best I can.  I would offer her to come stay with me for the rest of the summer but this place has become dangerous and I won't see any of my friends needlessly put in harm's way.  It is so frustrating that she is hurting and that I cannot do more.

[tushantin]

I don't mean to pry (especially since it might be private between you two), but what kind of situation is she in? (I don't want to assume anything here)

Because it sounds incredibly familiar...