The $%*! frustration thread

[KebreI]

Z either in her or in someone else you'll find what your looking for, your the Adonis of the Springtime of Youth.

[ZeaLitY]

We live in the 21st century. There is an Internet. There are passports. There are exciting opportunities to live abroad and add another language to one's brain while enjoying a variety of new experiences. There is career mobility.

You are preaching to the choir, here. If I weren't flexible, then damnit, I'd date only girls six feet tall or above, because fuck, I've forgotten at 6'7" what it's like to look into a girl's eyes on level with my own. I'd only date girls who are artistically brilliant and in the springtime of youth, and are also constantly exercising to improve their physical condition. I'd only date girls who like the Chrono series or play video games a lot. And maybe I'd only date girls who listen to the same music as I like.

But I don't, because I can appreciate almost anything, and there is so much to learn. Through my good friends, I've learned about writing a different style of poetry; about traditional Chinese music; about pilates; about framing art; about certain cultures; and most interestingly, about different personalities, minds, and human essences. All these things are wonderful.

Worldviews and religious beliefs are different. They shape an identity from the very core.

Edit: And besides, we are the future. Non-religious people come out of the closet gradually because of the extreme social pressures upon them, but they're coming out. Bill Maher pointed out in Religulous that they already make up a chunk of the US population larger than several powerful lobbyist groups. My example will help them, in the end. If it doesn't work out with her, then I know there's someone like me, wondering if she herself should just give up because the world is apparently so religious that to find someone who fulfills her would be to render herself alone until death. At some point, someone has to have the courage to stand up. There will always be the Hero.

Edit: That's a good fan art...

[Shadow D. Darkman]

...I only fall in love after I've established a deep friendship and know someone very, very well.

I can relate to this. By the time me and my "unusual" friend started dating, we were already close friends. Since breaking up and going through a "BS period" as it can best be described, we're closer than before.

I've always wondered if the break-up was caused because we weren't brought together to fall in love with one another.

I have confirmed that people I would like to be with exist. After all, I exist. Others like me exist.

Relationships are never perfect and love is never perfect, because people aren't perfect. Then there's the ever present possibility that you do meet someone that is perfect for you and fall in love with them but they don't fall in love with you back. Life is full of uncertainties, the only certainty you are given in life is that you can choose the path that you think will truly make you happy. And if you think adopting a strict relationship policy will do that, then that is a respectable position.

I just think you should examine the possibility that you will be in for a lot of heartache and you may never find what you are looking for.

*rendered speechless with just how much he relates to this*

Good find, KebreI. Very fitting. *nods*

You are preaching to the choir, here.

Ah, my apologies. I try not to preach at all. (I know you weren't talking to me, but I felt I had to make that clear.)

[FaustWolf]

Kebrel, any idea who did that fanart? I'm still trying to find more art by the same artist.

[Eske]

Worldviews and religious beliefs are different. They shape an identity from the very core.

Very true. But I wonder... in what way are you incompatible with an identity shaped from religion? Does the thought of her embracing such ideals anger you on some level? If so, why? Does it just drive you crazy?  You said earlier that you had been discussing it with her for months, but the time for that has passed -- but what is this wall that may keep the relationship from achieving its full potential?  And if you are able to define it, do you think it exists for everyone or just between you two?

I'm learning Korean right now for the military and one of my teachers (sweetest person ever) recently had her first baby and has just returned to work.  She was originally atheistic, but converted to Mormonism because of her husband.     Would you say, from purely your perspective, that she is somehow holding herself back because she's trying to create a harmony between herself and her husband by "giving in" or that she will ultimately be unable to be truly happy with her husband because of their differences?

^ I just thought it was a similar example to your case, only with some future choices.

My point is the same as chrono eric's in that perhaps you are being a little too strict in your criteria.  Of course, it is your right to seek whatever you want, just my two cents. Oh and those questions weren't meant for you to answer here - just something for you to think about.  Good Luck Z  

[ZeaLitY]

I'm willing to have a relationship still, sure. You guys have it backwards. She is probably going to break the possibility now.

In a nutshell, I don't like religion because it impedes human thought by superseding reason and logic through faith. Add holy wars, sexism, and repression of all kinds in the mix and we've got a nasty beast.

I doubt that she's gone full Mormon. The LDS church requires a commitment that an unbeliever would really have to struggle to put up with. I can't evaluate her situation, but I wouldn't do that. If I were with a religious mate, I wouldn't attend church; we would have an understanding.

[KebreI]

Really? Her? For some reason your description never gave that impression, but then it wasn't much of a description. If your willing and you think she's the one who will break away, then I say go for it give her that chance.



Edit:  ARGG! I had a schedule change and now have a HUGE work load that.

[Eske]

Ah I see, yea I did have it backwards.  So you are willing to tolerate the differences if they don't hamper the relationship but from what you know of her, she might be hesitant to take things to a higher level with someone who doesn't share her certain sense of spirituality.

Well damn.    In my opinion (and from two particular aunts/uncles examples back home), "I believe in many gods" vs "I believe in one god" would be far more incompatible  than:  "I believe in any god" vs "I believe in no god".

If it helps:
My parents are devout Catholics, but I'm pure Atheist.  When I finally found the courage to tell them I made sure I left "room" for their faith to at least be an acceptable presence in my life (I still go to church for xmas because it makes my mother happy etc) and I tried to be somewhat passive to avoid that threatening argumentative nature that I unfortunately see so many atheists carry with them.

Point is, I guess saying "I don't think that view is right for me" is softer and more well received than "I'm sorry, I respect you but... you're wrong."

If you truly respect her views, there is no reason why she absolutely cannot respect yours.  I hope that conversation goes well.

[ZeaLitY]

Her dream is also true love, and the achievement is the final step before enlightenment, and the end of the reincarnation cycle. I'm...obviously not on that track...so you can see why she'd want to find her real one true love.

[chrono eric]

If I weren't flexible, then damnit, I'd date only girls six feet tall or above, because fuck, I've forgotten at 6'7" what it's like to look into a girl's eyes on level with my own. I'd only date girls who are artistically brilliant and in the springtime of youth, and are also constantly exercising to improve their physical condition. I'd only date girls who like the Chrono series or play video games a lot. And maybe I'd only date girls who listen to the same music as I like.

I was under the impression from your descriptions in your posts that it was you that wanted to break it off with her because of incompatibility. I wasn't the only one that got that impression either. If it's her you are worried about and if you are willing to make it work, then I say give her the benefit of the doubt for now and don't worry about it. If it ends in the future, then deal with it then.

Her dream is also true love, and the achievement is the final step before enlightenment, and the end of the reincarnation cycle. I'm...obviously not on that track...so you can see why she'd want to find her real one true love.

So is she a buddhist? So she wants to obtain nirvana/luminous consciousness? And you mentioned earlier that she has a polytheistic worldview as well? Sorry for inquiring, I'm just fascinated by people's religious beliefs.

[ZeaLitY]

No Buddhism, no gods, except "God", which is seen as more of a universal force.

[chrono eric]

No Buddhism, no gods, except "God", which is seen as more of a universal force.

Ah so she's more of a new-agey type of person, eh? What a strange melting pot of beliefs. That was my next question, if she thinks god = something more like the collective unconscious from which all meta-awareness comes from, and that upon freeing oneself from the confines of eternal rebirth they merge once more with that universal consciousness.

[BROJ]

I dare not utter maxims to you, ZeaLity, as some have -- 'you' have naturally been on this earth longer than I, and you have probably heard many of the same ones I have. This is in conjunction with the fact that I am not in a relationship right now, so I may not be in the right mindset to give you advice.

But if you don't mind, and would care to hear my opinion, I have one thing to say. If it is your desire to have her in your life out of the many possible outcomes the future holds, then maybe you should ask her directly if this 'diastem' truly annihilates the possibility of a fulfilling relationship between the two of you. What have you to lose? (if you don't make a move, and if your surmising of her 'cutting it off' first is correct, then you will indeed lose even the possibility) And on the same vein as Eric(is that your name?), views change -- so her views about religion now aren't necessarily permanent.

Then again, if this doesn't apply, feel free not to reply -- I will not be insulted. I care not to tread where I haven't the right.

[ZeaLitY]

It's over.

Because of my lack of faith, I'm not a suitable mate. My intelligence, my emotionalism, my empathy, and my true feelings mean nothing.

Most of my teenage and adolescent life has been spent thinking about love and romanticism. The Romantic Age was always my favorite. I cherished every opportunity to learn, and enjoyed exploring my own abilities and desires. I always kept my ideals and my dream.

And now, with someone who as of tonight is probably no longer my best friend; who cared for me in my weaker moments over the last year and allowed me to care for her; whom I could talk for hours with and share eclectic interests and humor; and whom I shared the possibility of an entire future with, wishing only to make her happy, spiritualism and religion have ended a chance to fulfill my highest dream.

Why was I born into a world such as this?

[V_Translanka]

Sometimes there's nothing better you can do but realize how sucky things are and be thankful that you have gained the experience (& hopefully managed a level up!) from the events and are well enough to move on. It's an easy enough thing to say, "get over it", I know, but that's just how it goes. *shrugs*

I'll abide by this world's rules, and do what I gotta do, despite the rotten hand of cards I've been dealt!

Or, if you wanna go with something darker...

Now, let love bleed! Darker and deeper than the seas of hell!