Author Topic: The $%*! frustration thread  (Read 472956 times)

tushantin

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Re: The $%*! frustration thread
« Reply #6570 on: February 06, 2012, 03:01:00 pm »
Quote from: ZeaLitY link=topic=4445.msg213302#msg213302
To the others: oh please. I'm working 6 days a week on individual and business tax returns because in order to finance my dreams, I have to prostitute my labor. I get precious few legally-mandated paid vacation days (5 this year). God Bless 'Merica! I'm also resisting the temptation to become an unhealthy, sleepless fucker like most of working class America (i.e. get only 6-7 hours of sleep per night), so I sleep 8-9 hours each night still. I don't exactly have much free time right now. The American Dream is a conduit for duping wage slaves into working harder.
Bada Bing!

Okay, now that that's over, so who wants ice cream?

New frustration: I've always mentored those youths who have what it takes to be a miracle, and always helped nurture their passion and skills to their greatest esteems. I have an eye at spotting the best talents within those minds, and I never miss a chance to help.

But why do I go out of my way to help? Because apparently nobody else seems to do so. The orphans are simply unfortunate and alone, so that's a pain, but even those children that actually have parents and guardians are often guided by the lines of ignorance that suppress and destroy the greatest divine gifts that they possess. Agreed, the adults of old have sufficient experience for deciding the best for their children, but often their ignorance gets in the way of allowing them to grow to their highest potential.

My only regret is that helping those unfortunate is the only thing I can do, rather than directly attacking the ignorant. Because if I wished ill for these kinds of ignorants, I'm afraid 60% of the population will simply vanish. And besides, most of them still have some good in them, so why this kolaveri di?

Ah, yes, the children...

ZeaLitY

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Re: The $%*! frustration thread
« Reply #6571 on: February 09, 2012, 01:22:08 am »
Over a month of waking at 7 AM and preserving my sleep hours (8-10 per night), and I'm still very tired by the end of the afternoon and just shattered by the end of the day. I'm calling it. DSPS. I hate to self-diagnose myself with anything, but everything, fucking everything rings true on this one. Fuck this world's inane, antiquated morning schedule.

Katie Skyye

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Re: The $%*! frustration thread
« Reply #6572 on: February 09, 2012, 01:17:23 pm »
Fuck this world's inane, antiquated morning schedule.

What's the solution? I mean for you, personally. Is it just waking up later and going to bed later? Or getting more sleep? I'm just curious, since personally I feel like crap when I first wake up but feel fine after about an hour provided I actually start doing something (and not just sitting/lying around, which will put me back to sleep obviously).
So yeah, would there be a schedule that works for you? An actual schedule, of course, and not just, "whenever I feel like working, for as long as I feel like it."

ZeaLitY

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Re: The $%*! frustration thread
« Reply #6573 on: February 09, 2012, 07:50:11 pm »
Obeying my sleep schedule is the solution, and it seems to be rigidly coded to going to sleep at 3-4 AM and waking at 12-1 PM. I've always naturally gravitated towards this; I...I don't know how I got through high school, because I was shattered most days. But this schedule feels the best. I sleep contiguously; the quality is good; I wake refreshed; I'm attentive and very awake through pretty much all of the day.

A study confirmed that people who have later rhythms are more attentive longer throughout their waking period, whereas early birds get tired/more inattentive earlier in their days. Another study found that people who wake up later naturally tend to be more intelligent than early birds. I can totally attest to this. I also feel that I work better at night. The feeling of light night is also very comforting, in some respect; time feels...more suspended; more personally-oriented, less distracted, and more productive.

Unfortunately, the world works on a stupid fucking 6 or 7 AM schedule, and there are some people who have hardwired rhythms that just don't jibe with that and refuse to adjust. I've kept this early schedule since the beginning of this year now, and I'm almost always definitely tired (to the point that I don't want to work on/start personal projects, something rare as fuck with me) by 5 PM, and pretty much shattered by the time I go to bed at 10 (theoretically, since I'm usually going to bed at 9 or 9:30 to try and stop from being even more tired the next day). I've had the fortune of trying modafinil now, and it definitely makes what would be a shattered tired day feel normal. But I don't want to have to be on an expensive prescription the rest of my life, even if it's perfectly safe (and modafinil pretty much is). I don't want to have to devote hours of my life each week to duping my body with light therapy and everything else. Life is better spent being enjoyed and working on grand enterprises.

I'm sure that in a more ideal world not oriented towards a rat-race and economic growth, in which material acquisition was not seen as the ticket to happiness, the work environment would be much more accommodating to DSPS. But no, this is fucking America, and I have to program myself like everyone else to shovel shit and prostitute my labor every day just so I can get the impossible Western idea of "happiness" down the road when I "retire". Most of the wealth I create is shaved off and goes to the person who owns the company/means of production anyway. What a stupid fucking world.

I'm doing my time to earn capital to escape to my optimum venture. I know many people have said that before and have reneged. I won't. I'm good at not compromising.

chi_z

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Re: The $%*! frustration thread
« Reply #6574 on: February 09, 2012, 11:49:24 pm »
yea most have it backwards. no matter what, old age is a bitch. I'd rather make the most of my prime years, not slaving away.

Boo the Gentleman Caller

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Re: The $%*! frustration thread
« Reply #6575 on: February 10, 2012, 09:55:24 pm »
Quote
I'm sure that in a more ideal world not oriented towards a rat-race and economic growth, in which material acquisition was not seen as the ticket to happiness, the work environment would be much more accommodating to DSPS. But no, this is fucking America, and I have to program myself like everyone else to shovel shit and prostitute my labor every day just so I can get the impossible Western idea of "happiness" down the road when I "retire". Most of the wealth I create is shaved off and goes to the person who owns the company/means of production anyway. What a stupid fucking world.

Maybe this is a conversation for a different thread, but I am going through the same daily motions/frustrations, as you, Z. At this point, I'm ready to give up on first world society altogether.

But I digress. I know little of your personal worldview beyond your frustrations. What do you really love (and not just euro-techno-disco fat beats)? What do you value? What does happiness look like to you? What would your world look like to be defined as "happy"? You can answer any combination of those questions or none at all. They came out a bit stream of consciousness.

I ask because, although we disagree on certain beliefs, I don't know if there's anyone here (or here) that I identify with in recognizing the horrors of first world society and the dominance of "slave labor". Shoot, I feel like starting a thread elsewhere for this.

ZeaLitY

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Re: The $%*! frustration thread
« Reply #6576 on: February 10, 2012, 10:16:43 pm »
But I digress. I know little of your personal worldview beyond your frustrations. What do you really love (and not just euro-techno-disco fat beats)? What do you value? What does happiness look like to you? What would your world look like to be defined as "happy"? You can answer any combination of those questions or none at all. They came out a bit stream of consciousness.

I have a naturalistic worldview. It's tempting to devolve that to "seek as much pleasure and avoid as much pain as you can," yes. But pleasure should be sought without restricting the ability of others to find it as well, and pleasures can range from the base physical to the refined intellectual, like the pleasures of stimulating conversation. Intelligence should be a keystone in a pleasurable world. Epicurus is definitely one to check out.

I don't believe in souls, and so I don't believe that a person can change their mind absolutely 100%, or absolutely 100% transcend pain or suffering, or the common human condition—at least without damaging their psyche. I think that Buddhist monks capable of immolation without showing pain fall into the latter category; they've achieved that by having very restricted, mind-warping lives. But I think life should be more oriented towards just enjoyment. The Western ideal of "happiness" is something that one works to earn, and once one has it, one feels good all the time! Because one is "happy" when you get happiness, and until you have it, you aren't happy. That's completely fucked up, of course. Happiness is being content and enjoying life. It is not a constant endorphin rush, something that's biologically impossible anyway, since our mind is designed to get used to always regress to a baseline of neutrality. Old pains diminish in time, and extreme pleasures and joys fade with time as well.

So life is a challenge of two balances—balancing physical and intellectual pleasure (either in the extreme causes unrest or diminishing returns with time), and balancing instantaneous pleasure with delaying pleasure in expectation of greater reward. Epicurus cautioned against working your guts out for years in expectation of some better pleasure; he said be realistic, and reminded that life is here to be lived right now—don't trade your entire youth for some future dream, since it may not be as rewarding as you expect, or you may have regrets, or god forbid, you may die before you get the future dream, and you'll have spent the last time of your life working your guts out. It's a very tough balance to find, especially since humans are imperfect. We can't know the future, and we are living in a world in which unimaginably complex systems (like the global economy) which we can't hope to completely keep up with are determining our fate by the second. It gets even harder when basic pleasures like food have to be metered for some people, or aren't available to enjoy. Life's harder in a society in which food is of lower quality and makes you fatter faster; you can't enjoy the pleasure of food as much. And it's harder in a sex-negative society as well. Then there are extremes of pleasure or addiction, like being addicted to a MMORPG. Epicurus warned against satiating pleasures to their maximum extent, since too much of a good thing will tire it out and make it not fun anymore over time.

So I guess it's a rather classical approach. I blend it with Stoicism to handle the bad parts. Life throws you a curveball? Well, as Epictetus said, "be cautious in what you can control; be courageous in what you cannot." Try to steer things so things don't turn to shit. But if they do, be courageous, since it's not like you have a choice about it anyway. And above all else, as long as we're human, we can't "break" out of the human condition. We'll never be completely satisfied with life or anything. And that's part of living! That's what we are. We'll wake up everyday and have some new desire or something to do. It's the name of the game. To seek anything else is to warp oneself. Enjoy the ride and do something meaningful in a meaningless world.

I would nonetheless try to make everyone have the highest possible ethical awareness. I'm always trying to be more ethical myself. Marcus Porcius Cato Uticensis is my favorite human. There is stuff we're doing, like the environment or overpopulation, that will seriously fuck up the ability of future generations to enjoy themselves. But it's a long, hard road to reach the level of ethical maturity necessary to recognize things like that. Instead, you could be selfish and no one would care. A lot of people would probably accept you even more. There's a lot of hate for activists, environmentalists, feminists, and everything else. In the same token, in my world, I would remind of a need for humanity to keep progressing and learning, and learning. To pierce the mysteries of the universe...that's a pleasurable pursuit in itself.

It'd make me happy to write and be a feminist activist as a career. That pretty much limits me to being a professor, of if I'm lucky, someone who landed a job in a non-profit. No other movements inspire such zeal within me as ending the patriarchy. But overall, in a perfect world, I'd just like to enjoy myself. Go places, make friends, enjoy life...a Tom Petty, Jeffrey Lebowski lifestyle. I'd still be a productive son of a bitch, but it'd all be pleasurable intellectual pursuits. Even feminism is tinged with sadness, because being passionate about it is being reminded constantly that the world sucks. Anyway, to live in that kind of lifestyle right now, one needs to either have passive income (which is unethical to me), or just be poor. Not for me. I'm glad there's at least something I enjoy that can pay, although I'm not currently doing it right now.

Sometimes I really wish I were a Captain Ahab, though. Life would be so much easier if I had some obsessive productive desire to the point of monomania. Decisions become really easy then.

tushantin

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Re: The $%*! frustration thread
« Reply #6577 on: February 11, 2012, 06:52:59 am »
Sometimes I really wish I were a Captain Ahab, though. Life would be so much easier if I had some obsessive productive desire to the point of monomania. Decisions become really easy then.
Then why can't you?  8)

Radical_Dreamer

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Re: The $%*! frustration thread
« Reply #6578 on: February 12, 2012, 06:15:37 am »
Sometimes I really wish I were a Captain Ahab, though. Life would be so much easier if I had some obsessive productive desire to the point of monomania. Decisions become really easy then.
Then why can't you?  8)

Read Moby Dick.

tushantin

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Re: The $%*! frustration thread
« Reply #6579 on: February 12, 2012, 09:40:14 am »
Sometimes I really wish I were a Captain Ahab, though. Life would be so much easier if I had some obsessive productive desire to the point of monomania. Decisions become really easy then.
Then why can't you?  8)

Read Moby Dick.
I have. Although your own detailed opinion would actually be more beneficial than the simplest suggestion of "Read Moby Dick".

I ask again: why can't you/he?

chi_z

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Re: The $%*! frustration thread
« Reply #6580 on: February 12, 2012, 10:31:57 am »
cuz the whales all be dead yo.

ZeaLitY

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Re: The $%*! frustration thread
« Reply #6581 on: February 12, 2012, 03:03:06 pm »
Because down that path lies madness. Immortality is impossible. While I have every hope that humanity can find a way to perpetuate the glory of sentience longer than the lifespan of this universe, entropy's going to get our lives right now in the end. To be an Ahab is to have an obsessive desire fixed upon something with absolute meaning—a recipe for unhappiness in a universe without any inherent absolute meaning.

ZeaLitY

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Re: The $%*! frustration thread
« Reply #6582 on: February 13, 2012, 07:32:50 pm »
I hope the Greeks effect a revolution. Fuck the IMF, fuck the World Bank, and fuck "austerity" measures and all the bullshit economics behind it. Fucking red star rising.

chi_z

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Re: The $%*! frustration thread
« Reply #6583 on: February 13, 2012, 10:52:24 pm »
a nihilistic rather than teleological viewpoint on the universe mayhap?

tushantin

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Re: The $%*! frustration thread
« Reply #6584 on: February 17, 2012, 10:40:21 am »
@ZeaLitY: I was going to say something contrary to what you just mentioned, just to be a goof that I am, but changed my mind because despite my intentions you weren't really "wrong" about it. XD Anywho, hope you don't mind me slipping off.


Back to today's frustration: ARGH, DRAWING PAGES! Y U SO FLIMSY?!

I swear! One of the reasons I hate underpainting (and even though I love underpainting / shadow-marking) is because each time I do so my good pages become frail and start peeling off slowly (and bend horribly); this leads me to glue the bottom to yet another page. Then again, I'm using an art-pad meant for non-water medium, meaning they work best with graphite. This means I'll have to buy a separate pad of water-color pages. This means I'll also have to buy more color tubes to match with it. D:

I also became so frustrated with my ink pen (which goes horribly with water colors) that I threw it out the window, hence vowing to use the nuanced tones of 2H to 4B Graphite instead (higher B's if I need darker tones). B Pencil, though, works fine on its own to give "structure" for underpainting (the lines need to disappear anyway).

But you know what I love? White Acrylic. Even if I'm working with water colors, oil paints or anything non-acrylic, this White Acrylic always comes to my rescue like a Holy Messaiah! (Hey, anything's fair in art!)
« Last Edit: February 17, 2012, 10:46:08 am by tushantin »