Author Topic: A New Beginning  (Read 5254 times)

XcyrusX

  • Guardian (+100)
  • *
  • Posts: 126
    • View Profile
    • myspace.com/nathan98023
Re: A New Beginning
« Reply #15 on: February 27, 2007, 01:18:28 am »
Oh sorry for the late response i had gone on a computer diet now im back.

<Trying to get the grades up> :x


I would love to see another installment WOOT!

Lavodox

  • Guardian (+100)
  • *
  • Posts: 115
  • Ignorance is to be whipped. -Franziska Von Karma
    • View Profile
Re: A New Beginning
« Reply #16 on: February 28, 2007, 10:26:14 am »
Chapter 4: The Search

As they walked back, Marle and others showed up. She grabbed Crono by the arm and dragged him out of the square entirely. They chased them to Lucca's house, where the Epoch was being kept.As they reached the house, a huge hangar was now a part of the house, for the Epoch. They entered it and looked around.
    Maxus commented, "Wow...is this hangar new?" Ayla banged on the walls, "It firm and strong, make nice shelter."
As they looked around, they noticed the Epoch and started walking towards it. Chrono looked towards everybody and said, "We're going to rescue my mom!" He walked with strange determination towards the winged time traveling machine and pressed a button, making a platform lower, for people to board. They all walked a board and took seats.
    Maxus admired the interior of the machine, the wisdom of Belthasar showing off splendidly. He got curious when he saw a red button and asked, "what does that button do?" Chrono was about to ansdwer when Maxus pressed it. He felt a sudden thrust and the ship disappeared.
    Maxus was blinded by orange lights as they traveled. Chrono looked over and glared at him, smacking him in the face. Maxus asked, "What was that for?!" Chrono continued to glare at him and said, "Never ever...ever just press a button without knowing what it will do...never."
    Maxus nodded, the light starting to recede. As he viewed his surroundings, he viewed a wet and icy land, that was only a mile or two away. He also noticed three huts.
    Magus, who had remained silent the whole time, finally startled everybody by chiming in, "home..."
Chrono ahhed, "This is 12,000 B.C. Maxus, a great civilization once was her, but it was destroyed a day or two ago. We were witnesses. The name of the civilization was called Zeal."
   Maxus listened with intent. He was profoundly interested in Zeal. He was told that the people there had magic powers. He wished to discover Zeal, knowing that there was a way to go back to the past. He thought quickly and decided on it. He had to do this, though he hated to rid them of their..."artifact".

Mavix

  • Enlightened One (+200)
  • *
  • Posts: 220
  • I'm the pirate and I make any fool walk the Plank.
    • View Profile
Re: A New Beginning
« Reply #17 on: March 02, 2007, 06:56:51 pm »
i wonder what artifact? :roll:. just playing. keep on writing this peice of art.

Lavodox

  • Guardian (+100)
  • *
  • Posts: 115
  • Ignorance is to be whipped. -Franziska Von Karma
    • View Profile
Re: A New Beginning
« Reply #18 on: March 05, 2007, 03:04:20 pm »
Chapter 5: The great civilization

As they weren't looking, Maxus walked up to Marle, who was wearing her pendant at the time.
He snatched it from her neck and swiftly ran off, the whole group chasing after him. He thought to himself, 'What have I gotten into??? Will this even work?'
    He put the pendant around his neck, and plunged a hand into his pocket. He searched and found what he had been looking for. A pair of hi-tech glasses that could spot time portals. He put them on and typed in, 12,001 B.C.
    He looked at the crosshairs and it pointed towards a nearby bush. Maxus walked over to the bush and raised up the pendant, saying, "Here goes nothing." As he held it up, a portal appeared, as if from nowhere, and Maxus walked through it. He beheld darkness, and waves of time seemed to ripple around him, and when he next saw light, he was standing on a massive continent.
     He looked up, and beheld a floating Land. He assumed this was Zeal and saw a strange monument nearby. He found that it was a teleportation device, as when he stepped on the strange markings at the center of the monutment, he was whisked upwards, onto another teleporter. He gazed in awe below him, and looked forward, watching people do their daily business in this magical continent. He walked to the first "town" which he didn't yet know was called "Enhasa".

To be continued.

Mavix

  • Enlightened One (+200)
  • *
  • Posts: 220
  • I'm the pirate and I make any fool walk the Plank.
    • View Profile
Re: A New Beginning
« Reply #19 on: March 06, 2007, 12:42:02 pm »
hopfully maxus duzzent get beat and slapped up by marle when she gets a hold of him. this gonna be great. keep writing this . this ishh is great. :D

Lavodox

  • Guardian (+100)
  • *
  • Posts: 115
  • Ignorance is to be whipped. -Franziska Von Karma
    • View Profile
Re: A New Beginning
« Reply #20 on: March 26, 2007, 10:21:14 am »
Maxus walked in the entrance and watched as everybody walked around, and looked peaceful. There seemed to be an aura of magic all around the place as he walked around. He talked to some of the citizens, who told him the name of this town is Enhasa.
     When he asked what the power source of Zeal was, they replied, "The source of our magnificence is the Sun Stone, which powers all our machines and keeps the continent afloat." He thought for a moment and knew what he had to do.
      He rushed out of Enhasa and headed towards Zeal Palace. He had to have a talk with Queen Zeal, or disaster would follow, one year from now. He passed the lively town of Kajar, in which, citizens were measuring a colorful shell, and walked into all the teleporters, reching the palace threshold at last. He said to himself, "The stone must NOT be replaced!"

Cyrus Knight

  • Creative Emeritus
  • Earthbound (+15)
  • *
  • Posts: 28
    • View Profile
    • http://crnp.proboards59.com
Re: A New Beginning
« Reply #21 on: March 27, 2007, 11:54:19 am »
lol, dude that's pretty good. But in my own opinion it needs some more length... umm, no actually what's the word.. uhhhhhhhh... god dammit, DETAIL. I got it. It's really easy to read but that's not a bad thing! I would say explain more.

Over all I give it a 5 out 5. Great work...

Lavodox

  • Guardian (+100)
  • *
  • Posts: 115
  • Ignorance is to be whipped. -Franziska Von Karma
    • View Profile
Re: A New Beginning
« Reply #22 on: March 28, 2007, 10:12:44 am »
I've just noticed, every chapter gts shorter and shorter...I'll fix that quickly, though...you'll see...

Lavodox

  • Guardian (+100)
  • *
  • Posts: 115
  • Ignorance is to be whipped. -Franziska Von Karma
    • View Profile
Re: A New Beginning
« Reply #23 on: March 28, 2007, 03:05:29 pm »
Chapter 7: The Fatal Error

As Maxus entered the great palace of Zeal, he beheld grand architecture at it's finest. He walked around the palace and beheld people talking, scattered around the corridors of the massive palace.
    He walked north, up the stairs, where two creatures were sitting, one whining about how he wanted to be the wind. His brother calmed him and said, "You will be brother, you will be."
     He watched the two brothers converse, and after they were finished, he walked forward, and beheld a woman, whom he assumed was of royalty, walk to a really hi techish looking door and holding up a pendant, opening the door.
    He mimicked what she had done earlier with Marle's own pendant, and the door opened before him. He walked through and hid behind a pillar, beholding two women conversing.
   "Mother...Why...why must we give up the sun stone and use this new energy? I get a horrible feeling every time you mention the creature the energy comes from. I urge you to reconsider...please" The girl sounded pleading, and tears fell from her eyes.
    The older woman looked down at her with dearest concern and said, "Schala dear, I'm sorry, but I want to achieve immortality. How else will we do it? The sun stone gives us power only a little at a time..." The woman shook her head and sighed.
    It was then that Maxus chose his time to enter. He walked to the huge carpet and kneeled. The older woman blinked in surprise and called out "GUARDS!", but Schala proclaimed, "Wait! Let the man stay...this could be very important...".
    Queen Zeal frowned and sighed, proclaiming, "NEVER MIND!". Maxus grinned and stood up, looking very serious now. He spoke very solemnly to the two figures of royalty and said, "My majesties...I bring grave news of the future if you abandon the use of the sun stone. Your empire will be destroyed in exactly one year if you switch over to use Lavos."
   The queen's eyes widened with surprise when she heard the name Lavos, and she asked, "How do you know that name, stranger?" Maxus replied, "my time was nearly destroyed by that freak of nature..." The queen nodded and thought carefully...and Schala looked over with a grateful smile on her face.
   The queen raised her head from though and said, "I will not risk this kingdom my late husband built from scratch. I won't switch to Lavos. Now...OFF WITH YOU!"
    That was the last thing Maxus heard beforte being transported back on the frozen landscape of the ground, right beside the Epoch. He boarded the Epoch and pressed the coordinates for 12,000 B.C.
    When he arrived, he was shocked to see that the huge blizzard of the Ice Age was still roaring through the landscape. He found Crono and crew shivering, waiting patiently for Maxus.
    Crono said, "Maxus...you...what have you done?!" Maxus looked up and his eyes widened to see a floating palace above the sky...Zeal...
   

Lavodox

  • Guardian (+100)
  • *
  • Posts: 115
  • Ignorance is to be whipped. -Franziska Von Karma
    • View Profile
Re: A New Beginning
« Reply #24 on: April 13, 2007, 02:59:39 pm »
*Sigh* I'm afrad I just might have to shut down my writings if this is unpopular. If nobody does in the next few days...I'm afraid I won't have a choice... :(

justin3009

  • Fan Project Leader
  • God of War (+3000)
  • *
  • Posts: 3285
    • View Profile
Re: A New Beginning
« Reply #25 on: April 14, 2007, 03:41:02 pm »
I'm pretty sure it is popular, it's just half of the compendium members are dead.

Lavodox

  • Guardian (+100)
  • *
  • Posts: 115
  • Ignorance is to be whipped. -Franziska Von Karma
    • View Profile
Re: A New Beginning
« Reply #26 on: April 16, 2007, 10:04:52 am »
Well...in that case, next chapter, feedback would be much appreciated :)

Mavix

  • Enlightened One (+200)
  • *
  • Posts: 220
  • I'm the pirate and I make any fool walk the Plank.
    • View Profile
Re: A New Beginning
« Reply #27 on: April 16, 2007, 05:14:51 pm »
Just remember this. No matter If only a couple people read it. at least you know that theres a couple people out their that enjoy your writing. Thank you. (including, me)

P.S. And if you want you can read my stories.

*Chrono Cross A Twist In Time*
                   or
*Chrono adventures* i added alot more to it!

Lavodox

  • Guardian (+100)
  • *
  • Posts: 115
  • Ignorance is to be whipped. -Franziska Von Karma
    • View Profile
Re: A New Beginning
« Reply #28 on: April 17, 2007, 03:04:08 pm »
Chapter 8: The new future.

As Maxus beheld the floating palace of Zeal above them, Ayla said, rather untimely, "Big palace sill floating...why it still here?" Frog remarked, "What...what is this, Maxus?"
    Maxus shook his head in disbelief. He suddenly thought of something...he looked around, trying to find Janus, but he was no longer there...he screamed out, "JANUUUS!!!". He fell on his knees, gasping with disbelief, "Never mind that for now...we must return to our own time. It will be interesting to see how I've changed the future."
    As they entered the Epoch, Crono couldn't help thinking how he should've kept a better eye out for him. He thought, 'Darn! Now we have to look for Janus...but then again, maybe he is happier where he is...with Schala at last.
     As they warped out of the era, they beheld the familiar bright flash of coours before them, and before they knew it, they were before a land full of green...1000 A.D. But something didn't fit...back in 12,000 B.C., at the moment when a change in time was visible, the Ice Age was still raging...but that would've meant it had gone on raing for an inexplicable amount of time. Apparently it stopped a few centuries earlier, probably around 500 A.D.
    As they thought about this dilemma, a realization came over them...they needed to see how much the civilazation on Zeal has incresed since then...but this time, they will come together.

Mavix

  • Enlightened One (+200)
  • *
  • Posts: 220
  • I'm the pirate and I make any fool walk the Plank.
    • View Profile
Re: A New Beginning
« Reply #29 on: April 17, 2007, 05:22:53 pm »
I wonder how they changed the future. just kidding. kepp writing.