I've got very little of my own opinion on Rock music, basically because I never liked it. Then my brother got into some metal (ie. Metallica), and thence into more Classic Rock, and I'll tell you... hearing Aerosmith and Van Halen about the house really does give one an appreciation of the musical art in something. Compared to my younger brother, I know next to nothing about Rock, however. Thus, as I said, most of my opinions are rather his opinions by default.
Anyway, I'll reply concerning these quotes which, as you said, seem right on.
1. No More Angst: There have been too many bands out there relying on boring teenage depression lately. From Linkin Park’s vitriolic condemnations of being grounded by their mothers to AFI’s indecipherable, effeminate screechings about general, non-specific discontent, it’s impossible to turn on the radio without being endlessly bombarded with somebody else’s problems. I’m not saying that the savior of rock and roll can’t sing songs about things like relationship problems, but for God’s sake, just stop whining.
Indeed, my brother has said that many times. I can assure you that if he ever becomes a rock star, he won't be partaking of any of that sort of thing.
2. A Spirit of Fun: We’re all tired of humorless, over-serious rock videos featuring skinny, disheveled drug-addicts thrashing around in ruined, decaying apartments and pining for gaunt, crying women with running mascara. No, we never again want to see that ubiquitous slow-motion shot of the crying woman turning around and angrily swinging her arm behind her in an attempt to beat back the innocent and apologetic lead singer who’s just trying to reason through this wasteland that is love. I want to see a video with some sight-gags, God damn it, and I don’t want it to be some pop-punk video set in a high school, either.
Yeah, I've read enough of the stories in my brother's guitar magazines to see that. The things not in music videos, but the real lives of these weird people. Like the time John Bonham (is that how you spell it? I forget) came down with stomach cramps during a concert. Apparently 27 bananas before the show hadn't agreed with him. Or the time Jimmy Blackmore built a brick wall in front of someone's hotel-room door. Or when Robert Plant blasted through the wall of a hotel into someone else's room.
And for music videoes... well, not that they were always fun - sometimes, like The Song Remains the Same they're just weird - but... well, my brother told me just the other day about the cheesiest music video ever. I have yet to see it, but apparently it has the guy dressed up like some sort of warrior running around a castle brandishing a sword. I think it was Iron Maiden or something like that.
Anybody ever seen Spinal Tap? That's the sort of thing that's missing from Rock, eh?
3. Competent Musicianship: There has to be some happy medium between the hideous gaucheness of post-grunge power-chord bashing and the googly-eyed electronic hogwash of Radiohead. We want experienced musicians who take pride in their work but aren’t constantly trying to impress us with prog-rock razzle-dazzle. It must be possible for musicians to get together in a studio and actually play music, unaided by endless sampler-tweaking to make each and every note sound perfect and robotic.
The days where the musicians could improvise on stage are, I think, mostly over. Jimmy Page is still around, of course, but most newer musicians can't do the sort of things he did, I don't think. I heard he once extended - what was it, Whole Lotta Love or something like that - into 25 minutes.
Not that there weren't the perfectionists in the old days. Boston's main musician was one such sort. Blackmore was apparently another perfectionist. But it didn't become such a thing as... this.
4. A Strong Sense of Melody: Apparently everyone’s passion for a good tune died many years ago, as music today seems to plod from verse to chorus to verse to chorus without any real direction. Here’s something fun to try: play the vocal melody of an old David Bowie song on a piano. Nothing special, but it pretty much sounds like music, doesn’t it? Now try it with the vocal melody of that shitty new Nickelback song “Someday.” Did you notice anything different? Yes, that’s right, it sounds like something a toddler would bang out on a novelty xylophone that only plays a major scale. The savior of rock and roll has to be able to write a tune that can stick in your head for some reason other than the fact that it irritates you.
Jack White: Terrifying
Indeed. Well, I can say every song I've heard my brother come up with has a wonderful melody to it. Remember, I wasn't the most keen on Rock at first, and as such I almost always gravitate only to the music with a very discernable tune. Usually it ends up being cheesier 80s songs (for example Angel, by... apparently not Aerosmith.) Maybe the fact that my brother tries jamming to classical music sometimes helps, as well as the fact that he can play classical and acoustic guitar.
5. An Engaging Frontman: No more rail-thin dudes with greasy, randomly arranged hair, and certainly no more gruff, gravelly-voiced long-haired “tough guys” in designer jeans. One of the reasons that The Strokes entirely failed to save rock and roll, as you might recall, was that they had a lead singer who, by virtue of his glassy-eyed stare, was often mistaken for a Weekend at Bernie’s style propped-up corpse. And Jack White, of course, is a pallid, crazy-looking indie thug who’d scare the shit out of you if you met him in a dark alley (and beat the shit out of you if you happened to be in the Von Bondies). Since we all got burned once before due to Kurt Cobain’s mental instability, maybe this time, instead of being a wild-eyed crazy, the savior of rock and roll needs to be someone suave and collected. Perhaps someone well-groomed and well-spoken, the kind of guy who could have been an actor if he hadn’t chosen to sing.
Yeah, what ever happened to the likes of Axl, eh? Well, I know he's still around, but he's not exactly the same sort of person he was way back. Some of the old ones are still around, though, so maybe that's something. The thing is, craziness doesn't matter - Axl wasn't exactly sane, either.
6. A Traditional Musical Style Made New: Even the music press knows this one. At this point, there doesn’t seem to be a lot of innovation available in rock and roll, so maybe it’s time to revisit past styles and see them in a new and modern light. The revival of garage rock has only lasted a couple of years, and already it’s tiresome and played-out; why not revive just plain rock-rock? The world, at this point, needs a straightforward tune and a good backbeat.
There's always innovation possible, my brother says. He points out Van Halen. He came up when it seemed like it had all been done, and actually invented a new way of playing. So there's always room.
Hey, maybe my brother can save it, if he ever gets a band. He's a bloody good guitarist by all accounts, but can never quite find people with his more old-style Rock tastes. Most go for this new stuff - modern Rock, punk, that sort of thing, whilst he prefers melody and all. It makes it difficult for him to find people he can play with. But he's still aspiring, and buing new - and expensive - guitars. And in case you haven't noticed, I hold my brother in very high regard musically. In my opinion, he can play far better, and has a better sense of music, that most any of those other bands nowadays. He doesn't just want to play electric guitar: he has a sense of all music, and knows where Rock comes from. And he doesn't limit himself to merely liking Rock, either. He'll listen to Pop if he likes it. Oh, and he's got the hair for Rock, too - hasn't cut it in three years or more.
But, actually, there are some who try for older Rock around. The Darkness tries to be an 80s hair band after all. Slash's Velvet Revolver still exists so far as I know (if he didn't get himself kicked out yet.) And, you know. Aerosmith and The Rolling Stones, as well as a good portion of the likes of Van Halen still exist. And even they are still improvising. What did Aerosmith do there a few years back? It came out with a CD called Honkin on Bobo, which were covers of way older songs, the ones that inspired them originally.
