Author Topic: book I'm working on (looking for some reviews.)  (Read 231 times)

grey_the_angel

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book I'm working on (looking for some reviews.)
« on: June 27, 2006, 05:13:06 am »
I was hoping to get this published someday. I'm not hoping for a movie about it, but I do wanna at least make a best seller list somewhere >.> like... new york....

anyways: this if the story of Grey: a socially inaept boy with the most unusual complexion: his hair is ultra long blond hair, and he suffers from unusual case of Heterochormia (dual colored eyes.).

One day, Grey skimms through a book and reads "the oath of the dragoon" which teleports him to the world of Sheol (the name is an acient term for heaven. used in dante's inferno I think >.>)

There, he meets Kidd (shut the hell~ up! >.> <.< >.>), a 16 year old with an energenic personality who "loves his eyes" , and Marcus: a slick dresser philsopher who only wants to be challanged academically.

Grey, not used to friendships, begins to question the world, and discovers a terrible secert: the six temples located throughout Sheol can help bring unity to this world: the world of dragons, and the world without. As the conspiricy grows, grey must choose: his new found friends, or the life he gave behind.


anyways: here's chapter 3 for you people :3

Quote
Chapter 3: Of Marcus

   It was his old room: small, crapped, full of various toys and crayons scattered about. Paper and pictures lined the place: everywhere was some lion, some house, some person recognizable to anybody but him: and to him, they were all clear as day.
   He was sitting in his old bed, his legs covered by thick white sheets. “Mama…” He called. “Mama, tell me a story!”
   Mama… when was the last time he’d called Elaine that? He didn’t know. He didn’t know when the last time he’d ever remember his mother so vibrant either: her hair un-graying, his face unwrinkled, her smell of lavender back. There she was: a raven hair, onyx jeweled beauty who’d Grey forgotten to the more recent, growling old women who’d tear at him at the drop of a hat.
   “Of what?”
   “You’re adventures! You and Papa went on lots of adventures you said!” he said, waving his arms for effect. She sat down next to him. “Tell me about them!”
   “Sure.”
   His eyes fluttered open. His head shot up. A light breezed passed through the white curtains that danced elegantly to its rhythm. He looked at his sheets. They were handmade, no doubt. As was everything in the room: the chest adjacent to him, the old drawer, and the spare bed that was messed from use, the nightstand.
   “Took you. Its almost noon and your still sound asleep.”
   He couldn’t be more then 20 years old. He wore black sunglasses, an expensive brand from the other world. A handmade necklace hung from his collar limply, the small star shape charm not out of place with his open silk shirt and slacks. He reminded Grey of a surfer, or some movie star.  Either way, he had more of a body to pull it off then Grey had. His most remarkable feature, though, was the smirk he seemed to have glued to his face.
   “Marcus.” He reached out with an open hand. Grey hesitated for a moment. Then, shook the strongest hand he’d ever felt. It was strong, yet surprisingly soft; especially for someone who looked like he worked out at a gym.
   “Grey.” He said, taking his aching hand back and cracked. Marcus cracked his neck. “What do I owe you?”
   “Huh?”
   “What do I owe you?” Grey repeated. “You helped me out; I owe you something.”
   “Eh… I don’t know. You don’t usually think of a reward when you randomly help people, ya know? Sides, you’re going to have enough on your hands with partnering today. Like I said, its already noon. It’s best if you don’t linger. Plus, while I was about, I heard someone was looking for you.”
   “Who?”
   “Some girl. Seemed kind of worried: ‘course, if my girlfriend were out in the cold, I’d be pretty damn worried too.” Kidd was looking for me? Grey thought, turning off to his side, his brows furrowing in confusion. Why?
   “Come on, you’d better get up and eat, you still got a find two partners. Here.” He handed Grey his manual. “You look like you still need it. Hurry on downstairs: Miss Adam’s got a nice meal prepared.”
   Miss Adams reminded Grey of his grandmother: shivered, cheerful, gentle eyed. She handed Grey a plate of something orange, which Grey devoured without thought. “My, my.” She said, taking the empty plate and refilling it. “Marcus, how goes the partner search?”
   “Hmm. Nothing yet: thought Mathieu and Holland have both found partners. Jessica and Nobaru: that princess from Mrs. Reins camp, and the old librarian’s aid.” He said, taking a bite of some toast. “Really though, I wouldn’t worry, still have half a day right? Lots of people been talking to me, none of them seem to be of any practical use: not a single brain among them.”
   “Marcus!”
   “Sorry, Miss Adam, but it’s true. Their all still enamored with the thought of being Dragoons.” He picked up his dirty plates, and headed into the kitchen. A moment later, Grey heard some splashing, along with the clang of plates. “Sides, I had to watch the little one here.”
   “I’m not little!” Grey shouted in protest. Marcus laughed. “What?”
   “Nothing.” He sarcastically replied. Grey went to finish his plates, but Miss Adam stopped him.
   “That’s alright, you and Marcus go out and find partners. It’s more important. Now, Marcus, you two should be on your way.” Marcus expression returning was troubled, but he nodded to her and nonchalantly headed for the door. “Have fun you two.”
   They made their way back up to the top level, Grey out of breath again, while Marcus didn’t seem bothered at all. There stood a collection of people, talking, chatting, and enjoying the view. It was clear some ‘partners’ were more then just friends: their heads resting on their shoulders, their eyes stuck on the other, wanting, waiting hungrily. A third leg usually watched with stoic eyes.
   Grey never understood it himself, but he silently admired the feeling only they knew. To risk that much on a feeling was something he could never do; at least, not since last time. Too much risk for so little benefit. “Hmm… How troublesome. Well, it seems were going to have our work cut out for us.”
   “Us?”
   “Yep. Me and you, the people missing partners. It’s on page five. Read up, I’ll start some dialog.” With that, Marcus wandered off, leaving Grey to settle on a nearby bench that was thankfully unoccupied. He opened the manual, turned to the page indicated, and read softly aloud.
   A partnering system was implemented in the year 200 B.E. of the dragon calendar, as a way to counter the growing occurrence of group attacks by dark riders. The ceremony is in name alone: the top level become reserved for the new arrivals, and is to discover interests and form lasting bonds by allowing the group to form under its own circumstances.  No group will ever carry more then one of the same type of Dragon, a blessing from God on this approach, and help maintains a balance in battle: while one dragoon and dragon may become weaker to another, his or her partners can overpower the stronger opponent with sheer number, or by having a stronger dragon to counter it.
   The reason for this being arrivals only, is because awakening a dragoon’s latent abilities later in life makes them weaker in power and abilities then those born with a dragoon by their side, and this aids in also countering that as well.
   Often, friends or lovers decide to become partners, and cement an already strong relationship, though, the heart is not always bound to this.
   It is in this way, that riders can make long treks with less fear of a attack of dark riders, and help cement a brighter future for this land.
   It all sounded like kind of funny in Grey’s book. Three people, countering group attacks? Hardly, even with three people, with three dragons, it would be pretty damn difficult to take on more then three dragons and beat them easily. And as it stood, Dark riders didn’t sound like the type to gang rush someone with lower numbers. “There you are.”
   “Chronos!” The old man plopped down next to him, and took a swig of something from a vial. The old man eyed him intently for a second, then smiled.
   “I see your reading up on partnering. You should be chatting with others. What happened to Kidd, anyway?” Grey flushed, and turned away. “Hmm… interesting. I thought you too were prefect for each other. I kind of noticed her eyes on yours.” Grey didn’t know way, but his heart skipped a beat at those words. It almost sounded nice, if he didn’t know why people looked at his eyes. “Anyways, I can only stay for a little bit. Another arrival should be coming in a minute or so.”
   “Huh? They’re timed?”
   “No, but being a Greeter for so long, you tend to get the feeling when one’s about due in. It’s kind of this little feeling in the back of your head. Maybe I’ve just been at this job too long.” He stood up, dusted himself off, and took another swing. “Aether!”
   The large black dragon suddenly landed from in the middle of the crowd. Some people looked on with interest, but the rest seemed unmoved by the gesture. “Already Chronos.”
   “Hmm… yeah.” The large black lowered his head, waiting patiently as the old man seated himself on his thick dark neck. Grey felt uneasy, having its eyes upon him again. It reminded him of back then. He opened the manual, and quietly read again.
   The landscape, he learned, was mostly forest area, braking off into different “ceremonial regions”; as it stood, the blazing heat of the desert to the south is where the fire city Illuyanka and the earth city Tiamat stood respectively; up north, the water city Con Rit and forest city Nidhogg lay upon a fertile region where a large lake stood nearby, fueling the large rainforest that stood nearby. According the map, the lake, Apalala, was about the size of the five great lakes combined, and lead off to areas unknown. In the center of it were the water city and its temple, which was separated from the rest of the city, a mile deeper in the water. The city of darkness Apophis stood adjacent to the Sky city, and was even further south, boarding on the edge of the map.
   So the world was nothing more then small expanses of land a couple hundred, maybe little more over a thousand miles long. It definitely wasn’t evolved along the same routes. A few people walked by, one approaching Grey, a tall boy around Grey’s age named Lion, he didn’t like the idea of reading, so he passed by Grey after a dew seconds of conversation.
   He felt the sure grip of a hand across the collar of his shirt lift him from the bench. The slam of a curled up hand came next, jostling him up and over the bench. “You bastard!” She screamed at him. Grey looked up from behind his hand. Kidd was towering over him, her eyes enraged and… watery? “You run off without saying a word and then have the nerve to act like this?”
   “L-l-Like what?” Grey said, gripping his jaw steady. 
   “Nonchalantly, I believe.” Marcus chimed in. He was holding Kidd’s arm back, which was ready to strike again. Grey got up, and checked his teeth. Good, nothing missing.
   Somehow, he couldn’t help but want to apologize, though he’d done nothing wrong. He hadn’t made a promise to her or anything, nor did she seem all that interested to begin with. Marcus had proven more quirked by Grey then Kidd had. But, he couldn’t help but want to say sorry when he rested his odd colored jewels in those twin sapphires.
   “I’m sorry I wasted your time.” He said, turning away. Dammit, this was awkward. What had he done wrong? “I guess I’ll be going now.”
   “No your not!” She said, grabbing him by the collar again with her other hand. “You’re staying right here, with me! Do you understand me?!” Grey’s heart raced a mile a minute. She had pulled him in close, and the scent of lavender over rid all of his senses. He flushed, and nodded his head. Marcus laughed, and brought her hand to her side.
   “I wish I had a girl like her as my girlfriend.”
   “GIRLFRIEND!? WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN TELLING HIM!” She screamed.
   The sun had settled, and after a couple more lumps, Grey had managed to settle down next to the edge and read his instruction manual more. Kidd and Marcus had gotten into an argument at his comment, Marcus much more lax debating then Kidd was. For the most part, Grey wanted no part of it, and said nothing as the griped on about his current status with Kidd.
   The world was evenly divided into sections: its people grouped with a partner that was complementary to his or herself, and those from the outside furthered a united division by grouping themselves with four others to group themselves. Everything was divisible by two, three, and six. Were the emotions of the people inside the world also reflected by this division? Why did it even exist in the first place?
   “Hey.” Kid leaned over him, looking at the section Grey was rereading: the world map and cities. She looked away from him, and he turned back to his book. “Sorry.”
   “About what?” He said, closing his book, instead looking on as the dragoons came in from the late nights sky for the day, most carrying bundles of supplies. “I probably deserved it. I usually do. Its nothing, happens all the time in school.”
   “What?” Kidd was shocked. She sat down next to him, looking him in his bruising face. She reached into her overalls, and pulled out a small misty vial. She pressed it against Grey face: it was horrendously cold. “It’s from my foster residence. Water dragon’s breath: ice cold and wet. Great for makeshift cold compresses. It’ll keep the bruising dow-“
   “I don’t need it. It won’t swell. They never do.” He pushed it away, though he lingered on her hand for a second. “Don’t you have something else to do?”
   “Like what?”
   “Like find a partner?”
   “….” She put the compress back into her chest pocket.
   “What?” Grey asked.
   “You’re a jerk, you know that?” What? What did he do? She stood and left, saying something to Marcus before leaving. Grey opened his book again. This world was too social for him. Way too awkward; he couldn’t sort out anything correctly, and was apologizing for the most asinine things. Kidd punched him, and yet he was the one to say he was sorry. He didn’t get the world at all. Frankly, at this point he didn’t want too.
   “Well, this is one hell of a rocky start.” He said with the same smirk on his face. “Go say you’re sorry to her. I’m going to go talk to the administrator.”
   “What for?”
   “Well, I wouldn’t want my two partners at fighting like an old married couple till they actually are an old married couple.” Grey jumped from his seat, turned around, but Marcus did nothing but smirk again, and point over to her, who was fuming off by the stairs, muttering something to herself.
   “Partners? Me? You? And her?”
   “Yeah. I figured it be a good idea. We kind of hit it off the bat pretty well, well, except for you pissing her off twice in the same hour. Sides, you don’t look like your trying to find partners, and I want to get a dragon partner. Be waiting for a while now: year or so. I’ll tell you about it some other time.”  Grey bowed his head.
   So that was it. He was being an idiot. He sighed, and began his way to the girl who’d gained interest in his eyes.