Author Topic: Bad Gateway.  (Read 420 times)

Mauron

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Bad Gateway.
« on: September 10, 2017, 03:35:18 pm »
I was getting a 502 error about an hour ago.

Cherenkov

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Re: Bad Gateway.
« Reply #1 on: September 10, 2017, 04:51:34 pm »
Same :cry:

Lord J Esq

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Re: Bad Gateway.
« Reply #2 on: May 17, 2018, 12:52:13 am »
I was hoping this would be a post about a Chrono Trigger psychological horror fanfic. =P

tushantin

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Re: Bad Gateway.
« Reply #3 on: May 17, 2018, 01:23:46 am »
Weird, I keep getting that every week or so.

Boo the Gentleman Caller

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Re: Bad Gateway.
« Reply #4 on: May 17, 2018, 02:42:58 am »
The Fiendlord awoke. His eyes fluttered open, a slender strand of drool dribbling from his mouth onto the cold earthen floor. The room was dark, but his eyes were adjusting. He searched his memories that he could tie to a location, but it was in vain. The last thing he could remember was...

Vivid flashes of memory.

Neuga, ziena, zieber, zom...

His summoning chamber.
Cold, ancient stone contrasted against warm, blue fairy fire.

Now the chosen time has come...

All of his hatred,
Decades of abuse and abusing coming to a crashing blow.
Channeling into his spell.
He'd throw the world away for this moment.
For delicious revenge. Lavos would pay...

Exchange this world for...!

An interruption.
The damned amphibian and the sword.
A spiky-haired punk... with a scarf?

He knew immediately he wanted one just like it, but he had to focus on the task at hand. He couldn't ask where he got it, not now. Not at the time of summoning!


Then: the battle. His magical barrier broken by the enchanted blade. He recognized it; the Ruby Knife transformed by the energies of that thing. The piece of Lavos. A lifetime ago.

Magus remembered falling. Failing. The summoning was only partially successful, and the vengeful cry of Lavos created an unstable something.

He knew it wasn't magic. No, this was as if the universe itself was folding in on itself. He felt a pull from his chest, like an invisible hook had grabbed his ribcage and pulled him into the swirling abyss.

He folding in on himself. Like an origami crane. Like a crumbled piece of parchment. Like an orange scarf folded and places delicately into a chester drawer.

He was hurled through time.

It seemed to never end. His body twisting and contorting as it traveled beyond the edges of the universe, in all moments of space-time and none at all at the same moment. He couldn't breath, he had no lungs, no form... and no scarf.

Then there was nothing. And he was here.

Where was he?

His eyes adjusted.

He wanted that scarf. Maybe even more than he wanted to see her. So orange and travelworn and soft.

He pushed himself off the cold ground, looked around at what, for some reason, reminded him of home. Furs and flickering torchlight. A cold breeze and white beyond the edges of the door frame. Was this... could it be...? The winds of his past?

At first he thought was an Earthbound village. But no.

He thought back to his childhood: the cursed red stone, the machine, his sister, the black wind, the kingdom, the Ruby Knife...!

"Ya think he's dead?"

It was the voice of a child.

"Nah. Let's make him wish he was, though."

Magus turned to find two green-haired children. They cocked their heads like a curious puppy, then turned to each other with mischievous glee.

"Ya see, Magus, there are infinite realities out there. In an infinite number of 'em, you ended up back home. A chance to redo things. But in this reality, one of an infinite number of 'em, you ended up here. With us. We're in your mind, and we wanna play."

Magus was confused. They were children. What could they possible want to play for?

"Humans are so... silly!"

The two began to chant, then rushed at each other. There was a flash of light, a blur as the two forms became one.

"With Masa's Bravery!"

"And Mune's Knowledge!"

Then they screamed in unison, a horribly shrill sound only a child could make.

"Two become one!!"

The two forms were fully melted into each other, but as the light cleared and Magus blinked the tears from his eyes, he found that the children were gone. And in their place was a being unlike any he had ever seen.

Tiny legs with an over-sized chest, pecs the size of his Hench underlings, arms like the very pillars of the earth. It's face, as hideous as a Hekran's underside, held the widest, largest mouth he'd ever seen, with lips that looked as menacingly powerful as Lavos' own gate.

The creature grinned and danced, then began pumping and thrusting the air with his over-sized arms and minuscule waistline.

Magus resolved himself. The Masamune, nay, the Ruby Knife, really would be his undoing. It had him now and he would become it's bitch.

He fell to his knees, silently pleading for the end to come. All he could think of was that he never did get that orange scarf. That luxurious scarf that put his robe to shame. At the end, it was all he could think of.

"You're going to be trapped here, with us, forever. And you're allllll ours." The beast cooed.

Magus closed his eyes. He willed the end to come.

"Lavos couldn't defeat you, but here, in your mind, we know a fate worse than the loss of your sister, your failed attempt to avenge her passing at the Ocean Palace... You're a failure, a pitiful plaything, and you'll never ever have it... Hehehe..."

That scarf. That beautiful scarf. Gone forever, just out of his reach. He wondered if he could visualize it, willfully channel his living energies into pretending it was on him, perhaps had replaced his codpiece...

"Oh, and uh, by that, we mean that you'll never get the scarf."

And the lesson of the story, kiddos, is never to covet what another has. Because in an infinite number of universes, you're bound to find yourself trapped with a sword-turned-naked sumo wrestling wind beast who taunts you over never having the one thing you so desperately desire.

EDIT: It's 2:00AM and I'm full of Ambien and I'm not sure why I wrote what I wrote. Please forgive me.
« Last Edit: May 17, 2018, 02:49:39 am by Boo the Gentleman Caller »

Lord J Esq

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Re: Bad Gateway.
« Reply #5 on: May 17, 2018, 03:27:43 am »
This is awesome and exactly what this thread title deserves and please don't edit it so that I can read it this weekend proper. (I am out of time till Friday and like Masa and Mune must depart with the wind, WHOOSH!!)

PrincessNadia78

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Re: Bad Gateway.
« Reply #6 on: May 23, 2018, 04:02:29 pm »
Damn you Boo for typing in teeny tiny fonts that I can only read if I quote the post! LOL  :lol: :lol: :lol:

Lord J Esq

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Re: Bad Gateway.
« Reply #7 on: May 27, 2018, 10:03:01 pm »
Finally had a chance to read this. That was some ["100" emoji] fanfic, Boo.

Boo the Gentleman Caller

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Re: Bad Gateway.
« Reply #8 on: May 27, 2018, 10:52:23 pm »
Quote
That was some ["100" emoji] fanfic, Boo.

I honestly have no idea what the whole scarf thing was about. But, uh, glad you enjoyed the shitpasta!

Mauron

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Re: Bad Gateway.
« Reply #9 on: May 27, 2018, 10:55:05 pm »
I give it a 502/502.

Lord J Esq

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Re: Bad Gateway.
« Reply #10 on: May 28, 2018, 12:42:50 am »
Ha!

skylark

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Re: Bad Gateway.
« Reply #11 on: May 28, 2018, 05:03:59 am »
How many scarves died to make this shitpost...?

HOW MANY?!

TheMage

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Re: Bad Gateway.
« Reply #12 on: May 28, 2018, 02:42:46 pm »
OMFG Boo! PFFFT! I spit out my drink as I read that. POOR LIFE DECISIONS hahaha :lol:

PrincessNadia78

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Re: Bad Gateway.
« Reply #13 on: May 30, 2018, 02:11:26 pm »
I loved this! Now I feel a need for...a scarf....  :lol: :lol: :lol: