Chrono Compendium

Kajar Laboratories - Fan Works and Submissions => Submissions => Topic started by: Smokescale on December 17, 2009, 06:55:28 am

Title: Chrono Variance - A Chrono Trigger FanFiction
Post by: Smokescale on December 17, 2009, 06:55:28 am

Removed out of personal preference.... sorry guys.

Title: Re: Chrono Variance - A Chrono Trigger FanFiction
Post by: Sajainta on January 06, 2010, 05:12:35 pm

I'm so sorry no one has commented on this yet.  :(  I will try to read it when I have the time, but I have a fairly busy schedule.  I'll get to it eventually, I promise.  :)

Title: Re: Chrono Variance - A Chrono Trigger FanFiction
Post by: Smokescale on January 06, 2010, 06:10:34 pm

Well, I know folks have been busy and what not, and the holidays JUST finished up... and it's a pretty long story... but 80+ views has me curious, that's all.

I eagerly await commentary.

Comments are like food-pellets for artists/writers.

Title: Re: Chrono Variance - A Chrono Trigger FanFiction
Post by: Lance VII on January 06, 2010, 06:21:48 pm

I'll read it once I finish my game. Shouldn't be to much longer now. :D

Title: Re: Chrono Variance - A Chrono Trigger FanFiction
Post by: Smokescale on January 07, 2010, 07:01:52 pm

Finish your game you say... curious... elaborate, please. >=3

Title: Re: Chrono Variance - A Chrono Trigger FanFiction
Post by: Lance VII on January 07, 2010, 07:08:08 pm

Quote from: Smokescale on January 07, 2010, 07:01:52 pm

Finish your game you say... curious... elaborate, please. >=3

See the topic known as "Chrono Alter".

Title: Re: Chrono Variance - A Chrono Trigger FanFiction
Post by: Smokescale on January 07, 2010, 07:10:54 pm

Ahh, I see =3

Title: Re: Chrono Variance - A Chrono Trigger FanFiction
Post by: Sajainta on January 07, 2010, 10:37:49 pm

I've started reading it, slowly but surely.  I finished the first chapter.

You create atmosphere very well, although sometimes the descriptions come off as rather wordy.  I'm intrigued by the story line.  I'm not sure how I feel about the characterizations, but I will wait and read the story in its entirety to see how you let the characters develop.

6th paragraph in (after the preface) there's a line that's a little awkward.  "So much of himself Janus could see in the boy."  It might sound better to write "Janus could see so much of himself in the boy".  Just a suggestion.  I'm an English literature major and a bit of a grammar nut, so if I'm not attempting to analyze something or correct some grammar I feel I'm not doing my job.  X)

Title: Re: Chrono Variance - A Chrono Trigger FanFiction
Post by: Smokescale on January 08, 2010, 12:05:20 pm

Yeah, I tend to have an odd way of wording things... that particular one now that I think about it sounds kinda like something Yoda would say XD

Title: Re: Chrono Variance - A Chrono Trigger FanFiction
Post by: Sajainta on January 24, 2010, 06:17:48 pm

Alrighty!  3rd Chapter in.  Sorry it's taken me such a long time!  :(

You're very good with description.  I can definitely see the scenes in my mind as I read through the story.  You might want to hold off on putting the same adjective before people, though.  You've used the word "youthful" to describe one of the main characters (not giving away any spoilers!) quite often.  Maybe use a different word?

I'll update this once I finish reading Chapter 3.  Your story is very intriguing!  I really liked the part where Magus stabs himself.  That was awesome.

Title: Re: Chrono Variance - A Chrono Trigger FanFiction
Post by: Smokescale on January 24, 2010, 06:29:18 pm

Yeah... kinda tried to avoid that but I didn't always catch that little problem when it came up.

Also, glad you liked that part. Thought it would make for an interesting little tvist.

EDIT: 2/10/2010 - *listens to the crickets chirping away as the silence pervades*