Chrono Compendium
Kajar Laboratories - Fan Works and Submissions => Fan Fiction => Topic started by: GenesisOne on July 23, 2009, 06:18:39 pm
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CRONO: It’s the same show with a new twist.
MARLE: Seven people living under one roof.
LUCCA: Getting to know each other better.
FROG: Privy to their flaws and faults.
ROBO: Tolerating their illogical actions.
MAGUS: Wishing they could get a moment’s peace.
AYLA: This "Real World – Chrono Trigger."
EPISODE ONE: Ayla’s Underwear, Frog’s Speech, and Lucca’s New Invention
MARLE (Interview): Ugh! You’d think that since we’re considered adults by Guardia law, we’d act like adults. Not with these guys.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
Ayla and Lucca stand before the others.
AYLA: Ayla spare buck skin gone. Ayla leave skin in magic water cave last night, take long sleep, skin gone next morning.
LUCCA: Okay, which one of you perverts took it?
All the male characters look at Crono.
CRONO: What? You think I did it?
FROG: Thou drawest a most hasty judgment.
MARLE: She does have a thing for you, Crono… are you hinting at her?
CRONO: I’m not a pervert!
ROBO: Perhaps your carnal male instincts were stimulated by your testosterone levels, thereby causing you to—
CRONO: Shut it, Robo! You’re not helping!
AYLA: Crono take Ayla spare skin with no ask? Ayla give Crono payment!
Ayla picks up an end desk with one hand and chucks it at Crono. He ducks in the nick of time.
He stands up and draws his katana. Ayla puts up her fists and prepares to fight. The others protest ad-lib.
MAGUS (Interview): …I took her spare skin. Just to see how she’d react. Girls are so uptight.
* * * * * *
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
Frog is wiping off the counter-tops after a lunch. Robo enters.
ROBO: Good afternoon, Glenn.
FROG: (Throws his rag down) Refrain thy tongue from mine true moniker! ‘Tis a past of pain and suffering that it invokes in my mind.
ROBO: My apologies, Frog, but robots do not have tongues, so it’s illogical to say—
FROG: And for that matter, what acts of labor dost thou pursue ‘round these quarters? You sit at your desk and pen away with your calculating devices for hours whilst we toil ourselves to the bone bettering this place—
ROBO: I do the taxes and balance the checkbooks so that money-ignorant flesh bags such as you and the others don’t end up with the IRS giving us an audit and losing hundreds of dollars in hard-earned cash. It’s the least I can do seeing how I’m the token robot in this blasted house!
ROBO pushes some steam out of his exhaust pipe. FROG is scared speechless.
FROG: …what be an audit?
Robo heaves a sigh and exits the room.
FROG: …and what be the I-R-S?
FROG (Interview): *Sigh* I long desire for my original talking style in the Japanese version of Chrono Trigger. Twas better to speak like a bastard than a dead playwright.
* * * * * *
CRONO (Interview): The girls hate me…which could mean they love me. But then again, I don’t know the first thing about women. Hey, it’s not too late to learn.
Crono picks up a copy of Men Are from Porre, Women Are from Medina and reads it.
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
Crono is walking along. Lucca comes up behind him and taps him on the shoulder.
CRONO: (Spins around) What, Lucca?
LUCCA: I need your help with something.
CRONO: Can’t it wait? I’m busy right now.
A series of low beeps and boops come from behind Crono. Crono whips around.
Lucca is holding what looks like a spin-off of the poltergeist scanner from Ghostbusters.
CRONO: What the—!?
LUCCA: It’s a portable lie detector. It can read heart rates, skin moisture, core temperatures, and can detect fidgety movement. Oh, you’re lying, by the way.
CRONO: …is this what you spent our money on? Building this dumb thing?
Low beeps and boops emanate from the machine.
LUCCA: This dumb thing says that you don’t mean that. Did you steal Ayla's underwear?
CRONO: No! Go bug Robo or something.(Walks away from Lucca)
High beeps and boops emanate from the machine.
LUCCA: Good idea.
INT. LIVING ROOM - LATER
Lucca is holding the lie detector up to Robo.
LUCCA: Did you steal Ayla’s underwear?
ROBO: No, I did not.
High beeps and boops emanate from the machine. Lucca sighs and walks away.
ROBO (Interview): I told her the truth, but she should know that us robot’s are immune to lie detectors. I just projected the artificial biorhythms to convey “truth” on her illogical machine. This is how I stay above the humans.
* * * * * *
End of Episode One. To be continued…(I hope)
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Oh man, I'm a sucker for Reality TV spoofs--well done Genisis, well done.
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XDD Robo is all 'superior than thou'...
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These kind of fics usually turn out to be very naught so you lost my respect from line 1 on your fic.
Bye bye. :picardno
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Well, I'm sorry, TriforceofEternity.
On the other hand, I can easily count you comment for naught since you stopped reading at Line 1 of my hard-worked parody.
Episode 2 is on its way, for those who are interested.
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I, for one, was very entertained. The confession room dialogue is great.
Looking forward to Episode 2.
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I'm going to make the thread naughty.
Sex penis tits fuck boobs ass
:hellyeah
There, prophecy fulfilled.
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CRONO: It’s the same show with a new twist.
MARLE: Seven people living under one roof.
LUCCA: Getting to know each other better.
FROG: Privy to their flaws and faults.
ROBO: Tolerating their illogical actions.
MAGUS: Wishing they could get a moment’s peace.
AYLA: This Real World – Chrono Trigger.
EPISODE TWO: Magus’ Sentence, Crono’s Scheme, and Ayla’s Underwear Part 2
MAGUS (Interview): There have been rumors about how I got a new job for my sentence here, and I’m going to clear one thing—
INTERVIEWER: Did you say “sentence”?
MAGUS: Yes, I did.
INTERVIEWER: Why?
MAGUS: Because it feels like one. I could be searching for my sister right now. Instead, I have to babysit three teenagers, a vengeful frog, a spiteful Stanley Steamer, and a cranky Miss Universe! It’s as low I can get!
INTERVIEWER: …nice alliteration.
MAGUS: Thanks.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
Crono is watching with his legs propped up on the coffee table. Marle walks it and turns it off.
CRONO: Hey! What the heck!?
MARLE: Why haven’t you gotten a job yet?
CRONO: Hey, I don’t need a job. I got it all figured out.
MARLE: And for that matter, the Epoch’s out of fuel. Do you know who drove it last?
Crono brings his legs down and sits up.
CRONO: Don’t know, but listen here. I don’t need a job because I’ve seen to it that we will never worry about money ever again.
Marle stares at Crono.
MARLE: Where did you take the Epoch?
CRONO: I never took it anywhere!
Low beeps and boops emanate from behind the couch. Crono peers behind the couch.
CRONO: What the—!? Go away, Lucca!
LUCCA: You’re not a good liar, Crono. Where’d you take the Epoch?
CRONO: And you suck at eavesdropping!
High beeps and boops emanate from Lucca’s device.
Robo enters the room. Crono spots him and buries his head in his knees.
ROBO: What commotion are you three engaged in?
MARLE: Crono’s not telling us where he took the Epoch.
ROBO: Oh, yes. I was to mention that while in sleep mode, my surveillance modules recorded Crono the previous evening sneaking out to the Epoch with a briefcase full of monetary units. Sometimes, I just don’t understand human behavior.
Robo exits the room. Marle and Lucca look at Robo and then at Crono.
Crono is still buried in his knees.
CRONO: I hate my life.
High beeps and boops emanate from Lucca’s device.
LUCCA (Interview): Ah, yes. The old “time-traveling compound investment” trick. Wish I’d have thought of it sooner, seeing how I’m the brainiest of the group.
ROBO (Interview): She’s not the smartest one of the flesh bags.
INT. DINING ROOM – EVENING
Ayla is eating a large mutton with a stone bowl of Jurassic Pork Soup. She seems to be crying.
Frog enters the dining room.
FROG: Tears? In a strong young one’s eyes? What woe hath befallen thee?
AYLA: *Sniffle* Ayla look for spare skin all day, no find. Eat away sadness.
Ayla continues to munch on the mutton.
FROG: Now Ayla, I be no savant in health of the body, but such course of action canst be of use for your ailments.
AYLA: *Sniffle* Ayla know sad eating wrong, but Ayla no know what else Ayla do.
Ayla sets down the mutton and starts to slurp her soup.
FROG: Be strong, young Ayla. Hast thou searched all the environs for your missing article of clothing?
AYLA: *Sniffle* Ayla no miss article. Ayla miss spare skin.
Ayla continues to slurp her soup.
FROG: *Sigh* Mayhaps a later appointment when thou arenst engaged in ruthless consumption will be more productive.
Frog exits the room. Ayla puts down her now-empty soup bowl.
AYLA (Interview): Ayla no understand. Ayla good, no hurt others except when Ayla life in danger. What make man do thing to Ayla?
MAGUS (Interview): She still doesn’t know I did it. I put it in the one place where she will never find it. You can only guess where that is.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
Ayla’s spare skin is barely sticking out of the sealed subwoofer of the home entertainment system.
* * * * * *
End of Episode Two. To be continued…(I hope)
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Hah, great stuff man. Everything seems pretty good: characterization, voice, etc. Keep at it.
ROBO (Interview): She’s not the smartest one in the flesh bags.
That line was undoubtedly the best one in this part. I love Robo.
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Eh, I thought this one was a little lackluster compared to the first honestly. Still good, but it lost a lot of the natural flow the first installment seemed to give off. Keep at it, tough.
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I don't typically read fanfics, even from here, but I saw the title and that got me interested in reading it. It's a parody and I'm usually game for those, fan or director written.
I've actually grown quite enthralled with this, so do please continue.
^And that's the polite and intelligent way of saying "OMGZ AWSUME! RIGHT MOAR PLZZZ!"
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I'm always open to constructive criticism. Anything to make this parody work for the readers and give me inspiration for future episode ideas.
x_XTacTX_x, I'll work harder to maintain the flow of the first installment. Thanks for your observation.
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For anyone still interested in this parody series, I'm starting on Episode 3.
It should be done and up by around Thursday.
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Awesome, I'll be sure to check back then.
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CRONO: It’s the same show with a new twist.
MARLE: Seven people living under one roof.
LUCCA: Getting to know each other better.
FROG: Privy to their flaws and faults.
ROBO: Tolerating their illogical actions.
MAGUS: Wishing they could get a moment’s peace.
AYLA: This “Real World – Chrono Trigger.”
Episode 3 – Team Budget Crisis, Robo’s Upgrade, and Ayla’s Underwear Part 3
MARLE (Interview): So we’re officially out of money and we’re only halfway through the month. I can only guess why and how we lost it all so quickly.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
Everyone assembles and takes a random seat, except Magus who decides to remain standing. Marle stands before the others with a flip chart titled “Money Waste: Who’s to Blame?”
FROG: From what occasion doth this assembly form?
MARLE: Good question, Frog. We’re here... because we’re broke.
An array of doubt and disbelief murmur amongst the group, except Magus who keeps quiet.
MARLE: But wait a minute! I’ve been crunching the numbers and I think I might know where the money was mostly spent.
ROBO: I object to your passive voice. I can “crunch numbers” more impartially than any human in this room can, and I can conclude, with the most accuracy, which human spend the most money.
LUCCA: Robo, I am sick to Porre with you calling us human as if you don’t have a soul.
ROBO: Your objection does not compute, Lucca. Are you perhaps appealing to my prejudices instead of my artificial intelligence?
MARLE: Stay on topic, everyone!
LUCCA: (under her breath) Key word “artificial”.
MARLE: After crunching the numbers, I finally know who’s responsible. Would anyone like to confess to his or her impulse buying?
CRONO: Well, it can’t be Ayla. She’s got more into “impulse” than “buying”.
Ayla, being seated next to Crono, delivers a swift punch to Crono’s shoulder.
CRONO: (Rubs his shoulder) See what I mean?
AYLA: Ayla know how money work. Ayla also know how money make brain melt.
CRONO: For the last time, I didn’t steal your stupid underwear!
High beeps and boops emanate nearby. Lucca, sitting across from Crono, holds up her machine.
LUCCA: Sorry, Ayla. He’s telling the truth.
Crono advances toward Lucca as he pulls out his katana.
CRONO: Put that retarded machine away before I break it!
MARLE: Hey, no weapons!
LUCCA: Fine with me!
Lucca puts down her machine and whips out her index finger. In response, Crono throws his katana off to the side and raises his entire right hand.
The others stand up and protests something about “using magic in the house”... except Magus who just stands there and says nothing.
LUCCA (Interview): What can I say? The meeting was a disaster. Hey, at least I didn’t set the living room on fire. Best part is nobody knows where our team’s monthly budget money went.
ROBO (Interview): Lucca spent it all on funding her illogical device. Human behavior never ceases to amaze me.
INT. ROBO’S ROOM – LATER
Robo sits on the ground as if in hibernate mode. He has a coaxial cable connected to his neck. The cable runs to a wireless hub router with antennae sticking out.
The lights on the router flicker as if Robo is downloading something.
Magus quietly enters the room, staring at Robo. He pulls out his sickle, makes some small gestures, mutters some words in Zealian, stops, and exits the room.
MAGUS (Interview): Sad as it is to say, the robot is the only one I can relate to in this forsaken household. I mean, not just because he can mimic shadow magic with his lasers. I mean it as he’s as smart as I am... maybe even smarter.
INTERVIEWER: What spell did you cast on him?
MAGUS (Interview): I gave him the ability to understand human behavior...for what it’s worth.
ROBO (Interview): I was actually downloading some episodes of “Battlestar Galactica” from Demonoid. However, for some unexplained reason, I now have a new string of coding in my hard drive. It reads like this:
----------------------------------------------------------
‘Robo understands human behavior v1
Sub HumanBehavior_Comprehend
BehaviorUnderstood(1)
If(State.Understood = True) Then
Set LastHumanBehavior = save
If(State.Understood = False) Then
Set LastHumanBehavior = delete
End If
End Sub
----------------------------------------------------------
ROBO (Interview): I don’t know how this code string got past my firewall, but I just might give it a trial run and see how it functions.
EXT. ROOFTOP – THE NEXT DAY
The household is a split-level duplex, the likes of which stands ten stories high.
Crono is out training with a bamboo sword, working up a sweat.
CRONO (Interview): Sometimes, the best way to unwind is through training. You can put all your anger into using your weapon against an invisible enemy. Who knows? You might even find a real enemy to strike.
Crono keeps swinging his bamboo sword, then spots a pigeon about ten feet away. He performs the Cyclone technique at the pigeon and knocks it off the building. Feathers trail behind it.
Crono chuckles and tosses down his bamboo sword, wiping his hands afterwards.
CRONO: (To himself) Cool. Now for my real sword.
Crono reaches for his katana, but only feels his scabbard. He scans around the rooftop.
CRONO: (To the camera man) Where’s my katana?
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
Crono’s sword is sticking out of the subwoofer of the Home Entertainment Center. The side of cracked and Ayla’s spare skin is protruding out in a bundle.
A hand reaches out and picks it up. It’s Ayla! She smiles and cuddles her spare skin.
She looks over at the katana, bends down, and sniffs the handle like a dog. She frowns.
AYLA (Interview): Crono dead.
* * * * * *
End of Episode 3. To be continued... (I hope)
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Bwahahaha. Fantastic.
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...Ayla IS wearing something else during this entire time, right? Because the way I read it sounded like shes been naked or topless the last 3 episodes.
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She was wearing her skin the whole time. It was her spare skin that was missing.
I wouldn't dream of writing it so that was Ayla naked/topless the whole time, or any of the female characters.
Besides, it's common sense that all women have lots of spare clothing.
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But this is the Real World, right? I've seen some nudity there I'm not ready to forget.
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She wasn't nude. What more do I need to say to prove this?
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She wasn't nude. What more do I need to say to prove this?
Draw a pair of pictures depicting the difference =D
Hahaha jk!
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She wasn't nude. What more do I need to say to prove this?
Nothing. I just meant in general reality shows have bent the rules, so I wouldn't be surprised if you did as well. Though, for the record, I thought it was pretty damn obvious that she lost her spare skin.
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... for the record, I thought it was pretty damn obvious that she lost her spare skin.
Yes. That's what counts the most. Thank you.
All's cool now. 8)
So, any ideas for future episodes I can string through? After all, you've yet to see the exciting conclusion of Ayla's Underwear.
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For anyone still interested in this parody series, I'm starting on Episode 4.
It should be done and up by around Saturday afternoon.
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Woot! I am thoroughly enjoying these! They're very amusing...
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Sorry for the delay. I had to do yard work today and visit a reception for a childhood friend of mine. Oddly enough, this is my longest one yet.
Enjoy this late final edition.
* * * * * *
CRONO: It’s the same show with a new twist.
MARLE: Seven people living under one roof.
LUCCA: Getting to know each other better.
FROG: Privy to their flaws and faults.
ROBO: Tolerating their illogical actions.
MAGUS: Wishing they could get a moment’s peace.
AYLA: This Real World – Chrono Trigger.
EPISODE FOUR: Robo’s Software, The Big Case Part 1, and Ayla’s Underwear Part 4
MARLE (Interview): Ever since the incident we had the other day with Ayla and Crono, he’s been kind of distant from women. I’m concerned, and not for the reason you expect it. Why? Because he just found a way to vent his frustration. I don’t like it.
INT. LIVING R0OM – DAY
Crono is watching “Miss Truce” on TV while Marle vacuums and Lucca fiddles about with her lie detector.
Crono turns up the volume as Marle passes by. Marle shuts off the vacuum.
MARLE: Got nothing better to watch, you pig?
CRONO: (pauses the show) We’ve been through this. You’re not my mother, Marle.
LUCCA: That’s right. She’s your fiancée.
MARLE: (to Lucca) No, I’m not.
CRONO: Oh, so that moment at Death Peak when I came back to life was just a failed love test?
MARLE: (to Crono) Stay on topic. This isn’t about you.
CRONO: Oh, but it’s all about you when your dad decides to cut you off at 17.
MARLE: Is this about me alphabetizing the DVD case? We put it behind us two weeks ago!
CRONO: Oh! Now look who’s not staying on topic!
MARLE: Admit it! You’re just mad because you hate a little order in your life!
CRONO: I would like to be able to find my “Star Trek” DVDs once in a while if I can find them!
ROBO enters the room. He stands and stares at Crono and Marle as they argue.
ROBO: Pardon me. Am I interrupting something?
MARLE: What do you need, Robo?
ROBO: … I was just entering this room and about to inquire as to the whereabouts of who decimated my Wireless Hub Router. Is such an inquiry an inconvenience to you?
MARLE: … I’m going out. (Exits the room)
ROBO: Farewell, Mistress Marle. (Exits the room)
Crono and Lucca stare at each other in confusion.
LUCCA (Interview): Did Robo just hold a regular conversation with Marle? Three witnesses, including me, say “yes.” How did he hold that conversation without correcting us or making us feel inferior to him? I have to investigate.
ROBO (Interview): This human behavior recognition software is most unorthodox. The usual commands that I execute while holding a conversation seem to be blocked. Amongst these commands are:
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Double Negative
Filler Verb
Red Herring
Ad Hominem
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ROBO (Interview): These are but a few of what was deleted when I got this software. Oh, no. I’m slowly starting to sound human. What is… happening to me?
AT THE FRONT DOOR
Marle opens the door to someone who is about to knock.
MARLE: Oh! Can I help you?
ATTORNEY: Yes, I’m your group’s attorney. I’m here to help you with your case.
MARLE: What case?
ATTORNEY: You’re being sued by an inventor. (Hands Marle a bundle of paper)
MARLE: What!?
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Everyone is gathered around for the attorney.
ATTORNEY: That’s about it. He’s asking for 15,000 dollars in funding instead of charges.
LUCCA: He’s got nothing on my invention. There’s no way he could’ve published the patent before me. I’ll break into the archives myself if I have to!
FROG: Fret not your troubled heart, Lucca. I hold confidence within that we shalt find the scoundrel—
Low beeps and boops emanate from Lucca’s machine.
LUCCA: (Bitter) It’s okay if you believe in me, Frog, even if my machine says otherwise.
FROG: … As a noble knight, I canst relay a falsehood. I know nothing about modern conveniences. My confidence rests thin as the veil betwixt life and death.
ATTORNEY: Not to worry. I’ve researched this man, and there’s plenty of evidence to—
MAGUS: What’s the big deal?
The attorney and the others look at Magus.
MAGUS: It’s just a machine that tells a truth from a lie. I can easily do that. I don’t see why I can’t just hypnotize this man into dropping this pointless case.
CRONO: We’ve got enough problems to deal with without your emo attitude, Magus. And no, we’re not gonna hypnotize him.
MAGUS: (Stands up) Who are you calling emo, you spike-headed teen?
CRONO: Hey, these spikes have more volume than your flat, silver hair.
MAGUS: (Lifts his scythe to Crono) You’re gonna regret saying that, kid.
CRONO: (Stands up) Bring it on!
The others protest ad-lib as Magus and Crono stand behind the couch, ready to attack each other. Somewhere, someone shouts about “already going over not using weapons.”
FROG (Interview): Every chance we engage in a civil meeting, it always concludes with a quarreling of some sort, albeit weapon damage is more favorable to tidying up than the damage magic can unleash.
ATTORNEY (Interview): How can I help these people if they can’t even keep it together in their own house? It’s like defending a dysfunctional family who… never mind.
Magus (Interview): Always something to fight about amongst these kids. That’s why I carry my scythe around everywhere I go.
INTERVIEWER: Can you really tell a truth from a lie without magic?
MAGUS (Interview): Of course. I just need to withhold my emotions and it’s easy from there. I can also deduce famous questions by withholding my emotions. For example, the reason we can’t build airplanes out of the same material as crash-proof black boxes is because the plane would become too heavy to fly.
INTERVIEWER: …interesting.
INT. CRONO’S ROOM – LATER
Crono is listening to some music on his iPod. The door to his room bursts in. Startled, Crono looks over.
Ayla stands next to Crono’s broken door, holding her spare skin. Crono puts away his iPod.
CRONO: Ayla! Were you around before knocking was invented!?
AYLA: Crono steal and hide Ayla spare skin. Ayla mad, Crono pay punishment.
CRONO: For the last time, it wasn’t me! Go ask Lucca and her potentially copyright-infringed machine. She’ll back me up.
AYLA: No hide truth from Ayla. Ayla see Crono sword in black sound box, spare skin inside black sound box. How Crono explain?
Ayla throws her spare skin on the ground.
CRONO: Um, it was a coincidence!? I don’t know who put your spare skin there! Honest!
Ayla leaps like a cat toward Crono, pinning him against the wall. Crono is both scared and flustered.
AYLA: (Calm) If Crono telling truth, which Ayla find hard to believe, then Crono help Ayla find who steal and hide Ayla spare skin.
CRONO: Fair enough. Let’s go find whoever did this to you.
Ayla gets off of Crono and exits the room. Crono follows her.
AYLA (Interview): Ayla know Crono no steal spare skin. Crono not stealer like Kino, but Kino apologize. If Kino apologize to Crono, Ayla apologize to Crono. But Ayla still no know who steal spare skin.
CRONO (Interview): She could’ve killed me back there, but she didn’t. She must like some part of me. The question is… which part is it?
MAGUS (Interview): She’ll never find out that I did it.
* * * * * *
End of Episode Four. To be continued… (I hope)
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CRONO: I would like to be able to find my “Star Trek” DVDs once in a while if I can find them!
Seems redundant...
MAGUS (Interview): She’ll never find out that I did it.
Fwohoho! But she was never supposed to find it in the first place! Hahaha...
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Good stuff, good stuff. Wish we could have seen a little more Robo though...
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Actually, I'm going to make it so Robo helps them out with...
I think I said too much already.
You'll just have to wait for the next episode due this Wednesday.
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Update:
Since I'm just getting started this semester at my university, I need to get started with my book purchases and allotting the proper amount of study time, so the release date for my next episode is being pushed back. Hopefully, I'll have it done and published by this Friday.
Worry not, readers. Stay cool and reserve your anticipation. It'll be worth the wait. 8)
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My latest creation is finally here to for all to enjoy.
So, enjoy! :D
* * * * * *
CRONO: It’s the same show with a new twist.
MARLE: Seven people living under one roof.
LUCCA: Getting to know each other better.
FROG: Privy to their flaws and faults.
ROBO: Tolerating their illogical actions.
MAGUS: Wishing they could get a moment’s peace.
AYLA: This Real World – Chrono Trigger.
EPISODE FIVE: Crono’s Apology Cake, The Big Case Part 2, and Ayla’s Confession
CRONO (Interview): Marle’s been acting kind of weird lately. She’s moody, she always in her room, and she almost never talks to me. I mean, it’s only been a week since we argued over sorting the DVD library. I just can’t believe how temperamental women can be. (Pause) I don’t like Blu-Ray.
INT. MARLE’S ROOM – DAY
Marle is typing away on her TruceBook profile. There’s a knock at her door.
Marle heaves a sigh, gets up, and opens her door. Crono has his hands behind his back.
MARLE: What do you want?
CRONO: I came to apologize because of… well, because of what happened last week.
MARLE: I don’t know what you’ve got for me, but it’s not going to make this better.
CRONO: Come on, at least show some appreciation for me doing this. Everybody’s gone to fight that inventor guy in court, and we’re the only ones here, so—
MARLE: So you came to apologize when it was most convenient for you. And no, Magus and Ayla are still here.
CRONO: Magus and Ayla?
MARLE: Yeah, Magus won’t help us because of our past with him, and trials weren’t invented when Ayla was alive.
CRONO: Oh…but hey. Check this out. I made it for you.
Crono reveals an apology cake. It reads “I’m sorry.” The sprites for Crono and Marle’s impromptu balloon ride at the Moonlight Festival is imprinted on the cake.
MARLE: (Shakes her head) That better not be butter-cream cake from Save Mart.
CRONO: It was the only kind they had in stock.
MARLE: I knew it! (Slams the door)
CRONO: What!? I go to all this trouble to make up for what I did, and to get that ending for our adventure, and you won’t accept my apology because you’re watching your waistline?
Marle opens the door again. She stares at Crono.
MARLE: You really want to go to all that trouble to say you’re sorry?
CRONO: Um, didn’t I just do that?
MARLE: No, you didn't. I’ll take that, thank you.
Marle takes the cake from Crono and calmly starts to closes the door.
CRONO: So you accept my apology?
MARLE: (Stops) Make one from scratch… then we’ll talk (Closes the door).
Crono heaves a sigh and heads for the kitchen.
MARLE (Interview): I know Crono really means well for me. I think it’s sweet for him to get me a cake, but I wanted him to work for his apology. You don’t just go through a relationship like this and think you can get away with your partner doing the least amount of work and getting the most out of it.
INTERVIEWER: He told us that you were supposed to share it with him.
MARLE (Interview): Oh. Oh, boy. Um, how do I put this? Somebody else went and ate it when I wasn’t looking. Please don’t tell him.
AYLA (Interview): (Face covered in frosting) Ayla like white mud food! Better than sweet water! Now Ayla no sleep for both sun and moon! Ayla find more white mud food! (Gets up and leaves)
INT. COURTROOM – MEANWHILE
The courtroom is crowded with members of the press and public. Frog sits right behind Lucca and Robo, both of whom sit at the defendant’s table. Their lawyer isn’t there.
LAWYER (Interview): As it turns out, they didn’t need me. I don't know why, but they seemed confident in their decision. (Pauses) I fear for their lives.
The Judge enters the courtroom and takes his seat at the podium.
JUDGE: We will begin the trial with the introduction of the plaintiff and the defense.
Cue dramatic piano music.
--------------------------------------------------
Plaintiff’s Name: Norstein Bekkler
Gender: Male
Age: Thousands
Occupation: Horror Show Operator / Amateur Inventor
Likes: Maniacal Laughter, Poyozo Dolls, Candle-Lit Dinners
Dislikes: Losing to a customer
--------------------------------------------------
Defendant’s Name: Lucca Ashtear
Gender: Female
Age: Late teens (maybe legal)
Occupation: Inventor / Science Whiz
Likes: Inventing, Studying, Moon-lit Walks on the Beach
Dislikes: Floating heads, Frogs
--------------------------------------------------
Lawyer’s Name: R67-Y (aka “Robo”)
Gender: Apparently Male
Judge: Too far!
The piano music stops via record scratch.
JUDGE: (Clears throat) The plaintiff claims that Miss Lucca had filed a patent for a portable lie detector with nearly the same functional attributes and schematics as the one patented by the plaintiff. The date of said patent submission was…
The judge continues to introduce the case ad-lib.
LUCCA: (Whispers to Robo) Are you sure you know what you’re doing?
ROBO: (Whispers to Lucca) Of course. Yesterday, I downloaded the Truce Civil and Penal Code Book and I downloaded every episode of “Law & Order” in existence. Instant lawyer at your service.
LUCCA (Interview): Norstein Bekkler. I should’ve known. He’s been after me since I beat his 15-man Clone Search game in less than ten seconds, a first for anyone who’s ever played in his tent. And no, that’s not a sexual reference.
ROBO (Interview): Although it usually goes against my programming, right now, I feel it my moral obligation to help Lucca in this case. Still, it simply astounds me how humans file lawsuits for the tiniest nuisances. For example, I read an article the other day about a student suing his professor for teaching a difficult subject which he claimed would be easy. I thought it was.
INTERVIEWER: Which class was it?
ROBO (Interview): Particle Physics. I don’t see what’s so hard about such a class.
NORSTEIN (Interview): I’m going to win this lawsuit, and Lucca’s gonna face my newest game as punishment. I call it “The Kitty Litter Special"... because, you know, I like cats and such.
INT. KITCHEN - MEANWHILE
Crono works amidst different ingredients and a Betty Crocker cookbook opened up to “Baked Alaska.”
Ayla enters the kitchen.
CRONO: Ayla, now’s not a best time. I’m busy working on Marle’s new cake.
AYLA: But Crono promise Ayla to help find guy who take Ayla spare skin.
CRONO: Any other time, I would help you, but I’m busy working on Marle’s new cake.
AYLA: Cake? Do Crono mean white mud food?
CRONO: No, it’s not called—(stops what he’s doing) Wait a second. Ayla, did you see the, uh… “White mud food” I gave to Marle?
AYLA: Huh? White mud food for Marle?
CRONO: Yes. It was a cake I bought from the store. Where did you see her put it?
AYLA: Ayla see white mud food in Marle hut when Marle use little water cave. Ayla see white mud food, Ayla smell white mud food, Ayla… Ayla…
CRONO: What did you do, Ayla?
AYLA: *Sniffle* Ayla eat white mud food! (Drops to her knees) Oh, Ayla sorry, Crono! Ayla no able to help. Tummy say “Yes! Eat white mud food!” but Ayla say “No!”… and Tummy win over Ayla mind! Ayla no strong at all!
Ayla cries into Crono’s tunic and blows her nose. Crono is both disgusted and flattered at the same time as he continues to stir the ingredients in the bowl in his arms.
CRONO (Interview): Not strong? How many women do you know that can eat an entire butter-cream cake in one sitting? Ayla’s stronger than any of us, especially when you consider her style of living. None of that’s gonna go to her thighs.
MARLE (Interview): (In her bathrobe) What!? I'm not giving an interview looking like this! Get out!!
Marle blocks the camera with her hand.
* * * * * *
End of Episode Five. To be continued… (I hope)
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Bwahahaha. I especially liked that one of Bekkler's likes is "Candle-Lit Dinners". Simply delightful.
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Ahahahaah! That was awesome. Go Ayla.
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Yeah. Norstein may be a trickster, but he's got a soft, romantic side to him that nobody knew about... until this episode.
As for Ayla, it's a little tricky coming up with the Prehistoric equivalent of modern-day terms:
Cake = White Mud Food
Shower = Little Water Cave
Video Camera = ????????
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Yeah, I doubt there's a prehistoric precedent for the video camera. You could have her mispronounce it or something...
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Hmm...
How about Video Camera = All-Seeing Black Rock?
Yeah...I thought it was too much to attempt.
Anywho, if there's anything you would to see happen to the characters, PM me and I'll do my best to incorporate them into the series. Cheers to the viewers! : :D
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As fate would have it, Episode will be due this Friday or Saturday, so stay tuned for:
- The intense (yet comical) court room scene with Lucca, Robo, and the ever-so-tricky Norstein Bekkler
- Ayla's hunt for the one responsible for hiding her spare skin
- Crono's completion and appeal to Marle with his Baked Alaska
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Can't wait!
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Update: I just got a new wireless card for my computer.
The old one was broken and I had to get it replaced, thus making me unable to post it tonight.
Sorry for the delay. :( I'll do my best to make it up to the faithful readers of this series.
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Sorry, folks, for almost a week of delay on my deadline. Welcome to the world of creative writing, huh?
Anyways, here’s the next episode to enjoy. It’s a landmark episode for me seeing how it’s the first one in the series to include an emoticon of any kind.
* * * * * *
CRONO: It’s the same show with a new twist.
MARLE: Seven people living under one roof.
LUCCA: Getting to know each other better.
FROG: Privy to their flaws and faults.
ROBO: Tolerating their illogical actions.
MAGUS: Wishing they could get a moment’s peace.
AYLA: This Real World – Chrono Trigger.
EPISODE SIX: The Big Case Part 3, and Crono’s Early Departure
LUCCA (Interview): Ever since Robo decided to be my representation in this case, our group’s lawyer has decided to pull out on us. I think it’s because he fears his extensive knowledge of legal counseling and patent processing.
INTERVIEWER: Didn’t you say earlier it was because he had a computer his your body?
LUCCA (Interview): That, too. Hey, intimidation only works if you can “back it up”. Get it?
INTERVIEWER: :? …no.
INT. COURTROOM – DAY
JUDGE: Mr. Bekkler, the floor is yours.
Norstein Bekkler floats over the plaintiff’s table, towards the jury, and lets out his trademark laugh.
NORSTEIN: (Sinister) Leggies and Jangle-Fans—*clears throat* (Composed) Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury…and the occasional amphibian mix…
FROG: (To himself) How didst fate ever see to me being a juror?
NORSTEIN: …I will present to you undeniable evidence and eyewitness testimony that I, Norstein Bekkler, am the original inventor of the homemade portable lie detector, and that Lucca Ashtear is guilty of being nothing more than a smarter-than-your-average copycat.
ROBO: (Extends his Crisis Arm) Objection!
The sound of a weapon charging its energy rings throughout the courtroom. Everybody in earshot gasps and starts to shuffle in their seats away from Robo.
JUDGE: (Bangs his gavel) Robo! Get rid of that weapon attached to your arm!
ROBO: But I can’t. Only the party leader can equip and unequip weapons and armor.
JUDGE: And who’s your party leader?
ROBO: Crono, but he’s not here right now. Here, I’ll leave the safety on while security escorts him here. (Switches his safety on)
JUDGE: (Heaves a sigh) If we get a police service to bring Crono here, then you can never use an objection for the rest of this trial.
ROBO: Agreed, you Honor. (Bows, then sits down)
NORSTEIN: As I was saying… where was I at? Oh, yes. I’d like to call up Bob, the patent clerk.
-------------------------------------------
Name: Bob Burpsaplenty
Gender: Male
Occupation: Patent Clerk
Likes: Archiving ridiculous patents (e.g. Parachute hat)
Dislikes: Not having a personality, his surname
-------------------------------------------
NORSTEIN: Mister Burpsaplenty, according to the records at the patent office you work at, how long ago did I register my invention?
BOB: About two weeks and three days ago.
NORSTEIN: And was the registration in question for my homemade portable lie detector?
BOB: Yes, it was.
NORSTEIN: And is it true that some time after the date of registration that you also registered a patent similar to my own in both composition and function?
BOB: I believe I did. At least, I think I did.
NORSTEIN: (Whips out some papers) Your honor, this documentation is a reprinted copy of the patent for my device which was filed at the time specified by Mister Burpsaplenty. What does the timestamp read on the document, Bob?
Norstein Bekkler shows Bob Burpsaplenty the documents. Bob looks near the bottom of the first page.
BOB: The twenty-second of August?
The jurors murmur amongst themselves, except Frog. One murmurs to Frog.
FROG: (To himself) Watermelon, Cantaloupe, Walla-Walla? What cryptic tongue be mine fellow jurors speaking?
NORSTEIN: Thank you, Mister Burpsaplenty. Robo, your witness.
Norstein Bekkler floats over to his table, lets out his trademark laugh. Robo stands up, approaches Bob.
ROBO: Mister Burpsaplenty, when did you say that you filed Mister Bekkler’s patent?
BOB: Two weeks and three days ago.
ROBO: And was the documentation provided to you by Mister Bekkler authentic?
BOB: I believe it was.
ROBO: There’s a difference between believing something and knowing something. According to your profile, Mister Burpsaplenty, you like to archive ridiculous patents. What do you make of a homemade portable lie detector?
BOB: I… I- I don’t know if they’re legitimate or not. At least, I think they are. I don’t know, the idea sounds kind of odd to me.
ROBO: Shaky answer, Mister Burpsaplenty. (Takes some documents out of his chest) Your Honor, these are the archives for the patent office that Bob works at. Mister Burpsaplenty, is the homemade portable lie detector listed amongst these patents?
Robo shows Bob the documents. Bob scans the page over.
BOB: No, sir.
ROBO: So, let’s add this up. You claim not to know the legitimacy of a homemade portable lie detector, and yet you chose not to archive these two patents? Let the record show that Mister Burpsaplenty has just made a contradiction.
The jurors murmur amongst themselves, except Frog. One murmurs to Frog.
FROG: (To himself) What must one learn to master such language? Be there a book on this?
ROBO: No further questions, your honor.
Robo and Bob take their respective seats.
LUCCA (Interview): I think this is going pretty well. Robo seems to know what he’s doing. What I don’t understand is how Frog got onto the jury.
FROG (Interview): I will reward most handsomely the soul who can translate the nonsense spoken by mine fellow jurors. How elst can I reach an impartial answer? One even did propose to cast lots for Lucca’s innocence. ‘Tis but a wagon of billycock!
INT. LIVING ROOM - MEANWHILE
Magus is sitting down watching Unsolved Mysteries starring Schala Zeal as the missing person. Ayla and Crono enter the room. Magus mutters a few words under his breath. The TiVo pauses the program.
MAGUS: What do you two want?
AYLA: Ayla look for man who steal Ayla spare skin. Ayla know that man steal it.
CRONO: She’s been bugging me all day about it. She bugged me while I was making Baked Alaska and while I was working the oven. Just tell us what you know.
MAGUS: Take your search somewhere else.
AYLA: Ayla no leave until pale man with sharp rock pole speaks truth.
CRONO: I burned my hands while placing the pans in the oven.
AYLA: Ayla know pale man know who steal Ayla spare skin.
MAGUS: So, what’s the problem? You found your underwear. Let bygones be bygones.
AYLA: Ayla think one-eyed god hypnotize pale man into no speak truth… and what be bygone? Ayla not know.
CRONO: (Shows his hands) I got untreated second-degree burns from half an hour ago.
MAGUS: This one-eyed god is my only relief from the rest of you. Besides, it’s not like either of you can fight me for the truth.
Crono raises a finger to object, but stops and hangs his head in shame.
CRONO: He’s right. Let’s go look somewhere else, Ayla. (Drags Ayla away)
AYLA: Ayla know pale man steal Ayla spare skin! Ayla knooooooooooooowwwww!!
Magus chuckles to himself, mutters a few more words, and his program resumes.
MAGUS (Interview): Yeah, I’m still searching for my sister, even though I’m stuck with these kids. It’s what keeps me going through the week. I’ll find her someday, but until then, I can always watch my favorite childhood sitcom, It Happened in Zeal.
INT. HALLWAY - LATER
Crono approaches Marle’s room with the finished Baked Alaska on a silver tray. Ayla follows behind Crono with a bottle of dark rum.
CRONO: Okay, Ayla. Pour that on the cake.
Ayla pours the dark rum on the Baked Alaska.
[/b]AYLA: [/b] What this black water do to white mud food, Crono?
CRONO: It makes the cake go flambé.
AYLA: Go what? Crono speak funny.
CRONO: (Groans) Black water make white mud food turn hot. Okay, stop.
Ayla stops pouring the dark rum and sets it aside. She picks up a box of matches.
[/b]AYLA: [/b] Now Ayla use little fire stick?
CRONO: Not yet. I have to knock first.
Crono raises his fist to knock, but there’s a knock at the front door instead. Crono stops.
CRONO: Hold this, Ayla.
Crono hands Ayla the Baked Alaska and approaches the front door. He peeks through the peephole and spots five or so officers gathered the front door. Crono opens the door.
CRONO: Something wrong, officers?
Officer #1: Are you Crono of Truce?
CRONO: Uh… yes?
Officer #1: Good. Take ‘im, boys.
The officers swarm around Crono, subdue him, and escort him out the door.
CRONO: Marle! Help! It's the Trial all over again! I can still hear the music...!
The officers continue to pull Crono down the hallway.
Meanwhile, Ayla strikes a match against the wall and touches the flame to the Baked Alaska. It catches fire right away. Marle opens her door and peeks out. Ayla steps back.
MARLE: Crono, what are you yelling about!? (Looks at the cake, gasps) Baked Alaska?
* * * * * *
End of Episode Six. To be continued… (I hope)
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If it's any consolation, the late arrival was mostly due to my creative train of thought being held up at the station. It happens from time to time, but I'll find some way to make it up to the readers.
You can still influence the series by PMing me with ideas for what can happen to the characters.
For now, you still have the latest release. :D
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Coming up this week: the next episode of TRW-CT. Stay tuned for:
- Crono's unexpected role in the Bekkler V. Ashtear trial.
- Ayla's courageous and foolish shakedown of Magus
~and~
- Marle revealing her profile on Trucebook
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Update:
Apparently, nobody told me that my family was throwing a party this weekend and they wanted to invite me over. Well, being the nice and generous person that I am to them, I decided to put Episode 7 on the backburner for now until the weekend is over. From there, I'll finish the story.
Hang in there. It'll get better with practice and a fresh injection of creativity.
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*Norstein Bekkler floats over the plaintiff’s table, towards the jury, and lets out his trademark laugh.*
I pictured this differently. I thought Bekkler was going floating towards to the Jury, but instead floats to the assigned seats. I wonder how many people are freaked out about a head and two hands floating in thin air? Perhaps he is the remnants of Zeal?
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I am so… sorry. :cry:
It’s been so long since I posted the latest episode of TRW – CT.
I had taken the time to take the series in a new direction. From here on out, each new episode doesn’t so much follow “The Real World” format, but also the format of a hilarious sitcom that I’ve grown fond of. You probably haven’t heard of it. It’s called “Arrested Development.” The series ended three years ago, but it’s so funny to watch.
Anyways, hope you like the new format for my short story series. Enjoy. :)
NARRATOR: Now for the story of seven people from different eras, all living under one roof. Most of them have magic, but they still manage to screw up and get on each other’s nerves in…
“The Real World – Chrono Trigger.”
EPISODE SEVEN: The Big Case Part 4, and Magus’ Grudge
BREAKING NEWS REPORT!!
NEWS ANCHOR: A tragic event today. A section of the downtown courthouse roof collapsed during a lawsuit trial. Luckily, nobody was injured or killed. Police have speculated that the origin of the collapse was not from a structural failure, but failure to keep the safety on.
INT. COURTROOM – DAY
Robo and Lucca sit at the Defendant’s table while Norstein Bekkler sits at the Plaintiff’s table alone. Frog sits amongst the jurors.
NARRATOR: Rewind to earlier that day.
Lucca had been sued by Norstein Bekkler for plagiarizing his patent for a portable lie detector that works when you point it at someone.
Frog was on the jury by some amazing means, and Crono had been escorted by police to the courthouse to remove Robo’s Crisis Arm. Crono was about to present a Baked Alaska cake to Marle when he was taken away against his will.
All the while, Magus was watching the trial on Court TV, taking a break from finding his sister, Schala, who had now become the Time Devourer.
Everybody was asking the same question: When is this day going to end? Or, in the case of Ayla, When does sun leave sky?
INT. CHARACTERS’ HOUSE – DAY
Magus watches the trial unfold on TV. Marle enters the room.
MARLE: Still watching the trial?
MAGUS: I’ve got nothing else to do. On the bright side, this makes up for that time you guys harassed me at the North Cape.
MARLE: Are you still pissed about that? Do you know how long ago that was?
MAGUS: Three months ago.
NARRATOR: Magus, of course, was referring to when Crono died and his home got destroyed simply because Lavos threw a temper tantrum when the Mammon Machine tried to leech off of Lavos’ energy.
MAGUS: *Chuckles to himself* Look who shows up, and on all the shows I watch.
On TV, Crono appears in the courtroom, escorted by two police officers. He approaches Robo. Robo shows Crono his Crisis Arm, and Crono clumsily removes it. Laughter erupts in the court room.
Magus chuckles as well.
MARLE: Poor Crono.
MAGUS: What did you ever see in him, anyway?
MARLE: More than I see in you right now.
MAGUS: Don’t tempt me. I’m enjoying this too much.
Glass shatters in the background! Magus turns around.
MAGUS: What was that?
INT. MAGUS’ ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Ayla rummages around the room, which consists of a single futon, walls painted black, and shelves upon shelves of spell books and formulas in bottles.
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, Ayla had not given up on the idea that one of the guys, excluding Robo, stole her spare underwear and hid it as a joke to her intelligence.
AYLA: *Groan* Ayla know white-haired death man hide spare buck skin! Ayla no rest until death man confess! Ayla sit in death man’s hut if need to!
Ayla sits on Magus’ futon and folds her arms. She makes a childish grumpy face.
NARRATOR: Except it wasn’t a hut. It was a loft, and unless somebody who knew magic could assist her in one of her double techs, she would be powerless against what was about to happen to her.
Magus enters his room, but the door isn’t there. Only a blanket hung from the frame.
MAGUS: (Points his Doom Sickle at her) You break my door and now you trash my room? If you want to fight so badly, then stop beating around the bush!
AYLA: (Springs to her feet) Ayla no beat bush! Ayla beat white-haired death man!
MAGUS: It’s Magus, you Prehistoric Wonder Woman!
Marle bursts into the room. Magus and Ayla whip about.
MARLE: Cut it out, you two! If you wanna fight so badly, do it on the roof!
MAGUS: … Fine, but if she gets hurt, it’s her fault for not blocking. See you up there.
Magus exits the room.
AYLA: Ayla no scared of white-haired death man! Ayla get stronger from last fight!
MAGUS: (Distant) It’s Magus!
NARRATOR: The previous fight in question was when Ayla broke Magus’ door as a result of practicing her Falcon Kick while blindfolded. Naturally, Magus beat her easily with his Dark magic. In response, Ayla invested her allowance into correspondence training with the help of Robo.
Several back copies of Iokan Fitness magazine lie on the coffee table.
NARRATOR: It was the first publication in existence back on her home planet. However, men and women of that era were naturally muscle-bound and consequently strong.
EXT. ROOFTOP – LATER
Magus and Ayla face off each other ten paces apart. Marle stands off to the middle as referee.
NARRATOR: Also, sports medicine and protein shakes weren’t available in her era and therefore had no visible effect on her strength training and muscle building.
AYLA: Ayla wait long time for this.
MAGUS: Bring it on, Miss Universe.
MARLE: Ready? Set? Fight!
Ayla charges on all fours at Magus as he chants a spell.
Ayla leaps into the air. Magus points her scythe at her and fires off a blast of dark magic. Ayla turns gracefully in mid-air missing the ballistic ball of magic. She somersaults on the ground and jumps back up.
The dark blast sails through the sky in a long arc over the skyscrapers. All three watch it as it flies.
INT. COURTROOM – MEANWHILE
Norstein Bekkler floats back over to his seat behind the Plaintiff table. Crono, between two officers, snoozes behind Robo and Lucca, holding and leaning against Robo’s Crisis Arm.
JUDGE: Robo, any closing statements before we conclude this session?
ROBO: Affirmative, your Honor.
Robo stands up and approaches the jury box.
ROBO: Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury… and Frog…
Frog slaps his forehead.
FROG: (to himself) Why be it me?
ROBO: I have demonstrated the flaws in the Plaintiff’s arguments, cross-referenced his witnesses only to find numerous contradictions between them, and presented physical evidence which demonstrated that my client was innocent of any and all charges of plagiarism. In essence, the Plaintiff’s lawsuit against my client was unfounded and therefore would eventually cave in on him.
BLAM!! A blast of dark vapors rocks the rooftop of the courthouse. Frightened onlookers and everyone else in the courtroom stare up at the disturbance. Debris falls from the gaping hole in the ceiling.
Crono snaps out of his nap, accidentally hits the trigger on Robo’s Crisis Arm. A laser beam erupts from the Crisis Arm, hits the ceiling in a horizontal spray of deadly light.
Explosions erupt from the impact area, breaking more holes in the ceiling and sending more debris and a section of the roof crashing down.
Everybody in the courtroom races out in sheer panic.
BREAKING NEWS REPORT!!
NEWS ANCHOR: A tragic event today. A section of the downtown courthouse roof collapsed during a lawsuit trial. Luckily, nobody was injured or killed. Police have speculated that the origin of the collapse was not from a structural failure, but failure to keep the safety on.
NARRATOR: As it turned out, Crono had inadvertently flipped the safety off of Robo’s Crisis Arm while taking a nap during the trial.
As far as Magus was aware, he had no idea that his dark magic attack was the initial cause of the courthouse fire. The police, however, simply attributed the first explosion to a faulty generator, even though all generators for the building were located underground.
INT. CHARACTERS’ HOUSE – NIGHT
Everybody sits down and watches the courthouse fire on TV. Crono and Robo isn’t here.
FROG: I declare. Where be Crono and the bronze automaton?
LUCCA: They’re being held in custody until repairs are done.
MARLE: Speaking of which, who’s paying for the damages?
LUCCA: Apparently, we are. They estimated the total cost of parts and labor at 250,000.
Record scratch!! Everybody turns to face Lucca in total shock. Everybody except Ayla.
NARRATOR: Of course Ayla had no concept of money. Her tribe back in her era used rocks, feathers, and similar items for currency.
INT. HOLDING CELL – MEANWHILE
Crono and Robo sit amongst other lowlifes and thugs. Their weapons are confiscated.
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, Crono and Robo were busy making new friends until the courthouse was repaired and the trial could resume.
A thug in a black headband, crew cut, and fingerless gloves approaches Crono.
THUG: Nice head piece. Who’s your buddy there? (Points to Robo)
Crono looks at the camera in dismay.
END OF EPISODE SEVEN. TO BE CONTINUED... (I HOPE)
Ta-Dah!! :D
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I now present to you the next episode in all its unadulterated glory. Enjoy. :D
NARRATOR: Now for the story of seven people from different eras, all living under one roof. Most of them have magic, but they still manage to screw up and get on each other’s nerves in…
“The Real World – Chrono Trigger.”
EPISODE EIGHT: Jail-bird Crono, Frog's Mistake, and Lucca’s Déjà Vu
INT. HOLDING CELL – NIGHT
Crono and Robo sit amongst other lowlifes and thugs. Their weapons are confiscated.
NARRATOR: Crono and Robo had been put into custody for accidentally destroying a section of the courthouse roof during Lucca’s lawsuit trial with Norstein Bekkler. Their sentence would begin the following morning, and their preliminary hearing would be in three months.
ROBO: Crono, why do humans imprison whom they speculate to be guilty as swiftly as possible, but the trial for their innocence takes magnitudes longer?
CRONO: How should I know? It’s not like I give a crap.
ROBO: A hostile response was not was I was inquiring after.
CRONO: Robo, just go into sleep mode or whatever it is you do! I’m trying to think.
A thug in a black headband, crew cut, and fingerless gloves approaches Crono.
THUG: Nice head piece. Who’s your buddy? (Points to Robo)
CRONO: Don’t even go there.
THUG: You trying to start something? ‘Cause I’m game if you are. (Cracks his knuckles)
The other thugs spot the potential skirmish and back against the walls of the cell.
CRONO: First of all, I’m not game for anything. Even if I were, you’re in for an epic fail. So once again, don’t even go there.
THUG: You ain’t so tough without your sword. I saw ‘em take it away.
CRONO: (Stands up, faces the thug) I don’t need a sword to wipe the floor with you.
THUG: Then prove it, Richard Simmons.
CRONO: Sure thing, Liberace.
Crono and the Thug grab each other by their shirts and proceed to punch each other.
ROBO: (Stands up) Crono, if I recall our code of ethics, we’re not allowed to use—
THUG: Can it, stove pipe! This guy’s mine!
Robo’s eyes glow red. He bounds forward and grabs the thug by his shirt.
ROBO: Who are you calling a stove pipe, you meat sack?
GUARD: (Off Camera) Hey! Break it up!
Robo, Crono, and the Thug turn to see three guards approach the holding cell. Each of them whips out an extendable riot baton. One of them proceeds to open the cell door.
NARRATOR: Fortunately, the guards were more than ready to deal with inter-prison race wars between two whites and a bronze.
CRONO: I’m in for a long night.
INT. CHARACTER’S HOUSE – MEANWHILE
Everybody loafs around, except Lucca who sits at the table crunching some numbers.
NARRATOR: Back at the apartment, everybody except Magus and Ayla didn’t seem to care about Crono’s and Robo’s predicament.
Magus had already shown his altruism once for directing the team to the Chrono Trigger, so he felt that he filled his obligation. Ayla, however, had never heard of prison before because it didn’t exist in her era.
LUCCA: (To herself) Then I add these columns from the deductibles summed over here…
MARLE: Lucca, it’s getting kinda late. It’s not we can do anything about his bail.
LUCCA: Yes, we can! I got it all figured out. They set each of their bails for 300,000. Your father’s loaded, and Crono did save his kingdom, so we can always ask him.
MARLE: I don’t know if it’s gonna work, but I’ll try.
CUT TO: Marle talks on the phone ad-lib.
NARRATOR: Unfortunately, Marle’s father, King Guardia XXXIII, was still a little bent out of shape about his daughter giving him spicy jerky in spite of his high blood pressure.
Marle proceeds to hang up the phone. Frog enters.
FROG: Marle, mayhaps I may converse with his Highness and persuade him to offer leave for Crono’s imprisonment.
MARLE: Do you even know how to work a phone, Frog?
FROG: Posh! Since mine arrival to this new land, I’ve befallen privy to the arts of communicating over yonder lengths. By my troth, I shall convince his Highness.
MARLE: *Sigh* If you say so. Here, I’ll dial in his private number.
Marle dials the numbers while Frog holds the piece to his ear. Marle exits.
The phone rings. Frog answers ad-lib. He looks confused over the shouting on the phone.
NARRATOR: Frog’s act of persuasion, however, was in vain. He thought that Marle was dialing for King Guardia XXI, the King of Frog’s era. That King, however, was long dead, and instead, Frog got his great-great- great-great- great-great- great-great- great-great-grandson, King Guardia XXXIII.
Frog scans around. He quietly hangs up the phone. He sneaks away, looking embarrassed.
INT. LIVING ROOM - MEANWHILE
Everybody is gathered on the couches and chairs. Lucca stands before them with a clipboard.
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, Lucca had come to a sad conclusion from all her calculations.
LUCCA: Bad news, gang. Looks like Crono and Robo won’t make bail after all.
MARLE: What are you talking about?
FROG: How be it so, dear Lucca?
MAGUS: Chalk one up for positive thinking, except for Robo.
AYLA: When do Ayla get spare buck skin back?
LUCCA: As it turns out, even if we did get the money, it’s exchange rate would be equal to a little over 100 dollars.
MARLE: My idiot father and his inflation rates! No wonder we’re failing as a kingdom! We might as well go bust them out ourselves!
Lucca drops her clipboard. She staggers back against the TV, begins to suffer a panic attack.
Everybody except Magus rushes to her side and picks her up. She doesn’t move. The group carries Lucca to her bedroom and sets her down on her bed.
INT. LUCCA’S BEDROOM – LATER
Marle enters with a heated damp towel and lays it on a sleeping Lucca’s forehead. She awakes.
MARLE: Oh, thank the Entity you’re up. What happened back there?
LUCCA: I was suffering from a little Déjà Vu. I thought that I put it all behind me.
MARLE: Put what all behind you? What were you remembering?
Lucca does not reply, but stares at the ceiling with a blank expression.
MARLE: Come on, Lucca! What were you remembering?
LUCCA: ... Marle?
MARLE: Yes?
LUCCA: (Silence, then…) Get me my Zonker-38.
END OF EPISODE EIGHT. TO BE CONTINUED… (I HOPE)
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Perhaps the reason that this new format isn't as popular as the original "Real World" is because of what one might claim to be Narrative Intrusion.
However, the third-person omniscient narrator provides the colorful commentary to help bring the comic potential of each scene he/she appears in.
Imagine yourself saying the narrator's lines (you'll most likely do so when you ready these two new additions). Then say them out loud. I bet it'll help.
I'll be working on Epiosde Nine. It should be out before the end of the week.
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I've gotta hand it to you. This dialogue is some of the best I've seen in any CT fan-fic, and I don't give such praise lightly. You've really got a feel for these characters. I eagerly await future installments.
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Ha! Despite a busy Thanksgiving day, I’m a man of my word, and here’s the word:
Enjoy! :D
NARRATOR: Now for the story of seven people from different eras, all living under one roof. Most of them have magic, but they still manage to screw up and get on each other’s nerves in…
“The Real World – Chrono Trigger.”
EPISODE NINE: Lucca’s Relapse, Robo’s Epiphany, and Magus Volunteers
INT. DINING ROOM - NIGHT
Lucca unrolls a blue print on the table top and examines it. Marle examines as well.
NARRATOR: Ever since learning about Crono’s and Robo’s sentence and Marle giving her two cents about breaking him out in lieu of bail, Lucca had a sudden case of Déjà Vu. After an hour of napping, she woke up to formulate her plan with Marle’s help.
LUCCA: Okay, from what I can get here, the prison walls are 20 feet high with reinforced steel interiors and armed guards on each tower post. Now, the doors are digital locks that requires a—
MARLE: Um, Lucca?
LUCCA: (still scanning the blueprints) Yeah?
MARLE: Where did you get these?
LUCCA: Robo e-mailed them to me.
MARLE: Okay, where did he get them?
LUCCA: He said he scanned an image of them on a table next to… the… Supervisor…
A blank expression forms on Lucca’s face. She falls backwards to the ground. Marle springs up and fans Lucca’s face.
NARRATOR: Lucca had just suffered another case of Déjà Vu, except she wasn’t fighting a Dragon Tank with the plans. She was busting Crono out.
Ayla enters the kitchen working her biceps with a 50-lb barbell in each hand.
AYLA: Ayla hear boom in food room. What happen?
MARLE: Lucca’s just suffering from Déjà Vu.
AYLA: (stops pumping iron) … What … Day Jaw Boo? New Reptite enemy?
MARLE: Just forget it. Go get a damp towel, okay?
AYLA: … towel?
MARLE: *Ugh* Go to tiny water hole, get fur skin wet, bring for Lucca.
AYLA: Okay.
Ayla exits the room and heads for the kitchen. Marle continues to fan Lucca.
NARRATOR: While Marle dealt with both Lucca’s relapse and Ayla’s vocabulary…
INT. THE “SPECIAL” CELL – MEANWHILE
An empty cell with a cast-iron door. The door opens. Two guards toss Crono and Robo into the cell. Crono wears a straight-jacket while Robo dons a restraining bolt.
NARRATOR: Crono and Robo were dealing with a new layer to their imprisonment.
The guards shut the door and lock it. A lone window lets the moonlight in.
CRONO: (Struggling to his feet) *Argh!* What is your malfunction, Robo!? The “meat sack” bit, I can understand… but attacking a human?
ROBO: I wasn’t attacking him. Merely intimidating him.
CRONO: You grabbed the guy’s suit and lifted him off the ground!
ROBO: My initial actions were summed up in a line of coding I found on my hard drive.
CRONO: (Now on his feet) What coding?
ROBO: …
NARRATOR: Since explaining it to Crono would be like teaching Algebra to a kid just learning his “take-aways,” here’s what the line of coding looks like:
----------------------------------
'Robo Intimidates Human
Sub IntimidateHuman_JudgementInitiated ()
' assess the situation
If (ImmediateThreat.Enabled = TRUE) Then
IntimidateHuman ()
If (ImmediateThreat.Enabled =FALSE) Then
DoNotIntimidateHuman ()
ResetForFutureThreat ()
End If
End Sub
----------------------------------
ROBO: I am left to ponder as to how I obtained this line of coding.
Robo pauses. He stands up and walks over to the window. He stares up at the full moon.
NARRATOR: Little to Robo’s current memory capacity, that sentence was a backdoor password that triggered a hidden Epiphany sub-sequence on his hard drive.
ROBO: Did you know that Paul Gauguin once said, “Who are we, where did we come from, and where are we going?” All I remember was that I came from a super computer from the distant future. It was there that you, Marle, and Lucca—
Crono heaves a sigh, walks over to the wall and starts banging his head against it.
GUARD: (Outside the cell) Quit making noise in there!
NARRATOR: While Crono had no choice in the matter…
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER
Magus watches TV. His program ends and he mutters a few mystical words under his breath. The TV turns off. He grabs his scythe.
NARRATOR: Magus had plenty of choice in the following matter.
Marle and Lucca walk past him and towards the front door. Lucca carries her satchel and her Zonker-38 at her side while Marle carries her best crossbow.
MAGUS: And where are you two headed?
MARLE: We’re going to bust Crono out.
LUCCA: Not that you care. Lock the door behind us when we leave.
MAGUS: Actually, I care quite a bit. I’m coming with you.
Magus walks past Marle and Lucca towards the front door. A grin forms on his face.
MARLE: Oh, so now you suddenly care about Crono?
MAGUS: Of course I do.
NARRATOR: He doesn’t.
LUCCA: But weren’t you the one that called him a poor fool?
MAGUS: Everything that happened at the North Cape is ancient history! Drop it already!
MARLE: Okay, okay. No need to throw a tantrum over it.
LUCCA: Seriously, though. Why the sudden change of heart?
MAGUS: It’s been a while since I used my magic for something useful.
NARRATOR: It had, in fact, only been since the previous afternoon during his duel with Ayla.
LUCCA: Well, as long as it helps to bust him out, but you better not hurt anybody.
MAGUS: Hey, this is me you’re talking to. I’m a changed wizard.
NARRATOR: He was… to a point, but they had no time to argue.
LUCCA: Good. I’ll clue you in on what we’re doing as we head there.
Magus, Marle, and Lucca exit out the front door.
EXT. ROOFTOP – LATER
The Epoch rests on a platform hidden off to the side of the roof. A gangplank stretches out to it.
Magus, Marle, and Lucca step onto the rooftop. Lucca extracts a remote key and presses a button. The Epoch beeps twice and the canopy opens up. The three board the Epoch.
NARRATOR: And with that, they were on their way… or so they thought.
FROG: Pardon, venturing ones. Whither thou goest at the witching hour?
MARLE: We’re going to bust Crono out of prison.
FROG: Mayhaps mine savvy with the blade be of benefit to thine daring plan.
NARRATOR: Marle, being kind at heart, thought of the most sincere reason she could think of not to allow Frog to tag along.
MARLE: Sorry, Frog. The Epoch only seats three people. Let’s go, Lucca!
Lucca closes the canopy on the Epoch. A glum Frog plods back into the apartment.
Lucca starts the Epoch up and revs the engine.
LUCCA: Well, gang, it’s midnight, we’re thirty miles from the super max prison, we’re on our reserve tank with half a bottle of ether, we haven’t showered, and we’re—
MAGUS: Quit stalling! Just go!
LUCCA: … (to herself) Buzz kill.
NARRATOR: Indeed, he was.
Lucca coasts the Epoch away from the gangplank. The Epoch hovers away from the buildings and heads off for the super max prison.
* * * * * *
NARRATOR: On the next “The Real World – Chrono Trigger…”
Two guards smack Crono around with foam rubber sticks. Another guard tweaks Robo’s restraining bolt as he continues his rumination.
NARRATOR: The guards teach a lesson to Crono for banging his head against a prison wall. They also make good use of Robo’s restraining bolt.
ROBO: And then, of course, there’s those floor plans to the super max prison which I gave to Marle and not… this… holding… cell…
Robo’s eyes turn dark. He slumps over, still standing there as stiff as a statue.
The first two guards quit beating up Crono. All three leave the cell and lock the door behind them.
GUARD: (outside) Next time, we bring the taser!
The lights in the hallway shut off. Crono’s eyes water up.
CRONO: (to himself) Thanks for shutting him up… Thank you…
END OF EPISODE NINE. TO BE CONTINUED… (I HOPE)
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This fic needs a bit more reader-love.
I like this format. The Omin-present/sometimes sarcastic narrator angle rocks. I use it all the time when I write parodies.
Speaking of which...
-
This fic needs a bit more reader-love.
Indeed it does.
As such, I'm going to spruce things up a bit.
Here's a link to an mp3 file that the reader should play over the next installment in my series. It's the theme song to the cancelled sitcom that inspired the new format of my fan fic: Arrested Development.
http://www.davidschwartzmusic.com/music/arrested_development.mp3 (http://www.davidschwartzmusic.com/music/arrested_development.mp3)
Watch the series online whenever you get the chance. I guarantee you'll get a laugh out of it.
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We’ll be right back to reality and everything else that it’s burdened and blessed with. But first, a word from our sponsor (yours truly), and here’s the word:
Enjoy! :D
P.S. Play this over the intro to give yourself an introductory feel of the episode. (http://www.davidschwartzmusic.com/music/arrested_development.mp3)
NARRATOR: Now for the story of seven people from different eras, all living under one roof. Most of them have magic, but they still manage to screw up and get on each others' nerves.
It’s “The Real World – Chrono Trigger.”
EPISODE TEN: Magus' Foil, Disastrous Duo, and Crono Houdini
INT. EPOCH - NIGHT
Magus, Marle, and Lucca occupy the Epoch as it flies out towards the super max prison in the country side. Lucca pilots the Epoch while everyone remains silent.
NARRATOR: Magus had decided to tag along with Marle and Lucca in their carefully coordinated attempt to break Crono out of the prison he wasn’t in.
The ride there was the fun-filled equivalent of driving a hearse. Until…
MARLE: Okay, Magus. What’s the deal?
MAGUS: What are you talking about?
MARLE: You, wanting to come along to break out Crono and Robo on such short notice? I don’t buy it.
MAGUS: What’s there to buy? I came along because I wanted to help out.
NARRATOR: Lucca, being naturally curious and naturally skeptical, did a little detective work.
LUCCA: You wanna use your shadow magic on the guards, don’t you?
MAGUS: It’s a max security prison. Trust me; they’ll be armed.
MARLE: Um… yeah, we just need to stun them, not annihilate them.
MAGUS: Well, we can always cross our fingers that they feel the same way.
NARRATOR: Regardless of his sarcasm, it was the truth; the guards didn’t feel the same way.
CUT TO: A montage of guards patrolling the different cell blocks of a max security prison. They holster stun guns, tasers, sting grenades, and semi-automatic rifles.
NARRATOR: All the guards at the super max prison were trained to use lethal force in the case of an escaping convict.
CUT TO: A screening of The Shawshank Redemption using numerous televisions. The screening is attended by new guards who are strapped down to their chairs and their eyes kept open using speculums. The new guards scream as doctors drip water into their eyes.
NARRATOR: This was the result of having every new guard hired to watch The Fugitive using the Ludivico Technique, a fictional conditioning method used in A Clockwork Orange, the warden’s favorite film. Unfortunately, the method subconsciously expanded to unwelcome guests.
BACK TO: The Epoch
MAGUS: I’m just giving you a heads-up.
MARLE: Maybe Magus has a point, Lucca. We’re already this prepared for the plan.
LUCCA: Not unless our very existence is at stake and they’re pointing M-80s at us, and even then, we use our magic conservatively. We all understand?
NARRATOR: This was ironic, seeing how Lucca was very liberal-minded.
MAGUS: Don’t forget deer-hunting rifles… and stinger grenades. They’ll have those, too.
MARLE: We still got ten miles to go, Lucca. Maybe you’ll change your mind before then.
LUCCA: (to herself) Fat chance.
NARRATOR: I agree.
The Epoch continues towards the super max prison. Suddenly, an overhead Boeing 747 flies within feet of the Epoch. Lucca executes a dropping barrel roll to avoid a collision. Everyone on board screams as the Epoch clears the plane and levels out.
NARRATOR: As the disagreeing trio were barely avoiding a disaster…
INT. CHARACTER’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
NARRATOR: … a certain duo was about to engage in one.
Frog watches a rerun of a History Channel special on medieval knights. The program depicts a knight holding a bloody sword over his head after slaying his opponent in jousting.
FROG: (Frustrated) ‘Tis billycock! What cause doth a knight carry to slay for sport? Why doth death’s pale flag wave for these-these… charlatans to flex beneath? ‘Tis a macabre existence to embrace.
NARRATOR: And yet, Frog did not feel a twinge of irony in his words.
CUT TO: Frog slaying a Mystic and doing his victory pose along with the others.
BACK TO: FROG
As Frog continues watching the dramatization of knights slaying their victims, the TV appears to morph into a Mystic. Frog’s eyes fill up with passionate rage. He picks up his Masamune and unsheathes it. He holds his sword above his head and stares at the TV.
Frog lets out a battle cry and performs Slurp Cut on the TV. It breaks clean in half and ceases to function altogether. He shuts his eyes and returns his Masamune to its scabbard.
NARRATOR: In a brief lapse of sanity, Frog destroyed the group’s only means of not going insane, even though it was insanity that caused him to do it in the first place.
Frog opens his eyes and gasps at what he had done. He runs up to the TV and tries to put it back together, but to no avail.
FROG: No! What ill fate caused mine self to react as such?
NARRATOR: It wasn’t fate, but years of conditioning as a knight under Cyrus’ tutelage culminating into a severe hallucination similar to PTSD. As if by coincidence, Cyrus used the Ludivico Technique on Glenn.
Ayla enters the living room eating a mutton.
AYLA: (Mouth full of food) What green man scream about?
Ayla sees the broken TV and gasps. She drops her mutton and vaults over the couch and lands next to Frog. She begins to tear up.
AYLA: Green man break all-seeing stone slab. Ayla love stone slab, but you break it.
FROG: Twas mitigating circumstances, I declare.
NARRATOR: It wasn’t.
AYLA: (Wipes her eyes) Green man find way to make things right! Fix stone slab!
FROG: Now, now, Ayla, thou knowest I canst perform such repair. We needs be to summon an expert to replace this device. But first, how shalt we dispose of it since its time has hastily expired?
Ayla stares at the broken TV, then at the window of their apartment. She repeats this action.
CUT TO: Outside the Apartment
The two halves of the broken TV smashes through the window of the team’s apartment in a shower of glass and circuit boards. The two halves land on the roof of a smaller building across the street.
BACK TO: Inside the Apartment
Ayla smacks her hands together. Both Ayla and Frog perform their respective victory poses.
NARRATOR: While Ayla and Frog celebrated a victory that was actually a failure…
INT. THE “SPECIAL” CELL – MEANWHILE
Crono sits against the cell wall, exhausted still in his straight-jacket. Robo is out cold due to his restrainer bolt.
NARRATOR: … Crono was failing to obtain a victory, but his luck was about to change.
CRONO: (to himself) Come on, Crono. You got the slack in and faked it. The guards bought it, and now they’re gone. Round Two!
Pressing his back to the wall, Crono works his way to standing up. Once standing, he works on popping his arms over his head. After several tries, he succeeds.
He then works on extracting his right arm from his sleeve and inching it down to the pelvic strap. After ten minutes, he succeeds at unbuckling it. Crono finally works on extracting his other arm from its sleeve and pulling his head down into the jacket.
Half an hour later, he succeeds at escaping his straightjacket. He stomps on it, and he and Robo do their respective victory poses.
CRONO: (Turns around) What the—? Robo, how long have you been up?
NARRATOR: Good question.
ROBO: For about the last five minutes of your brilliant escape. The restraining bolt actually induced a cold shut down in my systems. When I woke up, all foreign subsequences and lines of coding in my systems were erased.
CRONO: That’s great! Now, how do we get out of here?
ROBO: We wait until the Supervisor examines our good behavior over the next—
CRONO: Screw the waiting! I mean, how are we gonna bust out of this cell?
ROBO: I apologize, Crono, but such an act of defiance is against my ethics coding.
Crono face palms, leaves a mark on his forehead.
ROBO: The exception being if we were being attacked by hostile forces…
Outside, the sound of light footfall comes from outside of their cell. A few clicks and their cell door opens. A group of guards enter with tasers and batons in hand.
CRONO: Bring it on, ‘cause I’m pissed off!
* * * * * *
NARRATOR: On the next “The Real World – Chrono Trigger…”
INT. CHARACTER’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM - MEANWHILE
An old woman in green facial packing, gown, and curlers lays into Ayla and Frog. Two policemen stand behind her with their arms folded.
NARRATOR: Ayla and Frog get a taste of their landlady’s wrath…
LAND LADY: You better have a deposit on that TV, or else I’m kicking you and your weirdo spell-casting friends out!
FIRST OFFICER: She’s right. Property destruction can justify it.
AYLA: (stares, then…) Green Lady take Dream Stone?
Ayla holds a soft-ball sized quantity of Dream Stone up to the landlady.
Frog face palms. He reaches into his belt and extracts a wallet thick with C-notes.
FROG: Thank the Entity for emergency currency.
INT. EPOCH – MEANWHILE
The Epoch flies over a foothill range. The super max prison comes within sight, walls and all.
NARRATOR: … the trio arrive at their destination…
LUCCA: Yes! We’re finally there!
MAGUS: Darn, and I was hoping you’d change your mind. Oh, well. Point me to the nearest guard tower and I’ll get started without you.
LUCCA: Fat chance, Magus, now sit tight as I get over to this roof.
Marle face palms, leaves a mark on her forehead.
NARRATOR: And a running gag is born.
* * * * * *
END OF EPISODE TEN. TO BE CONTINUED… (I HOPE)
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As much as I love Arrested Development, I think that I preferred the first format.
And I think that the story is being taken to far from the hijinks at the house, and-It's been four months since the last update?!
You gotta keep writing this thing, man! It's too entertaining and I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO FROG AND AYLA!
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It’s been far too long, especially myself, for this series to be on hiatus. So, in honor of ending my creative slump for this series, I present to you the latest chapter… still in its new format.
Enjoy! :D
NARRATOR: Now for the story of seven people from different eras, all living under one roof. Most of them have magic, but they still manage to screw up and get on each other’s nerves.
It’s “The Real World – Chrono Trigger.”
EPISODE ELEVEN: Raging Crono, Frog’s Decision, and Magus’ Preferences
INT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT
Crono and Robo attempt to fend off a group of guards inside their Special Cell.
NARRATOR: Crono and Robo had just gotten the guards’ attention by escaping his straight jacket, and Robo did the same by escaping his code of ethics.
ROBO: Crono, we are useless without our weapons, but we still have our magic.
CRONO: No way! Our contract said we can’t use magic on anybody!
RANDOM GUARD: Shut up!
A random guard punches Crono, flooring him. Crono quickly recovers. Robo pins a couple of guards against the prison wall.
ROBO: There’s a loophole! You can use magic only if your life is being threatened!
PINNED GUARD: Someone take out this heap of metal!
ROBO: I resent your racist remark and hereby classify you as a threat.
Robo lets go of the guards, shifts to the center of the room.
ROBO: Duck, Crono!
A rising Crono ducks to the floor. Robo unleashes a laser attack on the guards. They all take damage and disappear one by one. Robo and Crono do their respective victory poses.
CRONO: Wait! What are we celebrating for? We just murdered five guards! We’re wanted men—* groans* man and robot!
ROBO: We can discuss this later. For now, we must escape.
Robo dashes out the cell. A reluctant Crono follows close behind.
CRONO: Please tell me you know where you’re going, Robo.
ROBO: Of course I do, Crono. I know the layout of this whole—
As Robo and Crono round a corner, they get greeted a blockade of guards and their security dogs.
ROBO: … facility.
CRONO: (looking to the sky) I’m being punished. I just know it.
NARRATOR: While Crono and Robo were making enemies with their actions…
INT. CHARACTER’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM - MEANWHILE
NARRATOR: … Frog was busy making hypothetical enemies.
Frog paces about the floor, stares at the ground. Ayla stands and watches Frog.
FROG: (To himself) Mayhaps a purchase of a new ebony box will leave no trace of mine heinous misdeed. Nay, I am a knight, a being bound by chivalry. As well, should the truth arise, I wouldst become a crux of hatred ‘midst the others.
AYLA: Why Frog-man walk up and down when all-seeing stone slab is broken?
FROG: Hush. We be in the dire straits as to our quandary. We must needs acquire a fresh… whatever that was I rent in twain.
AYLA: Frog-man say strange words. Ayla no understand. Speak so Ayla understand!
NARRATOR: It was only natural that Ayla didn’t speak Shakespearian English.
FROG: All right!
Frog ad-libs his sign language to Ayla.
FROG: Frog-man… broke… the ebony box… now Green man… must get… another ebony box. Do you… understand?
AYLA: Ayla… understand small amount… but what ebony? Rare rock?
Frog face palms, leaves a mark on his forehead.
FROG: Move not from your stance.
Frog approaches the nearest phone, dials out.
NARRATOR: Frog decided that it was beyond him and Ayla to fix the obviously destroyed T.V. So he did the honest thing by calling Lucca…
INT. EPOCH – MEANWHILE
NARRATOR: …all while Lucca, Marle, and Magus were about to do something dishonest.
The Epoch lands in a deeply shadowed area of the foothills an arrow’s shot away from the Super Max Security Prison.
MAGUS: (mumbling with eyes closed) Neuga, ziena, zieber, zom...
MARLE: Hey, Lucca. I thought you were gonna land on the roof.
LUCCA: Change of plans. A blitzkrieg isn’t our best option.
MAGUS: (continues his chant) Now the chosen time has come…
MARLE: A blitzkrieg?
LUCCA: Nope. We’re better off with a sneak attack.
MAGUS: (continues his chant) Exchange this world for—
MARLE: Could you say that in your head?
MAGUS: I’m just preparing myself for the battle. And yes, I love sneak attacks.
MARLE: But that’s the same spell you used when you were gonna summon Lavos.
MAGUS: You say that like something bad is gonna happen.
NARRATOR: Nothing bad happened, if you don’t consider the creation of an abnormally large time gate as being bad.
MARLE: All I’m saying is, you could’ve at least avoided Woosley for that spell.
MAGUS: You have a problem with English translations?
MARLE: … The original Japanese text was way better.
NARRATOR: I agree.
MAGUS: Fine. Then I’ll say it in the original Japanese.
Magus closes his eyes.
MAGUS: (mumbles) Da zuma lafwa roh laira—
LUCCA: Stop!
Magus stops chanting, opens his eyes.
LUCCA: I’m not gonna have this. Our new plan depends on our coordination and open lines of communication. I mean it. No fighting amongst ourselves, no winging it, and absolutely no surprises!
Lucca’s cell phone rings. The ringtone is Gonzales’s Theme. Lucca answers it.
NARRATOR: Notice how it wasn’t “Gato’s Theme.”
LUCCA: Hello? Frog, this isn’t really the best time. We’re about to… You did what? Well, when did this happen? How did you even—? Look, just stay calm. Me and the others here are gonna do something real quick and we’ll head back as soon as we’re finished. Okay? Okay, gotta go. Bye.
Lucca hangs up, shuts her eyes and rubs them.
MARLE: What was that all about, Lucca?
LUCCA: *sigh* Frog sliced the T.V. in half and Ayla threw the pieces out the window.
MAGUS: (with flames in his eyes) What!? Drive back there now!
LUCCA: No! We bust out Crono first, and even then we don’t go back until things have cooled down.
MAGUS: Who cares? He got imprisoned ‘cause he was weak! Now drive back there before I cast a Dark Matter in this tiny little space!
LUCCA: All right. Geez, you get worked up over a T.V. set, don’t you?
MAGUS: That T.V. set is the only reason why I’m living with you people.
MARLE: Obsessed much, Magus?
MAGUS: (demonic) …yes.
Lucca starts the Epoch with all due haste. The Epoch takes off and heads back the way they came.
* * * * * *
NARRATOR: On the next “The Real World – Chrono Trigger…”
INT. PRISONER LOADING GARAGE– MEANWHILE
An armed squad escort a detained Crono and Robo onto an armored truck.
NARRATOR: Crono and Robo are approved by the warden for swift and immediate transportation to the Super Max prison Lucca and the others were going to bust them out of.
Once inside, the armed officers close the truck doors behind Crono and Robo and lock them.
INT. CHARACTER’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM - MEANWHILE
Frog hangs up the phone. He turns around to find that Ayla has left her spot.
NARRATOR: And Frog learns that Ayla is a parkour artist.
FROG: Ayla? Ayla? Where hast thou left to?
Frog spots the open slid open. He approaches it and looks outside. He spots Ayla on the roof across the street where the two halves of the T.V. set landed.
Ayla picks up both halves of the T.V. set without any effort.
FROG: (shouting to Ayla) Ayla? What treacherous venture be ye engaging in!?
AYLA: (shouting to Frog) Ayla no understand Frog-man!
Frog face palms, leaving a red mark on his face.
AYLA: (shouting to Frog) What Ayla do with broken stone slabs?
END OF EPISODE ELEVEN. TO BE CONTINUED… (I HOPE)
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Now some of you are probably wondering: why don't I just stick with the original "Real World" format?
Main reason? Because an interview style format isn't my strong suit for comic potential. Also, I found that my creative faucet was more active when I turned to a sarcastic omni-narrator style of story-telling.
As for now, until more people voice their opinion that they liked the original better (because I sure didn't), then TRW-CT is gonna stay the way it is for now.
Will start working on the next chapter, then.
That is, if Chrono Helix isn't too busy attracting readers from this series.
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I like the new way, feels more arrested developmenty, I assume that's what you were goin for?
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Well, originally (as the title clearly shows) I was going for the Real World format, but after awhile, it just seemed so tried-and-true that I just couldn't be as creative (or as comedic) as I wanted to be.
Plus, I got more laughs from AD than I ever did from TRW, so I ended up giving it a whirl, and voila!
New format, same story & hijinks.
The next chapter should be in before the end of the week. (Don't you just love setting your own deadlines?)
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Sorry about the delayed update. With apologies settled in, I bring you the latest installment in the series.
Enjoy! :D
NARRATOR: Now for the story of seven people from different eras, all living under one roof. Most of them have magic, but they still manage to screw up and get on each other’s nerves.
It’s “The Real World – Chrono Trigger.”
EPISODE TWELVE: Bright Lights, The Return Trip, and Ayla’s Misunderstanding
INT. ARMORED CAR - NIGHT
Crono and Robo, both shackled, sit inside an armored car as it rumbles down a highway toward the foothills. Two armed guards stand next to them, staring down at Crono and Robo.
NARRATOR: Crono and Robo were on their way to the Maximum Security prison that Magus, Marle, and Lucca were going to bail them out of.
EXT. THE NIGHT SKY - CONTINUOUS
The Epoch flies across the night sky with Marle, Lucca, and Magus inside.
NARRATOR: But it was at that time that the three in the Epoch were forced to return home due to their only television set being broken by Frog.
EXT. URBAN ROOFTOPS – CONTINUOUS
Ayla stands across from the group’s apartment holding the two halves of the broken television set in her hands. She looks up at Frog, confused and anxious.
NARRATOR: Ayla, being of high moral standards, decided to take it upon herself to fetch the broken TV set that Frog convinced her to get rid of.
INT. CHARACTER’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Frog, with shut eyes, rubs his face in regret.
FROG: (To himself) Why didst I persuade her to send the ebony box into yonder skies? What trend of knight be I who breaks the knight’s code of honor?
AYLA: Ayla say, what Green Man want Ayla do with broken stone slab?
FROG: Ayla, move not from your place! I shalt find a means to bring mine self to your location! I shalt arrive anon!
Frog leaves the window and heads for the door. He steps out, manually locks the door from the inside, and closes the door behind him.
Meanwhile…
AYLA: What Green Man mean when Green Man say “anon”? What “anon”?
Ayla takes a seat on the rooftop, examining the two television set halves.
AYLA: Stone slab look easy to fix. Ayla put back together.
Ayla places the two halves together, squeezes them together with all her might. She strains and tightens her muscles as she presses them harder still.
NARRATOR: While Ayla’s intentions were equal to her high standards, her raw strength was much higher.
The halves splice into each other, breaking the two halves ever more. Ayla’s eyes widen in surprise. She places the two halves down on the roof.
AYLA: Ayla no know Ayla’s own strength. Where Green Man go? And what “anon”!? Anon… Lanon? Yes! Green Man say “Lanon”! Ayla’s words. “La” mean “Fire.” “Non” mean… “Storm.” Fire storm? *Gasp* Fire Storm coming to Ayla home! Ayla must warn Crono and others!
NARRATOR: Unfortunately for Ayla, “lanon” was a word that didn’t exist in her tribe’s native tongue. A quick word search of the game’s comprehensive script confirms this.
Ayla stands up, backs up across the rooftop, gets some running speed, and leaps across the rooftop to the group’s apartment. She lands on a outcropping from the building a few stories below the actual apartment and climbs up with the agility of a monkey.
NARRATOR: As Ayla raced back to warn the others about a serious non-threat…
INT. EPOCH – MEANWHILE
NARRATOR: ... Magus, Marle, and Lucca were racing back to what Magus deemed a threat to his sanity.
MAGUS: Can’t this thing fly any faster?
LUCCA: If it did, then we’d be warping to another era.
MARLE: Yeah, I don’t get it. If this thing could fly across whole continents in a matter of seconds, then why’s it taking
forever just to fly across the city?
LUCCA: Because we’re in the real world.
NARRATOR: Chrono Trigger.
MARLE: Wait, if this is the real world, then what about our world?
LUCCA: What about it?
MARLE: Isn’t our world real, too?
LUCCA: Of course it was real.
MARLE: Wait. “Was” real?
MAGUS: Great. Now we’re getting metaphysical.
LUCCA: I meant “Is” real.
MARLE: What about Israel?
LUCCA: Wait. What’s Israel?
MARLE: It’s a little nation I read about in the paper. They’re at war with their own.
MAGUS: Kind of like Guardia in my time. Shouldn’t you concentrate on driving?
LUCCA: Hey, I can multitask. Besides, we’re half a mile above the ground. I don’t think we’re gonna run into any traffic problems up here.
A bright flash of light emanates from beneath them. The group takes notice and attempts to look down, but to no avail. Lucca slams on the air brakes.
LUCCA: What was that?
MARLE: I don’t know, but I swear I’ve seen that glow of light somewhere before.
NARRATOR: But before Magus could get a word in, Lucca went to investigate.
EXT. EMPTY STRETCH OF HIGHWAY – CONTINUOUS
The armored car transporting Crono and Robo has fallen over on its side.
Suddenly, the doors to the back of the car burst open and tumble a good distance. Crono and Robo emerge from the armored car a little banged up. Crono is free from his handcuffs. No guards in sight.
ROBO: What did you do, Crono? When we get found out—
CRONO: We’re not gonna get found out! I can’t believe I didn’t think of that before.
ROBO: But what about the warden? He’ll surely notice a transport van that hasn’t arrived in his prison.
CRONO: That’s why we’re gonna make this look like an accident with no survivors. Here, help me put this van back up.
Crono walks over to the side of the van and grips it underneath.
NARRATOR: This would prove difficult to execute since there were no bodies in the van to confirm that there were no survivors.
ROBO: Wouldn’t it be easier just to return the van to the county jail that it came from?
CRONO: No! I’m not going back there. Do you know what happens to fresh meat like us in Super Max prisons?
ROBO: I’m not entirely sure, but from what I’ve researched, it involves hidden weapons, bribes, and male domi—
CRONO: T-M-I, Robo! T-M-I! Now help me get this upright or I’ll give you an upgrade courtesy of A-O-L.
ROBO: Gasp! I’m coming.
Robo races over to Crono and assists him in lifting the armored car upright.
NARRATOR: There were just some things that Robo simply couldn’t act out.
A whoosh of air comes roaring in, catching Crono and Robo by surprise. They look up.
The Epoch lands several yards away from the tipped armored car. The engines power down.
NARRATOR: But for Crono, acting seemed like the perfect redirect for the situation at hand.
ROBO: Gasp! How are we to explain this to them, Crono?
CRONO: We’re not. Time to bring out… my old self.
Crono lets go of the armored car and approaches the Epoch as Lucca and the others descend from it on the platform.
LUCCA: Crono? Robo? What are you two doing here?
Crono mimes being surprised without saying anything.
Robo face palms, leaving a dent in his metallic forehead.
* * * * * *
NARRATOR: On the next “The Real World – Chrono Trigger”…
INT. CHARACTER’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM - MEANWHILE
Ayla climbs back through the window and into the living room. She frantically searches the apartment to find the others, but to no avail.
NARRATOR: Ayla’s attempt to contact the others proves both fruitless and with implications.
Ayla opens the oven door, sees the pilot light. She gasps and quickly blows it out, closing the oven door behind her. She continues her search.
EXT. CITY STREETS - CONTINUOUS
Frog exits the apartment building lobby and gazes at the traffic in fright. Cars and trucks whiz by, but Frog swallows his pride and takes a leap into the road.
NARRATOR: And Frog plays a classic video game in the most unconventional way…
Cue playback scene from “FROGGER” as Frog hops across the road avoiding traffic and eventually making it across.
EXT. URBAN ROOFTOPS – CONTINUOUS
Frog climbs a fire escape ladder and onto the rooftop. He spots the two halves of the broken TV set, but Ayla isn’t there with it.
NARRATOR: … only to discover that he has to do it again.
FROG: (Dragged Out) Ayla!
Frog heads back to the fire escape ladder and climbs back down it.
END OF EPISODE TWELVE. TO BE CONTINUED… (I HOPE)
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Holy crap, I didn't see this before! :lee: I'ma bookmark this!