Chrono Compendium
Zenan Plains - Site Discussion => Chrono Compendium Discussion => Topic started by: Boo the Gentleman Caller on April 01, 2018, 01:18:56 pm
-
Many days I wonder if the Springtime of Youth is gone for me. I'm older, with more burdens of responsibility, and yet I still strive for change. For my own growth, for the world, for my children. And sometimes it's out of my grasp, but sometimes there's that flicker, that desire of Spring within me.
This was a philosophy I found enthralling; I wonder if it can be recaptured.
For a time there was a sub-board dedicated solely to the cult surrounding the Springtime of Youth. For the life of me I can't find it; would it be possible for the mods to revive that board?
If it was moved amongst forum reshuffle (I know we lost the entire Angelus Errare: Heroes Unsung subboard), I'd love to see it revived.
-
I haven't heard of the Springtime of Youth; although I definitely appreciate what you are saying. I'm actually working on creating my own art business; since I started doing CT artwork at work, I've been having people make requests. I figured getting it off the ground wouldn't be bad idea. I too strive for personal growth and it seems I'm finally getting that.
So should I google this, or was it something special here in the Compendium? Thank you for always responding Boo, it always means a lot to me! I know I keep trying to think up of ideas for posts to hopefully get traffic up a little.
-
The Springtime of Youth was a philosophy that I think was picked up from Naruto. ZeaLity, one of the founders of the Chrono Compendium was a big proponent of it.
Essentially, the idea was that youthfulness allowed for a sort of zeal and vigor to accomplish things. Dare to dream. The embodiment of the Kingdom of Zeal itself. :)
It was as much a self-motivating ideology (with that anime influence) as it was a mantra of this place for some time. We all even had little tags indicating our self-admission into the way of thinking... It was somewhat tongue in cheek, but it was a good motivating tool. We had a subforum and could talk about life and our goals and motivated each other to keep stretching, keep reaching, and keep setting those bars high for the best sort of quality of life.
I dunno, I'm not a forum person. This is the only forum I've ever really been a part of (although I did post infrequently on the Chrono Crisis / Chrono Ark forums waaaay back in the day), and I find it refreshing. You sort of get to know your peers, whereas, for example, Reddit is anonymous and very impersonal. Granted, I have been a redditor for six years or so, but it feels so impersonal.
-
OMG I love this idea!! I would love to resurrect it, if others are interested.
I'm not a huge forum person myself. I'm also on Reddit, but I'm not sure how I feel about it. Like you said, it feels so impersonal. That reminds me though, I should check on it again sometime. I may make a new account, I don't like the first ID I picked and they don't let you change it. Booooooooo.
-
Ah yes, the Springtime of Youth. I remember that.
... I feel like I was shoved straight into autumn...
-
... I feel like I was shoved straight into autumn...
Don't we all? Even more reason we need the Springtime of Youth forum back. If nothing else, it can serve as a method of putting personal goals into words, thus making them real. Then, if possible, once written they can serve as a springboard.
-
I remember trying to post there, but feeling kinda out of place on it.
I'M IN THE SPRINGTIME OF MY YOUTH, SOMETHING ELSE GOES HERE.
That was the board description.
-
Hahaha... That's fair enough!
I don't think you'd have been out of place; I sort of feel like it was what you wanted it to be. Definitely a little over-the-top motivational / self-help focused, which isn't necessarily a bad thing.
If I can get the subboard revived (no admins in two days), you'll have to post.
Or else.
-
... I feel like I was shoved straight into autumn...
Don't we all? Even more reason we need the Springtime of Youth forum back. If nothing else, it can serve as a method of putting personal goals into words, thus making them real. Then, if possible, once written they can serve as a springboard.
I suppose. Heck, Spring always come back around. In theory, at least.
-
It's fascinating to see people talking about The Springtime of Youth like the legend it has become. ZeaLitY would be simultaneously very pleased and very annoyed, I'm sure: Back in the day 'round these parts everyone darn well knew exactly what it meant, 'cause basically every other post of his was about BREAKING THROUGH THE IMPOSSIBLE and ACHIEVING THE ULTIMATE DREAM. Back then it was a practical, tangible thing: youthful persistence in the face of any odds; joyous contempt for one's rivals; blatant disregard for any obstacle no matter how sacred. Today it's spoken of more like a lost city of paradise, a distant Garden of Eden where people were happy because they were in tune with their passions. It wasn't ever really about happiness, though: It was a paean to youthful headstrong determination.
Sadly, like all the seasons, it isn't imperishable. Of all the people I'm still in touch with from the Compendium of yore, all of them have sort of transitioned into summer or, as Acacia Sgt so sagely pointed out, autumn.
It's funny...I haven't really thought about ZeaLitY much in the past few years. He got pretty pissed at me over something and we didn't speak after that, and I certainly have plenty of criticisms to make of him (not gonna do it on his own site, of course; he's the reason we're all here!), but coming back to the Compendium is inseparable from coming back to all those things I like about him.
For myself, I'm one of those people who never had a terribly long Springtime of Youth. I suppose it was my late high school days and my early college years, and summer began after that. But I could always relate to the Springtime goal of staying true to myself and my passions. Luckily for me, that's possible in all seasons of life.
-
For myself, I'm one of those people who never had a terribly long Springtime of Youth. I suppose it was my late high school days and my early college years, and summer began after that.
Yeah, I don't know if I've ever been in it myself. I've always sort of coasted through life and let chance guide my path. I did this for what I studied in college and ended up falling into something entirely separate for my career simply out of following the winds of change. Even the woman I married -- I just sort of went with it rather than put any substantial thought, and it's definitely caused some growing pains in our relationship (and learned a lot about ourselves in the process).
Today it's spoken of more like a lost city of paradise, a distant Garden of Eden where people were happy because they were in tune with their passions. It wasn't ever really about happiness, though: It was a paean to youthful headstrong determination.
This is a really good call out. I think I'm now on this "chase the dream" stage of life because I see it - through the faded glass of memory - as something *others* captured and utilized as a a tool for internal strength. I always remember ZeaLity saying "row row fight the power," which I think is from Naruto or something. I was always more of a Cowboy Bebop guy myself, haha. It may be wise for me to consider all this, as my understanding may be distorted due to the passage of time: oversimplified and in need of some temperance.
I may also be approaching mid-life crisis and this may be a manifestion of that. It's very possible! I'm a desk jocky and I hate being so... trapped... and I think that may have some to do with it. I loved the idea of Kerouac growing up and that shows itself now in my 30's.
This is productive. It's given me some food for thought.
-
I may also be approaching mid-life crisis and this may be a manifestion of that. It's very possible! I'm a desk jocky and I hate being so... trapped... and I think that may have some to do with it. I loved the idea of Kerouac growing up and that shows itself now in my 30's.
It's a good bet you're right about that. It comes at different points for different folks, but once you get to the end of the catalogue of what the world has to offer (even if you didn't buy everything listed therein), the magic of the unknown is lost, like running out of presents on Christmas morning. You may well love what you opened, but potential is something most of us also love, and there comes a point in life where you begin to see what the boundaries of society and the human experience are...at least in this day and age.
-
It's funny, there are times I'm almost envious of ancient civilizations. Information was slow to travel and traveling beyond local boundaries wasn't common. Travelin' was tough! You were born into a path and often had little choice (compared to nowadays). You inherited dad's trade or became a farmer. Life was simple.
Contrast that to the constant *choice* of today and sometimes I feel like that would be optimal. I imagine in my head society crashes and burns and we revert to some anarchistic lifestyle where the value of man was in the sweat of his brow and nothing more.
Then I realize that I may be teetering on super villain territory (jkjk) and I imagine how insanely miserable that life would be, especially if I recognize and was aware of the comforts of the modern world. Illiteracy, sexism, constant tribal warfare, very little medical applications beyond herbal remedies, and there were still hierarchies in which most were on the bottom rung...
...or I could just create my own version of the Shire. That would be nice. I think I'd make a stellar hobbit.
-
Hearing y'all talk about passions here and in the other thread have made me realize, more tangibly than usual, that I may have let my Springtime pass right on by. Since high school, I feel like I've been simply coasting on waves without any true direction, neglecting my passions for simpler joys and easier contentment. I've never been really ambitious, but Josh is right that most of us have dreams in our youth that are lost in adulthood, and it's a real shame that I let those go.
I wonder if I can still catch some of those spring winds in my sail.
-
I really don't think it's ever too late. Maybe I'm feeling overly optimistic these days, but I totally think it's feasible. Harder, sure, but still entirely possible.
There are too many success stories of people who find love, happiness, new career paths, new passions -- all after their most optimal decision years are behind them.
I'd like to think I can be one of them.
-
It's funny, there are times I'm almost envious of ancient civilizations. Information was slow to travel and traveling beyond local boundaries wasn't common. Travelin' was tough! You were born into a path and often had little choice (compared to nowadays). You inherited dad's trade or became a farmer. Life was simple.
Contrast that to the constant *choice* of today and sometimes I feel like that would be optimal. I imagine in my head society crashes and burns and we revert to some anarchistic lifestyle where the value of man was in the sweat of his brow and nothing more.
Then I realize that I may be teetering on super villain territory (jkjk) and I imagine how insanely miserable that life would be, especially if I recognize and was aware of the comforts of the modern world. Illiteracy, sexism, constant tribal warfare, very little medical applications beyond herbal remedies, and there were still hierarchies in which most were on the bottom rung...
...or I could just create my own version of the Shire. That would be nice. I think I'd make a stellar hobbit.
It isn't easy, but you can live differently from what's typical in the modern world. You can enjoy the best of both worlds, really: the comforts and privileges of modernity with the simplicity of societies that were older and slower. It takes commitment, though, because by default people will go along with the prevailing customs. Odds are that if you think it over you will identify some specific sources of stress in your life. Then it's just a matter of: "How do I cut that out?" You mentioned a deluge of choice. Constricting choice is a matter of setting boundaries for yourself and following them. A change of environment can help. When I lived in the middle of nowhere, life was definitely slower.
I really don't think it's ever too late. Maybe I'm feeling overly optimistic these days, but I totally think it's feasible. Harder, sure, but still entirely possible.
There are too many success stories of people who find love, happiness, new career paths, new passions -- all after their most optimal decision years are behind them.
I'd like to think I can be one of them.
The good news is that many people start to get serious in their thirties. The stuff that would have happened because it's natural for you to do it would have happened by now, or at least begun. But forcing yourself to do things you wouldn't naturally do is still on the table. Many people lack commitment in their teens and twenties, only to find resolve later on once they realize that the clock isn't actually infinite.
Some people come to it very late in life. In your 30s you're still relatively young. Get crackin', I say!
Hearing y'all talk about passions here and in the other thread have made me realize, more tangibly than usual, that I may have let my Springtime pass right on by. Since high school, I feel like I've been simply coasting on waves without any true direction, neglecting my passions for simpler joys and easier contentment. I've never been really ambitious, but Josh is right that most of us have dreams in our youth that are lost in adulthood, and it's a real shame that I let those go.
I wonder if I can still catch some of those spring winds in my sail.
You are indeed the opposite of intense, at least as defined on the J-o-meter. Perhaps you can do something extraordinary this year!!
-
I think Josh needs a new forum title.
Lord J Esq - Forum Therapist
-
Agreed!
I'm going through a bit of a rough patch myself these days: I've been sick on and off for the last month and a half and I know it's my ulcer acting up again but I don't have the insurance to get it taken care of. I did go to the ER on Monday because the pain was so bad and they did a CT scan and took bloodwork but they didn't have a gastro on call so they couldn't admit me and do an endoscopy. However my bloodwork showed that I am hypoglycemic and they referred me to a place that can help me out, so I'm calling today to make an appointment. And in addition to all of that if I call in one more day before May 12th I get fired, even though I'm good at my job. I'm trying to switch hours as I close so therefore when I feel really awful I can't even ask to leave early if it's slow and I'm getting hassled over that too. I'm trying everything I can to save myself from getting fired. Ugh. Work!
Also, I'm working on starting my own art business. I have a vision, but it's going to take time for me to get to where I want. I live in south Florida now where what I want to do is much more feasible, but it's going to take some time.
Sorry for the long-winded post!
-
I'm going through a bit of a rough patch myself these days: I've been sick on and off for the last month and a half and I know it's my ulcer acting up again but I don't have the insurance to get it taken care of. I did go to the ER on Monday because the pain was so bad and they did a CT scan and took bloodwork but they didn't have a gastro on call so they couldn't admit me and do an endoscopy. However my bloodwork showed that I am hypoglycemic and they referred me to a place that can help me out, so I'm calling today to make an appointment. And in addition to all of that if I call in one more day before May 12th I get fired, even though I'm good at my job. I'm trying to switch hours as I close so therefore when I feel really awful I can't even ask to leave early if it's slow and I'm getting hassled over that too. I'm trying everything I can to save myself from getting fired. Ugh. Work!
I was wondering where'd you been. I had noticed it has been a few days since you'd logged on, and you'd been a daily regular since you've registered. I hope all the health stuff gets sorted out! Personal / mental health first and foremost; when one fails it can affect the other.
I've been without insurance and currently have a high deductible plan. $15k deductible and insurance doesn't pay a dime until I meet it (although they negotiate the price down from the provider group). Which is hilarious, seeing that I work for an insurance company (as a contractor).
Healthcare is, pardon my language, fucked in the US. We had a baby last year and had some complications; it maxed out the deductible pretty past. I am obviously still paying those medical bills for just the birth (not to mention everything else) and it sucks.
-
Well so on the upside it is nice to know that I was missed! I did miss this place but OMG I've been so sick that I kept forgetting to check in. However I did get some time in on Crimson Echoes so you know, silver lining and all. LOL
Yeah this has been awful as I've been having just constant nausea. I know I'm not pregnant because I had to have a hysterectomy at 31 and I've had 2 ulcers before. I had gastric bypass and I keep having one form around the exact same staple. Once I have insurance I want to see about getting that reversed because I never had ulcers before I had that surgery. This ulcer has been worse than the other 2, but I had good coverage at the time I had the other 2. Ugh.
I know what kind of insurance you are talking about, an HSA. I worked at 2 call centers for 2 different insurances. Those plans SUCK especially if you have a family. I agree with you, healthcare is completely fucked in the U.S. I know Obama tried to help and in some ways he did but in some ways he made it WAY worse. When I lived in Wisconsin I was able to get Obamacare because I wasn't making much money but they don't have that in Florida plus I make a lot more now than I did then. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and it really sucks. My husband looked into adding me to his plan but it would be an extra $400 a month and man, we don't have that kind of money! *sigh* I hate adulting. LOL Although on another upside work is now being more cooperative; there's a huge class coming out in a month and they will give the shift I'm currently working to one of the newbies so until then they are trying to find someone who will even do it 2-3 days per week until that class comes out. So keep your fingers crossed for me! I just need a shift where I can go home early if it's slow and I'm not feeling well. As of right now I do not have that option and it's been slowing down quite a bit. So keep your fingers crossed for me!
By the way, congrats on the new baby and I hope he/she is doing a lot better now! I don't have kids, but I know that having a baby alone is expensive enough then if you have complications it costs sooooo much more. I am sorry that you and your family went through that.
-
We're good. Mom and baby are both healthy as a lick. He turned a year old in March.
He's a sweet kid, but a handfull. He still isn't sleeping through the night and he refuses to sleep in his own crib all by his lonesome. We normally put him to bed and within two or three hours he wakes up screaming. I want to let him cry it out, my wife wants to comfort him and ends up getting him, putting him in our bed.
I sleep awful when he's in our bed (he shuffles a lot), so I normally end up on the couch, haha... Ready for this stage to end!
But yeah, going back to insurance, it's all messed up. I work for an insurance company doing project management and product design, and it's a highly lucrative industry all across the board. Not just insurance, all of them. The drive for more and more profit just keeps pushing the benchmark for profit. The Affordable Care Act was a double-edged sword -- I'm so happy that it could give people opens (many of whom could not afford insurance otherwise), but it definitely pushed the prices on plans up overall for multiple reasons (ie, carriers forced to offer plans, many of the new plans were employed by sections of US demographics that would be considered high risk, etc).
How do you deal with ulcers, by the way? Like how does it affect your diet? I've been lucky; I get sour stomach easily, but no ulcers and no heart burn. If I eat greasy/fried food too much I end feeling super sick and sometimes nauceous. It's weird that certain foods do it and others don't -- for example, I can scarf down Five Guys double bacon cheeseburger and a pound of fries with no problem, but if I eat a small bag of regular Cheetoes I'm down for the count (although Flamin' Hot Cheetos are fine). I can't nail down what ingredients are the culprits.
Luckily, I've found a simple solution when I start feeling like crap -- a granny smith apple. I don't know how the body chemistry is (they're slightly acidic, and normally with a sour stomach you want to balance out the overly acidic pH level in the stomach), but it straightens me out almost immediately every single time.
I need to isolate the reason why it works and turn it into a product :)
-
Glad both Mom and baby are doing well!
I thought I had read somewhere that it's actually healthier to let the baby cry it out and I could have sworn I heard Dr. Phil say something about how you should never let your kids sleep with you but I could be wrong. I have no sites, sources or anything. LOL Either way, I hope this stage goes by fast for you, sleeping on the couch sucks. Ugh. I was actually nervous when I started my job because I schedule for a network of pediatric offices and not having kids I was afraid there was going to be a lot I didn't understand. Granted, I've had to utilize Google a couple of times but that hasn't been the case at all, which has surprised me!
I hear you on all the insurance. I am with you that The Affordable Healthcare Act was a double-edged sword, there are great things about it but for people like me it REALLY sucks. Hopefully soon I'll have insurance and then everything will be all good.
How to deal with an ulcer... well the instructions I got from the ER was to: 1. Rest until I felt better. (I couldn't afford to do that.) 2. Be on a liquid diet until I felt better. (If I attempt this at work I know I'll pass out and that would be bad!) and 3. For solid food to have dry toast, bananas, applesauce, etc. So obviously no tomatoes (which makes me cry inside ha ha!), citrus, anything fatty or acidic. No fried foods either. This morning I had oatmeal and a banana for breakfast and for my dinner break I have salmon and broccoli (I didn't want it to go bad.) I picked up some Mylanta and I'm hoping that will help with the nausea. I've also been taking omeprazole (brand name Prilosec) twice a day. The other thing that is oddly helping me is hard peppermint candy. Not exactly helpful for my diet but they make the nausea better. Of course right now eating is a miracle because I don't want to eat at ALL. I've never had nausea this bad in my life! This must be how it feels to be pregnant, is what I keep thinking. LOL When my ulcer is gone I'm going to try your granny smith apple trick thought. Those are one of my favorite apples anyway! Also if you figure it out and develop a product, I'd buy it!!
I'm an open book, so if you have any other questions, feel free to ask! Here's to hopin' I feel better soon and that you no longer have to sleep on the couch! :D
-
I hope that ulcer clears up soon, Nadia. That sounds awful to deal with.
Perhaps you can do something extraordinary this year!!
I really hope so! I gotta really motivate myself to do something awesome.
-
I'm going through a bit of a rough patch myself these days: I've been sick on and off for the last month and a half and I know it's my ulcer acting up again...
That is really harsh! Sickness is probably the most distracting thing there is when it comes to trying to live life.
I wish I could offer something to meaningfully help. I could explain some details about the ACA, but it wouldn't actually help anything.
While you're still employed, keep looking for other work. Since you already have income currently, you don't have to settle the way you would if you were unemployed. If you're in your 30s then you have skills, period. Seek out jobs worthy of your skills. Consider paying a few bucks to register at a job board that has curated postings. I like Virtual Vocations; they offer remote work and I actually got some work through them (though it took like 8 months, heh). And stand up for what your labor is worth; don't let them stick you with $11 an hour. They ~will~ if you let them; employers are vicious like that (most of them, anyhow). Don't let them.
Best wishes! And the one thing I can do in the meantime to help, albeit not directly, is to post AWESOME BRAND-J COMPENDIUM FLAPDOODLE!
:roll:
Boo, I lost the post I was writing to you, but it boiled down to: Congrats! That's really cool. You are now Biologically Successful!
-
Oh! Here it is! The "lost post" was in a different tab.
I think Josh needs a new forum title.
Lord J Esq - Forum Therapist
I love my Moon Stone J title! I'm going to keep it for another 64,999,992 years! <3
We're good. Mom and baby are both healthy as a lick. He turned a year old in March.
That's awesome! Congrats!!
-
I'm going through a bit of a rough patch myself these days: I've been sick on and off for the last month and a half and I know it's my ulcer acting up again...
That is really harsh! Sickness is probably the most distracting thing there is when it comes to trying to live life.
I wish I could offer something to meaningfully help. I could explain some details about the ACA, but it wouldn't actually help anything.
While you're still employed, keep looking for other work. Since you already have income currently, you don't have to settle the way you would if you were unemployed. If you're in your 30s then you have skills, period. Seek out jobs worthy of your skills. Consider paying a few bucks to register at a job board that has curated postings. I like Virtual Vocations; they offer remote work and I actually got some work through them (though it took like 8 months, heh). And stand up for what your labor is worth; don't let them stick you with $11 an hour. They ~will~ if you let them; employers are vicious like that (most of them, anyhow). Don't let them.
Well good news; the ulcer is doing a LOT better. I'm feeling much better than I was last week.
I will definitely think about the job thing. Thing is, overall I do really like my workplace, but I do work in a call center and overall call centers attendance policies suck, especially when you are as sick as I've been over the last month and a half. That being said, this is the best call center job I've had. My dream is to actually be able to do art; from oil and watercolor paintings, calligraphy pieces, digital paintings and designing logos full time. Honestly, I had forgotten about this dream until I joined here and started trying my hand at fan art, only then did I realize how much I love making art. So that is now the goal I'm working towards. I will still put feelers out there and see if I find something better, however, this place does let me draw at work which is very nice for me. I want to thank you for all of your advice though, I will definitely keep it in mind!
-
My dream is to actually be able to do art; from oil and watercolor paintings, calligraphy pieces, digital paintings and designing logos full time. Honestly, I had forgotten about this dream until I joined here and started trying my hand at fan art, only then did I realize how much I love making art.
The great thing about the internet is that we have etsy and a million avenues to self-promote and self-release. Even if it's not on a major scale, it can open doors, start processes, and potentially make you some cash.
-
That is on my list actually. I already have a business name and logo and I've been working on the website. I just have to work on buying my domain.
The thing about south Florida too is that there are so many opportunities to make it as an artist. The art community here is AWESOME. I feel like I was meant to live here. There are so many small studios here, it's amazing! Plus there's the farmer's market and Friday Fest, which is on the first Friday of every month, where local artists also sell. I feel like I've tapped into something amazing here! I feel like my dreams are really possible now!
-
Well good news; the ulcer is doing a LOT better. I'm feeling much better than I was last week.
Yay!
I will definitely think about the job thing. Thing is, overall I do really like my workplace, but I do work in a call center and overall call centers attendance policies suck, especially when you are as sick as I've been over the last month and a half. That being said, this is the best call center job I've had.
I've known two other people who enjoyed their call center jobs besides yourself, but generally speaking call centers are hotbeds of exploitation and miserable working conditions and unlivable wages. The whole system is designed for high turnover. A friend of mine worked at a Pepsi call center last year and couldn't even afford to feed her kids. Generally speaking, I don't think call centers should even exist in their current form. They are built not for customer service but to minimize the business liabilities posed by customer needs. I have nothing but contempt for them.
And the single worst part of it is the wage. It's hard to even survive (let alone graduate from the lower class to the working class) on less than $11 or $12 an hour, yet that's more than many call centers pay. And raises are strictly capped; you're never going to stick around for five years and find yourself earning $18 an hour. Doesn't matter how well you perform, or what your numbers are. Those jobs are designed to be dead-end. They're built to fail the people who work them.
Case in point: On your call center wage, are you able to pay all your core living expenses (including health insurance), contribute meaningful amounts to your savings, and engage in basic consumer activities like going out to eat every now and then and buying luxury products (like movie tickets or video games or makeup) once in a while?
I'm a big advocate for workers rights. I hate to see people being economically exploited or being tricked into an economic pathway that'll end in a brick wall for them. I always encourage friends and anyone else who'll listen: Know what you are worth! Research your skills; get an idea of what the market rates for those skills are. Escape entry-level jobs as fast as possible either at an organization where you can be promoted quickly, or by "trading up" your job frequently (that is, while still employed, accepting an offer for a different job with a higher wage or rank). And be courageous when negotiating compensation! Always remember that a prospective employer isn't the only one who has the power to say no (to your job application): You have the power to say no to an unacceptable offer.
I'm going through this with my sister right now. She's applying for jobs that pay way less than she's worth, and it's hard to watch because I can see the discrimination at work--the exploitation of vulnerable people by large companies, the ruthlessness of the free market, and of course in her case the forces of sexism.
Sorry for the rant. Well, no, not sorry. I have a lot of passion packed into this topic. But hopefully you understand it's not necessarily directed at you specifically. You do you!
My dream is to actually be able to do art; from oil and watercolor paintings, calligraphy pieces, digital paintings and designing logos full time. Honestly, I had forgotten about this dream until I joined here and started trying my hand at fan art, only then did I realize how much I love making art. So that is now the goal I'm working towards. I will still put feelers out there and see if I find something better, however, this place does let me draw at work which is very nice for me. I want to thank you for all of your advice though, I will definitely keep it in mind!
You're never too old to ART!!! :lee:
But it definitely helps to have people and settings that remind you of this part of yourself.
-
I've known two other people who enjoyed their call center jobs besides yourself, but generally speaking call centers are hotbeds of exploitation and miserable working conditions and unlivable wages. The whole system is designed for high turnover. A friend of mine worked at a Pepsi call center last year and couldn't even afford to feed her kids. Generally speaking, I don't think call centers should even exist in their current form. They are built not for customer service but to minimize the business liabilities posed by customer needs. I have nothing but contempt for them.
And the single worst part of it is the wage. It's hard to even survive (let alone graduate from the lower class to the working class) on less than $11 or $12 an hour, yet that's more than many call centers pay. And raises are strictly capped; you're never going to stick around for five years and find yourself earning $18 an hour. Doesn't matter how well you perform, or what your numbers are. Those jobs are designed to be dead-end. They're built to fail the people who work them.
Case in point: On your call center wage, are you able to pay all your core living expenses (including health insurance), contribute meaningful amounts to your savings, and engage in basic consumer activities like going out to eat every now and then and buying luxury products (like movie tickets or video games or makeup) once in a while?
I'm a big advocate for workers rights. I hate to see people being economically exploited or being tricked into an economic pathway that'll end in a brick wall for them. I always encourage friends and anyone else who'll listen: Know what you are worth! Research your skills; get an idea of what the market rates for those skills are. Escape entry-level jobs as fast as possible either at an organization where you can be promoted quickly, or by "trading up" your job frequently (that is, while still employed, accepting an offer for a different job with a higher wage or rank). And be courageous when negotiating compensation! Always remember that a prospective employer isn't the only one who has the power to say no (to your job application): You have the power to say no to an unacceptable offer.
I'm going through this with my sister right now. She's applying for jobs that pay way less than she's worth, and it's hard to watch because I can see the discrimination at work--the exploitation of vulnerable people by large companies, the ruthlessness of the free market, and of course in her case the forces of sexism.
Sorry for the rant. Well, no, not sorry. I have a lot of passion packed into this topic. But hopefully you understand it's not necessarily directed at you specifically. You do you!
OMG I meant to respond to this earlier and I forgot!! *sings* ...if I only had a brain... LOL!
Well now that I have some direction in my professional life, ultimately, this job is temporary. maybe a few years temporary, but I won't retire from here. However, to answer your question, it would be hard for me to support myself with what I make. I could, but I wouldn't have room for anything else. I do make $12/hour (good for a call center) but I also live in south Florida. If I'd been able to make this when I lived in Wisconsin, I would've had it made! What is really frustrating me about work right now is that I'm working full-time hours but on part-time status. So I'm putting in all this time and it's not going toward PTO, sick time, nothing. I'm really hoping they will switch me next month, if not, I'm not sure what I'll do. I like where I work and as far as call center jobs, this one isn't extremely difficult either. And I get to work on art. This may sound weird but.... for example, I know how to price a painting I did. But I don't know how to price MYSELF. Does that make sense? I have a lot of customer service experience but I'm not sure what those skills are worth. The other reason I'm reluctant to leave this job is because this is my 4th job in less than 2 years. I'm making friends and I'm sick of looking. Does that make sense? I get exhausted just thinking about it. I'd be so happy here actually if it wasn't for the benefits crap I'm dealing with. That whole thing is very frustrating. So that's that.
Don't feel sorry for the rant, I just appreciate you looking out for me. I'm just not sure what to do. I feel very stuck right now. Ugh.
-
The risk of that forum is always that it can act like a demotivator if you get out of the practice of updating it. Nothing's more embarrassing than resolving to do a bunch of stuff publicly, and following through on hardly any of it.
I ended up, two years ago, finally putting all of my ideas about the human condition and wisdom I've read into a single 17-page or so "book" for myself. The great truth I arrived at, regarding humanity, is that limits are what grant meaning, and because we're all limited in our lifespan and what we can hope to meaningfully accomplish, the choices we make on what to spend our time on become meaningful to us, in both a positive and negative sense. Desire is our natural state, but withdrawing from life in an eastern religious sense throws out the baby with the bathwater. It's been my philosophy to keep keenly pursuing desires and orienting one's life to try new experience, mindful of the fact that there is very little in this life we can truly control, and some kind of true, permanent "happiness" is beyond us.
That's the danger of the full springtime of youth feeling—it, like so many other motivational ideas, seems to promise some kind of transformed life, where problems are done and joys are plenty, simply through effort. Nothing can ever grant this, and the human condition of growing old and losing people mean that we're resigned to a downhill slide in some respects. But mindful of that, where the springtime of youth shines is spurring people to break through the nearest obstacles at hand, try something they normally wouldn't, and like Lord J said, even outright force personal growth and progress. As Clausewitz said, too, the greatest morale-builder for an army is a string of successive victories where the army has been pushed to its limit. So, too, is it in life—having goals and strenuously fighting for them and achieving them imparts a self-confidence that few other things can.
-
I ended up, two years ago, finally putting all of my ideas about the human condition and wisdom I've read into a single 17-page or so "book" for myself. The great truth I arrived at, regarding humanity, is that limits are what grant meaning, and because we're all limited in our lifespan and what we can hope to meaningfully accomplish, the choices we make on what to spend our time on become meaningful to us, in both a positive and negative sense. Desire is our natural state, but withdrawing from life in an eastern religious sense throws out the baby with the bathwater. It's been my philosophy to keep keenly pursuing desires and orienting one's life to try new experience, mindful of the fact that there is very little in this life we can truly control, and some kind of true, permanent "happiness" is beyond us.
You know, Z, years and years ago you killed any interest I had in Eastern Religion. I had grown up in a very religious Evangelical Christian home and had come to realize that I didn't actually believe any of it. I couldn't figure out if I believed in any sort of deity or religion and began to explore other options.
Eventually I started to swirl on Buddhism. It took the focus off of divine entities (which I felt like had ultimately failed me) and instead focused on philosophies of betterment, internal peace, and oneness. It allowed me to keep in touch with my own spirituality and mend my own philosophies on betterment while not putting focus on fear of a divine being and eternal damnation.
Later, somewhere here on the forum you went on a rant against Buddhism and how, essentially, it was an excuse to give up. I am summarizing and not quoting, of course, but you mused how it allowed oneself to simply accept the status quo and make peace with it instead of continuing the fight to change oneself and their conditions. Something along those lines.
It challenged me. In a very good way, and kept me on my quest. It took many more years to start refining my worldview, one I'm still working on, but I kept me from settling and kept my pushing for my own improvement, my own peace, without ever giving in. Not saying that Buddhism or any other religion is bad per se, but they simply don't offer my the answers I've sought.
-
The risk of that forum is always that it can act like a demotivator if you get out of the practice of updating it. Nothing's more embarrassing than resolving to do a bunch of stuff publicly, and following through on hardly any of it.
I completely get what you are saying, but on the other side of the coin it can be a reminder as to things you wanted to accomplish and perhaps seeing it publicly will remind people of things they still want to do in life. I have a list of things I want to accomplish within the next few years and I actually have more support than ever; my husband, my co-workers and people here too. The Compendium has done more for me than you will ever know, I am so grateful for the people and atmosphere here. :D In case you couldn't tell, I'm the eternal optimist. :)
It challenged me. In a very good way, and kept me on my quest. It took many more years to start refining my worldview, one I'm still working on, but I kept me from settling and kept my pushing for my own improvement, my own peace, without ever giving in. Not saying that Buddhism or any other religion is bad per se, but they simply don't offer my the answers I've sought.
I think it's always good to be challenged, especially when it comes to things like religion. I think it encourages us to think outside of our own "box" if that makes sense. I grew up Catholic and non-denominational Christian so I know what it's like to grow up with that kind of a religion. I'm agnostic myself but it was a long path to get here and it's still evolving.
-
I like where I work and as far as call center jobs, this one isn't extremely difficult either. And I get to work on art. This may sound weird but.... for example, I know how to price a painting I did. But I don't know how to price MYSELF. Does that make sense? I have a lot of customer service experience but I'm not sure what those skills are worth.
It can be very hard to get a sense of what you are worth (in terms of pay rate), because there are so many ways of measuring it.
The method I like the most is to think about "value you bring to the company/client." If you're working at a call center, you are presumably resolving customer questions / problems, and that has a dollar value to the company. Companies don't just create jobs for no reason, and most would have no customer service call centers at all if they could get away with it.
When you deal with customers, you can make a rough guess of how much revenue per customer you've directly saved / will potentially generate in the future (until the next time they have a need) by resolving their needs successfully. Add this up for a few weeks, take the average, and then multiply that out by the number of customers you talk to in a year. That will give you a sense of what you're worth to the company annually. Depending on a bunch of complicated stuff that's not worth getting into, I would then say that your personal annual income from them should be worth 15% to 40% of that number.
My second-favorite way of measuring worth is to look at professional skills in the abstract, to come up with a raw potential worth, and then compare that value to the pay distributions of various jobs and industries which rely on some combination of those skills. For instance, if Skillset XYZ can earn you $18,000 a year in Job A, but $26,000 a year in a different kind of job, Job B, and you're currently in Job A, this tells you that you can earn a lot more by making a lateral move into another industry or field.
I should be clear that I have struggled mightily over the years at earning enough money for myself, and am quite poor!, so I'm certainly not the best authority to take financial planning advice from. But I really hate to see people undervalue themselves, and it happens so often, and the economic climate is set up to encourage us to do it to ourselves.
If nothing else, Nadia, when you look for your next job, and they ask you how much you want to earn, and you're in Florida, don't pick a number less than $25,000--which works out to roughly $12 an hour, so good! But don't settle for that. Don't let your income growth stagnate, because you will never get another chance to make it up. It takes most people a lifetime to build financial independence. (Which is sad.) And many never get there. (Which is also sad.) After you've earned $25k for three years or so, you should be earning at least $30k, either through raises or trading jobs. It should continue to increase steadily over the years.
The other reason I'm reluctant to leave this job is because this is my 4th job in less than 2 years. I'm making friends and I'm sick of looking. Does that make sense? I get exhausted just thinking about it.
It sure does. If you're that tired, you gotta rest.
I ended up, two years ago, finally putting all of my ideas about the human condition and wisdom I've read into a single 17-page or so "book" for myself.
I would be genuinely curious to read that, if you are up for sharing it. If it's a published work I'll even buy it![/quote]
-
I'll e-mail it. The first half is concerned over how life should be lived, and the second, how to most effectively live it (where all the savage efficiacy comes in). It draws from a few sources (the "life best lived" borrows pretty heavily from Sam Harris, but I mean, the man seems wholly correct in his conclusions...). You would not believe how much wisdom is contained in Clausewitz's On War, though, painfully diffused across the rest of the unfinished work. That "wisdom from war tomes" genre promises kernels of truth a dime a dozen, but Clausewitz was an utter genius. What he wrote on determination blew my fucking mind; real determination isn't grinding on some plan and whipping yourself, but resolutely pursuing, even cautiously, a strategic aim or desire that you absolutely do not know will bear fruit; of being able to act in uncertainty:
“Two qualities are indispensable: first, an intellect that, even in the darkest hour, retains some glimmerings of the inner light which leads to truth; and second, the courage to follow this light wherever it may lead. The first of these qualities is described by the French term, coup d'oeil; the second is determination.
Looked at in this way, the role of determination is to limit the agonies of doubt and the perils of hesitation when the motives for action are inadequate. Colloquially, to be sure, the term ‘determination’ also applies to a propensity for daring, pugnacity, boldness, or temerity. But when a man has adequate grounds for action—whether subject or objective, valid or false—he cannot properly be called ‘determined’.”
But anyhow, I like to think that the philosophy I arrived at fully captures the spirit of that refrain from Trek: "[one] must learn to explore the moment."
Take this as an apology, too. Only after the liberation of living independently have I been able to look back and understand why I was so contemptibly fierce, especially on the forums here, where I probably drove off a fair share of contributing Chrono fans simply by going guns out on one-too-many debates (ha...no great loss in some cases...) I think that having grown up in that dead-end city, still being at home owing to graduating during a recession and awful job market, etc. left me nothing to cling to for hopes of the future but my ideals. It made me so profoundly disagreeable. Any assailment on that precious sense of identity threw the little chance I perceived of improving my station into jeopardy, and was met by a direly vicious response.
-
Take this as an apology, too. Only after the liberation of living independently have I been able to look back and understand why I was so contemptibly fierce, especially on the forums here, where I probably drove off a fair share of contributing Chrono fans simply by going guns out on one-too-many debates (ha...no great loss in some cases...) I think that having grown up in that dead-end city, still being at home owing to graduating during a recession and awful job market, etc. left me nothing to cling to for hopes of the future but my ideals. It made me so profoundly disagreeable. Any assailment on that precious sense of identity threw the little chance I perceived of improving my station into jeopardy, and was met by a direly vicious response.
I will accept that apology!
I understand a little better, nowadays, why time travel stories compel me. Not why they're fun, or gripping, or exciting. Not because of the chance to do something differently, or save the future. Not because they're often epic. But why they resonate in these ways in the first place--why it's so different to go back five years as opposed to going west five miles.
On a night like this one, the era of the Compendium's heyday feels so close that I feel as though I could reach out and touch it; that, if I but click to another thread, I'll find RD and Lensman and Rushingwind and Thought and Zephira and Faust and Syna and Sajainta and maybe even Krispin but don't tell him I said that, and then, from there, that if I look away from my computer screen I'll be in Seattle again, not so far away from the university, not so far away from that life, that world...that era.
For me the appeal of time travel, beyond its adventure value or its value of discovery, isn't to actually go to different periods in the past or the future, but to think about it, and thus to do a different kind of time traveling: to remember yourself as you were, when your life was on that page instead of this one, when the story and you with it stood at an earlier point of development, and when things were different and many long-since-quashed possibilities still lay in open view on some enticing horizon. The nature of consciousness is such that we can only ever dwell with our present selves. We can remember what it used to be like to be ourselves, but that old self is gone. Hence the saying, you can never go home. But with time travel you can do the next best thing: You can remember it.
I do a lot of time traveling, myself. I always have, too. I'm a very nostalgic person. I often and fondly--but wistfully also--remember places and moments that were sacred to me, or revelrous, or glorious. And on top of all that, events from 2015 to 2017 took a real, not-fun-sized bite out of me that's going to leave me warped forever even if I do manage to generally recover, making it even more compelling to think back on better times.
Dreaming of the future, dreaming of the past...I can only assume I'm projecting this, but it sure would be satisfying if this is what Kato meant when he characterized the Nu as describing life in terms of a dream. Much in keeping with my comments in the thread about Chrono Trigger ending when the world revived, I would be very impressed if the Nu were indeed lampshades of this very sort, existing to remind those who understand what's really happening that time is the ultimate impermeable barrier, and that all of Crono & Co.'s adventures are but a gratifying reminiscence.
All of which is to say: I am not an expert on the Springtime of Youth. And I don't think I ever will be. =]
So it's good that the Compendium's rightful authority on the matter is back on the beat. We all have our inner uglinesses and disagreeablenesses. And most of us have at least one or two personal inner demons to haunt us, whether we recognize them as such or not. I'm sure you and I are very much the same as we were then, and prone to the same mistakes, even if we are also wiser now. But we are still here, and I am happy to step into this old Chrono Compendium and see folks mulling around, even if some of the faces are gone.
That's not a very determined sentiment, but rather a ripe summer cantaloupe, juicy and simple. Unpretentious. I will never not be pretentious, but I now have this magnificent switch I can throw to temporarily pause it and go with the flow. Not many people have ever lived up to my high standards. Including, apparently, myself! And that's okay. Perhaps you have had the same thought at some point.
-
I think that was a compelling part of returning to Zeal in Crimson Echoes, or Prophet's Guile. It wasn't simply returning to a digital worldspace with rehashed art assets. No, we were back there -- to that first time we found Zeal, but the voices had changed; there were new things to discover, as if we'd picked up a book we'd set down after the newness of first reaching the kingdom wore off.
One thing about my thoughts on this subject have changed, though -- no longer would I so easily wish to go back and change something. Even six months of recent life consistently represents a basket of experiences that I would not so easily trade to have a do-over on certain things. I somehow recognize that altering even tiny choices in the past might irrevocably change my identity today -- and erase all the correspondence, thoughts, and observations I've had on this particular timeline. It's as if my identity is self-protecting on a temporal scale. I get the same feeling thinking of friends -- with most of them, I'm at a point now that, one year ago, was tangibly less close, intimate, or seasoned. It feels like it'd be a potential tragedy to wake up and be my same self in my body one year ago, with so much life lived reset.
(Obviously this doesn't hold true for life-altering events; if some titanic malfeasance had occurred to me recently I'd still be on board to build a time machine and change it, etc. And there are still plenty of events I would go back and change -- but what a price one imagines one might have to pay in the way of losing the life lived since that point in time...It might be a compelling subplot in a game -- save the world at large, but lose the one you knew entirely.)
-
One thing about my thoughts on this subject have changed, though -- no longer would I so easily wish to go back and change something. Even six months of recent life consistently represents a basket of experiences that I would not so easily trade to have a do-over on certain things. I somehow recognize that altering even tiny choices in the past might irrevocably change my identity today -- and erase all the correspondence, thoughts, and observations I've had on this particular timeline. It's as if my identity is self-protecting on a temporal scale.
Sounds like a moral quandary worthy of exploring. Time travel stories so often skip over the fallout of time travel, namely the fact that you erase the entire population (or shunt into an alternate timeline, based on multiverse theories). Chrono Cross touched on this with the whole Dead Sea / erased timelines shunted to the DBT, but it never really explores it in detail as it should.
-
It's ironic. In spite of everything bad that had happened to me over my life, I always very deliberately knew I would never go back to change it.
That all changed because of what I went through in 2015, 2016, and 2017. I would definitely go back to 2015 and change things in August.
Kinda sad, to get to a point where you're willing to trade in the life you have for a spin on the temporal slot machines. Like I said a few weeks ago in some thread somewhere around here, that's one of the reasons I've returned to the Compendium: to try and recalibrate life and hopefully get to a better place in lieu of a fancy Time Gate service.
-
Kinda sad, to get to a point where you're willing to trade in the life you have for a spin on the temporal slot machines. Like I said a few weeks ago in some thread somewhere around here, that's one of the reasons I've returned to the Compendium: to try and recalibrate life and hopefully get to a better place in lieu of a fancy Time Gate service.
Naw, that's not sad. I think that's true to many of us. ~90% of those posting nowadays have been registered here for 10+ years, and pretty much everyone has left and then come back for one reason or another. I left for years. Going full in on exposing my own demons, I have spent the past fifteen years fighting diagnosed clinical depression. I am 5'11" with a medium build and in 2013 I reached a point where I literally could not function without medication. I was down to 140 pounds, all due to crippling anxiety and depression. Some of it was chemical imbalance, but some of it was conditional. Work/career, my relationships, family stressors, etc.
I came back here late last year not only because I missed it, but because there's a part of me that connects it with a better past. I connect it to happier times. If nothing else, I've recently somehow tapped into a wormhole to that previous, less worn version of myself and I'm feeding off of the energies from the past.
And there's nothing wrong with that.
Besides, we are ALWAYS works in progress. The only time we stop changing/growing/declining is when we are dead and six feet under (or burnt into fine ash). We may never reach the same deepness of previous trenches, or may not reach the highs of previous Zeals (huhuhu), but godammit, those roller-coaster tracks never stop. All we can do is fuck off or keep fighting.
So keep up that recalibration. Buckle up. Change is coming, it will always be coming. You got this. Because you can't change it, as much as you want. But you can find solace in stupid internet forums for abandoned video game franchised. Even if it's minimal, it's something.
-
Kinda sad, to get to a point where you're willing to trade in the life you have for a spin on the temporal slot machines. Like I said a few weeks ago in some thread somewhere around here, that's one of the reasons I've returned to the Compendium: to try and recalibrate life and hopefully get to a better place in lieu of a fancy Time Gate service.
Naw, that's not sad. I think that's true to many of us. ~90% of those posting nowadays have been registered here for 10+ years, and pretty much everyone has left and then come back for one reason or another.
Oh, for sure. I didn't mean that I think it's sad that I would come back to the Compendium to do a bit of living-in-the-past--or, to use your preferable phrasing, drawing strength from it. I meant that it's sad that a person could get to the point where they would be willing to trade who they are for something else.
Even on that, reasonable opinions can differ, but my take is that it's sad. It's like looking on ruins and remembering or imagining what they used to be, or going to an empty concert hall and dreaming about the sound that once rang out against its walls. I have pretty high standards, higher than most folks, and I had clear expectations about personal success. I didn't live up to those standards and I didn't achieve that personal success. Worse than that, what I ended up with instead was bad enough that I really would go back three years and trade it all out, if I could. On a fundamental level, that's a form of self-repudiation, and, while you can describe it as you like, the word I'll stand by is "sad."
"Sad" is okay. I don't mean it in the sense of "Waaaah, pity me! Buy me an ice cream!" (Though you can and should buy me an ice cream.) I use it mainly descriptively, and I'm a very honest person. I don't want my negative appraisals dismissed or glossed over by myself or others any more than I want my positive appraisals rubber-stamped or over-exaggerated. I love to describe the world as I see it to be, documenting the facts as best I understand them, like for a good science book. I don't mind being seen in my weaker moments by others. I've never really possessed that kind of self-consciousness.
So, hopefully you'll indulge me on "sad." By all means though, do keep right on cheerleading the future! The world, and our society, and even occasionally the Great Lord of the J, have good use for it. =]
I left for years. Going full in on exposing my own demons, I have spent the past fifteen years fighting diagnosed clinical depression. I am 5'11" with a medium build and in 2013 I reached a point where I literally could not function without medication. I was down to 140 pounds, all due to crippling anxiety and depression. Some of it was chemical imbalance, but some of it was conditional. Work/career, my relationships, family stressors, etc.
You've done a good job of committing to the revival here. It would not have happened without you. I think it's deliciously ironic that my return triggered this recent spate of activity (given that I abandoned this place earlier than most!), but it was you more than anyone else (rivaled only by Mauron, so I gather) who set up the tinder and the kindling to make it possible for the spark to catch once me and my big ol' flint rock showed up. And now all these other previously hibernating users are suddenly coming out of the woodwork. Not a ton, but enough that we can already say your efforts made a difference!
On a tangential note, in 2003 due to extreme poverty I got all the way down to 136 pounds. I was eating one meal and one snack a day. When I'd cook a whole chicken--always watered down with beans or some such--I'd even eat as much as I could of the bones; I was that poor. And I didn't know I would have qualified for food stamps and food banks. I'm 5'10" and naturally larger-framed, so 136 was a weight I hadn't seen since probably middle school. It was grim! So I can only imagine what a rough place you must have been in, to get down so low yourself. I hope you are doing better these days! You certainly seem to, outwardly, but I try not to presume such things.
I came back here late last year not only because I missed it, but because there's a part of me that connects it with a better past. I connect it to happier times. If nothing else, I've recently somehow tapped into a wormhole to that previous, less worn version of myself and I'm feeding off of the energies from the past.
And there's nothing wrong with that.
Certainly!
So keep up that recalibration. Buckle up. Change is coming, it will always be coming. You got this. Because you can't change it, as much as you want. But you can find solace in stupid internet forums for abandoned video game franchised. Even if it's minimal, it's something.
These days my biggest operational ambition of the type we're describing here is simply to cultivate more free time. My job saps my time very badly. It is a long-term work-in-progress to cultivate little fertile pockets of usable time that I can then apply to my creative writing and other work.
A smaller ambition, but a worthy one.
-
Yeah, I have to admit too, in late 2016 there's something I wish I could go back and change.
It is nice to think the Compendium had a heyday. From the get-go, Ramsus and I always knew we kind of missed the real potential rush for having a busy, active site, since we brought this thing online and got it active in 2003 (and only really had the encyclopedia ready in 2006). There was always a perspective on the administrative side of tending to a garden that would and could never grow large enough to realize what may have been. But a larger community definitely wouldn't have been as unique Compendiumite, I think. We wouldn't have had the space for all our distinctive characters, and the law of averages probably would've dominated the public discourse. So things worked out. And hey, our little community has managed to be a lot more productive than much, much larger ones in terms of actually finishing hacks and modifications.
Edit: Wow, starmen.net's forums are pretty dead these days. I remember when Ramsus showed me that site at the outset, and it seemed like something we'd never surpass. (Although outliving them in relative degrees of being dead is no way to "surpass" anyone.) I guess though, for the future, it really does seem like having an Aegis project is probably the only viable way to get new blood, and even then, there's the eternal C&D risk if it operates in the open enough to attract people.
-
Oh, for sure. I didn't mean that I think it's sad that I would come back to the Compendium to do a bit of living-in-the-past--or, to use your preferable phrasing, drawing strength from it. I meant that it's sad that a person could get to the point where they would be willing to trade who they are for something else.
"Sad" is okay. I don't mean it in the sense of "Waaaah, pity me! Buy me an ice cream!" (Though you can and should buy me an ice cream.) I use it mainly descriptively, and I'm a very honest person.
Oh, I know exactly what you meant. I'm not dismissing or coddling, so I hope it didn't come across that way. But I dunno, it's not sad to me. But I'll indulge you. : )
This is classic Trek (I saw you posted earlier about a Trek crossover, so I assume you're somewhat of a Trekkie). One desires a better outcome and resolves to change history, going so far as erasing themselves from history to do so. The sacrifice of the current version so a past version can obtain a more ideal future.
And Trek doesn't approach it from a sad point of view. It's a noble sacrifice, rightfully so or otherwise.
So when I talk about it being "sad" and the ups and downs of life, I guess I look at it as a natural stance to take. When life gets miserable, it's easy to want to redo the past. Even if the current you - the version of you that exists with the knowledge of those events - is no more.
But I get what you're saying. It is what it is. So it goes.
You've done a good job of committing to the revival here. It would not have happened without you.
I seriously had nothing to do with it. That's not modesty. If anything, it was PrincessNadia who registered and started posting on like 10 threads in one or two days, and that made me respond in kind, which snowballed. Mauron, too. Ever steadfast Mauron, who has stood a diligent vigil here with a few others. :)
I posted a love letter to the Compendium in a thread called "God, I Miss This Place" in late 2016 as a sort of swan song and recognition that my interest in this place was dead, but that I viewed my time here fondly. In a way, that pushed me to do my part in revival. Not going down without a fight.
I also think SquareEnix will eventually do something with the franchise. Remake or new game, or maybe I'm feeling overly optimistic these days, but I do think, at some point, something is going to happen. Chrono Trigger is like the Blade Runner of video games; style and substance with a fervently passionate fanbase. Well, maybe not Blade Runner, but you get the idea. Chrono Trigger isn't a cult movie, but we are one that fans adore and refuse to let die.
It was grim! So I can only imagine what a rough place you must have been in, to get down so low yourself. I hope you are doing better these days! You certainly seem to, outwardly, but I try not to presume such things.
I'm definitely in a better place now. A large part of it came from internal change. There's so much I can't control. I gave up religion and trying to make it fit to my worldview. I recognized that the person I married wasn't who I thought she was, but that that's okay and I need to stop fighting and just accept it. I finally said fuck it and quit my job, was unemployed and trying to support a wife and kid with whatever odd jobs I could scrape together, but it gave me just enough time to jump onto something else. It's still not the career I long for, but it is sufficient and the money is good. I gave up social media and the blatant manipulation it entails.
It's so much easier to be true to oneself when you're not inundated with media's interpretation of what you should be, or by comparing yourself to the facade others put up on social media.
Are things better? From a financial standpoint, a little but not really. Our generation has been fucked over by the baby boomers and the American dream we were promised is a dead promise. The less I fight and accept that life won't be quite the way I want it, the better I've felt. Maybe it's defeatism on my part. There's peace in accepting that I'll never be some Hollywood bigshot writer like I had hoped. The dream isn't dead, but the likelihood is small. I can deal with that.
So yeah, I'm in a better place overall. Healthy weight, healthier mindset, no longer a desire to end my existence.
A big part of pulling myself up out of my rut was my child (I now have 2) and the death of my best friend, Daniel. Daniel and I were childhood friends and to this day our parents are besties. We became reacquainted after college and our friendship grew immensely. We were fighting many of the same demons with depression and started texting and calling each other daily, helping each other tread water. We lived about 2 hours apart, which is ironic, given that we both grew up ~1000 miles away from here.
He shot himself two years ago.
The only difference between him and I was that I had a child that was dependent on me, and the love for my child was a liferaft I was able to cling to. Daniel didn't have that and he chose to end it all. His brother and I had to clean out his apartment a week later. It was mortifying. They had to cut the drywall away to get ride of the mess, take the tile up from the floor. His blankets and mattress were gone. Sorry for the vivid imagery. I was both jealous and pitied him. The hole he left to myself and others is one that will never heal.
But it game just enough push up the hill to start recovery. It's stupid it took his suicide to do so, but it was a REALLY sobering thought.
Sorry for rambling. I tend to do that a lot these days. But yeah, I'm in recovery.
Are you? Not a metaphysical question, I'm seriously asking. I assume you're no longer 135 pounds and living off of measly scraps.
Wow, starmen.net's forums are pretty dead these days. I remember when Ramsus showed me that site at the outset, and it seemed like something we'd never surpass.
The Seikens (for the Secret of Mana series) is also a dead zone. The fact that we are still ticking is a big deal. Worthy of note.
I guess though, for the future, it really does seem like having an Aegis project is probably the only viable way to get new blood, and even then, there's the eternal C&D risk if it operates in the open enough to attract people.
If we ever do it, we do it smarter than before. No need to advertise it like CE did. Let it be subtle, fly under the radar, then release with a bang. That being said, it doesn't need to be to draw in new blood. Let it be for us as much as for others. A creative endeavor that should be fun for us. Not saying we shouldn't take it seriously (if we ever did such a thing) and make some commitments, but it also doesn't have to be something we force ourselves to do.
I've been super guilty in the past of overthinking fan games. At this point I recognize them as a hobby. I feel okay putting my time into a project that is just a hobby and literally has no legacy or financial benefit to it. If I enjoy it and enjoy the people I'm working with, looking at it as a hobby is good enough for me.
Now if it was my job, I'd feel otherwise.
-
Mauron, too. Ever steadfast Mauron, who has stood a diligent vigil here with a few others. :)
The problem was I rarely left Kajar Labs. While it's been useful for the hacking portion of the community, it's not as good for the rest of the site.
If we ever do it, we do it smarter than before. No need to advertise it like CE did. Let it be subtle, fly under the radar, then release with a bang. That being said, it doesn't need to be to draw in new blood. Let it be for us as much as for others. A creative endeavor that should be fun for us. Not saying we shouldn't take it seriously (if we ever did such a thing) and make some commitments, but it also doesn't have to be something we force ourselves to do.
I really think it was the advertising that got SE's attention. Release a hack quietly in the ROM hacking communities and no one will notice.
I've been super guilty in the past of overthinking fan games. At this point I recognize them as a hobby. I feel okay putting my time into a project that is just a hobby and literally has no legacy or financial benefit to it. If I enjoy it and enjoy the people I'm working with, looking at it as a hobby is good enough for me.
Now if it was my job, I'd feel otherwise.
I know the feeling there. A large project seems like an interesting idea, but it takes a lot more time.
-
The problem was I rarely left Kajar Labs. While it's been useful for the hacking portion of the community, it's not as good for the rest of the site.
Regardless, take praise where praise is due. Even if it was Kajar Labs that kept you active, you were active. I would show up once every six months and you were always in the active member list and there were occasional comments you'd provided.
I think you can tell by now I have a lot of respect for you as a person (despite the fact that I know literally nothing about your personal life outside of Neko). : D
Release a hack quietly in the ROM hacking communities and no one will notice.
Exactly. No fanfare until after it's released. No website, no screenshots (although a teaser or two, as long as it's not blatant, could work). Once it's out in the public, it can't be taken back. Of course this limits adding fresh blood, but one can easily see someone's interest and abilities around the forum and then pull them in.
-
Regardless, take praise where praise is due. Even if it was Kajar Labs that kept you active, you were active. I would show up once every six months and you were always in the active member list and there were occasional comments you'd provided.
Praise is hard. Also, the revival we have now needed people outside the hacking community, like certain Gentleman Callers I know. :P
I think you can tell by now I have a lot of respect for you as a person (despite the fact that I know literally nothing about your personal life outside of Neko). : D
I definitely can.
Exactly. No fanfare until after it's released. No website, no screenshots (although a teaser or two, as long as it's not blatant, could work). Once it's out in the public, it can't be taken back. Of course this limits adding fresh blood, but one can easily see someone's interest and abilities around the forum and then pull them in.
A few screenshots in the right place couldn't hurt. Look at Chrono Trigger MSU-1. Look at ThegreatBen/IHBP's Chrono Trigger Plus. They've got multiple patches out for their projects without issue. I'm sure hitting the news is what caused our problems.
-
You've done a good job of committing to the revival here. It would not have happened without you.
I seriously had nothing to do with it. That's not modesty. If anything, it was PrincessNadia who registered and started posting on like 10 threads in one or two days, and that made me respond in kind, which snowballed. Mauron, too. Ever steadfast Mauron, who has stood a diligent vigil here with a few others. :)
Then to them shall accolades go!
But you deserve them too: You were the one who made me feel welcome on my return. Thanks!
I'm definitely in a better place now. A large part of it came from internal change. There's so much I can't control. I gave up religion and trying to make it fit to my worldview. I recognized that the person I married wasn't who I thought she was, but that that's okay and I need to stop fighting and just accept it. I finally said fuck it and quit my job, was unemployed and trying to support a wife and kid with whatever odd jobs I could scrape together, but it gave me just enough time to jump onto something else. It's still not the career I long for, but it is sufficient and the money is good. I gave up social media and the blatant manipulation it entails.
It's so much easier to be true to oneself when you're not inundated with media's interpretation of what you should be, or by comparing yourself to the facade others put up on social media.
Are things better? From a financial standpoint, a little but not really. Our generation has been fucked over by the baby boomers and the American dream we were promised is a dead promise. The less I fight and accept that life won't be quite the way I want it, the better I've felt. Maybe it's defeatism on my part. There's peace in accepting that I'll never be some Hollywood bigshot writer like I had hoped. The dream isn't dead, but the likelihood is small. I can deal with that.
So yeah, I'm in a better place overall. Healthy weight, healthier mindset, no longer a desire to end my existence.
A big part of pulling myself up out of my rut was my child (I now have 2) and the death of my best friend, Daniel. Daniel and I were childhood friends and to this day our parents are besties. We became reacquainted after college and our friendship grew immensely. We were fighting many of the same demons with depression and started texting and calling each other daily, helping each other tread water. We lived about 2 hours apart, which is ironic, given that we both grew up ~1000 miles away from here.
He shot himself two years ago.
The only difference between him and I was that I had a child that was dependent on me, and the love for my child was a liferaft I was able to cling to. Daniel didn't have that and he chose to end it all. His brother and I had to clean out his apartment a week later. It was mortifying. They had to cut the drywall away to get ride of the mess, take the tile up from the floor. His blankets and mattress were gone. Sorry for the vivid imagery. I was both jealous and pitied him. The hole he left to myself and others is one that will never heal.
But it game just enough push up the hill to start recovery. It's stupid it took his suicide to do so, but it was a REALLY sobering thought.
Sorry for rambling. I tend to do that a lot these days. But yeah, I'm in recovery.
There's a lot of meat there, and I don't necessarily have anything to add. I just wanted to say I hear ya. And I'm glad you were able to find your footing on the path that life prepared for you.
Are you? Not a metaphysical question, I'm seriously asking. I assume you're no longer 135 pounds and living off of measly scraps.
Weight wise I am good--actually at my heaviest ever of 190. I'm the opposite of most Americans, having spent my life feeling too thin and wanting to be heavier, but being absolutely terrible at gaining weight. It's even been a joke with friends of mine over the years, who have struggled to lose weight and keep it off.
But the reason I'm a little heavier lately isn't as cool: There are not a lot of important things in my life that I have much control over right now. With due acknowledgement of the fact that I have a roof over my head, food to eat, and an income, I am not in a good place at all. A couple weeks ago, I decided that focusing on eating more is like basically one of the only things that I actually can control right now, so it's been sort of this glum consolation prize: Yes, I can pork up a little bit, which is awesome (it truly is; I love fat) but only because I don't have the ability to spend that time and energy on more important things.
Gonna be a long road, but one step I've taken to try and move forward is hanging out here on the Compendium again, and that's not the only step, so at least I'm not doing nothing to improve my situation, and we'll see how things play out.
If we ever do it, we do it smarter than before. No need to advertise it like CE did. Let it be subtle, fly under the radar, then release with a bang.
Exactly.
Mauron, too. Ever steadfast Mauron, who has stood a diligent vigil here with a few others. :)
The problem was I rarely left Kajar Labs. While it's been useful for the hacking portion of the community, it's not as good for the rest of the site.
Indeed! I don't know if we ever interacted at all back when I was still at the Compendium. To me you feel like a total newcomer, even though by this point you're a Guru and have probably put in as much time here as I have!!
-
Indeed! I don't know if we ever interacted at all back when I was still at the Compendium. To me you feel like a total newcomer, even though by this point you're a Guru and have probably put in as much time here as I have!!
I'm not sure if we did either. I went underground for a while while hacking was shut down here, but I'm back now.
-
Wow Lord J Esq I'm really sorry about what you have gone through. I deal with depression myself and it really sucks. I'm not on anything for it right now and sometimes I think I should be, but I'm scared to take anything for it again. It took me a long time to clean all drugs out of my system. The only things I take is benedryl to help me sleep and omeprazole for my ulcer/heartburn. I'm not on any prescriptions and it's been really nice.
I am also with keeping the next project hush-hush and not advertising. I think that's the best way to go.
I did want to post that work is going much better. I got my hours switched and I'm second in line to converting to full-time status, so it shouldn't be long. Also, they've been listening to and using ideas I've had and that is nice too. :)
-
Woohoo! Glad to hear it! I know the grind from contractor (or part time) to FTE is a HUUUUGE pain.
-
And I've already done that part. I got this job through a temp agency and they wanted to bring me on but didn't have enough FT positions at the time which is why I've been PT. It's been frustrating but there is a light at the end of the tunnel! Converting was a HUGE pain in the ass. To go from PT to FT will be easy! :D