Chrono Compendium

Kajar Laboratories - Fan Works and Submissions => Fan Fiction => Topic started by: Zipp Dementia on October 05, 2008, 07:33:48 pm

Title: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on October 05, 2008, 07:33:48 pm
It's been a while since I've tried my hand at any fan fiction, but last night I had a dream which roughly outlined the plot of a true sequel to Chrono Trigger.  Obviously, writing a game and writing a story are two different things.  Writing a game is more akin to writing a movie, though even that isn't a perfect translation.  Games are more based on the interaction and immersion in a world, rather than complexity of plot or characters.  It's this immersion which causes us to fall in love with games, and which makes them so memorable.

Chrono Trigger is unusual in that it had a very strong and detailed plot, with more ins and outs than most games, and with strong characters (though with admitedly simple back stories... "remedied" by Chrono Cross).  It's one of the reasons the game is still listed as one of the best RPGs of all time, and one of the reasons that, despite the numerous times I've played it, I can't seem to bring myself to get any ending other than the main one, to see the story through to full completion and resolution.

In any case, this is not a perfect translation of what was given to me in my dream.  Rather, it was that plot then put through the translation of a story format.  I don't want to give the story away, but I will say that ultimately it will deal with the rise of Poore to a military power and one possible resolution for the dissapearance of Gaurdia and two of our favourite characters.  I'm going to keep working on this until I either get bored or finish it.  Having a place to put it up for comments/criticism may go a long ways towards the latter, though.

With that said, feel free to comment in this thread.  I'll always post the additions to the story with a bolded pre-heading, so they don't get too lost.  If I finish, I'll compile and edit the whole thing, and that should take care of any organizational issues.

Without further ado, I give you my version of Chrono Break.

To read the chapters, please use the link below.  Scroll to the bottom of the page and you should see the fan fiction under the title of Chrono Break, and submitted as seperate chapters.

http://www.honestgamers.com/systems/game.php?game_id=2242&platform=Super+Nintendo&abr=SNES&gametitle=Chrono+Trigger&region=all (http://www.honestgamers.com/systems/game.php?game_id=2242&platform=Super+Nintendo&abr=SNES&gametitle=Chrono+Trigger&region=all)

UPDATE!
As of June, 2009, the above links will no longer work.  Instead, the fiction has been relocated to Fan Fiction.net.  It will take some time to get all the parts up there, but I expect to be fully caught up within a week or two.  Since I'm having to go back and repost many earlier parts, all parts have been slightly edited for continuity and style.  Eventually, I plan on a full rewrite, maybe even turning it into an original setting that could be published without fear of copyright infringement.  But for now, the re-posted segments can be considered "final cuts."

Enjoy!

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5066583/1/Chrono_Break
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Chocobo_Fan on October 05, 2008, 08:52:06 pm
Pretty cool! Me like! :D For future reference, though, "it's" always means "it is". When using an "it" possessive, you say "its". I know, it's nitpicking, but you'll want your spelling/grammar in top shape if you're writing a story. It is quite interesting, though... I like the fact that Crono doesn't like talking. ^_^ Poor him. Good thing he has Nadia/Marle to help him. :) (her Japanese name is "Marludia", by the way, if you want to include that for whatever reason. I think Nadia sounds better, personally) I like the dream thing, though. Very interesting and foreshadow-y. At first I thought it was the final battle, but instead it was poor little Crono facing the godlike alien parasite alone with a wooden katana... Poor him. :( I imagine it's a reference to the fact that Lavos is still alive-ish, and wants to kill Crono and Co. in the most painful way possible? Pretty cool. :) I'm definitely hooked to see what happens next. :D

Edit: Oh, and you should italicize the dream section, or at least the wake-up calls. It's a good thing to do to separate it from reality.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on October 05, 2008, 10:04:43 pm
Pretty cool! Me like! :D For future reference, though, "it's" always means "it is". When using an "it" possessive, you say "its". I know, it's nitpicking, but you'll want your spelling/grammar in top shape if you're writing a story. It is quite interesting, though... I like the fact that Crono doesn't like talking. ^_^ Poor him. Good thing he has Nadia/Marle to help him. :) (her Japanese name is "Marludia", by the way, if you want to include that for whatever reason. I think Nadia sounds better, personally) I like the dream thing, though. Very interesting and foreshadow-y. At first I thought it was the final battle, but instead it was poor little Crono facing the godlike alien parasite alone with a wooden katana... Poor him. :( I imagine it's a reference to the fact that Lavos is still alive-ish, and wants to kill Crono and Co. in the most painful way possible? Pretty cool. :) I'm definitely hooked to see what happens next. :D

Hey, first comment, great!

I'm mildly (AKA greatly) embarrased by the "its" thing.  As a graduate with an English degree, I really should've noticed those stuck in there.  You know how it is, sometimes in the heat of writing... I'll have to be more careful, it seems.

Marludia... I didn't know that.  Very cool name.  For my own sanity, I'll probably be sticking to the American versions of the names, though I'm glad to have the information.  Thanks!

I don't really want to give anything away, so I won't comment too directly on the Lavos thing.  I will say that you shouild expect to see the story go in a drastically different direction than most "Trigger Fics" (at least, based on the ones I've read).  The characters as I envision them are having to deal with things more mundane than the end of the world, and some will find that a more difficult task, ironically.

I may be able to get Part II up tonight.  Thanks for reading!
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on October 05, 2008, 11:00:36 pm
Part II

Breakfast was more of a feast than a meal.  It was Crono’s habit to have food on the table all day long, both to provide his guests with nourishment as well as to give him something to do while listening to them.  He ignored the fact that this habit had had something of an unfortunate influence upon the growth of his paunch.  Still, Crono was a hard muscled man at 21, well built, with an impressive mane of fiery red hair that made him an imposing leader.  Still, he thought the effect would be greater with a blade in his hand than with a fork.

His day passed, as usual, in a blur of faces and complaints.  The only good thing about it was that it forced all irrational emotions from his mind, leaving him with an unrelenting, but familiar, boredom.

The matters of the day were routine.  Poore was engaged in trading agreements with Choras and Medina that needed his approval.  Nadia looked the agreements over, made a few changes, and he signed his name.  Most of the other matters were resolved in a similar fashion.

Then there was the matter of local taxing.  Some people in Truce were complaining that they were being taxed unfairly compared to Poore.  Crono had to admit that taxes were definitely higher than they’d been during Nadia’s father’s reign, but even Nadia admitted that they were no higher than necessary.  The kingdom was growing at an alarming rate.  Poore was now the largest city-state in the known world, while between it and the castle numerous smaller cities had sprung up in land that was once deserted except for the odd hermit and Shittake monster.  The truth was, the kingdom was growing too fast.  To maintain some semblance of infrastructure, roads and farms needed to be built, and such things took resources.  Nadia’s father, perhaps sensing that he was approaching the end of his life, had avoided the issue, preferring to die as a loved ruler and leave the mess for his successor to clean up.  And yet Crono couldn’t think an ill thought of the man.  He had treated Crono as his own son, and had hinted more than once that he felt Crono had acted as the foil to close the age old gap between his daughter and himself.  The old man had died without any regrets, and Crono didn’t begrudge him the act.

Even so, the matter was now his problem, and he would be expected to find a solution.  The truth of the matter was that even though Poore did have the largest landmass on the continent, much of that landmass was taken up with Fiona’s Forest, acres upon acres of green wilderness considered holy ground, and which couldn’t be disturbed for farming, timber, or the building of homes.  Crono himself made sure that the place was untouched.  He had a rather personal connection to it.  Thus, while Poore had the largest population, it was confined to a small area and the city state produced little beyond the arts, which it was famed for.  A sculpture or painting from Poore would gain much in trade from a wealthy family in Medina or Choras, and Crono himself was proud of the city’s artistic achievements.  The literature, too, was brilliant, as Poore was home to the foremost scholars of the day.  There one could find experts not only on philosophy and religion, but also on technology, commerce, and city planning.  Poore’s expertise allowed for the creation of sewers, public buildings such as libraries and schools, the wide use of electricity, and safer forms of sea transportation.  These leaps forward in evolution were all the more impressive for having taken place over the course of half a decade.

These advances were helped by the fact that the Zenan continent held one of the most brilliant minds in the world, that of Lucca Ashtear.  Lucca had been instrumental in the establishment of Poore as a scholarly city, and her works featured prominently in the Poorian libraries.  Her presence on the Zenan continent had ensured the growth of Gaurdia’s culture, single-handedly in some ways.  For instance, though electricity was in wide use across the world, it was Lucca who had developed a way to capture the very power of the elements to produce it.  Thus, while places such as Medina and Choras were still relying on fossil fuels and steam to provide them electricity, Gaurdia had wind turbines and solar panels that fed large electrical plants.

An active inventor, Lucca was hands on with everything she did and had helped build most of the plants herself, although of late, the scientist had become reclusive, mostly keeping to her home on an island off the shore of Zenan.  There she had recently begun an orphanage, and Crono assumed she was busy much of the time with the children.

In comparison to Poore’s massive achievements, Truce seemed very archaic indeed.  It was Crono’s hometown, so he held a certain fondness for it, but while Poore had turned into a city of massive artistic and technological value, Truce had grown in size without growing in culture.  Being situated along the mountains and coast, it produced little in the way of crops and remained isolated from the rest of the kingdom.  It had already been decided that the next summer’s fair, traditionally held in Truce, would be held instead in Poore, a move that had hurt the pride of many of Truce’s citizens.  They were mostly rugged individualists, who had begun to chafe under the mandate of paying homage to a king.  As the rest of the kingdom grew without them, they began to secede more and more.  Despite all of this, two things made Truce an important piece of the Gaurdia empire.  For one, it was the largest and most accessible port town on the continent.  By some quirk of the tides, it was far easier to sail a ship from Medina and Choras north to Truce than it was to sail south to Poore.  Secondly, Truce was the home of the great swordsmith Melchior, who also happened to be an extremely learned sage and personal friend of Crono.  Though the old man didn’t take much pleasure anymore in the crafting of weapons, his presence still ensured that the Gaurdia military, while small for the amount of land the kingdom owned, had the best equipment in the world.  He provided enough of a deterrent to ensure that Gaurdia had little to worry about from foreign invasion.  Not to mention, of course, Crono’s own prowess in battle.  Though none had witnessed it themselves, it was still widely believed that the King and Queen of Gaurdia both possessed powerful magic, and one had only to look at Crono to see that his body was that of a warrior.

Yet it seemed his greatest threats lied within his own borders.  Truce’s citizens, usually content with just complaining, grumbling, and eventually paying their taxes, seemed to have reached the end of their short tempers.  It was midday when Crono received his nervous tax collector, who said that the month’s taxes would not be coming in from Truce.

Perhaps it was a leftover of his emotions from the morning, but Crono found himself incensed at the news.  His usually quiet demeanor shattered along with a glass goblet that he tossed at the wall in frustration.  In one quick motion he was out of his chair, stalking around the table towards the poor tax collector.

“Damn those Trucian whores!  Pig’s sons and ship rats, the lot of them!  This is an act of blatant secession!  How would they fare without our farms and military protection?”

In his anger, Crono seemed to grow taller.  A strange stuffiness overcame the entire room.  Nadia felt the hairs on her head standing up the same way they did before a lightning storm.  The tax collector squeaked out an incomprehensible reply and bowed repeatedly, as if this would salve the situation.  On the contrary, though stunned by her husband’s uncharacteristic outburst, Nadia managed to maintain her composure.

“And how would we fare without their trade?  We have to maintain a symbiotic relationship with each of our cities, or else we’re just a well provisioned castle.  Please calm down.”

“But they don’t understand that, do they?  No, this is an act of secession.  They wouldn’t make a claim like this unless they had something planned.  They must be getting support from one of the other cities!  Or maybe they’ve got farms hidden up in those mountains?  Well, if it’s war they want, then they can have it!”

The excitement in his voice shocked even him.  He fell silent again.  Nadia stood and dismissed the tax collector, who ran off with a final thankful bow.  She felt fortunate that only one of their civil servants had witnessed the episode, though she still suspected that the event would be all over the castle within the day, and spread throughout the kingdom by the end of the month.

She came over to Crono and touched his arm gently, then kissed him on the cheek.  It was like kissing one of Lucca’s batteries.  She felt a slight jolt through her mouth.

“How about we call it quits for today?”

Crono didn’t answer.

“We could go out of the castle, you know?  It’s been nearly a week since we last left, I think.  It’s been busy, hasn’t it?”

Crono looked at her and nodded.  His skin, which had been hot, cooled suddenly and noticeably.  “Maybe you’re right.  Ah but hell, it has been rough.  A bit of fresh air would be nice.  A day off would be nicer.”

“It’s only going to be like this for a short time.  It always takes a while for people to get used to a new reign.  There’s always grumbling.  I remember father used to nearly pull his hair out when I was a child.”

“I’m not sure I’m cut out to be a ruler.”

“How about simply being my husband?”

She kissed him again, this time on the lips.  He gave her a weak smile that grew as an idea seemed to come to him.

“We could run away.  Run away like the old days.”

She smiled in return, but it was a sad smile, filled with the memories of ringing bells and the slow shock of sudden collision.  He laughed.

“We’re well and truly trapped then,” he said.  “But at least we’re trapped together.”

He kissed her again and again, and she drew close to him.  He held her in his arms, thinking that he really had everything he needed to be happy.  He knew, more than anyone, that time would show this, if only he could wait.  But deep within himself, he felt his rage still burning softly, making him feel more alive than he had in years.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on October 06, 2008, 03:28:57 pm
By the by... this is the right board for this topic, right?

~ Zipp, hoping to have Part III up today
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Chocobo_Fan on October 06, 2008, 05:47:54 pm
By the by... this is the right board for this topic, right?

I believe so, yes.

And EXCELLENT touch with the electricity when Crono got angry. I loved it. :D Poor him, though. :/ Ah, I think this is how Guardia's going to fall. Crono, Marle, and Lucca obviously cannot be participating in the battle, otherwise poor Poore (no pun intended :p) would be doomed. (Luminaire, Flare, Life 2, Cure... Guardia's, like, invincible! ;) However, if Truce turns on them...well, won't that be interesting, eh? I do feel sympathy for the poor town, though. I can see why they'd be angry, since they're nothing but a shadow compared to Poore. I'll bet Lavos has a hand in this, as well...but I'll wait to see what you have up your sleeve. ;)

Great story, can't wait until next chapter! :D
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on October 06, 2008, 06:45:35 pm
Quote
I believe so, yes.

And EXCELLENT touch with the electricity when Crono got angry. I loved it. :D

I snuck that in there after your favorable response to the little "non-talker" bit, so you had a hand in that one, friend.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on October 07, 2008, 11:32:33 pm
Part III

“... and so they want the taxes lowered.”

Nadia’s voice was a calm amidst chaos.  Lucca’s main room, as always, was packed corner to corner with odds and ends, tidbits and tinkerings.  And now, children.  Crono sat on a rickety chair with an orphan on each knee, bouncing both of them in a steady creaking rhythm while they played a clapping game with each other, calling out a memorized rhyme in time with the claps.  Nadia sat nearby at a cluttered table, sipping tea that two other children (now chasing each other around the cluttered room) had prepared for her.

Lucca Ashtear herself poked her head out from behind a mess of electronics and metal and wiped her forehead with an oily rag.  Though usually quick to reply, now she simply regarded Nadia, as if debating whether an answer was required of her.  Of the three friends, she had perhaps changed the most in appearance.  Although still a bookish girl, she looked even more ruffled these days, as if personal hygiene was a secondary function in her life.  Her hair was cropped short to prevent her the trouble of caring for it, and her nails were chewed to the quick.  She rarely wore socks, so her feet had a blackish tint to them, as if she’d walked through soot.  Her glasses were huge, rather than large, and gave the constant impression that she was studying intently whatever she looked at.

When she finally did reply, she ducked back under the machinery and spoke as she worked, as if not really wanting to be part of the conversation.

“You could raise taxes in Poore.  They would pay without a fuss.  They enjoy the fruits of the kingdom too much to complain.”

Crono dismissed the idea.  It had come to him many times already.  “Truce enjoys the same treatment.  I won’t have one city paying more to make up for the faults of another.”

“Fault?  And what exactly is a fault?”  Lucca’s voice was quizzical.  Crono had known her from the time he was a child, and he was keenly aware of all her little ways.  He recognized her voice now as the voice she adopted when talking herself through a difficult problem.  He prepared for a lecture.  Lucca didn’t disappoint.

“I suppose first we must look at the etymology of the word.  It comes from the Zealian word fallere, which means to deceive or disappoint.  But then it is also used in geology, where it indicates evidence of relative movement as designated by a fracture.  Taban, could you hand me that wrench?”

One of the children running around the room veered in their course to grab the wrench and put it in Lucca’s outstretched hand.  She went back to talking, grunting occasionally as she tightened one bolt or loosened another.

“Of course, a fracture indicates a break between two objects.  In the case of geology this can be represented as a chasm or as a simple crack in a rock... which is really just a small chasm.  I suppose that’s another line of inquiry, though, the relative nature of perception as based on size.”

Nadia and Crono shared a bemused glance.  Lucca certainly hadn’t lost her ability to chase tangents.

“In this case, though, that is irrelevant.  What really defines your situation is the nature of the fracture that you are perceiving as present.  Obviously Truce hasn’t broken in two, so it is to be assumed you are discussing a fracture between intent and action, or maybe more specifically, between expectation and reality.  Which brings us to the question... what are you expecting out of Truce?”

Lucca looked at Crono, her eyes magnified behind her glasses.  He felt like he was a specimen under one of her microscopes.  The children clapping distracted him, he couldn’t formulate a real answer.  After a moment, Lucca continued.

“Of course, another meaning to the word fault is weakness, which implies then that you see Truce as weak.  Which brings us to another discussion on the point of what makes something weak.  The correct answer in this case, especially if the problem is mechanical, is to define where something is structurally weak and then tighten it.”

As if to illustrate her point, Lucca began furiously tightening a screw bolt on the top of her machinery.  A blast of steam seemed to indicate that she’d done enough.  She stopped and looked at Crono again.

“Of course, tightening it too much can result in too much pressure and can bring down the whole system.  In this case, strength becomes the ultimate weakness, or fault, if you will.”

For a moment, the room was silent.  Then Nadia giggled.  “You always go too far with your explanations, Lucca.”  Her laughter was pleasant to Crono, relaxing him, allowing him to laugh as well.  Certainly laughing was easier than trying to decipher Lucca’s riddles.  Nadia took another sip of tea and continued.  “Anyway, the solution is simple.  It’s as you said, Poore’s taxes will increase, and we’ll lower Truce’s.”

Crono stopped bouncing the children on his knee.  Oblivious, they continued their game.  “And give in to the demands of rebels?”

“They aren’t really rebels.  No one is contesting our reign.”

“Before you know it, they’ll be writing their own trade agreements and charging us for access to the harbours!”

“Love, this is simply natural discontent.  The kingdom is growing fast, and no one wants to be left behind.”

“You’re not speaking sense.  No kind of discontent is natural.”

“It is natural when a reign is changed.  Early on a king has to be generous, to win the hearts of his people, to show them that their lives will go on as normal.  There’s been a lot of change lately.  People are nervous.  Give it time, and the grumbling will go away.”

Crono put the children on the ground and stood up.  “That was the way of your father.  Just wait until it becomes someone else’s problem.”

“That’s not what I meant.”  Nadia’s voice was cold.

“Where would we have been if we’d waited for the future to just happen?  Things don’t just magically get better.  Someone’s got to take charge.”

At that moment, a young girl came running in.

“Lucca!  Lucca!  Kidd is crying!”

Lucca got up and wiped her hands on her trousers.  Seeing her standing, Crono realized how thin she’d become.  And there was something tired about the way she carried herself.  It wasn’t until she’d left the room, Nadia and the children following, that he realized she had simply gotten older.

Alone in the room now, Crono walked around and looked at the product of years of tinkering and collecting.  Lucca had certainly kept busy.  He wandered over to the machine she’d been working on before she left.  To his eyes it appeared to be a random assortment of pipes, levers, and keyboards.  Some parts seemed to have limited locomotion, and steam would occasionally blast out from an exposed tube.  Wires stretched all over the contraption, marked with little sticky notes labeling them in an untidy scrawl which was as indecipherable as the machine itself.  He felt slightly ill looking at the mess.  His own room had always been relatively tidy.  He was somewhat compulsive about the order of his space.  He needed things to be simple in order to function.  He wondered how the children who lived here fared, and suddenly imagined an entire house of Luccas, all as disorderly and chaotic as her.

He could hear her voice now, coming from the other room.  She was talking to Nadia about Kidd, the little girl she’d found in the woods near her home a year ago, the girl whom she believed had some connection with the events they’d all been involved in five years ago.  The girl who had the same pendant around her neck that Nadia wore, the pendant of the royal family passed down by the Zealians.  How the pendant could exist twice in the same era (for Nadia still wore hers) was a baffling conundrum.  Lucca, of course, had her theories, but Crono tended to try and steer her away from such postulations.  They made his head hurt.

When she’d first found Kidd, it had seemed to Crono that Lucca viewed the child as simply a fascinating paradox.  The very fact that Lucca hadn’t simply named the child Kid, as if categorizing her, seemed to support this theory, but listening to her coo over the child in the other room, Crono had to admit that Lucca seemed to have real feelings for the child.  Nadia wasn’t saying much in response and Crono imagined the pain she had to be feeling.  He knew that Nadia longed for a child.  She had become pregnant shortly after their marriage, but the birth had ended prematurely, and she hadn’t shown signs of carrying a child since.

Though their child had never made it into the world alive, Crono still felt strangely attached to its memory.  He tried not to think about it, but sometimes the sight of children would bring a sadness in his heart so strong that he would have to fight back tears.  He and Nadia never talked about it.  Each was left to their own longing.  Even so, he prepared himself to silently support her when he heard them coming back into the room.

However, his concern proved unnecessary.  The two girls were talking contentedly about nothing in particular.  Seeing Nadia so seemingly carefree made Crono feel strongly displaced.  He said little more until they left.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Chocobo_Fan on October 08, 2008, 05:26:09 pm
Interesting chapter. I don't have much to say on this one, except that Kid's Japanese name is Kidd, which I like a whole lot better since it's not a generic word, I edited my first post with a small detail, and that Crono's affinity in Japanese was actually "Sky" or "Heaven" ("White" if you're using CC colors) and his attacks were more like that. (He still used lightning spells, though) So while it's good that you're using the Lightning side, (sparky and excited, quick outbursts contrasting a normally calm demeanor) also keep in mind that he should also, technically, have the "generic hero" trait to him. (As in, I don't think he should be all that overjoyed to go to war and slaughter thousands of poor little soldiers...but I can understand why he'd hate the political stuff)

And poor them with the baby. Must suck to be expecting one, then find out it's dead. :(

I wonder how they're going to deal with the taxes. Crono's really paranoid, not sure if that fits his personality though. o.O

You're really using the affinities to reflect personalities really well! :D Makes you wonder about Ayla though... I guess she'd be Fire. (She actually does have a resistance to fire, so while she can't use magic, Fire seems to be her affinity)
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on October 08, 2008, 07:28:08 pm
Well, do expect a certain departure from the characters as you know them from the game.  One of the overall themes of this story is to show what happens when heroes have nothing heroic to do.  I mean, how would you get back to normal life after having saved the world?  What would there be left to do?  How would you keep your everyday existence meaningful?  Against all this is another pointed question: do warriors make good peacetime rulers?

I would prepare yourself for a very dark exploration of these issues, with the characters you know and love twisted to fit them into a more realistic setting.

But then, that's what I like to do.  I don't think fan fiction should simply fulfill what we've come to expect from characters.  That kind of thing is good for a lark, but what I find really interesting is to see familiar characters challenged in ways that forces them to change in unexpected ways.

Kidd's name is duly noted.  I prefer the double d as well, so I'll probably jump back and change that.  Doesn't really affect Lucca's naming system, though ^_^
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Chocobo_Fan on October 09, 2008, 10:11:45 am
Huh... That's a good point. Looking forward to what you have up your sleeve. ;) This is definitely getting good. And yeah, warriors like Crono don't make good peacetime rulers... Nadia does, though she isn't what I'd call the "warrior" type.

And since you haven't looked at my first edit, I'll quote myself:

Oh, and you should italicize the dream section, or at least the wake-up calls. It's a good thing to do to separate it from reality.

But yeah. Can't wait for chapter 4! :D You're a really great writer, I hate that I'm terrible at it... (my stories never really go anywhere)

P.S. ZeaLitY mentioned you in a news post! I guess he likes this as well! :D
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on October 10, 2008, 03:16:59 am
Huh... That's a good point. Looking forward to what you have up your sleeve. ;) This is definitely getting good. And yeah, warriors like Crono don't make good peacetime rulers... Nadia does, though she isn't what I'd call the "warrior" type.

I'm glad you like it!  Across all the boards I've posted this, you're defenitely my favourite fan.  Not only do you comment diligently on every new part, but you post insightful comments, to boot!

Oh, and you should italicize the dream section, or at least the wake-up calls. It's a good thing to do to separate it from reality.

I intentially left the majority un-italicized so that new readers will think the dream is real.  But you're right about the wake up calls.  I'll edit that.

Quote
But yeah. Can't wait for chapter 4! :D You're a really great writer, I hate that I'm terrible at it... (my stories never really go anywhere)

Again, thank you very much!  I do have the whole story planned out, looking to be around 18 parts/chapters.  I'm working on Part IV right now.  Unfortunately I've caught a persistant flu, so my energy level has been low, and I haven't been able to work as diligently as I'd like...

Quote
P.S. ZeaLity mentioned you in a news post! I guess he likes this as well! :D

Oh?  I'll have to check it out!  Afore mentioned illness to blame again for the miss...
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Chocobo_Fan on October 10, 2008, 07:28:49 am
Aw man, yeah, the flu sucks. :( I hope you feel better!
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on October 10, 2008, 04:11:51 pm
Part IV

At night, Gaurdia castle became quiet, quiet made lonely by the distinct contrast to the busyness of its days.  When Nadia had fallen asleep and even the lowliest servant had finished their chores, Crono would sometimes rise and wander the halls, his footsteps echoing back only to himself, a harmony to his heartbeat.

In recent days, during these restless hours of the night, his wandering had gained some direction, if not necessarily purpose.  He found himself more often than not in the basement of the castle where the kingdom’s greatest treasure resided: the sword Masamune.

Masamune: the blade of dreams.  The sword had a history almost as long and convoluted as time itself.  Crono was one of the few people living who knew the history in its entirety.  It wasn’t a tidy history.  The blade had never been at the center of a war.  But it had been at the outskirts of many, always present to strike a decisive blow and turn the tide towards the favour of the just and right.  Justice... Crono knew what most tried to deny... justice was a term soaked in blood.

The sword had come to rest in the castle since the end of the middle ages, when its last possessor had given it into the hands of the royal family before he passed away.  At first it had been proudly displayed in the castle’s upper halls.  But as the kingdom grew, and with it the castle’s daily traffic, suspicion of theft had arisen and the relic had been moved.  As suspicions grew higher, so the sword traveled lower, finally finding itself in the castle’s deepest and most secure chamber, a chamber that only the King himself had the key to.  There the gleaming broadsword sat unsheathed on a pillow of blue velvet.  It never required polishing, and it never rusted.  It simply sat, lit by twin electric lamps, a testament to time and the ever lasting glory of the enduring Gaurdia line.

Crono was in that chamber now, scrutinizing the blade and pondering its purpose.  It was said to be a holy relic, but Masamune was, for all its bard sung qualities, a weapon.  Could a weapon ever truly be righteous?  The question plagued him.

Visiting Lucca hadn’t given him the peace of mind he desired.  It was true, she had fought along with him and Nadia, traveling the time stream and witnessing the whole of human history, and preventing its eventual demise; despite this, he felt more comfortable here, with the blade that had endured the same trials, rather than at Lucca’s chaotic house with the person who had shared in them.  A blade was ultimately a simple thing, its motives no more complex than the arm that swung it, not near as conflicted as the mind that seized it.  Crono yearned for the days when his whole being had the easy purpose of the blade.  He hadn’t had to consider all the little consequences, only the major one, that if he didn’t act, humanity would suffer.  He had been a saviour, and no one (least of all himself) had a place to question his motives.  What he’d done he’d done for the good of humanity.  He’d attacked those who had threatened his well being.  Evil was well defined.  The planet itself had graced his actions with its blessings.

And now?  He supposed he was reaping the benefits of his brave selflessness and sacrifice.  He was, after all, ruler of the most powerful kingdom of the time.  And he was married to the most beautiful woman in the land, a woman he undeniably loved.  Our reign, Nadia had called it.  And yet, it wasn’t a true statement.  More and more he realized how little he was actually needed, now that evil had been defeated.  Nadia had a place in the new world they had created, but himself?  At one point he had been willing to sacrifice his very existence for the future of the planet.  Now it seemed a small thing to give in comparison to the endless meetings he endured every day.

Times had seemed simpler then.  And yet, what had made them simple except men who were willing to act?  What made them more complex now except the lack of such men?  Perhaps one day he would be needed again.  Surely evil couldn’t have been vanquished, only put off for a time.  Maybe Gaurdia would need military might more than political prowess in the future.  Then he could demonstrate how much he loved his people and his country by defending it with his life.  Wasn’t that what had earned him the love of the people in the first place?  And what had he become?  These days he feasted and grew fat while his sword arm atrophied at his side, exhausted at the end of each day not from defending his country but from signing his name to treaties that had little practical meaning to him.  He had weakened and, in his heart, he felt that this was the true reason Truce had turned against him.

Even Lucca had said it.  A kingdom had to be strong.  Wasn’t that why Masamune, a weapon, had become the symbol of Gaurdia’s legacy?  Why both her rulers had once been warriors?  Crono liked this line of thought and followed it to its natural end: wasn’t it his duty, as King, to show the strength of Gaurdia in the face of adversity?

Masamune seemed to shine brighter on its pedestal.  Words from the past seemed to drift from the blade to his ears, the words of the last “person” to wield it in combat.

“My hopes and dreams and those of Cyrus are held within this sword.  I must wield it.  The sword leads me.  That is my sacrifice.”

Crono nodded.  Glenn had been right.  There was always a need for strength.  And someone always had to sacrifice themselves to be that pillar.  Silently he knelt and thanked the blade in front of him.  He knew now what he had to do.  The Masamune did not respond.  After all, it was only a weapon.

Meanwhile, in their bedroom in the highest tower, Nadia rolled over.  She was dreaming that something precious to her was lost, and she couldn’t find it.  Her arm searched unconsciously for Crono’s place in the bed, and the pendant around her neck gleamed softly in the moonlight.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Chocobo_Fan on October 10, 2008, 05:38:16 pm
Hm. Not much to say on this chapter. It's a bit short, but it's meant to be, I imagine -- just Crono being reflective.

And yes, that's another thing: How the Masamune (Grandleon in Japanese -- I prefer Masamune, personally) became cursed... I'm sure you've got something good. ;)

Waiting eagerly for the next chapter!
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on October 10, 2008, 08:54:23 pm
Yeah, I decided to break the chapters a little shorter, so that it's easier to work on them.  It's much easier to commit myself to sitting down and writing 4-6 pages than it is to commit to 10-20.  I'm also trying to centralize the focus of the story in general, and making each event shorter limits my tangentials ^_^

Anyways, I promise that by Part VI you'll start to see things coming together.  Crono's not just gonna mope for an entire story.  It's not his style ^_^
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Chocobo_Fan on October 10, 2008, 10:26:59 pm
Um, I believe you mean Part V...?

But yeah. :) Sounds cool! Like I said, eagerly awaiting more! :D
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on October 11, 2008, 04:18:26 am
Um, I believe you mean Part V...?

But yeah. :) Sounds cool! Like I said, eagerly awaiting more! :D

No, Part V won't be quite there yet ^_^

But It'll be good.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Chocobo_Fan on October 11, 2008, 11:55:52 am
Huhwa??? I thought that the last part was Part IV... o.O
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on October 11, 2008, 12:21:00 pm
Huhwa??? I thought that the last part was Part IV... o.O

It was.

Part IV was originally part of Part III, though... that's why Part IV was so short.  Like I said, I started making them shorter to make them easier to work on.

Part V is coming up next, and then Part VI (which will mark a major turning point).
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: TheMage on October 13, 2008, 12:47:16 am
 :shock:

I am SO hooked!

I want part V

NOWWWWWWWWWW

 :mrgreen:
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on October 14, 2008, 02:25:33 pm
:shock:

I am SO hooked!

I want part V

NOWWWWWWWWWW

 :mrgreen:

I'm glad!  Unfortunately, I'm heading out of town today (I have a film company and one of our movies is doing a special showing today that I must attend) so I won't be able to work on the fan fic for a day or so.  I'll definitely get Part V out before the week's end, though.  I can probably do the structure of the Part while I'm in transit, in any case.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Machina Kyrios on October 14, 2008, 05:51:02 pm
As a writer, I salute you, for your work is such that you honor the craft.

As a Chrono fan, I bow respectfully to you, for your love of the universe reflects in your work.

As a reader, I thank you, for you are creating something great.



Very nice so far. It's painful to read, knowing what fate has mandated, but the good kind of painful. So far it seems an interesting take on the destruction of Guardia thus far. ^_^
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on October 16, 2008, 11:06:53 pm
As a writer, I salute you, for your work is such that you honor the craft.

As a Chrono fan, I bow respectfully to you, for your love of the universe reflects in your work.

As a reader, I thank you, for you are creating something great.



Very nice so far. It's painful to read, knowing what fate has mandated, but the good kind of painful. So far it seems an interesting take on the destruction of Guardia thus far. ^_^

Thank you very much.  I'm hoping to deliver Part V shortly.  I'm a little stuck on it right now, I'm actually trying to decide if it's a neccesary piece of the whole, and if not, how to either make it so, or cut out the unneccesary bits.

I'm shooting for Saturday as a release date ^_^
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on October 18, 2008, 08:10:09 pm
PART V

Crono wasted no time in setting out on his campaign to quell the rebellion of Truce.  Though he barely slept during the night, he was up before dawn, gathering his Knight’s Captain, Sariah, and an escort of five men he assured him were reliable: Arch, Redmond, Pierre, James, and Ghetz.  Ghetz was the Captain’s own son, a handsome lad of 18, and Crono knew him more than the others.  He was an amicable enough man, but contemplative for his age.  Crono used to fence with the soldiers when he had a spare moment (and he hadn’t since taking up the burden of rulership) and had clashed blades with Ghetz.  In combat the man was cool as ice, silently marking his opponent and striking blows with seemingly no effort.  It was in direct contrast to Crono’s own method of fighting, which was full of constant movement.  But he found comfort in Ghetz’s silence, and the two had become as close of friends as their distant ranks allowed them.

Though he trusted Sariah’s word, Ghetz was the only man accompanying him that Crono felt truly comfortable around.  As he saddled his horse and donned the gold armour that would label him as King, Crono reflected idly on the fact that there was no one at the castle that had been brought in after he’d been king.  All of the people who worked in the castle, from the lowliest servant to the Knight’s Captain himself, had served Nadia’s father.  Crono felt, once again, the burden of taking over the old man’s reign.

The day was still foggy and cold when they set out.  Despite their early departure, a few servants and their families had come out to see them off.  Nadia was not amongst them.  Crono wasn’t surprised.  He actually hadn’t told her of his plans to ride to Truce.  He told himself that he was riding early in order to take care of business.  He tried not to think of himself as a thief, slipping away  before his crime is noticed.  He knew Nadia would disagree with his decision, and he didn’t want his mind changed.

The chill of the morning air was refreshing and put all doubt out of his mind as he rode through the Gaurdia Forest with his escort.  The Forest had always been beautiful, and in recent years that beauty had been tamed and cultivated, making the forest a place of true serenity.  Crono himself had been at the head of this restoration project during his years as prince.  It was one of the few projects he could truly call his own, and he was proud of the results.  The paths, which had begun to be overgrown, had been cleared, and beds of flowers lined them now, creating a visual masterpiece, waves of color disappearing into an eternity of green.  Over these paths the trees hung their leaf heavy branches like arches, leaving just enough room for the sun to make its way through, casting the path in dappled yellow and greens.  The achievement he was most proud of, however, was the termination of the monsters from the woods.  The Shittake and the Blue Eaglets that had once plagued travelers in the wood had been all but eliminated through sanctioned hunting and paid extermination.  Unfortunately, this had its consequences as well.  Whereas his people had first rejoiced at the removal of these threats, after the creatures were gone they began to complain.  Suddenly numerous supporters for the Blue Eaglet began to come out of the woodwork.  Facts he hadn’t even known began to emerge, such as that the Eaglet had once been the symbol of the Knights of the Square Table.  As for the Shittake, Lucca herself had come to him with scientific evidence showing how important the mushroom creatures were to the soil of the forest.  He’d banned the hunting and slowly the ecosystem began to balance itself out.  Everyone was happy and he received no further complaints.  But it was the last time he ever tried to involved himself directly in politics.

At least, until now.  Though in his mind, this wasn’t politics...  this was war.  This was something he knew.

Leaving the Gaurdia Forest behind, the riders entered the wide plainsland that stretched east to the sea town of Truce. Here and there was a small village, which Crono led them through.  The villagers came out and bowed to him as he passed.  Occasionally a child would stop their playing to wave.  The sight would sadden him, and he couldn’t bring himself to wave back.  His heart was generally light, however.  He hadn’t ridden through his kingdom in ages, it felt like, and his feeling that being stuck in the castle was affecting his demeanor was confirmed.  His body felt more comfortable in the saddle of his horse than at the tall backed thrones of his reception hall.

The Zenan mainland was relatively small.  Really it was two connected islands, with Poore and Fiona’s forest taking up most of the Southern island, and Gaurdia, Truce, and Thera taking up most of the Northern island.  One could ride from the southern point in Poore to the northern Gaurdia mountains in little under a week.  Going from the West Gaurdia coast to the East was possible in three days.  The small size of the continent was one of the reasons a Kingship was manageable.  Putting down a rebellion was an easy busy, as well, since an army could get anywhere on the continent within a week.  Even so, Chrono had little hope of reaching Truce in a single day so he didn’t try, letting the party ride fairly leisurely, though they rested little.  The men behind him chatted pleasantly, and by listening to him, Crono started to gain some understanding of their character.

Arch, a young handsome blonde with a clean shaven face, was the most talkative of all of them.  Arch always seemed to have something to say, and he usually found a way to tie any conversation back to himself or his history.  By the end of the first day of riding, Crono knew a good chunk of this history.  Arch had been born in Poore to a wealthy family.  He’d joined the knights ostensibly as a way to get away from such wealth, thinking that he should get out from his pampered life style.  It hadn’t worked, judging from the way he complained about everything from the briskness of the air to the uncomfortable nature of his saddle.  He owned his own horse, too, and it was a remarkable breed, better than Crono’s own stallion.  Despite his spoiled way of living, though, his good nature endeared him with the other and Crono quickly learned to recognize his barking laugh, which he sounded often.

Arch was good friends with Redmond, who had also grown up in Poore, though to a poorer family.  Together the two provided most of the entertainment on the trip, as Redmond always had some witty comment or comeback to anything Arch would say, usually some galling insult or attack on his character (which Arch would answer with another laugh).  Redmond often wore a smile to match Arch’s laugh, though he didn’t share in his friend’s good looks.  It was mostly the way he carried himself, riding with a slight slouch and seeming to take no care with his messy brown hair, which often hung in his eyes.

Pierre was an older man with a thick mustache, supposedly a veteran of war who had rode for the previous captain and who had helped repel a short lived Mystic attack in 980 AD.  He was truly comfortable with a horse, and he would occasionally doze off in the saddle, subconsciously guiding the animal with his knees.  He seemed to save his words, though Crono wasn’t sure what for.  When he spoke it was rarely to say anything important or even interesting.

James was a bit of a mystery.  He conversed freely with Arch and Redmond, and seemed an accepted member of the group.  But something was strangely off about him.  It was little things, such as his naiveté around the politics and economy combined with an extensive knowledge of science and history, or his tendency to go from intent to care free in a single sentence, that clashed in his character to lend him a curious air.  It also made everything he said interesting, as one never knew what angle he was going to approach a topic from.

Crono came to see that Sariah was a good captain.  He kept himself out of most of the conversation and from time to time gave small unimportant orders (such as to close formation), keeping everyone aware that he was in command, but at the same time he didn’t hold back from laughing at a joke or making one of his own.  From the easy way his men carried themselves around him, he knew that they both respected and (more impressive) liked their captain.  There was certainly a lot to like.  The man was tall, well built, with strong features and rugged good looks.  He was intelligent and, from what Crono had seen in the training halls, a master at the sword.  If he had one weakness, it might have been his son, whom he doted on as much as decorum allowed.  That wasn’t really a weakness in Crono’s mind.

Through all of this Ghetz rode mostly silently, though he would occasionally break in on the conversation with something either so witty or so profound that it would start a new conversation.  Crono’s already high respect for the man grew during the ride, and he complimented himself on his decision to bring him.  His skills and charisma were going to be put to good use in this campaign.

That night the party camped in a small glade.  After a pleasant meal consisting of more conversation over smoked meat, they slept.  The hard ground felt better to Crono’s back than ever his feathered mattress at the castle had.  In the morning, Crono got up and strode to the edge of the glade to find himself on a cliff overlooking the sea.  The sun turned the sea to gold.  Seagulls sung their hearts away on the easy breeze that smelled of life.  He was overwhelmed by the beauty of it all.  The feeling came over him suddenly, as wine will pour out of an uncorked cask.  It was as if the feeling had been within him for ages, but only now was coming to the surface.  He realized, too, that this beauty was his.  It was his kingdom.  He would care for it, he would preserve this beauty and keep it to pass on to the next age.  Wasn’t that what he had fought for five years ago, what they had all fought for?

Even as the feeling came, it left, leaving him aware of it but unable to recapture the emotions that had pulled his heart into his throat and brought tears to his eyes.  Crono watched the sun rise, only returning to camp when he heard the captain ordering the men to look for him.  When they set out to ride, he established a more brisk pace.  They’d be at Truce by the end of the day.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on October 24, 2008, 03:51:44 pm
Weekly update: Part VI is on its way.  I've got the action outlined, I'm just filling in the meat.  Still, it's a bit of a tricky part, a lot is introduced here, so I'm taking more time with it than usual.  Let's tentatively say end of the weekend...
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: TheMage on October 25, 2008, 01:23:38 pm
oo I cant wait, loved part V, loved the description at the end about the sea looking gold. Take as much time as u need, you cant rush geniusness!
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on October 27, 2008, 03:58:06 pm
I'm going to start keeping all the story posts in a single post, the first one, so that they are easier to find.

I'll mark when I've updated.

For instance, today Part VI is done and has been added.

To clarify, all story posts are now on the first page of this thread.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on October 31, 2008, 03:47:29 pm
Weekly update:

Part VII is starting soon, and should be up mid week.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: TheMage on November 02, 2008, 01:22:47 am
I like how your adding the new editions to the first post, easier for new readers

I cant waaait for Part VII  :D
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on November 02, 2008, 08:18:01 pm
Glad to see you're still reading.  The next part is well on its way and includes one of my favourite side characters.  I'd always wanted to write something with her in it.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on November 06, 2008, 03:31:53 am
I need a bit more time on Part VII.  It's another tricky one.  Well, they're all tricky at this point... but this one is particularly hard.  Dialouge heavy with a difficult character.  Anyways, let's say Friday and keep our fingers crossed.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on November 07, 2008, 06:31:50 pm
Part VII not ready yet.  I've once again been struck with illness, so I've been working on it sporadically.  I did, however, catch and fix a small error in Part VI.  Fritz refers to the moving of Leene's bell to Poore in that part.  It should read "Nadia's bell," as Leene's Bell was replaced with Nadia's bell in 1000AD.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on November 07, 2008, 07:52:34 pm
Alright, against all odds, it's done.  Part VII has been added to the first page.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Chocobo_Fan on November 07, 2008, 08:29:42 pm
Hm, sounds interesting. Definitely makes me hungry for more. The bard is quite an interesting character. I'd like to see what happens with him. Hm...

And the bell thing was intriguing as well. Some sort of metaphor that Nadia's in trouble or something? o.O
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on November 07, 2008, 11:08:15 pm
Hm, sounds interesting. Definitely makes me hungry for more. The bard is quite an interesting character. I'd like to see what happens with him. Hm...

And the bell thing was intriguing as well. Some sort of metaphor that Nadia's in trouble or something? o.O

I'm glad you're intrigued.  Unfortunately, I won't be able to dish out any relevations any time soon.  The story is designed for a big bang at the finish.

We're now more than a third of the way through (proposed 17 part story), and there's plenty to be intrigued by yet on the way.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Chocobo_Fan on November 08, 2008, 05:51:12 am
Oooooh, big bang, sweet! :D Yeah, don't worry about it, I don't like spoilers. :p

Only seventeen chapters? Not so bad. :) I still can't wait for the next part! :D
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on November 08, 2008, 01:57:13 pm
I know I say this about every part, but the next one is tricky.

The reason this one is tricky is that it begins the second arc of the story (out of three arcs).  The second arc is the proverbial "second act wasteland" in which a lot is set up, but not much is knocked down.  I'm looking for that magic something to keep things interesting, and while I've got enough to go on, I'm not quite satisfied.  So I'm still thinking about it before stretching my fingers.

As usual, though, it will probably be done within a week.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Chocobo_Fan on November 10, 2008, 06:56:41 pm
Oh, I see. Sounds like it's going to get real interesting. :D Good luck. Don't worry if it takes too long, I have patience and there's no way I can complain, seeing as I could never possibly write as well as you. :p

Keep up the excellent work! *thumbs up*
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on November 15, 2008, 04:56:58 pm
Writer's Journal: figured out how I want to do the next section and have the rough details plotted out in my head.  Will probably start work on it tomorrow, as I have a James Bond party to attend to this evening.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on November 21, 2008, 05:05:09 am
Sadly no update this week.  I'm now a reviewer for Honest Gamers (http://www.honestgamers.com) under the names Zipp Dementia and Jonathan Alisandyr.  While I'm still very committed to the Chrono Break project, HG pays me in the form of free video games, as long as I review 'em.  So I have to take care of them first, which means beating Legendary so I can post my review of it.

Hopefully I'll be able to get some work done on Break tomorrow.  I would hope to have the next part up by mid-next week.  Sorry guys.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: TheMage on November 21, 2008, 11:34:17 am
Oooh Thats a nice trade, free video games for reviewing them! I'll be patient, I can wait....  maybe lol jk.  :)
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on November 22, 2008, 03:47:40 am
Hopefully it won't be too long, I got quite a bit of work done on it today.  This next part is proving to be really fun to write.  As usual, some old characters pop up in this one, I think you'll all enjoy it.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on December 02, 2008, 03:15:34 pm
My apologies, but in lieu of a new chapter, I bring you instead another update.

Actually, things are looking good.  It was mostly the holidays that kept me busy.  Last night I brought the new chapter close to a conclusion, so one more day of work (probably tomorrow), should see the chapter posted.

Thanks for your patience (if I still have any readers remaining...)
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: FaustWolf on December 02, 2008, 03:17:18 pm
Zipp, I'm highly interested in this and intend to set some time aside to read it. Keep up the voluminous work! Nothing can be more inspiring than shaping one's vision of Chrono Break.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on December 02, 2008, 04:05:06 pm
Zipp, I'm highly interested in this and intend to set some time aside to read it. Keep up the voluminous work! Nothing can be more inspiring than shaping one's vision of Chrono Break.

Good to hear!  The whole thing is up on the first page... well, what I have done, at least.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Chocobo_Fan on December 02, 2008, 06:45:14 pm
Uh, Zipp... This may be a bit of a spoiler if you haven't played through the Dimensional Vortex yet, but there's something in there that might ruin your story...


Dalton is responsible for the Fall of Guardia.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Shadow D. Darkman on December 02, 2008, 07:15:12 pm
(Sorry, but I don't want to say it until I can hide it because it's uber-mega-spoilerific)

You can say it. Hardly anyone cares.

(Spoiler haters begone!)
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Chocobo_Fan on December 02, 2008, 07:27:20 pm
Very well, if you say so...

(I added it to my last post. Don't read it if you don't want to be spoilered!)
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on December 02, 2008, 07:53:34 pm
Uh, Zipp... This may be a bit of a spoiler if you haven't played through the Dimensional Vortex yet, but there's something in there that might ruin your story...


Dalton is responsible for the Fall of Guardia.

Gah!  Massive spoilers!  I can't pretend I wasn't looking to finding it out on my own, but no harm done.  Spoilers are a dime a dozen these days.  Anyways, I haven't played through the new version yet, hoping to do so soon (and to have an official review up shortly after!)

Doesn't change anything in my story, though.  While I'll be eager to see how they do it in the new version, I'll admit that Dalton isn't going to make an appearance in my story.  I'll also keep on writing my version of events, as long as people are still interested.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: FaustWolf on December 02, 2008, 08:08:35 pm
As Eclipse Magus says, "there are as many realities as there are potentialities." If there ever was a series that fanwriters could put their own spin on, it is the Chrono series.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on December 02, 2008, 08:12:38 pm
As Eclipse Magus says, "there are as many realities as there are potentialities." If there ever was a series that fanwriters could put their own spin on, it is the Chrono series.

That said, I hope there's other surprises awaiting me in the new game aside from Dalton.  I hope there's more story elements that haven't been spoiled...

EDIT: Darkman, why would you think no one cared about that major spoiler?  I certainly cared.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Shadow D. Darkman on December 02, 2008, 09:07:17 pm
I said hardly anyone cared. I don't, for one. Nor does my mother, TBH.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on December 02, 2008, 09:12:03 pm
I said hardly anyone cared. I don't, for one. Nor does my mother, TBH.

Well, you and your mother can suck my big fat Dalton.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Shadow D. Darkman on December 02, 2008, 09:22:36 pm
*annoyed eyebrow raised* Yeah, I'm hurt. [/sarcasm]

*shakes head annoyedly and leaves*
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on December 03, 2008, 12:30:25 am
ANYWAYS... to get back on topic, I think I can safely say that part VIII will be up tomorrow, so keep an interested eye out for it.

In other, back-to-off-topic news, my next review for the site I work for (honestgamers.com) has turned out to be Chrono Trigger DS, which means I get a free copy of the game, not to mention being able to turn a critical eye to a game that has inspired my creative juices for years.

My excitement level is over 9000.

I'll make sure to post a copy of my review when it comes out.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: TheMage on December 03, 2008, 10:11:39 am
I'm very interested in the illusions and dreams Chrono is having hmmm!

Yey your writing more tomorrow! I cant wait! :mrgreen:

The whole idea of fanfiction is you don't have to go strictly to the story, you can create your own world of it, so I don't care if Daltons in it or not. :)
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on December 04, 2008, 05:33:08 am
UPDATE: Okay, I've finished part VIII.

Due to restrictions in character limits, I've decided to host the chapters on Honest Gamers, the site I review for.  There is a link up on the first post in this thread which leads to the chapters.  Chapter VIII should appear sometime in the next 24 hours.

I think this is a much easier and organized way to view the fiction.  Hopefully you'll agree.

In any case, keep an eye out for Chapter VIII!  As always, feedback is much appreciated!

EDIT: the link is on the first page, but I'll put it here, too, for ease of browsing

http://www.honestgamers.com/systems/game.php?game_id=2242&platform=Super+Nintendo&abr=SNES&gametitle=Chrono+Trigger&region=all
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Chocobo_Fan on December 04, 2008, 06:19:46 pm
Woah, I...do not know what to say. This chapter was just...wow. Amazing job, I'm now as hyped as ever for more. :D Few things though: in CTDS, Mystics are called Fiends. (Magus is also called the Fiendlord, a much more accurate translation, as his original title meant "Dark King" or "Witch King") A much better translation, seeing as the Retranslation reveals their names to originally be "Demons". Also, the Shiva Edge (or Onimaru, I think it's called in CTDS) is actually Crono's second best sword, not the Swallow...but I think the Swallow's cooler, so it doesn't really matter much. :p

Nice job with adding that little tidbit about strong willpower needed to maintain the Rainbow. Makes sense. Also, why would Crono say that "we have no future" when he himself saved the world from Lavos? I guess because the ruined future is such a horrible and vivid memory to him. Even so, though... Bah, I'm sure you'll have a good reason. :p Eagerly waiting to see who the mysterious challenger is, also.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on December 05, 2008, 01:39:49 am
Woah, I...do not know what to say. This chapter was just...wow. Amazing job, I'm now as hyped as ever for more. :D Few things though: in CTDS, Mystics are called Fiends. (Magus is also called the Fiendlord, a much more accurate translation, as his original title meant "Dark King" or "Witch King") A much better translation, seeing as the Retranslation reveals their names to originally be "Demons". Also, the Shiva Edge (or Onimaru, I think it's called in CTDS) is actually Crono's second best sword, not the Swallow...but I think the Swallow's cooler, so it doesn't really matter much. :p

Nice job with adding that little tidbit about strong willpower needed to maintain the Rainbow. Makes sense. Also, why would Crono say that "we have no future" when he himself saved the world from Lavos? I guess because the ruined future is such a horrible and vivid memory to him. Even so, though... Bah, I'm sure you'll have a good reason. :p Eagerly waiting to see who the mysterious challenger is, also.

All good points, Chocobo Fan, you're extremely astute, and you keep me on my toes (a good thing!), though in this case I do have my reasons.  I'll give them to you now:

1) Mystics vs Fiends
I thought for a long time about this before writing this chapter.  In the end, I decided I simply like the name Mystic better.  Fiend to me is too strong a word of fear, while Mystic brings up thoughts of the unknown.  I like the idea that people fear what they don't understand, and ignorance is one of the themes of this piece, so Mystics works better for me, cool as "fiend lord" is.  The new translation definitely favours Fiends, of course.  It also makes sense, as it seems a fitting word for the people of Guardia to apply to the little conquering mutants.  So I've opted for style over sense, here.

2) Shiva's Edge
Another one I thought long and hard about.  In the end, I decided, as you did, that the Swallow was cooler.  I also like the connection to Chrono Cross, and because this story links the two timelines (though not directly), I went with that.  I also like that the Swallow is a shorter blade in the illustrations, and I wanted Crono to have both a long and short sword.  I suppose Shiva's Edge is actually short, as well, though.  But Shiva's edge?  Too much connection to Hindu mythology that I didn't want to have to explain.  Glad you like the willpower bit.  Thought that up on a whim, and liked where it was going, so I stuck it in.  Keep an eye on that...

3) Crono and future
This is a good question, and I'm glad you brought it up.  First of all, Crono is, of course, quoting Azala, who's dying moment was one of my favourites in the game and still hits me in the heart (and since I was "playing" Crono in the game, I assume it hit him as well ^_^).  What's happening here is that he's sympathizing with the sentiment.  What's funny about Crono is that he's saved the future of his planet only to find himself living a life he doesn't want.  So in his mind, he's sacrificed his own future to serve his people.

As for who the stranger is, of course you'll just have to wait ^_^
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Chocobo_Fan on December 05, 2008, 06:27:06 pm
Keep an eye on that...

OMG RAINBOW'S GOING TO SHATTER ISN'T IT?!?!?!?!?!?! O_O!

ZOMG!

Poor Crono... If that does happen, that would royally suck for him. :(

Oh, and have you played the Retranslation...? That line is a translation error, I believe. (I didn't get that far in the Retranslation, but in CTDS I don't remember her saying that...) But eh. Cool line anyway. :p

Also, I hate to say it, but CT Swallow =/= Serge's weapons. :/ The fact that it's a short sword is a good idea though; a lot of knights had both short and longswords in the middle ages, I think... (Or were those Samurai? Meh...)

P.S. Looking forward to your CTDS review! :D I'm sure it'll be good.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Shadow D. Darkman on December 06, 2008, 11:24:39 am
If Rainbow shatters, Crono can just whip out Dreamseeker (from CTDS) and avenge Rainbow.

EDIT: Sorry if this is too off-topic, but in Chrono Flux Redux I gave Shadow the ability to dual-wield, unlike in the original Chrono Flux and Crono altogether. My reason to for mentioning this is b/c I wondered if Crono could ever do that?
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Chocobo_Fan on December 06, 2008, 12:48:18 pm
Crono doesn't have Dreamweaver (I think that's the original Japanese name, sounds cooler than Dreamseeker in my opinion...) in this, though. Zipp hasn't played CTDS, remember? Otherwise Crono would have had Dreamweaver and Rainbow instead of Rainbow and Swallow.

Not to mention that it's unlikely they actually fight the DD... I think they're just a gameplay device so we can see what happens there.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on December 06, 2008, 04:08:45 pm
Well, I'm playing through CTDS right  now (remember I'm reviewing it), but Chocobo Fan is correct in that, for the most part, this fan fic will be based off the original translation.  The main reasons for this are that I know the original translation better (having played Chrono Trigger for the SNES once a year for ten years) and also the compendium is based off the original (for the most part) meaning that if I want to look stuff up, it's easier to do it if I'm using the original translation.

I figured Swallow wasn't Serge's Swallow (considering the difference in appearance) but don't you think it's a reference?  Maybe not.  In any case, I don't know about Medieval Europe, but I know for sure that Samurai usually wore three swords of varying length.  I'm pretty sure in Europe most knights carried ceremonial blades when they traveled, and used big-ass broadswords designed for bashing when they went to war.  Of course, that's an oversimplification of the period, but I don't think they usually carried more than one sword.

As for dueling with two weapons, I hadn't thought about it, to be honest.  I guess I just see Crono as a one handed kind of guy.  Who knows, though?  We'll find out in the next section.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on December 14, 2008, 03:15:18 am
By the way, is anyone having trouble with the links?  Are they showing up okay?
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Chocobo_Fan on December 14, 2008, 09:10:52 am
Yeah, they're fine for me.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Shee on December 15, 2008, 05:14:02 am
So I just sorta glazed over the last page of this topic...saw something about the Dreamweaver.  What is that?  The only Dreamweaver I know is from the Silver Surfer animated sreis, one of most underrated shows ever!

But yea what is it?
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on December 15, 2008, 05:37:26 am
So I just sorta glazed over the last page of this topic...saw something about the Dreamweaver.  What is that?  The only Dreamweaver I know is from the Silver Surfer animated sreis, one of most underrated shows ever!

But yea what is it?

Dreamweaver is a new weapon from Chrono Trigger DS, which I believe is the second most powerful sword in the game... am I right on that?
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: utunnels on December 15, 2008, 06:32:48 am
It's called Dreamseeker.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Shadow D. Darkman on December 15, 2008, 12:26:59 pm
And it's Crono's best weapon in CTDS.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Chocobo_Fan on December 15, 2008, 05:12:51 pm
Yup, it's actually Dreamseeker, (though I like Dreamweaver better, ah well...) and it's the best katana in the game. (240 attack power, 90% critical rate. Yes, 90%. O_O) You obtain it after getting the new ending "Dream's Epilogue".

(Also, I was wrong on it being Dreamweaver in the Japanese version. It's actually "Dream-Fantasy" or "Fantasy", so, uh, I  made a pretty big mistake there, sorry... -.-;)
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Shadow D. Darkman on December 15, 2008, 08:05:37 pm
Dreamweaver and Fantasy sound pretty neat. I wish they were separate swords.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Shee on December 16, 2008, 05:12:08 am
So I haven't had a chance to read any of this yet...but it looks good, man.  When I get a chance I'm gonna have to catch up and let ya know what I think!!
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on December 16, 2008, 01:04:30 pm
So I haven't had a chance to read any of this yet...but it looks good, man.  When I get a chance I'm gonna have to catch up and let ya know what I think!!

Please do!
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on December 23, 2008, 09:30:24 pm
Just letting you all know I'm hard at work on Part IX.  Fight scenes are difficult to write.  It's a fine line between inaction and over-action that a writer has to walk.

Anyways, expect to see this as my Christmas present to the Chrono community.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on December 29, 2008, 05:36:33 am
Update!

Part IX is finally up.  I hope you all enjoy it.  My well wishes for the new year's to you all.

Quick link to part IX:
http://www.honestgamers.com/systems/content.php?game_id=2242&console_id=10&fiction_id=451

Link to rest is on first page.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Chocobo_Fan on December 29, 2008, 01:03:27 pm
Huh. Interesting chapter. Crono was pretty...evil. o_O I wonder what's in store for him when he gets back. I'll have to wait and see. Bill is an interesting character, though. I wonder if he'll return.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: TheMage on January 02, 2009, 03:02:29 pm
Crono's gonna have one angry Marle-Nadia to answer to if she finds out thats for sure! I'm glad he one I was scared there for a minute with the poison claw!
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on January 11, 2009, 07:23:27 pm
PART X is up, you can read it here:

http://www.honestgamers.com/systems/content.php?fiction_id=452&platform=Super+Nintendo&abr=&gametitle=Chrono+Trigger

This one's fairly short and a little different from the rest.  It's meant as a prelude to Act II, which will begin in Part XI, due out sometime in the next couple weeks.

EDIT: Also, can a moderator move this topic to the other fan forums?  The feedback and what not?
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Chocobo_Fan on January 12, 2009, 05:55:01 pm
Hm, interesting... The only thing I have to nitpick about is that it's canon that Crono and Co. destroyed the Black Omen, so it wouldn't exist... (Nor would anyone remember it, as they destroyed it in 12000 BG, pretty much erasing it from history) Just "God" would be fine, I think... ("Entity" would be cool, but would make even less sense)
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on January 13, 2009, 01:37:53 am
Hm, interesting... The only thing I have to nitpick about is that it's canon that Crono and Co. destroyed the Black Omen, so it wouldn't exist... (Nor would anyone remember it, as they destroyed it in 12000 BG, pretty much erasing it from history) Just "God" would be fine, I think... ("Entity" would be cool, but would make even less sense)

Glad you brought this up, because I was hoping to have some discussion about this, to incorporate into a later part as an aside.

I've taken the approach that even though Crono and Co destroyed the Black Omen, its erasure from history wasn't complete, leaving people with phrases that they don't know where they came from, such as this one.

Thoughts?
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Chocobo_Fan on January 13, 2009, 09:03:37 pm
Um...time doesn't work that way... The only way for people to remember things that have been sent to the DBT is to exist on a Time-Error, which only time travelers or people in the End of Time would exist on. As funky as the Black Dream* is, if The Team erased it from history, it's erased from history. Gaspar, Spekkio, and The Team are the only ones who would remember it.

* - Japanese name for the Black Omen. I use the Japanese names for certain things if I think they're more appropriate.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: TheMage on January 14, 2009, 04:02:24 pm
Unless people from 12000 B.G. who would remember the black omen started saying such phrases or passed down the story or prhases or what not along through the generations. . . hmm

however I like the idea of it not being completely erased, I cant think of a logical reason (besides the one I came up with above which can be disproven easily) but it perks my interest, I'd like to think that some events exist through out the flow of time, little blips of the past, a ghost of a memory still lingering where its not supposed to.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Chocobo_Fan on January 14, 2009, 06:47:41 pm
While an interesting idea, Mage, it doesn't hold very much water; in the Chronoverse, anything that is rewritten by a time traveler gets DBT'ed completely and utterly. There would be no weird floating remnants of things in time; everything is in the DBT. The only people who would know of it would be the people in 12000 BG, unless they passed it down like you said.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on January 15, 2009, 12:48:23 am
See that's sort've what I was thinking, that this phrase got passed down but now people use it without knowing what it means.  Just like we can imagine people eventually say god damn it without realizing it has Biblical origins.  Already people don't really think of those origins when they use the phrase.

The other possibility is that it's something Crono said that got picked up by the public at large after he became king.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Chocobo_Fan on January 15, 2009, 08:28:28 am
Hm, interesting idea, though still a bit far-fetched... (Also, wouldn't Crono say "Entity" or "Lavos" in place of "God" or whatever...? o_O) But then again, your story. As FaustWolf said, you can do whatever you want, according to DBT Janus. :)
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: TheMage on January 15, 2009, 02:13:04 pm
hmm now i'm interested in the origin of such phrases as 'dude' 'damn straight' and 'i'll be a monkeys uncle' . . .


annnnyway,

I like the idea of people using it with out knowing what the true meaning is, it deffinately relates to us :)
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on January 15, 2009, 08:16:55 pm
Hm, interesting idea, though still a bit far-fetched... (Also, wouldn't Crono say "Entity" or "Lavos" in place of "God" or whatever...? o_O) But then again, your story. As FaustWolf said, you can do whatever you want, according to DBT Janus. :)

He wouldn't say goddammit... he would say "by the Black Omen!"  Which is maybe how it got picked up, I'm saying.

Cool to see you guys are still reading.  Keeps me writing.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Chocobo_Fan on January 15, 2009, 08:46:57 pm
Eh, Crono and Co. didn't have many ties to the Black Dream. If anything, they'd say "by Lavos!" or "For the Entity's sake!" But not "by the Black Omen!"
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: HyperNerd on January 15, 2009, 11:47:04 pm
Nobody said there couldn't be religion. Religion is an odd thing... There was probably a seperate religion in Guardia, nobody knew about the Entity until Robo brought it up.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Chocobo_Fan on January 16, 2009, 06:46:06 pm
What? I wasn't arguing that, nor was I arguing that everyone would know who the Entity was. I'm talking about Crono and Company.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: HyperNerd on January 16, 2009, 10:56:26 pm
I wasn't arguing, just making the point that it's possible Crono and Co. had a religion until they learned about the entity.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on January 17, 2009, 02:26:00 pm
Religion has always been a funny thing in the CT game.  Of course, from a logistical standpoint, SE probably stayed away from the issue, as did most games of the era.  The few signs we DO see of religion are mostly cult worship, including the Magus cult, the Yakra cult, and the Robo cult.

I'm not sure there's any blatant signs of religion outside of the phony cathedral.  Though one of the NPCs in relation to that cathedral calls the Chancellor a "very devout man" for going there all the time.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on January 29, 2009, 05:21:16 pm
Part XI is up!

http://www.honestgamers.com/systems/content.php?fiction_id=454&platform=Super+Nintendo&abr=&gametitle=Chrono+Trigger

We've officially entered the difficult "wasteland of Act II," as it is usually called in the industry.  I'm trying my best to keep things interesting and moving through the unavoidable build up to the climax.  I'm happy with the result so far.

How about you?
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on February 04, 2009, 06:03:10 am
Part XII is finished, and should be up soon!  These latest additions are shorter than the posts have been, but that's because they come at the beginning of a new Act.  My climaxes tend to be longer than my build-ups.  Or rather, my build-ups come in bursts, while my climaxes are one long fall.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on February 04, 2009, 06:10:55 pm
(Did I lose all my readers?)

Part XII: http://www.honestgamers.com/systems/content.php?fiction_id=455&platform=Super+Nintendo&abr=&gametitle=Chrono+Trigger
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Chocobo_Fan on February 04, 2009, 07:03:19 pm
Haha, sorry I haven't been replying! I've been a bit busy. ^_^; I'll review chapter 11 first:

First off...

Quote from: Chrono Break
Tradition dictated that family should be together at such a time, so it had been customary for the castle to send it’s staff away at this time of the year.

Its, not it's. Though that was likely just a typo, though I should point it out. Also,

Quote from: Chrono Break
Crono had changed this tradition slightly, and instead invited all of the servant’s immediate family to the castle each solstice, “filling all the empty spaces,” as he said.

I believe you mean "servants'"? When talking about the possessions of a plural group, always put the apostrophe after the 's', not before. Again, probably just a typo. Finally, on to the story...

So is this another "setting-the-stage" chapter? Even so, it's interesting... Poor Crono is too warrior-like for the world of politics, but he's also too warrior-like for Nadia... It seems kind of sad that they're drifting apart. I wonder why Crono brought Bill back...? It seems kind of...suspicious. I'm sure you have a reason-

...

OMG HE CAUSES THE FALL OF GUARDIA DOESN'T HE??!?!??!11//1!//!???

*clears throat*

That's all for 11, I guess. On to 12!

*****

Oh dear. Again, Crono moving away from her. He isn't going to take very well to seeing that dance... There isn't much to say on this one. I eagerly await the next part!
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on February 05, 2009, 06:35:44 pm
The apostrophe is one of the most embarrassing mistakes an English Major can make.  Thanks for pointing those out.

Yeah, these are still kind've setting the stage.  I've got one more of that ilk, and then things will start crashing down, in part IV.

After that, it's a roller coaster ride of destruction and emotion for a while ^_^
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Chocobo_Fan on February 06, 2009, 07:59:14 pm
Oh, I just noticed this: Is Act II going to be from Nadia's point of view? If so, that'll be interesting...
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on February 07, 2009, 03:11:51 am
Actually, it's Act III that will be mostly from her point of view.  Act II is a transition from Crono to Nadia.  You're going to get a wide range of views in this Act.

The next part will feature James, the brother to Gregoire and Samdel of the Mayor's Residence in Truce, who was left behind to enforce the military occupation in Ghetz's place.

It will also mark the appearance of a certain ex-wrestler...
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: TheMage on February 12, 2009, 12:12:20 pm
Yey I just caught up! Love it, keep it up, ooo Act III sounds like its gonna be good
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on February 12, 2009, 01:14:37 pm
One would always hope ^_^

The next section should come soon.  I've got a few other things to finish up, an article for a magazine, a couple reviews, and a script edit.  But maybe by the end of this or  next week?
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: TheMage on February 15, 2009, 01:14:39 am
Yeeey! i'll be patient!
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on February 23, 2009, 10:05:20 pm
Part XIII is up.  I spent a lot of time crafting this one:

http://www.honestgamers.com/systems/content.php?game_id=2242&console_id=10&fiction_id=456
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on March 19, 2009, 04:13:51 pm
Okay, the proverbial shit is starting to hit the fan, people!  I give you chapter fourteen of Chrono Break.  It's a downward spiral from here on out. Feedback always appreciated:

http://www.honestgamers.com/systems/content.php?fiction_id=457&platform=Super+Nintendo&abr=&gametitle=Chrono+Trigger

On a separate note, if anyone has been wondering why I was slow in getting this one out, it's because of my jobs at The Examiner and Honest Gamers.  If people like my writing in Chrono Break, then I encourage you to read my latest articles at The Examiner, on the best of film nudity:

http://www.examiner.com/x-5140-Portland-Indie-Film-Examiner~y2009m3d10-Big-Blue-Penis-introducing-the-best-of-film-nudity
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Chocobo_Fan on March 20, 2009, 07:20:26 am
o_o

Wow. Um.

...

I don't know what to say to the end there. Just...how? How did she die? Did she choke or something? o_O

Freaky, though. Downward spiral from here on out? Oh dear me...

Also, don't worry about how long it took. Art takes time. Don't rush it.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on March 21, 2009, 05:07:36 pm
The next part will reveal the manner of death.  Good to see you're still reading, Chocobo Fan!!
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Chocobo_Fan on March 22, 2009, 05:15:34 pm
Haha, you're welcome. :) This is much better than anything I could write. Looking forward to the next part! (Like I said, though, don't rush yourself)
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on April 14, 2009, 09:05:44 pm
Update!  No new part yet, but I thought it was time to give a head's up!  I'm working hard on the next part.  It's a dialogue heavy piece, and dialogue takes me a while sometimes.  I do think that after this, the rest of the story should come fairly quickly.  Mayhem and destruction has always come easily to my hand ^_^

Anyways, stay tuned!  I hope to present the next piece by the end of the week, though I've been known to be late before!
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on April 17, 2009, 07:44:28 pm
Okies!  The next part is up:

http://www.honestgamers.com/systems/content.php?game_id=2242&console_id=10&fiction_id=461

This part reveals what killed Gina and begins the cycle of The Night of Flames, which is the third act in this four act story.  I'll try to have the next part completed by the end of April.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on May 11, 2009, 02:56:19 pm
Updates on progress.

HG is no longer hosting fan fiction, I think.  I have to talk with them and see.  It may finally be time for to format and go with fanfiction.net

Secondly, i'm in the middle of writing a commisioned script for Hollywood, and that has taken priority over the last ten or so parts of C.Break

On top of all that, i fell badly.  Bone through finger.  Typing difficult.

Having said that, i am halfway complete with the next part and hope to continue releasing a part a month over the course of the year.  Thanx for reading and i'll keep you updated as more info comes to me.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Kaktus021 on May 13, 2009, 01:13:33 am
Ah, I was beginning to become worried something may have happened. (And from the looks of it, something did) Can't wait to see the continuation of this fantastic story, and eventually the finale.

Take care of that hand, you only get two.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on May 14, 2009, 11:49:39 pm
Ah, I was beginning to become worried something may have happened. (And from the looks of it, something did) Can't wait to see the continuation of this fantastic story, and eventually the finale.

Take care of that hand, you only get two.

Thanks for the well wishes!  The bandages are off, the bone is back in place, and I think my writing speed has actually IMPROVED!  Like, Rookie of the Year.  I can't believe I just referenced that film.

This week is the due week for the script, and I'm aching to get back to Chrono Break.  No set dates yet, but it's coming up.  I'm at a writer's retreat all week, so hopefully I'll get to it.

Cheers!
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on May 16, 2009, 10:01:48 pm
UPDATE!
As of June, 2009, the above links will no longer work.  Instead, the fiction has been relocated to Fan Fiction.net.  It will take some time to get all the parts up there, but I expect to be fully caught up within a week or two.  Since I'm having to go back and repost many earlier parts, all parts have been slightly edited for continuity and style.  Eventually, I plan on a full rewrite, maybe even turning it into an original setting that could be published without fear of copyright infringement.  But for now, the re-posted segments can be considered "final cuts."

Enjoy!

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5066583/1/Chrono_Break

As for the next part, I'm almost done with it, and am trying to catch up on Fan Fiction so I can post it.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on May 26, 2009, 03:26:44 pm
UPDATE!

I am officially caught up on Chrono Break over at Fan Fiction!  I'll continue to drop posts here as I add posts there.  You can also keep track of my status by looking here:

http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1708898/Zipp_Dementia

The profile will be updated periodically to reflect story status.  You may notice that Part xvi comes out today.  I know it's been a while in coming. Thanks for being patient.

//Zipp cares
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on May 26, 2009, 10:03:45 pm
UPDATE!

Part XVI is up!  Here's a direct link:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5066583/17/Chrono_Break

Part XVII is expected to be out by June 26th.  I'm about half way done with it already, so we might see an early release.  Please leave feedback if you have the time!
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on June 07, 2009, 01:15:06 am
UPDATE!

Part XVII now complete and posted:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5066583/18/Chrono_Break

For those of you still with us, this furthers the events of the Night of Flames and has a little twist at the end.  Of course... the question still remains... what's happening with Crono?
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on August 17, 2009, 01:56:37 pm
It's been a couple months, but the next part is up:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5066583/19/Chrono_Break

Enjoy!
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: TheMage on August 28, 2009, 12:57:54 am
Yey! *runs to read it* I SO need to catch up! :mrgreen:
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on December 16, 2009, 03:48:00 pm
Hey everyone.  Been a while since my  last update, I know.  That's because I was in school.  In any case, part 20 is now up and available:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5066583/21/Chrono_Break

If you want to keep up with my progress on the next part, you can keep an eye on my profile:

http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1708898/Zipp_Dementia

Thanks for helping me get this piece started.  If not for the enthusiastic response it received from members here, I probably never would've kept working on it.

Zipp
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on January 03, 2010, 07:34:18 pm
UPDATE!

The chances of me roping in anyone here who is not already reading this are slim, I know, but it's never too late to start checking out my work, now the efforts of more than a year's worth of writing.

What better way to start the new year than with another part?

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5066583/22/Chrono_Break
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: FaustWolf on January 03, 2010, 08:33:22 pm
Heck yeah, Zipp!
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on January 04, 2010, 02:48:31 am
Heck yeah, Zipp!

Aw fausty, it's good to see your face for the first time this year!  How was your New Years?
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on July 03, 2010, 12:57:31 am
Long time since I last posted here, but for those who have been interested in this project, it has been updated many times!  My hope would be to conclude it in the next year.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5066583/1/Chrono_Break
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Schala Zeal on July 03, 2010, 05:14:05 am
I think Fanfiction is on stupid pills. New members are apparently restricted from everything for a whole day after registering.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on July 03, 2010, 01:14:09 pm
I think Fanfiction is on stupid pills. New members are apparently restricted from everything for a whole day after registering.

That's... stupid.

But I think the story will be worth the wait ^_^
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: FaustWolf on July 03, 2010, 06:26:50 pm
Quote from: Zipp Dementia
Aw fausty, it's good to see your face for the first time this year!  How was your New Years?
Mwahaha, I just now saw this, like, seven months later. New Year's 2010 marks the day I began dreaming again. Like, really dreaming. I'm on a total upswing now that I've found my mission in life.

In any case, we have an entry for the Chrono Break fic at the Compendium archives, but it's way out of date, right?
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Schala Zeal on July 04, 2010, 06:37:11 am
Quote
To reduce spam, there is a short 2 day waiting period before new users are allowed to submit stories.

Document Manager will be functional on July 5, 2010, 1:10 am PST (US Pacific Standard Time/West Coast).

I agreed to the terms of service, and this is what I get...
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: alfadorredux on July 04, 2010, 09:12:41 am
Quote
To reduce spam, there is a short 2 day waiting period before new users are allowed to submit stories.

Document Manager will be functional on July 5, 2010, 1:10 am PST (US Pacific Standard Time/West Coast).

I agreed to the terms of service, and this is what I get...

Seriously, I don't know why you're surprised. FF.net has always been that sort of operation. Filtering spam by actually looking at submissions would be more effective, but then they might find themselves under pressure to implement (gasp!) a quality metric and get the worst of the trash off the site. A friend of mine once said she'd rather have her work completely ignored than toss it into that garbage can.

(Yeah, I have a serious hate-on for the place, in that it's effectively caused the demise of smaller, selective, properly-curated archives where I could actually find something I wanted to read without doing the literary equivalent of wading through a sewer for a couple of hours.)
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on July 05, 2010, 06:58:17 pm
In this case, I'm saving you the effort of the wading (if not the waiting):

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5066583/1/Chrono_Break

Yeah, Faust, this site should be updated at some point with the new chapters.  I believe I was at 16 when it last was updated here and we're now on 25.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Schala Zeal on July 05, 2010, 07:55:57 pm
Yeah, I put Rise of the Fiendlady up last night on there.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on August 03, 2010, 10:33:17 pm
We've again updated a couple times!  Another update coming today: thought I'd let everyone know.

This has gained quite the following at Fan Fiction.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: TheMage on August 06, 2010, 02:50:58 am
Yeeeey update  :mrgreen:
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Zipp Dementia on September 29, 2010, 07:39:04 pm
A few updates have occured in the last two months!  A lot of updates, actually.  The story is now nearing its conclusion!  Get caught up before then!

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5066583/1/Chrono_Break
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: TheMage on September 29, 2010, 10:38:46 pm
Wooot! gotta get caught up :mrgreen:
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Manly Man on February 23, 2011, 02:09:34 am
"RWISE FWOM YOUR GWAVE!!!"

So, if one is to ignore the thread necromancy, I have to say I regret not saying anything about the story for sometime until tonight, where I got a little too elaborate with my review and probably began spouting out a load of garbage. But, either way, I've loved the story since I'd first laid eyes on it, and I'll continue to do so, even after it's finished.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: New Zipp on February 23, 2011, 03:27:58 am
"RWISE FWOM YOUR GWAVE!!!"

So, if one is to ignore the thread necromancy, I have to say I regret not saying anything about the story for sometime until tonight, where I got a little too elaborate with my review and probably began spouting out a load of garbage. But, either way, I've loved the story since I'd first laid eyes on it, and I'll continue to do so, even after it's finished.

Hey, so is that you, Master Sam?  Zipp here with a new account, couldn't remember the password to the old one... been a while, though I continue to use this site often for the details of the fan fic.  Used it just today for some details on Dreamstone.

Thanks for reading and responding so often throughout the course of the story.  Hard to believe this started as a post two and half years ago on this very thread.  I appreciate all of your comments (and have, since the beginning of the piece).  Thanks for writing such a long and detailed review.  The ending is coming, yes.  Three more chapters, I believe.

I think Crono's final push towards a mental break down has been due to his loss of Nadia and the guilt he feels in having made her fear him.  We'll be getting Nadia's view on the entire situation in the next chapter (been a while since we've done things through her eyes!).  Lucca will also make a final appearance.  Please keep reading and responding!
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Manly Man on February 23, 2011, 04:11:21 am
Why indeed, 'tis I, the one known as mastersam (http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1173117/mastersam).

I'm glad to know that you'll be having Nadia show up again soon. I'd been wondering what had gone on with her since she'd ran off with Ghetz, and now that he's dead, I've begun to fear for both her and the baby. The worst part would be if she had to give birth with nobody to help her. Quite a feeling of suspense you've got going there, Zipp.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: New Zipp on February 23, 2011, 01:36:10 pm
She's not actually pregnant, remember.  She had the mis-carriage ages ago and hasn't been able to bear a child since.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: Manly Man on February 23, 2011, 09:36:15 pm
Oops. Still, the suspense hasn't died, I just need to remember what's written a little better. Maybe a re-read is in order...
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: ZeaLitY on February 24, 2011, 02:20:23 am
Hey, I can always change the password to something else and PM it to you on the new account. Just let me know.
Title: Re: Chrono Break (fan fiction work in progress)
Post by: New Zipp on July 04, 2011, 06:26:03 pm
Just wanted to say that this week I'll post the Epilogue to Chrono Break up on Fan Fiction.  If you haven't been reading for a while, now's a good time to catch back up!  Two and a half years ago that I started this fan fiction.  Now it's finally complete.  Thanks for getting me started on it and keeping me going during the first year with all your comments.