Ooh! Ooh! I was just learning that while investigating Elizabethan English last night! Here are some links that may prove helpful to thee, Sir Lennis!http://helenas.org/docs/Elizabethan_language.pdfhttp://www.museangel.net/speak.html
Anyway, I'm really digging your treatment of the medieval era -- which is to say, many fans would complain bitterly at the liberties you've taken, but they're the kind of liberties that enrich this story far beyond what the game presented. The expanded encounter with Toma in the bar brings to the fore the sense of wonder that should, by all rights, be in a time travel story. The fact that he's a walking fortune cookie - and a memorable one IMHO - also made me squee with delight! I mean, holy crap, this *should* be like meeting Abe Lincoln.
Come to think of it, I've never seen a bad treatment of Toma wherever fan writers choose to explore him; he's one of those characters who just seems to lend himself to being really badass. It's got me thinking that studies of intrinsically interesting characters - just a scene or two - would make great short exercises for fan writers who are just starting out. This might be a great way of quickly learning what makes for an interesting dude or dudette, versus an uninteresting dude or dudette.
But the real surprise is the viewpoint you give to Yakra. You did this particularly effectively if I'm reading it right -- your reader knows that there's this subversive Mystic agent slinking through the halls of the castle, but your reader doesn't
know it's the chancellor Crono was just walking around with a few paragraphs back! Well, the fact that we all already know the big plot points spoils it inherently, but it's still great handling. Again, I'm still giving the chapters a first scan right now, but if this is precisely what you were going for, I say your writer's instinct has hit a perfect note. Here, you're taking full advantage of your medium; this isn't something the writer could pull off as effectively in a screenplay. Awareness of medium might just be the most important skill a writer can have. And I totally just made that bit of advice up after seeing you do this.
I'm really fascinated by the parallels here with my own treatment of the medieval era, back when I was doing a "Chrono Break" script. The mad and inept king, the queen who's the rock that holds the kingdom together, even the temptation to rename Ozzie to something a little more...formidable. It's fascinating that we came up with similar threads and themes independently, when the source material really doesn't call for them at all. Things like this can only rub purists the wrong way -- but aren't they fun
! It must point to the fact that we share many cultural elements, or were exposed to similar media, or something. It would be a really interesting exercise to go through and compare contemporary writers from different eras and look for the common threads.