Author Topic: Winter's Fragments Winner - "Marcy" by Katie Skyye  (Read 1438 times)

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Winter's Fragments Winner - "Marcy" by Katie Skyye
« on: March 04, 2010, 09:03:59 am »
“So is it strange, not having your memory?”
   “Wow, like, how did you survive boot camp asking such stupid questions?”
   “Well, I—“
“Get lost!”
The dragoon hastily walked away. Marcy sighed. It was true—she couldn’t remember anything—not her name, her history, or any of these ‘Acacia Dragoon’ people who claimed to have met her. They called her Marcy—some of the less tactful among them had called her a spoiled brat.
Well, she couldn’t deny that part. She found she could easily boss the Dragoons around, and took full advantage of it. Karsh and Zoah were less easily ordered, but with the right persuasion…
And of course Glenn did whatever she asked, but unlike most of the others he seemed to be doing it out of some sense of chivalry.
She didn’t even remember them finding her.
“You were walking around the path to Shadow Forest. When you saw us, you sat down and cried, and then passed out on the way back, so Karsh carried you.”
That was another annoying thing: they dropped names as if they expected her to know who they were talking about. It had taken her a few days to remember all their names, and even though she had gotten every (important) face associated with a name, it wasn’t as if she was friends with any of them.
It was actually…a little frightening. Marcy had already figured out that she was more powerful than any of the normal Dragoons, but for a short time she felt as if she’d been kidnapped. She had free reign of the grounds, but wasn’t allowed to leave until she’d recovered.
But she wanted to leave. The mansion…well, it was pretty demolished!  They—the dragoons and some important people—were starting to rebuild,. The General seemed nice enough, but he had creepy eyes, and so did Riddel, his daughter, and their weird scientist-doctor-lady who always looked at Marcy with sadness…Ick.
For the moment, though, she was hungry. She took off towards the kitchen, surprising the Dragoons nearby. Orcha looked over at her.
“WhatCHA like to eat today, Miss Marcy?” He continued chopping what looked like some sort of fish without even looking.
“Hmm. I think I’ll have what you’re making right now.”
“…err, it’s just an appetizer. Grilled Medina Salmon with—“
“I don’t care. Give me a plate when you’re done.” Se turned on her heel and left as he called a ‘Yes, Miss Marcy’ after her. She went outside, wandering around the large piles of rubble still left in the Mansion’s courtyard. The house was starting to come together, now that the debris had been removed. Marcy walked around outside the tent that had been set up for a kitchen, since many of the Mansion’s rooms were still destroyed—including the kitchen.
She sat on a large marble block nearby and watched the Dragoons running around. Some of them rode those ugly dragons, and there were a few sergeants directing a crane. A young man in Porre’s uniform walked past and started chatting to an Acacia private.
That guy had come around often, always asking for Karsh or Glenn or Viper himself. Marcy generally ignored him—Porre was beneath her notice. The man turned to walk into the manor—and saw Marcy.
“Marcy!” He walked over.
Great.
“I haven’t seen you since…well, ages ago, it seems like! How have you been?”
“Go away.” She turned away from him, not seeing his hurt expression.
“…what happened? What did I do? I’ve been trying to keep Porre off your backs—I know they still come around occasionally, bu—“
“Gawd, you’re so chatty! Why don’t you get lost, huh? I have no idea why you’re talking to me, but I have better things to do!” She hopped down and stalked into the kitchen. A tall Acacia sergeant ran over.
“Sorry, Commander Norris! Marcy has amnesia; she’s surely not sure who you are! Or anyone else, for that matter! She didn’t even know her name, sir!”
“Oh…” Norris was quiet a moment, “So what happened, Solt?”
“We are sure that she was in an accident, but no one exactly knows the exact sort of accident. That is to say, we found her wandering around Shadow Forest.”
“I’m sorry. I know she was one of the Devas, so it’s definitely hard on you guys.”
“HEY! Solt, shake it over here!”
“Oh! That’s Peppor calling. It’s our dutiful duty to help the other Dragoons, so I—“
“SOLT!” Peppor bellowed from somewhere within the Mansion.
“Coming! Norris, you should talk to Karsh for more informative information!” He ran off towards the Manor, nearly tripping over a discarded helmet. He managed to catch himself and keep going, but Norris couldn’t help but laugh.
He was one of the few who remembered most of the strange adventure they’d shared with Serge. With his position in Porre’s army, he’d been able to visit most of the previous members of the team, but very few had any recollection of the past few months. He had been soundly chastised by Sprigg for staying away so long, and Draggy not only remembered Norris, but the entire adventure—from the day he hatched to the bitter end and reunification of the dimensions.
Some others had partial memory. Serge said he recognized Norris from somewhere, and later, that he’d had a recurring nightmare where he turned into a Demi-Human and killed his parents, which had apparently replaced a previous nightmare of being attacked by a black panther.
“I can’t decide which is worse,” he’d said.
All in all, everyone had a giant mental blank about two months long, which their friends happily filled in for them.
‘But Leena, we went swimmin’ every day! And Sergey got you that necklace!’
‘WhatCHA talkin’ bout? You’ve been in Termina! I was worried sick! Why didn’tCHA come home once in a while? What do you mean you can’t remember? You better not have been getting drunk, Korcha!’
‘Captain Fargo, you’ve had pneumonia! You should be more careful!’
And on and on. But Marcy had lost even the memories of herself and her life before the journey. Why?

“Hey Orcha! These things are great!” Marcy had eaten a handful of the heavily-seasoned salmon cubes with gusto. It was good to talk to someone who wasn’t a pain in the neck.
“Thanks! You can take ‘em withCHA if you don’t want to stay in the kitchen—it’s gonna get smoky in here!” He waved at where he was firing up a medieval-looking grill.
“Hmm, okay. I’ll send the platter back with a private.” She flounced out with the salmon and wandered into the mansion. The top floor balcony was resting on the ground, since the Mansion hadn’t been able to support it. Part of it had broken off and fallen into the sea, and Marcy sat on the edge of the cliffside portion and looked down on its fallen, half-submerged counterpart. She polished off the salmon cubes and passed the platter off to a Dragoon like she’d promised.
For a while, she just stared out to sea. It was weird, only knowing the recent events. She’d pieced together what had been going on in the world from what the Dragoons had told her, and the bits of conversation she’d heard.
‘Porre just don’t like us—they know the Frozen Flame ain’t here.’
‘You hear that the Radical Dreamers disbanded? They fled the Zenan continent entirely!’
‘Oh, the General is doing just great! His injuries are all healing nicely, though he still can’t remember the day he got them…’
‘Hey, that cat-man Lynx up and scrammed when the General was hurt! Do you think…?’
Even though she knew what had happened in the past, she didn’t understand. It was like being four years old again, and it was very frustrating. She found she could remember things like geography and math, but not anything she’d ever done personally. She knew how to get to Termina from Arni, but she couldn’t remember ever learning it.
Marcy stood up and walked around. Marcy started humming a nonsensical tune. Marcy kicked a stone into the sea. Marcy, Marcy, Marcy, Marcy…the name had never meant anything to her, to her knowledge. Was it the name her mother—whoever she was—gave her, or did the Dragoons just make it up? Had it ever been her real name? What was her last name? Her middle name?
“I didn’t know you were a Nikki fan.”
Marcy jumped. Karsh had walked out onto the balcony with her.
“Who’s Nikki? What are you talking about?”
“He’s the lead singer from the band Magical Dreamers,” Karsh explained. He had been one of the first to stop treating Marcy like she was a moron and more like she was asking perfectly rational questions, so his answers had none of the ‘what, don’t you KNOW?!’ tone she’d heard from many others. In fact, all of the other ‘Devas’ seemed particularly attached to her…but she chalked it up to having been one in her nonexistent past.
“Never heard of ‘em! Why would I be his fan if I don’t know who he is?!” She snapped, kicking another rock into the sea.
“Well, you were humming one of his songs! It’s uh…” he paused, trying to remember the name of the song, while Marcy gave him a skeptical look.
“Um, I don’t remember, but he played it for the grand homecoming of the Demi-Humans to Marbule, so it’s one of his most famous pieces. I guess you just heard it somewhere…”
“Probably! Hey Karsh, let’s play!”
“Play wha—“
“TAG, YOU’RE IT! HA!” Marcy ran into the Mansion, casting evil grins over her shoulder at Karsh.
“Aw dammit…I’m never gonna find her in there. It’s even more confusing now that it’s a wreck.”
   Marcy ran away. She ran from Karsh, and the Mansion, and Gerneral Creepy and his creepy daughter, and the song that wouldn’t leave, the song that grew more insistent every time she heard it in her mind. She dashed through crumbling corridors, moss-covered gardens, rubble-strewn bedrooms. The way to the dungeons was clear, finally. She took a tumble down the trapdoor and headed out the dungeon’s watery secret passages and eventually, wet, tired, and crying her eyes out, she stumbled under the waterfall and into a small cave. She didn’t know how she’d known it was there, and she didn’t care.
   Why? She wanted to know. Why was she crying—she hadn’t been happy, but she hadn’t been sad, either. Just angry…actually, royally pissed off! And suddenly she had fled in terror…it was disorienting.
   Why did it matter that Karsh was nice? So what, she didn’t even know him! She didn’t…she didn’t…
   “I don’t!” She screamed, “I don’t know any of them! I hate them!” Her voice echoed a little inside the cave, but quickly dispersed. She quieted for a while, tears still falling, but her sobs had stopped.
   Why did she care about the song so much? It was just a melody—there weren’t even any words, that she knew of. She’d probably heard some Dragoon humming it, or one of the wreckers whistling it…but it wasn’t so simple!
   “Why not! What IS this?!” She yelled. Why wouldn’t it leave her alone? Just looking out at the ocean had put it in her mind,. She’d though it was just a random tune, something she’d invented in boredom. It wasn’t a big deal that it was a real song…
   …but it was. The fact bothered her. She wanted to know why she’d hummed it, who Nikki was—and she didn’t know why she wanted to know. It was like watching herself try to climb the slippery Viper Manor Bluffs…blindfolded.
   She shook her head, her pink bows flapping. She snarled and tore the stupid pink puffballs out of her hair and threw them aside. Stupid pink dress! Why did they give her this dress she couldn’t remember? Why couldn’t she make some choices of her own, instead of having some forgotten predecessor make them?

   An hour passed. The Dragoons were feverishly searching for her, Karsh and Zoah leading the search. Zoah took several dozen Dragoons south and west, towards Termina, while Karsh took his Dragoons towards Shadow Forest. They spread out, combing the area, while Karsh followed the river. They occasionally ran into nests of animals, but Marcy didn’t turn up.
   She could hear them tromping around outside. Even over the water’s loud splashing she could hear them shouting, calling orders, clanking around in their stupid armor. Suddenly there were voices at the head of the cave. Marcy froze.
   There was something familiar about that spot, Karsh thought. Maybe he’d been there before…? He stuck his hand through the falls and felt stone…algae…nothing! There was an open space just wide enough for someone to squeeze through! He handed his axe to a Dragoon and went in sideways.
   “Hold on, hold on!” He called as another Dragoon started to follow, “You’ll never get in here with that armor on! Just let me handle this!”
   “Yes sir!” They chorused, even though only one had tried to follow.
   “Sheesh…” he edged through the tight tunnel and came out inside the waterfall cave. Even before his eyes adjusted he could see the lighter area that was Marcy.
   “If you tell them, I’ll kill you,” she said hollowly. Karsh walked over.
   “Okay, I won’t say anything. You have to come back eventually, though. So tell me, what’s eating you?”
   Marcy sighed and leaned onto Karsh’s arm.
   “Are you all right in there, sir?”
   “Of course I am, you idiots! Continue searching! Get going!” Karsh yelled angrily.
   “Jeez, sometimes I really empathize with you…anyway. Tell me about it, Marcy! Maybe I can help?”
   “It’s that song.”
   “The one Nikki sang…?” Karsh said confusedly.
   “Yeah. I…I don’t know how to explain this, it’s so stupid! I want to hear Nikki sing it!”
   “That’s all? Heck, he’s got a concert coming up…uh, next week sometime. Glenn could take you, he’ll be in the area.”
   “Ok. He better! I know he’s on leave, so he’s got nothing better to do!”
   “Uh…sure. Look, are you ready to go back, or do you want to stay out here for a while?”
   “I want to stay! What I really want is to be able to go outside the Manor once in a while! I mean, like, I can take care of myself, obviously.”
   “We know…at least, Zoah and I do—it’s just that Viper just got his family back together—and that includes us—and he’s a bit paranoid. Look, I’ll talk to him. In the mean time…we could take a walk around Shadow Forest. I’ll send the Dragoons back.”
   “Okay.”
   Karsh went out, followed by Marcy, to be greeted by exuberant Dragoons—one with most of his armor off who confessed he was ‘going to follow Sir Karsh to make sure nothing had happened.’
   “As if I can’t take care of myself!” he fumed, but eventually he and Marcy were walking along. They didn’t have much to say, though Karsh explained a little about Nikki while they traveled. Marcy found an Octo and chased it for a while before luring it over with a berry and capturing it. She let it go as they left the forest.
   “When we get back, send, like, a Dragoon to get me a poster. I just can’t figure out his appearance from what you told me! He sounds like a total weirdo!”
   “Well, he’s pretty strange, but he’s got good music. Oh,” Karsh slowed for a moment and looked around. Shadow Forest was behind them, but skinny trees grew on the sides of the path. Karsh walked over to one and patted it..
   “This is where we found you, next to this tree. Remember anything?”
   “Like, I don’t remember anything until I woke up at the Manor. How many times do I have to repeat it, huh?” She walked a little faster, and Karsh trotted to catch up.
   “Yeah, ok, sorry…”
   They continued to the Manor, to be met with hoorays and the like. Marcy endured hugs from the Dragoons and General Viper before going to pester Zoah. The rest of the week passed by rather slowly, though Karsh and Zoah, having convinced the General to let Marcy leave—albeit with an escort—took the girl on some minor adventures around the island, visiting scenic locales such as Lizard Rock and the bottom of Fossil Valley, where strange and exotic plants grew and giant, colorful birds stalked their prey—though Zoah and Marcy made short work of a few aggressive Dodos during their trip. The song remained in Marcy’s mind, but it wasn’t as insistent. Perhaps whatever part of her subconscious had given it to her had realized that she was working on figuring things out.
   She sat in one of the upstairs rooms. I was the last day before the rest of the Manor was demolished to make room for the rebuilding. What was left was not structurally sound enough to build from, so it all had to go, but…there was no reason not to enjoy the view while she could. Marcy turned from the view of sunrise over the mountains near Fort Dragonia as someone came clanking up the stairs. A Dragoon…?
   “Oh, it’s you Glenn.” She turned back to the view.
   “Indeed! Today we travel to Termina, so—“
   “Oh! That’s right! Like, I totally spaced out! Hurry up Glenn!” Marcy leapt up and grabbed Glenn’s arm, pulling him with her down the stairs.
   “Marcy--! It’s not that easy to do this in armor!” he protested, but they made it down nonetheless. Solt and Peppor had two dragons waiting for them and Marcy vaulted up onto hers easily, without waiting for assistance from Solt. Peppor handed Glenn a small bag and Karsh handed Marcy…
   “Here are your tickets to Nikki’s concert. Have fun!” He grinned and Marcy said her thanks before kicking the dragon into a run. Glenn sighed and took off after her.
   “Good luck, Glenn!” Karsh called, laughing.
   The trip to Termina was uneventful, and they did end up slowing down to let the dragons rest, but they made it to Termina before noon and stopped to have lunch at the bar, each taking something other than the famous Squid Gut Pasta. A young man walked in a few minutes after they did and ordered two helpings of it, however. They finished their meal and waited a few minutes before heading to the docks.
   “Like, he does his concerts out of a ship. Do we have to sit on the docks or something?”
   “Let me see the tickets…no, we’ve got VIP seats on the adjacent boat, the Invincible.”
   “Oh, well that’s okay then. Isn’t the Invincible like, a pirate ship or something?”
   “What…? No, it used to be a party boat, but now they’re explorers-for-hire, though Nikki borrows them occasionally for VIP seats, as you can see.” Why would she think they were pirates…?
   “Why?”
   “His father is the captain of the Invincible, so he gets sort of a free pass.”
   “Oh, fine. Makes sense.”
   They boarded the Invincible and found their seats, though the show didn’t start for a while. They were entertained by some pre-show clowns and a fire-eater, followed by a magic show by two strange magicians, but finally something within the Magical Dreamers’ ship creaked, the crowd grew quiet, and even though they were in full sunlight it seemed as if the lights had dimmed. The side of Nikki’s ship retracted, revealing a stage. Cheers arose from the crowd as Nikki appeared atop the bow of what appeared to be a wrecked ship. A ship within a ship?!
   The concert was awe-inspiring. Marcy had been skeptical, upon seeing Nikki’s really, really strange appearance, but after the rather melodramatic playacting at the beginning of the song, the music began, and she was blown away. She could understand why people adored him, despite—and even because of—his eccentricities. She felt afloat in a sea of song, and it didn’t even have any words! Even Glenn seemed to appreciate the music.
   There was a brief intermission after the ‘Song of Marbule,’ and Glenn left to find some drinks for them. Marcy wandered the ship, crowded equally with humans and Demi-Humans. A few real mermaids lounged near the stern, while a blue-haired mermaid spoke to Fargo. Miki, the lead dancer, walked over to them and mentioned something. Fargo nodded and walked off, and the mermaid jumped into the sea.
   Marcy ran over to the guard rail. It was getting too crowded, and she couldn’t see anything between all these people’s waists. She jumped up on the railing and took a look around for Glenn.
   Oh, he was over by the Invincible’s main mast. She waved, and he hurried over.
   “Marcy, it’s rather risky to stand there. You could fall into the sea!” he said, giving her a hand down.
   He led her through the crowd as the second and final song was announced.
   It was very different from the first. The story was just as emotional and full of histrionics, but it was about a man who had returned from a long journey only to find his family gone. He searched for years only to discover that the only surviving member besides himself didn’t know he existed, having been born after he’d left. His young sister had gone on a journey of her own and he had set out to find her, no matter what, even if she wouldn’t remember him.
   Unlike the other song, this one seemed…unresolved. As if he were still searching. Marcy sighed as the song ended—wait, it can’t be finished, you haven’t found her yet!
But it was over, and after brushing her momentary melancholy away she pulled Glenn towards the Magical Dreamers’ ship.
   “Glenn, like, get all these crowds out of the way. This is way too slow.” Glenn moved in front and led the way, half-pushing, half-intimidating the fanatical throngs out of the way. Marcy hadn’t realized he had it in him to look so fierce, considering her experiences with his personality had left her considering him to be extremely bland. Chivalrous, but bland; a cookie-cutter knight.
   Enough about Glenn—they had passed the majority or the crowds and were now wading neck-deep in hardcore fans of Miki and Nikki. They were less inclined to be intimidated aside, so Marcy went ahead and bashed some of them out of the way, which cleared a decent path.
   “Like, MOVE IT!” She yelled, swatting an old man aside. He was creepier than General Viper, and not near as young.
   They managed to reach the door to Nikki’s room, where, Marcy assumed, he changed costumes and did his heavy makeup. There were several bouncers and a frazzled-looking woman who was checking backstage passes.
   “Hey Glenn! Like, do we have backstage passes? Karsh handed me the tickets, but, like, I didn’t see anything like what they’re handing her.”
   “I’ve got them, don’t worry. And anyway…” he trailed off as they reached the door.
   “Hello, may I help you? Please present your VIP passes…” and let them be real this time…I’m so sick of tearing up fake ones…
   “Here, ma’am,” Glenn said, handing over the two tickets. Only ten had been handed out—in a sweepstakes—and it had cost a lot of money to buy them from a guy and his girlfriend who had a pair…but Marcy didn’t know this.
   The lady peered over them and nodded.
   “Thank you,” she said with feeling, “Please. Go right in.”
   Glenn and Marcy entered, looking around the room. The two ‘fairies’ from the first episode were lounging in civilian clothes, though their hair and makeup was still intact. Miki walked over and said hello.
   “You must both have VIP passes. I hope you enjoyed our show, miss…?”
   “This is Miss Marcy, one of the Acacia Devas, and I am Glenn, a Dragoon.”
   “Ah…” Miki nodded and faced away briefly.
   “We were going to do a show there, but it got demolished. Even though you Dragoons have been officially disbanded, we all know who the real army is around here…but don’t tell anyone I said that!” She giggled. “So, Marcy, do you want an autograph?”
   “No. I want to meet Nikki,” she said, crossing her arms.
   “Oh. Well, he should be down soon. He’s handing out autographs…I should go, too. We didn’t expect the VIPs until later, sorry.” Their tickets do say 2:30, so they must know they’re early. We just haven’t prepared yet…
   Cast members came and went, the backup dancers got their makeup cleaned up and looked like normal humans again. The blue mermaid came in and said hello in a thick accent, followed by Fargo, who said hello to Glenn and Marcy as if they were old friends. Glenn politely explained that they had never met, and Fargo harrumphed before walking off, muttering, “Huh, he did say something like this would come up…”
   Finally the door opened and Nikki entered. He looked…tired. He sighed and leaned aginst the door before turning to them—and his face lit up.
   “Marcy…!” He looked around at some of the others in the room, and hastily ordered all but Irenes and Fargo out of the room.
   “You came after all!” he said, dashing over and kneeling in front of her. Marcy stepped back, alarmed. Glenn stepped forward.
   “Like, what’s with you? You know me?”
   “Whaaaat? You don’t remember me from the Manor?” he sat back, shocked.
   “Marcy has lost her memories of her life until a few weeks ago,” Glenn explained. Fargo and Irenes came a little closer, but Nikki waved them back.
   “If you don’t remember me…” he said pensively, “what brought you here?”
   Marcy glared at him for a moment, more because she wanted the stupid mermaid and Fargo to leave than because she was angry at Nikki—though that was part of it.
   “Like, I had one of your songs stuck in my head, but I’d never even heard of you. So, like, I decided it was as good a clue as any to my past. It isn’t like the Dragon Goons haven’t all told me a thousand times what I did before I lost my memory, but I don’t remember it. The ‘Song of Marbule’ was nagging me—like, it was insistent. So I decided to find out what the big deal was.”
   “Rockin’! The power of music transcends time! Marcy, I broke into Viper Manor several weeks ago to look for you,” Nikki began.
   “What! You…!” Glenn stepped towards him, but Marcy pulled him back.
   “Glenn, calm down! Jeez.”
   “Marcy,” Nikki continued, “you’re my little sister! We were separated when you were still a baby…I’ve always searched for you…”
   “What the--! What-EVER!” she shrieked.
   “…that’s pretty much exactly what you said before.” Marcy’s eyes widened. This freak, her brother?! But…
   “So you went to the Manor and found me. Like, what happened?”
   “Er…you hated me,” he said, looking uncomfortable.
   “Hmm. Well, I’m not surprised! If you’d come and talked to me earlier I might have beat you up!”
   “Er…well…” Nikki laughed sheepishly, “you did that, too. I was with these two other guys, and we got into a fight. We both ended up running off…”
   “No way…Shut up! This is stupid! This is SO stupid!”
   “But…”
   “No! Shut up! I never knew you were my brother before I lost my memory, and then I hated you, and now something related to you is the only thing I remember? Like, this is like a soap opera or something..! This can’t be real!”
   “But it iz.” Marcy turned to glare at the mermaid.
   “You are Zelbess’s daughter, Märcy. You look juzt like her…”
   “…but…I…” she glared around at them, feeling incredibly helpless—and it was not a pleasant feeling. She stamped her foot. “Fine, whatever! It’s not like I have any proof otherwise. So you’re my brother, so WHAT? What was the point of this?!”
   The were silent. Fargo stood, but Irenes took him by the arm and whispered something, and they left. Glenn looked at Marcy with concern, and she held back a scream of frustration.
   Nikki sighed. “Man, I don’t know what the point is, but…look, I already knew you wouldn’t remember Zelbess or me, ‘cause you were too young, but to have the rest of your life gone too must be a huge bummer.”
   “No kidding, genius!” she retorted, but Nikki continued, unperturbed.
   “So…Marcy, I love you. I wrote that song about you.”
   “The Song of Marbule?!”
   “No, the second one…after leaving the Manor, I was inspired. It’s really how I feel…even though you don’t remember me—even if you hate me!—I still love you because you’re my sister. Maybe…even if I can’t get your memories back, I can at least be there for you…”
   “So, like, you were some sort of crazy stalker,” Marcy said half-heartedly. He sounded a lot like the Devas—they remembered her fondly, they were her friends, even if she was super-rude to them. Friends of the person she was before, but willing to be friends with the amnesiac she had become…
   “Haha, maybe…but it’s not like I got to watch you grow up…until recently, I thought you had died, but Irenes came to me a few weeks ago. She told me where you were, that you were still alive! So I had to find you…”
   Marcy nodded. “Like, okay. The Acacia Dragoons were disbanded anyway, so it’s not like I’m really a Deva any more.”
   “Miss Marcy, you’re every bit the Deva you have always been,” Glenn said, “It doesn’t matter if you don’t remember you’re Marcy—it’s still you.”
   “Shut up, Glenn! Did any of you ever think that maybe I don’t care who I used to be? Maybe I wanna be someone new now!”
   “I was only—“
   “I know, Glenn, I know you were only trying to help. But, like, go back to the Manor and tell the others I’m going to travel with Nikki for a while, ‘kay?”
   “What?!” The two boys chorused as one.
   “Surely you must be—“
   “Rockin’! I’m so glad!”
   “I simply can’t let you—“
   “Wait’ll I tell dad, and—“
   “GLENN!”
   They fell silent.
   “Glenn, like, don’t have a kitten. It’s not like I’ll never come back—Nikki has a freaking ship, we can go anywhere we want.”
   “Miss Marcy, please…”
   “Nope! Go on Glenn…actually, tell Luccia thanks, even though, like, I can’t remember her ever raising me. And tell Karsh and Zoah not to leave the lights on for me. And tell Karsh thanks, too. Like, he was a good friend. Um, and, like, thanks Glenn. You’re pretty cool, too.”
   “You’re sure, Marcy?” Glenn said after a pause.
   “Yeah, Marcy, are you sure?” Nikki said, putting a hand on her shoulder.
   “Yeah. I mean, Nikki, you’re kind of a weirdo, but, like, so was Zoah, so I can get used to anything. And—anything has to be better than being cooped up at that pile of rubble and escorted everywhere around the island!”
   Glenn sighed, and Nikki jumped up and let out an exuberant yelp. Marcy gave Glenn a waist-hug, and he picked her up and gave her a normal hug.
   “I’ll miss you, so come back soon. I know Zoah and Karsh are going to be dismayed…”
   “Yeah…oh well! If I get my memory back, maybe I’ll think of a good reason to come back for good, but until then…well, like, I’ll visit every once in a while anyway!”
   “…all right. Good bye, former Acacia Dragoon Deva Marcy. May we meet again soon.” Glenn stood at attention, saluted, and then—right before going out the door—ruffled Marcy’s hair.
   “Hey!” Marcy said, but he was already out the door, and it closed…
   Nikki chuckled, and Marcy rounded on him, but she couldn’t hold her frown.
   “So…like, hurry up and give me the grand tour already!”
The End…

Katie Skyye

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Re: Winter's Fragments Winner - "Marcy" by Katie Skyye
« Reply #1 on: March 10, 2010, 07:00:33 pm »
...well, it's not like you're not allowed to comment! What did you think?

Did you like it? Do you think it sucks? The judge(s) may have liked it, but what do the rest of you have to say?

I'm open to criticism (though don't bother mentioning the typos: I know about those), after all!

skylark

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Re: Winter's Fragments Winner - "Marcy" by Katie Skyye
« Reply #2 on: March 10, 2010, 11:54:47 pm »
Well, I've never been a big fan of Marcy (or most of the characters in Cross), but this was still a good read. :)

And I never understood this whole taboo of commenting on other's stories either. Oh well, maybe if I stop being lazy, I'll put this grievance on the Frustration Thread.
« Last Edit: March 10, 2010, 11:56:58 pm by skylark »

Katie Skyye

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Re: Winter's Fragments Winner - "Marcy" by Katie Skyye
« Reply #3 on: March 11, 2010, 02:35:06 pm »
Well, I've never been a big fan of Marcy (or most of the characters in Cross)

Me neither! This was originally going to be from Nikki's perspective, and it would have been much different...

alfadorredux

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Re: Winter's Fragments Winner - "Marcy" by Katie Skyye
« Reply #4 on: March 23, 2010, 09:10:32 pm »
I liked it, although--like skylark--I never thought all that much about Marcy before. I think you've captured her pretty well.

The only thing about the story that jarred me a bit is that you twice jump out of Marcy's head and into someone else's for a couple of paragraphs. It isn't that viewpoint switching is evil per se, it's just that the particular way you did it here set off my "Danger! Bad tight-third viewpoint!" alarms, which could be considered as much my problem as yours. <shrug>

Anyway, it's quite a nice character piece.

(I suspect that the taboo on comments may have something to do with the sort of thing that happened the last time I critted someone else's 'fic here--specifically, I scared the poor bastard away. I probably gave him too much advice that he wasn't ready to handle, even though I was trying to be gentle.)

Katie Skyye

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Re: Winter's Fragments Winner - "Marcy" by Katie Skyye
« Reply #5 on: March 24, 2010, 09:08:53 am »
Yeah, she's a random character than no one's really very fond of, so I thought I would try to make her somewhat likable. ^^'


"Danger! Bad tight-third viewpoint!"

I was going out on a limb with the other viewpoints, though I don't personally think that they're very jarring...I thought I led into them smoothly enough, and there're only two. But I could be wrong! ^^' I'm also not sure what a 'tight-third' viewpoint is...

But yeah, I'm glad you liked it! And now I want to see the other fic you posted on. >:3

alfadorredux

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Re: Winter's Fragments Winner - "Marcy" by Katie Skyye
« Reply #6 on: March 24, 2010, 12:54:58 pm »
Like I said, I'm probably oversensitive to viewpoint shifts (and a little too ready to jump on them). I think that the reason the shifts grated on me is that it originally looked like you were using Marcy's viewpoint only, and under those circumstances I would have expected a change in viewpoint to have been set off by a scene break. In the absence of some such marker (and since I've seen so much hideously bad fan fiction), I assumed that the shifts were screw-ups in the viewpoint, rather than done by intent.

As for "tight-third"... there is no universally-accepted terminology for shades of viewpoint in fiction (at least, not that I'm aware of), so I tend to use the terms that I picked up as a lurker in the Usenet group rec.arts.sf.composition about a decade ago, which distinguish four different types of third-person viewpoint. "Tight-third" refers to third person with a single narrator where you are able to see inside that person's (and only that person's) head. What you were actually doing was multiple third (two or more tight-third viewpoints in the same piece). (The other two types of third person are camera-eye (revealing no one's thoughts at all) and omniscient. Original definitions, with examples.)

The 'fic I seem to have killed was "Chrono Trigger: Frog's Destiny". The author replied to me very briefly, and as far as I know, hasn't posted since. I have to presume that I hurt his feelings.

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Re: Winter's Fragments Winner - "Marcy" by Katie Skyye
« Reply #7 on: March 25, 2010, 09:08:04 am »
Ah, I glanced at that fic...maybe I'll go check it out.  :P